Catholic Hermit: Hermitage Advent

I've not written in a few days.  Mostly remaining here in Solus Deus Hermitage, but I've had medical appointments and situations with which to contend.  All is coming along, including the crown on molar, finally.  That was quite an ordeal, persevering with what turned out to be yet again the dentist's recently graduated dentist son.  I will not go into that, but I am praying for his future in dental practice, and am seeking another dentist.  

In the meantime I'm asking the Lord if the ordeal of persisting through belligerence and "tooth fairy tales" that are in direct opposition to truth, is due to this young man being an assignment for me?  I think praying will suffice unless the Lord gives me direct answer that I'm to deal with him for further dental work.  Whatever God wills, but in this situation, I yet have one remaining issue with the poorly fit crown, but will know in a couple weeks if there need be further repair work done or also get a second opinion on the crown itself.

Then there was an appointment with the pain doctor.  The intestines continue to not evidently get proper signals from nerves or else the pain at a point that the muscles autonomically clamp like a vice grip.  There is a medication for pain patients, and I was shown how to self-inject plus given sample of oral meds.  I need more of the medication, and the doctor did not send in script and now on vacation.  I may need to go to an urgent care to see if they will prescribe at least enough until January.  But the good news is that the pain doctor is going to begin the process for a pump to be surgically installed.  This can take a couple or three months, and first an external trial must be made--infusion into the spinal column area to check for adverse side effects.  That, also, is a ways off, but I'm so encouraged.

I had to go the emergency room in order to get an abdominal scan to rule out intestinal blockages.  We suspected there would be none, and thankful that is the case.  However, we now have to figure out what is the cause, if the medication that is supposed to counter pain medication side effect, is not going to be effective; and also if this situation that began now about five weeks ago, which is when I began trying to push myself to be up more, is an Adhesive Arachnoiditis symptom causing this.

Thus, this past week in Advent has been busy with doings out in the world, including a couple trips to the post office quite close to my hermitage, and a trip to a pharmacy for a prescription that was called in, and a trip to the DMV to get the truck registered and new plates.  Prayers are being answered with my being given more stamina and ability to manage more pain; I have been able to drive short distances and feel blessed by God and thankful for all the prayers people have prayed on my behalf.

Communion was brought yesterday morning, after I'd not had much sleep and was tempted to despair over the tooth and crown ordeal.  I'm never ceased with the miracle of Holy Communion:  after, peace and calm permeated my mind, heart, and spirit.  I could let go the upset and concern, and as well as the frustration and upset that an educated young man who is just beginning what could be a long and fruitful career, would have a flippant and dismissive attitude, saying anything to avoid trying to fix a problem, also as if his heart not in it.  

I could, after reception of His Real Presence in the tangible Host, turn my mind, heart, and spirit once more to Advent waiting and preparation for the celebration of Christ born among us: Christmas!  

There have been several consolations from the Lord this week, in the other-than-appointments a couple of days, silence of solitude.  And I suppose it seems not-so-silent to have classical music compositions of Masses, softly in background as I prayed while wrapping some gifts and getting them ready to ship, and while baking some historically family recipes, also to gift and ship.

Then there came a lengthy email from the person of whom I wondered if I'd somehow offended in some way.  Email had been hacked, and my email then did get through.  In the response, I have many prayer needs to be tending to in the person's large family.  A rare phone call the other afternoon:  a couple whom I'd been thinking about, who I've not seen in nearly seven years, called.  Well, one of them, with the other in the background.  

What a joy and blessing to hear the voice and find out how they are doing, for the wife has struggled with serious mental illness for years.  Her voice sounded so good, and they are managing as usual, despite the great and tragic handicap. Quite devout people, so the suffering is understood and accepted as the cross it is, but in a glorious, joyful, deeply loving way.  My having grown up as a Protestant, I have the benefit of a different, inspiring, reparative, and positive understanding of suffering that I did not possess, then.

Some Christmas cards have arrived, although not many as the transitions and surgery have absorbed time and energy.   I have a few more Christmas cards to finish notes and addressing, if possible, in the morning.  Over the years, given the deepening of my vocation and the unfolding nature of grasping the Lord's will, I've come to embrace further the attributes and aspects of hermit life.  The close contacts lessen, also with age, but perhaps more in God's choosing, and in whomever the Lord brings in the Order of the Present Moment.

Thus, I am considering what small celebratory tokens of gratitude to some of the neighbors might be.  And this Advent, I have been pondering the blessings and graces for which I cannot thank the Lord enough--so am gifting family as well as donate to such as the soup kitchen the Virgin Mary had me start over two decades ago--instructing me from a vision and locution within a lucid dream.  And that season of life was just prior to the Lord's calling me to the eremitic vocation.

Yes, this Advent here in Solus Deus Hermitage, has been a potpourri of pain, thoughts, prayers, meditation, contemplation, physical progress in stamina, and manifold blessings.  Advent waiting has been different than in the past several years; more is a sense of the unexpected, and calm and peace are evolving slowly, but surely.  

In the next few days, I will set up the small nativity set after I--God wiling my body able--tidy the living room. I might yet set up the small, artificial tree.  Or at least get exterior extension cords to the two wreaths with lights on them, to see if the lights work and be a spot of let-there-be light to add to the promising lights galore of neighborhood homes.

While preparing packages for gifting, thoughts turned to my spiritual da who passed away over 9 months ago, age 99.  I recall what I sent him last year, and of having visited him in person six months prior to that, although he still managed to write in response to my letters up until near the end of his time on earth.  He is near all the more, praying and encouraging, guiding and gently but firmly correcting. The hermit's degree of silence of solitude allows for such nuanced communication, rich and true.  There are others here with me, unseen but present and felt, in this hermitage and Advent.

Of course, this Advent I have continued to pray for the long-time friend and husband.  While I apologized, there has been no further contact coming from the person I so wounded and upset by my lack of self-control and unwitting harm.  No, I was not thinking at all other than to vent my concerns and opinions, in what has been nearly all my life my mode of catharsis:  writing.  Yet I lacked prudence and deeply hurt someone I very much care about.  So I continue to pray, and as Christmas draws near, my heart of prayers is very much with them across the many miles.

If I can possibly manage to drive plus stand in line for the hour, or else arrive an hour early and stand to wait for confession on Saturday afternoon, I will.  Otherwise, I called the parish a week ago to set up an appointment; the earliest time the priest has is January 16, 9:30 a.m.  In fact, his secretary is scheduling into March now, for his appointments.  I have asked God to forgive me for how deeply and perhaps in this life, irrevocably, hurt the person.  But sacramental confession I know will be a spiritually invaluable good for my soul and maybe in some mystical way, for the other.  

I am reminded while I wait for the confession appointment, to pray for more vocations to the priesthood, yet also to praise God for this incredibly talented, focused, orthodox, holy, gifted, very spiritual priest.  And I praise God for the rapidly growing parish--thousands of members, a school, and so many marvelous activities and opportunities for spiritual growth and learning, outreach to the poor and those in need, and too much more to describe--all centered around the Mass, the Scriptures, and the seven Sacraments.

This consecrated Catholic hermit's body is now tiring; the body pain high and the intestines a problem that might require an ER visit tomorrow; but I pray not.  

The hermitage Advent continues, with what is increasingly, patience in the waiting.  Am pondering the miracles in this week's readings from the Living Word--the Holy Scriptures, just in the past few days.  But truly, all the Scriptures speak to miracles--the miracle of all that God has created and continues to create, the Holy Spirit, the miracle of life,  the angels, of all those before us and those who will come after--prophets, saints, sinners-- the miracle of the Virgin Mary, and above all the miracle of the birth of Christ, His Son, our Redeemer and our Savior.

God bless His Real Presence with us!

Catholic Hermit: Decision of the Heart

Ah, dear Lord--so loving, so helpful, so present, always.  

This morning's first glimpse into Scriptures and other spiritual reading cheered me all the more with what popped up in The Catechism selection.

2848 "Lead us not into temptation' implies a decision of the heart:  'For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also....  No one can serve two masters.'  'If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.'  In this assent to the Holy Spirit the Father gives us strength.  'No testing has overtaken you that is not common to man.  God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape, so that you may be able to endure it.'"

Nearly six hours of sleep last night, of which I'm most grateful.  Still way too much pain makes it most difficult to get up from the icy pad on the bed to attempt much other than got a mug of hot green tea, then back down.

I was going to walk to the mailbox, but the tiny bottle of eye drops had fallen off nightstand and verily flew under the bed.  I tried what the physical therapist had demonstrated to me as a means to get down, when I might need to in future.  That future seemed now.  I managed it all right, in the doing of that present moment.  I was able to keep back straight once I had both knees on floor.  Then I could better see where the eye drop bottle was located and used the long reacher-grabber tool to pluck it out from mid-way under bed.

Getting back up seemed not terribly painful, as I did as the therapist had demonstrated.  However, once up, the pain flared.  Obviously, I have not done any damage as far as the instrumentation goes, or so I'd think not.  But to have the pain leap to extreme so rapidly, tells me I was quite premature to attempt such a feat.

In a simplistic way, I made a decision of the heart.  I decided to attempt a physical movement; I realize this example is weak!  Yet, I wanted to try it, for my motivation factor is in need of some type of success, of a show that I am not giving up, not giving in to pain and the invalidism with which pain has shackled my body.

Of course, the above commentary from The Catechism has more pertinent implications in our spiritual lives, in our relationship with the Holy Spirit and in our desire and decision of the heart to seek God above all things.  However, there is much relevance in our daily temptations that are ever so human and involve tangible aspects of being human and living among humans on this temporal earth.

I've always wondered about that statement, meant to reassure, that God will not allow us to be tempted beyond our strength.  As an adult who has lived going on seven decades, I have life examples of people who obviously were tempted beyond their strength.  Their temptation led to a means of escape so they could endure, true enough; but it was an escape that removed them from what ended up being too difficult for them to endure.  They escaped, though, yes, through choosing to escape life by taking their temporal lives.

The key, however, is the fact that God is faithful.  If we live by the Spirit we will walk by the Spirit; this, too, is key.  And also, the reality that we cannot serve two masters is a key to reminding us of that most crucial decision of the heart.  We must choose to serve His Real Presence:  God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ, and God the Holy Spirit.  Choosing God, we will turn to Him when making the decision of the heart, for He is in our hearts and we are in His.  

This is our faith, our faith in God.  In this assent--in this going to God, choosing God, in the moments in which we are tempted seemingly beyond what we can endure, God reaches in and gives us His strength.  Yet why do some people who love God very much, still end up on the wrong side of temptation--yielding to a temptation to end their own earthly existence?

Perhaps it has to do with making the decision of the heart.  Making a decision involves thought and time to think.  Making a decision of the heart involves including God in our decision, for a believer in Christ has a heart in which He abides and remains.  I'm thinking that making a decision of the heart involves waiting.  We must wait for our assent to the Holy Spirit and wait for God to give us His strength, wait while pondering His faithfulness, and wait for His faithfulness to provide God's way of our escape.  

Wait for God's way of escaping not only the temptation such as to despair, but also wait for Him to provide the way of escaping the trial, the time of testing.  There we have it again:  the time of testing.  Time is involved, and it takes time to wait.  

We must learn and resolve not only to make decisions always of the heart when faced with testing that temptation always brings, but to wait and take the time necessary in all that matters when making a decision of the heart.  Wait.  Wait for God's strength, wait for God's illumination as to the why and how and the what of the testing we must endure as well as to discern trial from temptation.

God strengthens us in the tiniest of details that perhaps take being slowed down, laid up, debilitated while int he silence of solitude to take note of His details.  Right after I made the decision of heart (and really, all decisions ought be made of the heart; is a worthy practice), I stood by nightstand and cleared away a few papers which had been on the far side of stand since before the surgery.  They had been covered over by medical items.  Amidst the papers were two small notecards sent by a friend back in mid-June, I think.  I offered a prayer, for I'm finding with this on-going level of more pain I often need tactile reminders for whom and what to pray.  

Then I headed out to the kitchen to get the mug of tea, the sharper pain from my knees-on-floor trial move causing me to forego trying to finish a wedding note I had started writing, with my standing at kitchen counter to do so.

The phone rang.  It was this friend with whom I'd not spoken in nearly a year!  I told her how amazing is the Holy Spirit--first words from my mouth. Then I told her not three minutes prior I'd uncovered her note cards from under papers on my nightstand--notes she'd written and sent in early summer.  She'd forgotten, but we each exclaimed the glory of the Holy Spirit in the spontaneity of her calling me just then.  That "God is great" seems a lack luster statement, but there are no words beyond great other than various synonyms of "great", to adequately express His greatness!  

Just writing about the invaluable help to my mind, heart, and soul that the above selection form The Catechism--this writing aloud type silent conversation with God and with you, dear readers, is an escape the Lord is giving me from the temptation to feel inept in this ongoing physical trial of pain and no usual means of distracting from it.  Just this morning I had asked the Lord to help me have some other means of distracting than through physical means, for being up which is healthy for the body, also increases the pain.

Writing about Scripture or any spiritual and holy thoughts, writing about the marvelous touch of grace the Holy Spirit provided in the synchronicity of the thoughts of two friends and the unusual timeliness of a spontaneous phone call--my pain has floated away as if on the wings of the Dove!  The Lord is showing me a means of escape at least part of the time, in writing about Him in whatever of His infinite facets.  

Perhaps, also, I can find relief and uplift, a way of escape so that I can endure it, by not only writing about Him but also in waiting and thinking of Him in the simply lengthy waiting that pain provides.

God bless His Real Presence in us--here, there, across the miles, through the veil, and everywhere!

Catholic Hermit: Withdrawing to a Deserted Place

Today's Gospel gives the reaction of Jesus to the news that his cousin, St. John the Baptist, died from decapitation.  John had been imprisoned by Herod for having spoken out against Herod's marrying his brother's wife.  It was actually the wife (a true pawn of the devil by her reaction to John's speaking truth, and then her hideous actions) who wanted John's head cut off.  

There are many fascinating facets to this real-life situation; but the point I'm considering this morning is that Jesus reacted to the terrible news by withdrawing "in a boat to a deserted place by himself" (Matthew 14:13).

Mostly we consider the verses following--that the people tracked Him down, followed after, wanted Him to heal them, speak to them.  He took pity on the crowds, 5000 approximately, and what ensued was not only His speaking and healing but providing them with dinner known as the Miracle of the Loaves and Fishes.  It is a "type" for the Last Supper, and for the celebration of Mass, in many ways, especially with the Eucharist--feeding us yet today with His Body and Blood.

However, I am struck by Jesus' reaction to bad news, heinous actions that would have cut to the core of His human emotions.  He withdrew, by Himself, to a deserted place.  Sometimes we do best to be alone, and when alone, we are alone with God: Solus Deus!

Yet people sought Him out.  They wanted conversation and miracles that would benefit them temporally, such as healing or even just to have the amazement of some fantastic feat that defies the very laws of nature.

I am fascinated by people seeking out others.  I suppose it comes from a couple of phone calls over the weekend that left me pondering, and not in a satisfied way but in a jagged way, causing me unrest until alone with God, the insights came for better understanding.

It has to do with two people who called and who increasingly have not called for what I can offer them.  I know they are concerned, but they are concerned about many things that none of us really has much or any control over, especially not them.  (One is 93 and the other nearly 68 but physically limited from letting a health condition go untended.)

Unless they call seeking out what I can offer, such as the one sometimes has family or other issues to talk over, or asks for prayers for a medical procedure, and the other to  discuss her health issues or living circumstances in a retirement facility, they then want to know what progress I've made here.  And, of course, the temporal progress is next to nothing, and the hindrances are bounteous.  

So I answer with truth.  And then I turn all to the spiritual lessons being learned, such as this past couple of weeks being reminded of and taught much about spiritual combat, right down to doing the God-pivot!  When I mention the obstacles that I must endure and deal with, the callers become frustrated.  When I turn all to God in conversation, and joyfully share the lessons and how God is handling the soul's growth--there is progress in that!--the one caller gives a negative "mmmph" and the other rushes to cut off the phone call:  Have to go now!

Neither call leaves a nothing consecrated Catholic hermit uplifted.  Whether or not in the midst of a gnarly pain siege, "mattressed" with stuff piled all around and nothing but work to be done that cannot be done, or if the calls occur when I am attempting to deal with the hindrances and mounds of workload that will take some of Jesus' miracles to overcome--I am not uplifted by the calls, nor am I utilized with what the only good I have to offer them:  the spiritual of God, the lessons and insights, the glory of how He teaches us in the Order of the Present Moment how to endure, to love, to keep faith.

I am very much in a deserted place, brought here not realizing how deserted, for it is deserted by God's magnanimity of purpose in honing my hermit vocation and teaching my soul, preparing it for better fulfillment of my mission as well as for my earthly death and transition to Consummation: Divine Union.  Heaven.

The Stairway to Heaven now is like the ladder in this hermitage, leading to the second floor without railing or treads other than narrow metal ladder rungs, and the ladder on quite a slanted angle due to part of the stair framing in underneath where the laundry area is.  That is something--a type of cleansing with water beneath the stairway--to consider.  The Stairway to Heaven extends over a place of cleansing beneath, undergirding--flowing through us--the need for repentance each step of the way.

I wonder if the people who tracked down Jesus when he withdrew to reflect upon and nurse the deep wounds of agony the news of his cousin-precursor's beheading would cause in His Heart and Mind--I wonder if they listened to what He had to tell them, listened to what He wanted to share of lessons and insights of God?  Or did they just want temporal talk, sweet-talk, small talk?  Did they want the truth--or platitudes?

After the two phone calls this weekend, being stuck in a cistern of pain, I had time to reflect and examine why it was that the calls left me more fatigued and disconnected, disused, dejected.  (The second call was cut off when another call came in that the caller rightfully needed to answer, which was fine, but no call back later--again, fine as it turns out.)  Yes, I had time to ponder, to ask the Lord about it all, and to listen for answers.

Into the thoughts came St. Charbel Maklouf.  I recall reading and also watching a video on YouTube of his life--hermit mystic saint of Lebanon.  Feast day recent: July 24.  He had been in the monastery awhile when his mother came to see him.  The superior sent a monk to inform Charbel; he refused to see his mother.  In the video she is depicted as weeping at the door to his cell; this probably is not the case, but it does dramatize his reaction on the other side of the door.  The mother weeps while the saint struggles mightily with emotion, but refuses to open the door nor to speak.

Also into the thoughts came another mystic hermit, St. Seraphim of Sarov.  I had read that he had been a hermit awhile when his brothers came, hoping to see him one time before any of them would become old and not see each other again.  Seraphim refused to see his brothers.

I recall telling my spiritual father of these instances from my reading.  My spiritual (director) father, a  diocese priest of many years, said he felt that too harsh.  But, I interjected, they are saints, so the Church must not have felt it disqualifying.  And they grew in holiness and were given graces necessary to fulfill their God-willed missions.

So I'm getting a different perspective for those with religious vocations: holy orders, religious orders, eremitic, virgin, widow, societies of the faithful.  Especially if one is born a mystic plus with a religious vocation, and all other temporal obligations fulfilled--of course the focus should be on turning from the world to that which is above.  The spiritual life in Christ is the purpose, full-time, all the time, within, without, here, there, everywhere.

I can better understand the perspective and lesson Jesus was exemplifying when his mother and brethren came to where he was teaching to a gathering in a home.  Someone came to Him and said your mother and brothers have come and wish to see you and speak with you.  Jesus refused.  He instead proclaimed:  Who are my mother and my brethren?  They are those who hear the Word of God and act on it.

Peace returned within my thoughts despite the havoc the physical pain continued to wreak on body, mind, and emotions.  (It does get horrifically intense, does high-level pain, over and over, never without pain, always another pain siege to come until this body is "deader 'n a doornail," as my late dad would aphoristically say.)

What do my relatives think when they call a mystic who is also a consecrated Catholic hermit?  Do they expect chit chat and talk with no message, no insight from God, no Jesus nor Christian lesson?  If they ask what progress, is not spiritual progress good enough--interesting enough--especially when it is always applicable to their own lives?

When they repeatedly reject the mention even if an insight helpful to some situation they are dealing with, of which they have called me to ask for assistance--what then?  So I can see that the Lord allows the passage of time and growth in relationships, and it is my own clinging, in a way, to the comforts of the temporal family relationships, when the Lord keeps bringing me plenty of souls who desire spiritual discussion, insights, lessons, as well as who do not turn away, cut off, with what I am to be about in my vocation.

Yes, I have explained as best I can what is a mystic, for they have wondered at times; and they know I am a Catholic now, and also that I professed my vows nearly 16 years ago. (Although I don't know if they are aware of how many years or what all that means--but know I am a Catholic hermit very much from the time period I was in the hermit community, briefly wore a habit, and had a religious name, of which I still have but do not use, for the name by which God calls me, my heavenly name, is far more special and unknown to those on this side of the veil....)

Have withdrawn to a deserted place, not by boat but by moving truck, and very much by myself.

Those who come seek me out, track me down, do so via email or phone, or the most rare visit.  What they come for is up to them, but what they will take away is also up to them.  What is up to me is to be true to my spiritual calling, my mission, and to do with what I am called to do as a consecrated Catholic hermit and what mystics "do", how mystics think and feel and are.   

Love God above all things and others as Jesus loves us.  Pray for one another, suffer with Christ on whatever crosses life sets before us to pick up and carry.  And live out my eremitic vows and profession, and be the mystic that God created me to be, which to some seems extreme or strange, but to me is just how it is and has been and will be.

I will let those who do not want what is my duty to God and the Church to offer, what is my innate reality and essence to be--let them not approach unless they desire to receive what it is the Lord gives me to give to them.  Otherwise, let them walk away and deal with their vocations in life, which are different than mine.  For those who stuck around for the dinner Jesus provided, and for those of us who read about it and ponder the meaning, we have gained something most special.

What if Jesus had not withdrawn to a deserted place that day?  What if St. Charbel and St. Seraphim and a slew of other mystics and hermits and consecrated and ordained religious wavered in their spiritual work, their religious vocations?  What good would it be for others or for themselves, then?

As the priest said somewhere in the midst of the ecstasy during Mass, this simple take-away:  Let it go and let it be.

Catholic Hermit Still Around; God's Graces

Haven't written in awhile.  Have been more silently living the hermit vocation in solitude and stillness.  The hermit's young helper has continued to put in three hours' of work about four mornings a week.  Hermit finances and the helper's school obligations provide a shift back to the hermit in total solitude other than occasional, perhaps, time the helper can work a couple hours from time to time.

Current spiritual reading include the daily lectio divina, the Scripture readings of Mass and meditative consideration.  Also, the hermit is daily reading 2 Peter, finishing up a spiritual bouquet for a sibling's birthday--chapter a day of 1 and 2 Peter with reflections on various aspects of the sibling's life in Christ.

The young mother and the hermit are now reading four books on St. Gemma Galgani.  We phone discuss once a week, across the miles.  From the saint's diary, we each had the same reaction--kind of unsettling, some of Gemma's recording of what her angel, Jesus, and the Virgin Mary had to say to her.  The wording and the way they dealt with her much as one would with a naughty and immature child, caused us to wonder if Gemma had some emotional issues.

We concluded that she may have, due to her close attachment to her mother who died when Gemma was quite young, as well as Gemma's longing to be able to go to heaven with her mother.  However, we also discussed the reality that God interacts and speaks with us at whatever level of emotional, spiritual, maturity, and age we are, and in whatever ways is most effective to teach us and to guide us in virtues, especially faith.

This thought coincides with the hermit's other current reading, and this done with an elderly friend, again across the miles.  We continue on with the sermons of Pseudo-Macarius.  The current homily addresses how God gives us graces in varying amounts, types, and time periods of our lives.  For some, there are few tangible showings of God, or there may be one experience early in life and then nothing.  In those God desires for the soul to increase in faith over years and years.  For others, God might grant tangible graces in abundance, spread out over life.  God deals with us as He knows best, and how, when, where, and why the graces are deemed by Him as most effective according to His will--not ours.

Thus, St. Gemma Galgani, being a young girl and feeling such an emotional loss of her mother, needed more nurturing and more tangible graces, and the words used by her angel, Jesus, Mary, and Bl. Gabriel are as Gemma needed to hear them, so that they would make sense to her.  Plus, we allow for a young person's interpretation of such conversations as well as the translation from Italian to English.

As for this hermit, it has learned over the years that it does not want to anticipate graces.  No, this hermit prefers to be surprised by His Real Presence.  Otherwise, if eager for or begging for or anticipating graces such as visions, locutions, or any of the daily miracles we all experience if we but see the coincidences, lessons, and benefits galore each day as graces--this hermit would doubt these if it had asked for them or anticipated them, or specifically desired them.  God knows the hermit well. He knows each of us inside and out, and He deals with us according to His will and what is best.

Gemma was quite young when she wrote her diary and autobiography.  This Catholic hermit and the young mother have the advantages of spiritual direction, spiritual reading, and are older than Gemma.  We tempered or circumstances compared to Gemma's and do not need, should not need or beg of His Real Presence, a lot of tangible, spiritual experiences.  As St. Paul writes (paraphrased), when we are young we need milk; when we are older we are able to eat meat.

To grow in faith, to have hope that is not seen, and to love His Real Presence, our angel, the Virgin Mary and all the saints, to love one another as Christ loves us--this is the daily living out of life in Christ.  We can recognize the myriad graces we are given, all around us in the miraculous, simple, daily details.  However, when we have true and deep need of special graces and encouragement, often Jesus will surprise us with a more tangible visit of some sort.

In the meantime, the young mother and I decided that we prefer being surprised by grace, and to not stand out or make requests of God that require manifestations that do take energy and effort, coming from the spiritual back into the temporal realm.  We need to grow up, for we must cooperate with His Real Presence and all we have been taught by Him and the angels and the saints, by His Living Word in Scriptures, and through our being in the Body of Christ in Holy Mother Church.

On a temporal note, progress continues in manual labor efforts in renewing this old hermitage.  Still no bathroom, but a tub is in one space and a shower base in another.  The helper and the hermit have been hanging 1/2-inch concrete board for the shower surrounds.  The hermit finished plumbing the hot and cold water lines, and there is but one task left to be done in the cramped crawlspace under the house: tie in the tub drain pipe to a p-trap, and that to the main drain.

There is less than a foot of space for the hermit to squeeze its body under beams and joists beneath the house.  Yes, for that reason the hermit has put off this final plumbing task.  But today or tomorrow, it must be done as the helper is needed to shove down on the pipes from above while the hermit glues and shoves up for the final fitting.

By the grace of God, we do what we do.  By the grace of God, we breathe and think and move.  By the grace of God, we have faith and hope.  By the grace of God, we love.  These are each and all, supernatural experiences, when we get down to the realities both temporal and spiritual--all very mysterious, all quite mystical.  Is it not?

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Asking Our Lady of Guadelupe for Miracles

This morning Jesus reminded this Catholic hermit that there are miracles out there for the asking.

Got a hold of Raphael, and he voiced the news that Jorge does not want to come and work.  Too far, too remote, would take too long to get here.  The hermit understands, for sure.  Raphael offered to send a couple of his men, but he needed to call back.  In the meantime, nothing Catholic hermit realized that today a couple of men might be lost in this mess; am not organized for general workers today.  Specific tasks and materials will be needed for two or more men.

And, it was going to put Raphael short a couple of men.  Will get the stud blocks nailed in downstairs so if they can come some day next week, could drywall especially the high parts.  And am praying they will want to begin helping build the stair landing.  Raphael did not call back, anyway, which seemed all right.  As God wills and allows, am learning from Jesus.

Considering what to do...with no Jorge who knows plumbing. It seems as if His Real Presence is yet expecting this hermit to do the technical aspects and mostly to do all work possible for one person, to be done in solitude.  With this insight came the reminder of the miracle of Guadalupe, of Juan Diego's sign of the Castilian roses given his bishop in December from the mountains, and his tilma reflecting Our Lady's image.

Yes!  Pray for a miracle!  So immediately commented silently within that given the glorious miracles that truly occurred and still do, surely she could provide a miracle here.   Then thought had better ask nicely, not "put it" to her!  So asked nicely, and by that time maybe a tad pleadingly, for a miracle here with the carpentry and plumbing to be done.  Maybe this hermitage itself will glorify God and be a miraculous reminder of His Real Presence and the graces of Our Lady given so lovingly.  

It is true that Juan Diego did not ask for a thing.  He was just walking along, going to Mass, when Our Lady appeared and asked for a chapel to be built on the location where he encountered her.

But nothing Catholic hermit asked, and perhaps ought to consider Our Lady here in Te Deum Hermitage.  Ought help prepare a place for her and St. Joseph, and make this stable as welcoming and comfortable as possible.  After all, a humble stable made Christ's birth all the more meaningful throughout the ages.

At least today Jesus wanted the lesson to be a strong reminder of faith, and of the sparkle of miracles!  There are miracles possible, and perhaps Our Lady provided a miracle already today, here, as the hermit began constructing a new doorway into the gable garret.  This required building a new support system to redistribute the load-bearing weight as a support stud needed to be sawed and removed.  

Considering this nothing hermit has never done this type of work before, it was surely a miracle that much has been accomplished.  And, it is a miracle for sure that this hermit did not flinch nor despair with the news that Jorge is not coming....  Thank you, Our Lady of Guadelupe!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another--and not forget to love with true reality of her presence, also--our Holy Mother Mary!

The Furniture Novena

A few days ago, a woman called.  She started the conversation with, "I know what you will probably say, but I want to ask you, anyway."

A few short months ago her mother-in-law had passed from this earthly life.  After the funeral, she and her husband met with his siblings to express which pieces of mostly humble, earthly possessions of their mother, they would like.  The siblings wrote down their desires, and there was agreement at the time...or so it seemed. 

The woman and her husband were to have a hutch, a bedroom set, and a desk.  Others had chosen other pieces of furniture and various items, mostly all of but sentimental value.

At this point, I knew the outcome.  We all can, based upon so many stories like this involving possessions of a deceased family member.  Greed and covetousness rear ugly heads.  Of the siblings, a daughter who lived near her mother and had access to the items, decided she and her two adult children should have what her brother and his wife were to have.

The woman (who called me) and her husband, had planned a vacation of which part would be to buy a trailer on Craigslist in order to pick up and bring back the stuff, a few hours' distance from the deceased mother's home.  But the ugliness of the possessions caper had turned the situation into upset and confusion.

At the time of her call, she felt bad that she had agreed with her husband to stick up for their rights and insist on what had been agreed would be their furniture bequest.  The woman did have good memories of her mother-in-law and her hutch, and her husband wanted his mother's bed set and desk.  And there is really no reason (other than sin) that his sister decided to take what was not agreed upon.

What to do?  Well, I pointed out that this is looking grim for the sister's soul.  We discussed how it is just furniture, just stuff, and any of it could be easily purchased elsewhere and for not a huge sum of money.  And this type of uproar is typical after the deceased is buried and the grief that can unite survivors has mellowed, and divisiveness over possessions begins to sprout.

It is a no-win situation on the temporal playing field.  If this couple gives in to the essential "theft" of what they were to have, they will have negative feelings and see the reality of the sister's greed and deceit.  If they show up and fight for what is rightfully theirs, by previous agreement, there will be ugliness in the confrontation, words exchanged, and perhaps even some force required.  Either way, relationships will be damaged.

 

We discussed the "high road," if both the woman and her husband could at all levels detach from the items, much as Jesus had recommended to the rich young man who asked what it would take to enter the kingdom of heaven.  At the time of the young man's asking, what Jesus said about relinquishing possessions (and this can be within the soul's attachment as well as in tangible letting go), was too much for the rich young man to do, at least just yet.

Since the husband in this current situation was not one to give in to wrongs, he also was prone to not ask his wife's input on matters.  My asked-for-opinion thinking it best to let the husband deal with the issue in the way he wanted, which was then to get the trailer and go to his late mother's house, and attempt to get the items.  This was to be done in conjunction with the couple's vacation.  I pointed out the possessions might not be there when they arrive, as the sister knew they were planning to come to that area in a week. 

The woman who had called me was in distress for added reasons.  She said in part she felt guilty for having wanted the hutch in the first place.  Well, that is not a horrible sin, for it is very human to appreciate and desire tangible reminders of those we love and who have loved us.  And how many of us can suddenly have that kind of utmost detachment?  But we talked a bit more, and I pointed out that we are getting older, and literally, "what on earth" are we going to do with the "stuff" we already have, let alone more stuff?

We agreed that their week of vacation and the days leading into it, and possibly the days following, are now and could be fraught with tension.  The could be depends upon the woman and her husband's letting it get to them.  

But again, the main issue in all this seemed to me to be the state of the sister's soul, for this was an ugly mess caused by her wanting what was not agreed upon to be hers in addition to what she had taken already.  How sad a soul so needy of tangibles, so attached to more than enough for touchstones of her mother's memory!

Prayer would be the only balm for the couple's peace of mind and their own spiritual progression, and most importantly, for the deeper conversion of the sister's soul.  The woman (a spiritual friend) was distracted by all the emotions that go along with such issues.  (We all know what it feels like to have inner--and outer--peace disrupted.) 

The idea came:  Offer a furniture novena.  I suppose it came to mind due to recently praying the potato novena [previous post mentions this, or a video sharing].  I suggested that she and I select a piece of furniture in our own abodes--one that has some kind of meaning due to memories associated.  We would keep the prayer simple and tactile.  Lay a hand on whatever piece of furniture and simply repeat a Hail Mary.  Do this once a day for nine days.  (We each know the history of and Christian, Biblical symbolism for the "nine"--as in the nine days between Christ's ascension and Pentecost.)

On the second day of our prayer-across-the-miles, the woman emailed that she was in great distress again, feeling even more guilty that she had ever wanted her mother-in-law's hutch; and she reported her husband had decided to fight for his rightful possessions, his portion of personal effects from his mother's estate.   The woman's conscience was bothering her, and she had asked the Lord to give her another chance to somehow influence her husband's decision which was to demand tangible justice.

I emailed back that we should keep to our furniture prayer, and that right then if she could lay her hand on a piece of furniture in her house and ask Mary to help calm her upset, I would do likewise where I am.   Surely Mary would come to her aid immediately.

The next email I received was a day later.  The woman had done the praying, the laying on of hands, and peace within occurred.  But an outward miracle also occurred:  her husband had come home from work, showed her some photos of a trailer he intended to purchase so they could haul the furniture home.  However, he then he did what is rare if ever:  he asked her opinion on what he should do.  (Seriously, this is not like the husband at all.  He does not go in for praying, and he calls the shots.)

She had asked the Lord to give her another chance for input with her husband on the furniture snafu, and He gave it to her.  When given this moment, she told her husband to let his sister have whatever, and that they can go on their vacation and let all that other go. 

In another miracle, her husband agreed!

But the woman had been thinking much since our conversation.  All the more she realized that her sister's soul is endangered by what she had done, even though to others it may seem like a small matter and so very typical in estate situations.  So we are continuing the Furniture Novena, specifically now for the sister's soul and for conversion of mind, heart, and spirit--not for the furniture ordeal.

It is not that the "gimmick" of laying hands on a piece of furniture and praying a short Hail Mary is the gist here.  It is that of faith and of the simplicity of heart in the praying, that seems to be pleasing to God.  It includes the beautiful memories of people and created things and their usefulness.  We each are finding delight in praying with tangible "touchstones" but not as a heaviness or laborious effort.  We can think of the carpenter's Son, and add to that an intensity of desire for the good of souls: the woman, her husband, the sister, her adult children, for my own soul as well as all souls who have or will have these types of "furniture" or possession problems.

When I laid my hand upon (here very dusty, move-damaged, stacked and stored) furniture, the pieces I touch each have some memory included--either of who built the furniture such as in one my great-great-grandfather built, or in a $2 chair purchased at a yard sale four decades ago when I was first married.  That chair I refinished and reupholstered the seat, and it was a chair my eldest daughter sat on while at her desk doing homework during high school years.

Another was my harp stool, with thoughts of earlier desires to play but wondering if ever having this place habitable enough to take it out of protective packing.  Another is this twin bed which a neighbor gave me for my first house when married. Later, several years after the divorce, it a man with a drinking problem but needed work, refinished it. My second daughter slept in this bed through teen years.  I am in it as I write this!

Now, these details mean nothing to anyone else, but hopefully we can  grasp that somehow touching the items and praying for the resolution of the nasty situation brewing for my friend and her husband and his sister's soul, has touched my soul, my life.  It is all very good. 

And in faith, as we continue the Furniture Novena for another few days (lost count, but that does not matter), I am sure the sister's soul will be affected even if we never know or see outcomes.  For one thing, it will not be for the furniture or needing it for practical purposes or for sentiment.  The couple has overcome that "world."

And in another thought, these are some of the ways that the Lord interacts in our lives, and how we can talk with Him, interact with Him, and touch and be touched.  He talks with us; He guides our actions; and He lays out our path in little details and truly miraculous (even if nuanced) outcomes.  

These and more are God's miracles. 

No surprise, this Word reminder in Psalm 85, this morning:

"The Lord will give what is good,
   and our land will yield its increase.
Righteousness will go before him,
   and will make a path for his steps."