Catholic Hermit: St. John Cassian's Goal of the Solitary

Someone sent me this commentary by St. John Cassian, cited from his Conferences.  Notice the final statement, in which he states what is the "goal of the solitary.

"Our Savior prayed to his Father on his disciples' behalf: 'That the love with which you have loved me may be in them, and they in us.'  And again: 'that all may be one, as you, Father, are in me and I in you, that they also may be one in us.'  Then that perfect love of God, by which 'He loved us first,' (1Jn 4:10) will have passed into our heart's disposition upon the fulfillment of this prayer of the Lord....

"This will be the case when every love, every desire, effort, and every undertaking, every thought of ours, everything that we live, that we speak, that we breathe, will be God, and then that unity which the Father now has with the Son and which the Son has with the Father will be carried over into our understanding and our mind, so that, just as He loves us with a sincere and pure and indissoluble love, we too may be joined to Him with a perpetual and inseparable love and so united with Him that whatever we understand, whatever we speak, may be God.  In Him we shall attain, I say, to that end...which the Lord longed to be fulfilled in us when He prayed: 'That all may be one as we are one, I in them and You in me, that they themselves may also be made perfect in unity.'  And again: 'Father, I wish that those whom You have given me may also be with me where I am.'

"'This, then, is the goal of the solitary, and this must be his whole intention: to deserve to possess the image of future blessedness in this body and as it were to begin to taste the pledge of that heavenly way of life and glory....'"  (emphases added)

[St. John Cassian (circa 360-435), founder of monasteries; Conferences, no. 10, 7; PL 49, 827, copyright Ancient Christian Writers, no. 57]

For awhile now, increasingly so the past month or two, the physical pain in my back has been increasing.  Medical appointments also increased--with pain doctor and then initially with an outstanding surgeon's physician assistant, then surgeon, then osteoporosis physician assistant, then met with yet another physician assistant to the surgeon, plus phone conversations with the surgeon's nurse.

The added driving and sitting, the added advice and warnings, often varying among the various persons in the process, had me washing repeatedly like a wave upon the shores of the temporal world.
I was out of my element; inconsistencies, inability to make sense of what I knew not, other than to genuinely try to call in whatever increase in symptoms--helped raise the pain level all the more.  

Barometric pressure shifts did their part in stirring the pain.  A lengthy pain siege paid a visit to this body, and with the added new pain from the spinal cord, created a "perfect storm" of suffering.  Then to also have the surgeon diagnose--explain why--I've suffered constantly, often severely, ever since the back-to-back spine surgeries in 1987.  The news stirred old memories, painful memories.  The mind and heart needed to adapt to the reality of the diagnosis, as well as to accept that all that damage and pain would remain after this next surgery.

How far I'd been thrust from what is the goal of the solitary, the goal of this consecrated Catholic hermit!  Yet it can create difficulties in the temporal world. amidst people in active lives, not particularly spiritually focused.

When one becomes so desirous of being in Him, existing in Him, thoughts, love, words, actions, desires, hopes, interests--all abiding in and focused on God--the reactions of those around can vary.  However, the solitary, the consecrated Catholic hermit, truly cannot function otherwise.  At least not for long.  It may be prudent to mask in some brief encounters, but the inner life will ever be devoted to Jesus Christ; and that inner always informs the outer.

For me, it seems to truly be able to "be myself--in the Lord, that self that is through, with, and in Him, that exuberant self that is no longer self but is bound in love with Christ the Beloved--the solitude provides the security, the means to exult in the love and joy which abides when free to be as wed with His Real Presence.

What a relief it has been, personally, to be freed from the chaos that arose the more involved with what may not have been at all as God willed.  I may never know, but in discerning, we can put some value to having a sense of inner peace.  This may seem contrary to how the world and practical realities might view a situation that includes medical professionals that turn from a needed procedure, decide against providing that procedure.

Yet when one has the peace--truly, I suppose, and quite practically, literally, that is beyond understanding--faith rules the body, mind, heart, and spirit.  One would prefer being with Christ even if it means more suffering and increased limitation in this world, than to be in that which brings unrest, contradictions, flaws, and negativity.

A consecrated Catholic hermit--a religious solitary--to taste the pledge of that heavenly way of life and glory...!

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit Ponders Pole Barn Roof

This morning while allowing the daily Mass readings to wash through this pained, mortal frame, I ponder the pole barn roof.  The upper right back of this hermit's body has rather sickening pain from a pulled muscle or two (or three) from slipping and sliding a couple times when on the metal roof  on Monday.  The third mishap which caused enforced front-to-back leg splits is not the pained back muscle culprit.

Perhaps the gardening efforts yesterday late afternoon irritated the pulled muscle.  Regardless, my idea is to attempt the final paint coat on the back and final half of the pole barn roof.  The pondering has to do with allowing more rest time on this mattress as well as praying for God's Mind on the temporal matter, for all that is temporal has at its base and permeation, the spiritual.

His Real Presence always allows us time to ponder.  The problem arises when we do not think we have the time.  Those are our notions and our choices in temporal activities and responsibilities that we load on our earthly daily plates.

As I consider the years past, prior to my private profession of eremitic vows, avowing myself to the three evangelical counsels, and thus entering into the consecrated life of the Catholic Church as a hermit, there were many times that I thought there was not time enough to ponder.  I seemed not able to wait nor to ponder enough, for the responsibilities of family and career can be intense and packed with details and activities of which others rely upon us.

Yet there was and is always time given us by God, to wait and ponder.  The night hours are excellent for this if we do not grasp that we can ponder even if it seems in snippets during the waking hours.


We can ask the Lord before we fall asleep at night to teach us, to help us ponder, to utilize us in the night.  As we ought when pondering and living out life in waking hours, we should also ask the Lord to keep satan from deceiving us, from entering in, all according to God's will.

We must understand that day or night, the Lord at some points will allow the devil to poke around.  How else will we have the experience necessary, otherwise, to learn to discern the spirits, to know the wiles of the devil so that we can endure the cunning assaults?

Now, though, this hermit remains resting on the mattress in this small, unfinished cell of a room.  I will ponder the Mind of God and praise Him for all that He wills and desires for us to learn and to love.

If the body ends up unable to safely finish painting the pole barn roof today, it can mow the yard that is a bit thick and tall.  With pulled muscles, we humans have learned enough about physical bodies to know that some exercise and movement, plus lots of water intake will help the healing process and flush out toxins that collect around such areas of inflammation and injury.  God gave someone or other or many, His insights on injuries, bodily functions, and healing.

Pondering, asking, waiting for answers has always been, is, and always will be part of the human soul's process in learning and loving.

God bless His Real Presence in us on this Solemnity of Corpus Christi.  Ponder, celebrate, and love the very real human and divine Body and Blood of Jesus Christ!

Catholic Hermit: Interesting Development, God Provides!

Recently this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit has prayed about and considered having an email account associated with this blog.  The thought came that perhaps some of the blog readers (including those living in other countries) might have prayer requests or some other desire to communicate or share.

So I was praying about it and waiting for some answer from the Lord.  I mentioned the thought the other morning to an adult daughter who listened and contributed some thoughts.  I said that the sense I was getting from prayer was to remain with the intrigue and mystery of not knowing specifics, thus not having an email account.  

Rather, listening in the silence of solitude, somehow the Lord would let me know the specific prayer needs of the readers and viewers; and through the Holy Spirit, I would continue to sense and pray for each and all of you.

Also, I told the daughter that surely the Lord would bring, if He wills and desires, those who might have needs such as dream interpretation or prayer needs.  There are ways to be in touch already.

Just a few hours later, there came a request from someone who had come across something I'd said.  He has had some fascinating dreams that are significant, yet he is uncertain as to what they mean.  He has requested help in dream interpretation.

It was rather an amazing (to me, at least) direct answer to what had been my prayer and what I was sensing the Lord's direction and leanings.  Those who have genuine need, He will bring over the means of cyberspace--that is,  those readers and viewers who with this hermit, remain anonymous one to the other except in our known love and respect as members of the Body of Christ.  

We are not strangers as souls who are seeking union with His Real Presence and are not strangers to our shared existence as souls living as God's creation on His created earth!

The young man has sent a detailed description of a dream.  I am currently praying about it and asking the Holy Spirit to give insights.  All, of course, is if the Lord wills.  But an important aspect that I clarified with the young man when he first inquired and asked for some assistance with his dream, is that what I am to assist with in such matters is very much to teach others how to interpret their dreams, how to discern spirits, and even how to approach the time, effect, and suspension of our wills and bodies in what we all experience:  sleep.

When the spiritual father called several days ago, this Catholic hermit asked him what he thought of an insight given recently regarding "sleep."  He found it fascinating but true, and I will share the insight with you in a separate blog post.  It is rather simple, actually, but yes, it has made a difference in my approach to sleep; and it certainly excited the spiritual father who said he would now view and utilize sleep as gift in a different light and spiritual perspective.

God is so good to us!  And the Holy Spirit continues to give us insights and to teach us even as we become old and think we are well-seasoned in this earthly existence--only to surprise us with something we'd not considered before.  What His Real Presence (in whatever varied means) shows and teaches us, no matter how long we've slugged it out in daily (and nightly) life, is of benefit.  God provides!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another, help one another, share with one another what God provides materially and spiritually.  God Is Love, and He loves each and every one of us!

Catholic Hermit Praying, Pondering

Put in the two calls--one to Dr. H. and one to the spiritual father, the hermit's holy superior.  Of the two, Dr. H. has the lived experience and expertise with the spiritual paranormal--years of it.  When the hermit converted to Catholicism 20 years ago, Dr. H. said the hermit would be "hard-pressed to find a priest in the country who would have actual experience or know about such matters even if they may have read of some aspects in books."

At the time, this hermit thought surely Dr. H. was incorrect on this.  Over the years and many, many priests and bishops and those wanting to be spiritual directors, Dr. H's assessment has proven correct--at least thus far.  The hermit's current spiritual father is humble and holy, and his wisdom admits to not having actual experience, but he has a keen sense of the Holy Spirit and vast knowledge of God.  Between the two men of which this hermit is so blessed to have in times of discernment and guidance of the here and now, there will be some suggestions and answers.

But, the hermit awoke with not really wanting to be at the most-attended Sunday Mass, nor to necessarily be sitting with the family in more view of people.  The helper's dad was not keen on a sign, as he said many people don't bother to read signs, or they would then have all the more questions.  Maybe questions are not bad, though, if this situation has a different aspect to it that God wills than the approach the hermit and others have thought to take for the past seven years.

Otherwise, it is back to work here this morning, with yet another fine layer of drywall mud in the downstairs bathroom needing to be feathered out.  Drywall mudding is an exacting art, and this Catholic hermit is bungling its way through learning by trial and error and then successes.  Is it that what works seems to be quite powerful as opposed to what does not work?

The hermit has been pondering being less negative and seeking more the positive aspects of all matters and experiences, for God Is Love, and Love is the greatest as God Is All to our nothing.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another!  God Is LOVE!

Now, to the manual labor.  Many prayer intentions sent the hermit's way yesterday and this morning, so much to pray about while working.  It is all very good.

Catholic Hermit Needed This!

God provides!  It has been a very rough couple of days.  With the reality that Raphael is not going to be helping with finishing some heavier type work here, and not having anyone human around to help, came a text from someone beloved but by choice (not the hermit's), estranged.

The text applied pressure, and the hermit emailed back, expressing it is doing the best it can, working as hard as it can, and praying for God's will regarding the living situation, the property, still unsalable.

But the good Catholic deputy returned a message, and he is willing to stop by sometime to help the hermit carry in some "greenboard" so the hermit can begin drywalling the downstairs bathroom.  (In the meantime, the hermit has been hard at work in the heat of desert exile--outside and in--trying to keep gardens watered, spreading mulch, building a barrier for bird netting to protect the strawberries!)

The deputy had other news.  The hermit somehow said it before he shared; touch of God's grace. "How did you know?"  Well....  Anyway, he and his wonderful family are moving.  Why?  They want to be able to go to a valid Catholic parish.  Their priest spiritual director from afar insisted they must not attend the one in this far-off area.  Why?  The Mass is not licit.  The priest is psychologically unhealthy and unwilling to pour himself into the glorious work the priesthood imputes.  The parishioners are uninterested in spiritual growth.  Ah, so also the hermit had experienced the same and was told by its director to stay clear.  Sad to have it validated by another who is selling his home for the sole purpose of providing valid worship and Catholic instruction for himself and his family.

The text from the beloved family member came later in the day, after a marvelous phone conversation with the hermit's spiritual father.  Isn't it uncanny how so often God gives us some huge uplift just prior to a tough trial laid out before us?  God knows best!  So the text came [how the hermit wished it could do as the person would like but cannot, must not], and then the hermit emailed some thoughts and realities.  An invitation, also, was extended that if the beloved person would visit and lend some physical help with tasks needing a second set of hands, the hermitage could progress, and then it could be finished, sold, and the hermit and the other would be free of the property agreement.

No response.  No help is coming.  The option was offered; the choice is made.  The estrangement continues.  The hermit became discouraged--and not aided by the heat of this desert exile, nor the manual labor with increasing pain.  So, the hermit got up early and headed to get a load of mulch. What else to do but keep putting one foot in front of the other?  Hope to sell some veggies out by the road.  Borrowed a table a week ago when visited the daughter's family overnight, in civilization.  Ah--and was blessed with a hot shower!

First one in over six weeks.  (The hermit considers how on earth did those early hermits manage if no fresh creeks nearby?  Not in the desert!  At least this hermit can spit-bathe at the sink.  But, this is something:  The cleansing sweat when out working the soil, removes whatever toxins, evidently.  There is no noticeable odor.  Water, watermelon, cucumbers--help the cleanse from inner to outer.  It's really not so awful, after all.)

Still, the hermit's spirit was downcast with the reminder of the painful, estranged relationship.  Hope was evaporating.  The emotions weakened to near-tears.  Then the hermit picked up a book it had not finished reading--Pseudo-Dionysius: The Complete Works.  The marked spot where left off, produced this marvelous message. Before commencing reading, the hermit prayed that Dionysius or whoever he was and is, would speak through his insights from God given him those 15 or more centuries ago.

"One cannot exist in contradictory realities at one and the same time, and whoever enters into communion with the One, cannot proceed to live a divided life, especially if he hopes for a real participation in the One.  He must be firmly opposed to whatever may sunder this communion.  

"All this is sacredly suggested by the symbolic tradition which strips the postulant of his former life, deprives him of the very last attractions of this world, stands him naked and barefoot to face westward and renounce with outstretched hands all dealings with the darkness of evil, and everything in his past which signifies difference, and makes him exhale, as it were, and renounce utterly whatever is opposed to the conformity to God.

"Strengthened thus and made free he is turned to face eastward and he is told that having abandoned evil he may in perfect purity endure and look up to the divine Light.  With these, his sacred vows of complete inclination toward the One, the tradition receives him who has become one-like out of a love for the truth."

[The aunt from far away then called with a couple ideas for the hermit--plus lots of encouragement.   (She is an incredibly strong woman, strong soul, honed by a wallop of suffering years ago.) No, do not cave to the pressure of the beloved family member.  Yes, it does seem that the content of the text and all about it, caused upset, confusion, much sorrow in the estrangement.  But another painful reality is that even if the hermit capitulated, causing itself to be even more vulnerable to the world, the relationship with this beloved one would unlikely improve.  All that has been and continues to be is now the choice of the beloved person.  The hermit can only keep praying, working, and hoping to make little bits of progress in the efforts.]

The hermit then paused and prayed, reading what Dionysius had to share.  The insights became the prayer.  At a point, the hermit found itself taking deep breaths and exhaling from it's inner being and through the lungs:  the "dealings with the darkness of evil, and everything of [the hermit's] past which signifies difference, and whatever else [God only knows the full extent of it] is opposed to the [hermit's] conformity to God."

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us exhale whatever keeps us from remaining in His love and being conformed to God!

Mark Knopfler,Chet Atkins,The Everly Brothers-Why Worry

On this day of Pentecost, have been asking the Holy Spirit to give the graces necessary to endure with faith.  This includes in very practical ways, such as managing the additional pain in the upper back and right shoulder muscles, and trying to keep working to whatever degree in making progress on the hermitage.  Somehow, this challenge is huge--and the praying imbeds in the efforts of body and mind, in attitude and spirit.

This song has been singing within while out in the back garden and orchard area, doing what little can be done using the right arm gingerly and with numerous ice pack breaks.  The mind has been worrying.  Is this what God wills and desires of this hermit?  The concerns arise, for it can be a battle of attitude and mind to make the body get up and begin whatever work project it can do.  The finances are a concern.  Raphael's not returning calls of which messages are left, asking if he will come and finish siding and porch, and help hang drywall.  

When the pain increases, the concerns rise, as well.  Should the hermit try to bail out now?  A relative and friend emailed, mentioning this, and expressing their thoughts that the body is trying to tell the hermit something, and that one needs to accept aging process.  Yet neither have seen the progress, nor do they realize the dire financial situation.  But also, they each have spouses and health and income and retirement pensions and savings, and houses paid for, and livable conditions.

Then the hermit considered they do not realize what it is like to have been rooked by some people in the purchase process, and that there really was no way out that is prudent, other than to try to work one's way out.  Fr. Vincent emailed conviction that the various concerns are going to pass, and that the main consideration is to persevere in faith, no matter what.

Yes, the hermit will try.  It did get up, got dressed, tried to stretch the upper back, used ice, headed out, and started to use the shovel and pruners, and the watering hose.  The efforts were modest; but they were efforts.  The hermit prayed the Lord's prayer, some Hail Mary's, the Glory Be while watering.  The hermit put its head down, and simply and sincerely asked Jesus to help to discern God's will.

And music of the song played in the head, and the words came to mind, and the Holy Spirit sang the beautiful tune, played the lovely instruments, offered the words to His beloved child. And the hermit child responded, "Thy will be done."  If the body goes completely, then that will be that.  But to wonder if every set back (crows have been plucking out the snow pea and cantaloupe seedlings and some other pest eating the strawberries, and rain not in the forecast!) is God saying time to give up, or the devil trying to create upset and worry--no.  Stop the back-and-forth.  

Why worry?  The Holy Spirit is here, now, within, a gift ever present.  The situation will unfold as God wills, by and by.  Why worry now?

Try a Walk on the Water

This is strictly a here-and-now matter, plus as always in the spiritual view.  Faith needed!

I had a long talk, long distance this morning, with the spiritual father.  Over the weekend, the man of the couple with their children who had prayed the Potato Novena with me for the area priest and parish, called and assured me their absence was not anything to do with my being candid with them from the onset about my situation at Mass and in other aspects, spiritually.

He asked if he could talk to their previous parish's priest.  They remain good friends and continue to drive to that parish as often as possible, given the local parish's priest issues.  It is likely the Mass there is not licit, sad to report.  However, my spiritual father reminded me of aspects of which to be aware, to know definitively.  The man, J., said he wanted to speak to his priest friend about my situation and to see if I'd be willing to drive with them to Mass when they go there.

All right.  I agreed.  Yesterday J. returned to my place here to help lift in a window I'd framed, and he reported back that his priest, who is very orthodox and true-on in living his Catholic priesthood, was wary when J. shared a little.  Then J. and I talked of the local parish situation.  I had been thinking perhaps the Lord wished me to do as He'd said a couple years ago, to not let the judges and criticizers affect me--"Pay no attention to them."  And, I had.   It is hard to take, time and again.

We wondered if perhaps the Lord wished me to go even to a daily Mass, of which the local priest last year had forbidden me to attend.  (Yes, many have pointed out that he has no right to dictate that I cannot go to Mass any more than the handful of priests elsewhere who did not want me in their parish out of fear of how parishioners would "crucify" me, as one put it.  (It is not easy being green, as Kermit the Frog used to sing.)

J. wanted me to try the daily Mass, to test the waters, to cast the net.  He said he'd go with me if I did.  But I wanted to talk these matters over with my spiritual father.  And this morning he said to give the local parish a try with one morning Mass, but otherwise to set up an appointment with the orthodox young priest which would mean a drive and distance, but we agreed that we cannot blame priests for being wary.  My spiritual life is atypical; my spiritual father once again said I am just so very different in that regard, even if it is not good or kind or fair the way I am treated as a result.

I also told him I had met with some Methodist women last week just to be around some kindly people and to practice what I thought might be waning social skills!  He laughed.  I also told him my thoughts that perhaps His Real Presence wished to utilize me with the "Gentiles", as it certainly seemed that the Catholics had a hard time coping with or moving beyond a profound yet not unheard-of, phenomenon.

My spiritual father blames the priests for not handling it well, not explaining and just then everyone moving on and allowing me to be the person I am otherwise, and let the phenomenon be as it is during Mass, and that is that.

When I said it practically seems as if His Real Presence is shooing me elsewhere, my spiritual father said it can certainly seem that way.  And who knows?  Maybe He wishes to utilize me with other than Catholics, for the others may be more receptive to sharing and learning about prayer, the spiritual life, and climbing the holy mountain.

But given past locutions, visions and dreams, suffering is my lot in life to seemingly a high degree, and I was called into the Catholic Church most definitely.  Now we shall cast a couple of nets once again, and see what or how many (if any) fish the Lord puts in.  I'm to report back to my spiritual father, regardless.  I admit that when things go poorly with more scrutiny, misjudging, and criticism, I do have a hard time not paying any attention to it or the people who inflict what comes down to uncharitable rejection--even if it comes from their fears.

And fear is catching, or seems to have been for me.  When others become wary of me, I become wary of them.  It will take courage and faith to go and speak with the orthodox priest who told J. to have me call and set up an appointment, if I want.  I really don't want, but I'll cast the net because my spiritual father said to give that a try and at least find out what happens.

So I will attempt stepping out of the boat again.  I will try to walk across the water, step by step.  First it will be attending this morning's Mass in the local parish, even if told a year ago I was not allowed.  As my spiritual father said, I have a right to go to Mass, and I added that the Mass belongs to God.

We will see how it goes.  If I start to sink, I must cry out to Jesus, and He will extend His arm and with His hand, lift me up.  What is the worst that can happen, anyway?