I've not written in a few days. Mostly remaining here in Solus Deus Hermitage, but I've had medical appointments and situations with which to contend. All is coming along, including the crown on molar, finally. That was quite an ordeal, persevering with what turned out to be yet again the dentist's recently graduated dentist son. I will not go into that, but I am praying for his future in dental practice, and am seeking another dentist.
In the meantime I'm asking the Lord if the ordeal of persisting through belligerence and "tooth fairy tales" that are in direct opposition to truth, is due to this young man being an assignment for me? I think praying will suffice unless the Lord gives me direct answer that I'm to deal with him for further dental work. Whatever God wills, but in this situation, I yet have one remaining issue with the poorly fit crown, but will know in a couple weeks if there need be further repair work done or also get a second opinion on the crown itself.
Then there was an appointment with the pain doctor. The intestines continue to not evidently get proper signals from nerves or else the pain at a point that the muscles autonomically clamp like a vice grip. There is a medication for pain patients, and I was shown how to self-inject plus given sample of oral meds. I need more of the medication, and the doctor did not send in script and now on vacation. I may need to go to an urgent care to see if they will prescribe at least enough until January. But the good news is that the pain doctor is going to begin the process for a pump to be surgically installed. This can take a couple or three months, and first an external trial must be made--infusion into the spinal column area to check for adverse side effects. That, also, is a ways off, but I'm so encouraged.
I had to go the emergency room in order to get an abdominal scan to rule out intestinal blockages. We suspected there would be none, and thankful that is the case. However, we now have to figure out what is the cause, if the medication that is supposed to counter pain medication side effect, is not going to be effective; and also if this situation that began now about five weeks ago, which is when I began trying to push myself to be up more, is an Adhesive Arachnoiditis symptom causing this.
Thus, this past week in Advent has been busy with doings out in the world, including a couple trips to the post office quite close to my hermitage, and a trip to a pharmacy for a prescription that was called in, and a trip to the DMV to get the truck registered and new plates. Prayers are being answered with my being given more stamina and ability to manage more pain; I have been able to drive short distances and feel blessed by God and thankful for all the prayers people have prayed on my behalf.
Communion was brought yesterday morning, after I'd not had much sleep and was tempted to despair over the tooth and crown ordeal. I'm never ceased with the miracle of Holy Communion: after, peace and calm permeated my mind, heart, and spirit. I could let go the upset and concern, and as well as the frustration and upset that an educated young man who is just beginning what could be a long and fruitful career, would have a flippant and dismissive attitude, saying anything to avoid trying to fix a problem, also as if his heart not in it.
I could, after reception of His Real Presence in the tangible Host, turn my mind, heart, and spirit once more to Advent waiting and preparation for the celebration of Christ born among us: Christmas!
There have been several consolations from the Lord this week, in the other-than-appointments a couple of days, silence of solitude. And I suppose it seems not-so-silent to have classical music compositions of Masses, softly in background as I prayed while wrapping some gifts and getting them ready to ship, and while baking some historically family recipes, also to gift and ship.
Then there came a lengthy email from the person of whom I wondered if I'd somehow offended in some way. Email had been hacked, and my email then did get through. In the response, I have many prayer needs to be tending to in the person's large family. A rare phone call the other afternoon: a couple whom I'd been thinking about, who I've not seen in nearly seven years, called. Well, one of them, with the other in the background.
What a joy and blessing to hear the voice and find out how they are doing, for the wife has struggled with serious mental illness for years. Her voice sounded so good, and they are managing as usual, despite the great and tragic handicap. Quite devout people, so the suffering is understood and accepted as the cross it is, but in a glorious, joyful, deeply loving way. My having grown up as a Protestant, I have the benefit of a different, inspiring, reparative, and positive understanding of suffering that I did not possess, then.
Some Christmas cards have arrived, although not many as the transitions and surgery have absorbed time and energy. I have a few more Christmas cards to finish notes and addressing, if possible, in the morning. Over the years, given the deepening of my vocation and the unfolding nature of grasping the Lord's will, I've come to embrace further the attributes and aspects of hermit life. The close contacts lessen, also with age, but perhaps more in God's choosing, and in whomever the Lord brings in the Order of the Present Moment.
Thus, I am considering what small celebratory tokens of gratitude to some of the neighbors might be. And this Advent, I have been pondering the blessings and graces for which I cannot thank the Lord enough--so am gifting family as well as donate to such as the soup kitchen the Virgin Mary had me start over two decades ago--instructing me from a vision and locution within a lucid dream. And that season of life was just prior to the Lord's calling me to the eremitic vocation.
Yes, this Advent here in Solus Deus Hermitage, has been a potpourri of pain, thoughts, prayers, meditation, contemplation, physical progress in stamina, and manifold blessings. Advent waiting has been different than in the past several years; more is a sense of the unexpected, and calm and peace are evolving slowly, but surely.
In the next few days, I will set up the small nativity set after I--God wiling my body able--tidy the living room. I might yet set up the small, artificial tree. Or at least get exterior extension cords to the two wreaths with lights on them, to see if the lights work and be a spot of let-there-be light to add to the promising lights galore of neighborhood homes.
While preparing packages for gifting, thoughts turned to my spiritual da who passed away over 9 months ago, age 99. I recall what I sent him last year, and of having visited him in person six months prior to that, although he still managed to write in response to my letters up until near the end of his time on earth. He is near all the more, praying and encouraging, guiding and gently but firmly correcting. The hermit's degree of silence of solitude allows for such nuanced communication, rich and true. There are others here with me, unseen but present and felt, in this hermitage and Advent.
Of course, this Advent I have continued to pray for the long-time friend and husband. While I apologized, there has been no further contact coming from the person I so wounded and upset by my lack of self-control and unwitting harm. No, I was not thinking at all other than to vent my concerns and opinions, in what has been nearly all my life my mode of catharsis: writing. Yet I lacked prudence and deeply hurt someone I very much care about. So I continue to pray, and as Christmas draws near, my heart of prayers is very much with them across the many miles.
If I can possibly manage to drive plus stand in line for the hour, or else arrive an hour early and stand to wait for confession on Saturday afternoon, I will. Otherwise, I called the parish a week ago to set up an appointment; the earliest time the priest has is January 16, 9:30 a.m. In fact, his secretary is scheduling into March now, for his appointments. I have asked God to forgive me for how deeply and perhaps in this life, irrevocably, hurt the person. But sacramental confession I know will be a spiritually invaluable good for my soul and maybe in some mystical way, for the other.
I am reminded while I wait for the confession appointment, to pray for more vocations to the priesthood, yet also to praise God for this incredibly talented, focused, orthodox, holy, gifted, very spiritual priest. And I praise God for the rapidly growing parish--thousands of members, a school, and so many marvelous activities and opportunities for spiritual growth and learning, outreach to the poor and those in need, and too much more to describe--all centered around the Mass, the Scriptures, and the seven Sacraments.
This consecrated Catholic hermit's body is now tiring; the body pain high and the intestines a problem that might require an ER visit tomorrow; but I pray not.
The hermitage Advent continues, with what is increasingly, patience in the waiting. Am pondering the miracles in this week's readings from the Living Word--the Holy Scriptures, just in the past few days. But truly, all the Scriptures speak to miracles--the miracle of all that God has created and continues to create, the Holy Spirit, the miracle of life, the angels, of all those before us and those who will come after--prophets, saints, sinners-- the miracle of the Virgin Mary, and above all the miracle of the birth of Christ, His Son, our Redeemer and our Savior.
God bless His Real Presence with us!
No comments:
Post a Comment