Christian Catholic Mystic Hermit: Another correspondence with a friend

I'll include some of the personal part--more surgery ahead, but at least the neck is not needing surgery immediately! Thanks be to God!

Dear X,

My neck is not good; I saw the neurosurgeon. Neck surgery is not urgent right now, but my thumb is urgent.  I will likely have that surgery done in two weeks or three at most.  It is relatively simple, or so he says. I pray that when he gets in there he does not find it worse, for a surgeon four years ago told me it would be 4-6 months of recovery and disuse those months.  This surgeon said a month; two weeks for external healing, for the concern for infection to be over, and not much use  Another two weeks for inner healing. Not even general anesthetic, but some sedation and local, of course. If I don't get the thumb fixed, he guarantees I will lose use of it and first three fingers which are currently numb and have lost strength, right hand.  He said my hand will become a stiff claw if I let it go, and even now no guarantee I'll have feeling or strength back. 

Then after the thumb, we can think about the neck.  That will involve four levels so 6 vertebrae with the discs between. He went over the MRI with me and explained it with knowledge and clarity and trusted experience.  It is bad, but it is not urgent until my arms and pain down arms and numbness and neck pain become intolerable. He does not think the neck nerves would cause the spatial disorientation, but he cannot be sure since neurology is rather a mystery.  He is Catholic, and said he is a Christian; I know he is a Catholic from research I did on him. He recognized my cross as one like his great uncle had worn, a Jesuit priest, long ago.  

Dr. J. will do the hand surgery.  I pray I can hold out for the neck surgery for awhile yet. But it just depends on the cord as it is rather squeezed with no fluid around it in C-4,5-6 area of neck, and there are very large bone spurs pressing on the nerves coming out of C 2, 3, 4, 5, 6; C7 seems okay as does 1.  He said it is unlikely my headache will be reduced from the neck surgery, but the main issue is to keep my arms and and hands usable.  Neck will lose mobility given it's most of it that would be fused.  I might need to do the knee replacement before the neck.  God will guide in these matters just as His Real Presence worked out that I got in to see this neurosurgeon within a week and without a referral.  Dr. J. said I must not fall or get a whiplash from a car accident as the cord could easily "snap"at the squeezed section.  (My luck I'd be a quadriplegic and not die and be on my way, off this earth!)  I'll be careful on the ladder, although I don't have that much more to do using the ladder--just the kitchen ceiling for now and plan to give in and hire some help as the planks are long and awkward.

I'll see if I get very motivated to work on the kitchen and get my bedroom and bathroom extra sanitary, and maybe have the right thumb/hand done Sept.  7.  Otherwise I will do 14th, but I have things that need to get planted yet this fall so early Oct. here would be  cooler.  Thus the 7th would be good as a month recovery puts me at Oct. 7th, if the thumb is not requiring more invasive type surgery once he gets into it.

Today's Living Word is very important and filled with so much that I could write on and on, feasting on all that is taught us.  Paul emphasizes  that God chooses us, and also what and how those of us with faith can go forth and make a difference for others, being a witness of His Real Presence.  Those were the Thessalonians, and we, of course, can do and be as they were, transformed by the Living Word that:  "[our gospel] did not come to [us] in word alone but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with much conviction."

This is how we may be utilized--to live and "speak" the gospel even without words, for it comes to us also in power and in the Holy Spirit and also with conviction.  This happens when we have the desire, the courage, and the love of God to be and speak and spread and live the gospel. Allow and ask the Holy Spirit to give us this conviction and power to do so.

The psalm's first line is a good one for this desire and faith of the above: Sing to the Lord a new song....

Then the Gospel is so good to think about and act on because Jesus points out and warns about the clergy, in essence, as well as could be any of us-- and how they/we can be hypocritical and false in our words and actions and thoughts: religious and spiritual frauds.  Jesus is quite harsh and honest in what He says will happen to them/us and in describing the types of fraud via priorities and values and false teaching.

It is a serious reminder for me to look within and excoriate my hypocrisy and ways in which I have dropped "the mantle" of my Christian faith and calling, and in what I could have done--and still could do in humility but also in faith, and exhibit the truth of how real is His Real Presence in our lives, and be fully open to His Real Presence in me, living in me as He does, with my not clouding over or smothering His Real Presence with my human ways and selfish thoughts and various sinful habits.

I have read a couple books on Rose of Lima, and one was written after certain documents were finally unsealed at the Vatican regarding realistic details of her life and some of the exaggerations that were used for her canonization.  For one thing, she was popular, and politically for the Church hierarchy at that time, they needed someone from South America, and a female, to canonize to help temporally and spiritually with the Church in the late 16th c. in that region.  I prefer reality and truth of the actualities of people's lives for they then seem more relatable to me, and believable. 

The book can be a reminder that it is other people who get caught up in the frenzy to embellish and sometimes make up myths or legends not true about people for they want to be a part of the excitement and also desire a "king" or "queen" of sorts from their area--spiritual king or queen--and lots of miracles and amazing occurrences fabricated from what in actuality have more humble explanations.  I do not find these revealings to diminish such as Rose of Lima; it more just exposes human nature of others and those higher up who orchestrate what will bring various benefits to the Church in South America or at large.  

I admit some of the details of miraculous occurrences I'd read in the first book I read about Rose, I wanted to believe and did in part!  I am so very, very human, and I too loved the excitement of strange and unusual occurrences, such as that her mother or maybe her nurse saw a rose appear in the air above Rose's mouth when she was an infant, took it as a sign of God and her holiness, and thus they called her "Rose."  But in the formerly sealed documents, released, that was explained to be false; it was metaphoric of sorts, for the mother or nurse or maybe a neighbor (I forget which but the truth was written in the saint investigation process) described the infant's lips or cheeks to be as beautiful as a red rose.  They did call her Rose; that is true!

However, others of her spiritual life and experiences were depicted more honestly.  I don't blame the saints; it's us humans who get a bit carried away; and these holy people did many good deeds and started this or that charity, or accepted suffering and persevered through it.  You mention the reality that Rose did harm her health by the austerities--and explained that people in that time period (and really up until current times and some still have that misunderstanding) felt penances would help them be closer to God or would please God--and that, of course, contradicts Scriptures, His Living Word in that God does not want holocausts and burnt offerings. God wants a humble and contrite heart; God wants our love; God wants our obedience to His will, etc.

I admit it has taken me quite awhile to re-appreciate these holy people who others have made into canonized saints.  Part of my appreciation is in some of their marvelous writings, and of their lives often lived with suffering that came naturally and allowed by God and not self-inflicted, and also because they gave themselves to love of God and prayer and love of His Word and of His Real Presence. Also, I appreciate them for they'd not at all have wanted to be canonized as "saints." 

The realistic book written in early 2000, after a swath of documents were unsealed, did kind of disappoint me at first.  I wanted to stay on the "cloud" of some essence of hysteria and hype.  Truth of John of the Cross' escape from imprisonment by his fellow priests and brothers for 9 months was not that an angel led him out, but rather was his praying and suffering and writing his poems all the while gaining the confidence of one of his "guards", and eventually got him to give him little bits of this and that by which he then was able to be let out for short time periods, and got cloths and sheets and secretively tied them together, and then planned his escape, and one dark night was able to escape in one of those times his guard "let down his guard" for just a few minutes.  (I know John of the Cross was helped by his guardian angel, Mary, and His Real Presence throughout this and many ordeals of his life from birth onward, of course!)  And John fully cooperated with his body, mind, heart and soul to live and die for His Real Presence.)

But the truth to me is better than fiction, for John of the Cross depended on His Real Presence and utilized any number of inner guidances in how to submit and to cooperate with his captors, to use his time well in prayer and suffering and writing his poems, and in picking up inspirations here and there to help him figure a way out of captivity--and none too soon for he was being starved to death. Those nine months shortened his life, and in some physical aspects he never fully recovered.

It is amazing that he later on submitted to another envious superior and another confrere in his religious order. But he maybe sensed within and was so in love with God, that his work on earth was not going to go much further, not with his health and not with his superior and confreres who once again resented him and caused him more ill health and his life.  He desired to go to God by that point! He was exultant!

All that he went through as a child, all very factual, and how he got his education, and even his tiny stature, and his creativity even in a sketch he drew that is beautiful--and writing out the wisdom of the spiritual life and how to grow toward union with His Real Presence--what he left for all of us who follow in our lives centuries later will have this great works of John of the Cross.  Just knowing how he was persecuted and mistreated by his own but how he escaped when he was given the opportunity and also used wisdom and inspirations God and his angel helped with, for it was not yet time for John's life on earth to be finished--these things help me immensely. 

John and Teresa of Avila were spiritual friends, and he was confessor to her sisters for only about 2-3 very momentous years--but that he and she were seen levitating while sitting in their chairs conversing about God--that is amazing and seems to validly have occurred, just as Teresa's heart was transverberated and proof is her heart in a jar to this day.  But the real miracle to me of these holy people is how they spiritually progressed in everyday life and never gave up, and truly they became like Paul said--not I who live but Christ lives in me.  

To mystics, the mystical experiences are helps along the way to give the person strength and endurance, and at times to help guide, and to give insights to share. But phenomenon do not cause the spiritual growth that persevering in suffering promotes, and in such as going into oneself to be honest with who we are-- we can be inspired in His Living Word.  We can discover that any of us can be hypocrites and frauds, and woe to us if we do not recognize our flaws and sins: overcome ourselves and fly above to do and be better, to love and live in His Real Presence and thus love and live among others as He does.

Love in His Love--and God bless His Real Presence in us!

 

Catholic Hermit: Slow and Steady...

...wins the race!

This one is a distance race within the type of race that St. Paul metaphored for "life".  But metaphors only go so far--and don't always, in one metaphor, totally describe what they are imaging or representing.  By "race", such as St. Paul said he has run the race after he had also used "fight" metaphor for having fought the good fight--these metaphors do not also express that aspect of our lives that impart passage of length or depth of time.  

Fights are usually a burst of energy within time limits, such as a boxing match with its various rounds, unless or until someone wins with a knock-out blow, or based upon points if the fight goes the full however-many rounds.  Races can be longer than fights.  Sprints are short, and like a fight have a burst of energy that is sustained until the short distance is completed.  There are distance races; there are round-the-earth yacht or hot air balloon or airplane races.

But life as a race--yes, we get much meaning thinking of life as a race, in that metaphor--but life as a race does not provide that aspect of time.  While there is time involved in life, and energy, we do not know the length of our lives or of others lives.  (Not even the best of doctors can know how long even a terminally ill person will live other than in best-projections; the exact hour and minute is not known.)  Some lives are but a breath at birth and then no more, or life in the womb cut off with some dire unexpected during birth process.

Other lives go along for decades.  Some lives have tremendous energy seemingly for the length of the person's time on earth, while other lives are less energized, are more placid.  But one aspect about a "race" as a metaphor for life, is that we humans do tend to the aspect of wanting to win.  We want our lives to be successful in whatever aspects considered by each individual, and as influenced by family, culture, society, religion or none.  So we want to win this life; we want to successfully complete this "race" in some shape or fashion or form.

And within our lives, there are varying speeds and perhaps, energy levels.  Perhaps we can consider the metaphor of life as a race as an overall race or type of event, with several to myriad races within the overall racing event.  Also, speed is not particularly a needful or advantageous aspect to life, if considered as a race.  We really must not race as if with competitors, nor should we throw caution to the wind, or even run like the wind (other than if in a situation in life in which our safety or the safety of another requires extreme speed, like a parent running after a child heading into a busy street without stopping to look both ways).

We are most all familiar with the fable of the Tortoise and the Hare.  Perhaps the adage, "Slow and steady wins the race" comes from that fable or the fable was inspired by the adage.  Regardless, there are certain phases and aspects of our lives in which it is prudent if not imperative, that we go forth in life quite slowly and with a determined and cautious steadiness.

I had to learn slow-and-steady in the last hermitage and locale, where I found myself having gotten into a house that had been cosmetically spruced but in truth found out later was deemed by real estate agents as a "tear-down."  The place had to be gutted, as I had barely delved into some minor upgrades like taking up the carpet to put down wood floors, when I realized problems requiring further delving, and finally that the place needed to be taken down to the frame.  Even then, parts of the frame had to be re-done.

It was overwhelming!  I tell you, never have I been so overwhelmed by the reality of how immense the tasks ahead, of which most all, including some aspects of demolition, even, were skills I did not know from previous life experience.  Just taking up the old bathroom linoleum led to discovering someone had put particle board under the shower pan and the toilet.  Rot and mold, soggy particle board, on verge of cave in--this is what I soon discovered!  When I hired a teen to help me unbolt and lift the toilet, the main drain pipe cracked because the toilet had been set with twerking the drain pipe to the sewer pipe so that once released, the pipe cracked!  

Thus I learned not only the life skill of bit-by-bit.  But then I had to adopt even more so, "Slow and steady wins the race."  I had to live on that for all the minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months that are contained in 5 1/2 years of blind-faith existence on rapidly decreasing, modest but appreciated inheritance funds, and then the rapid outflow of borrowed funds.  

I also had to factor into the "race" metaphor--and with more potential of the mishaps than in other phases of my life--the unexpected injuries, illnesses, and fluke accidents that can occur in "running the race."  Even if slow and steady, the unknowns that sideline us for unknown-to-us time periods, enter in.  In those 5 1/2 years, I lost count of the pneumonia and other lung crud illnesses, the numerous pain sieges, the flare ups of carpenter's elbow and thumb drill whip injury, the near misses of what would have been major or death knell incidents.

I recall the plant splinter that rapidly turned into blood poisoning, barely making it to the ER in time before sepsis was going to set in.  Still it was a week or longer for that thumb and the poisoned body to recover enough to return to the "race" to the finish line of that project.  There was the sliding precariously to the edge of the pole barn roof when painting it--not once but three times, by accident, a corner of my tennis shoes having caught a drop of wet paint causing the leg splits and slide on the 45-degree pitched metal.  My angel stopped me each time, a foot from the edge.  Still, at my age and having never done the splits in my life, I was incapacitated with barely able to move my legs for over a week.

I forget what all else--oh the accidental flop and splat on my left leg at the knee area, from the hardware store's new employee not securing a watering hose so that my foot caught on the loop of it, and thus three weeks down due to that injury.  And soon after that, there was the grand finale (although I did not know it then, as could have been more to come!) of flying off the stairs in that construction accident, and ending up in a major trauma center, serious head injury, brain bleed, badly concussed, and out of commission for awhile.

I suppose I did not learn enough then, though--although that particular race was completed bit by bit--the greater nuances and the value of "slow and steady wins the race."  For this current event is extremely slow and steady.  I have dropped the "race" aspect out of what the Lord is teaching me.  "Slow" and "steady" are the nuggets to embrace and appreciate fully.

This morning I considered how "slow" and "steady" are two of the Nine S' that I'm to practice as undergirding attributes of my hermit Rule of Life:  The Gospel Rule.  While I do not technically use the s-word of "steady", I do have "stability" as one of the Nine S', and steady and stability are close enough to be interchangeable for my needs and purposes.

I've written a couple lengthy missives today.  One included my sharing a couple of major remorses.  It was cathartic as well as rather like confessing to God, in a way.  After, though, I had to remind myself that dipping into the past for mind, heart, and soul cleansing is very good; but remaining in the past without accepting the forgiveness His Real Presence affords, is not good.  I came back into the Order of the Present Moment--noting that at some point I will express my remorse to a couple persons who I offended, and ask their forgiveness, as well.  But otherwise, what God desired of these incidents bubbling up to the surface of the mind and heart this morning, has been accomplished.

The other writing had to do with my interest in practicing pain praying.  Dr. H. happened to call recently, as we've reconnected more lately in a 34-year-professional friendship.  He has been interested in light therapy; he is a clinical psychologist and utilizes various therapies with his patients.  So his personal use of light for his own shoulder injury, got me thinking in terms of light and color.  Some of that has surfaced in my mystical experiences from time to time--various colors of light involved spontaneously, in whatever way or means the Holy Spirit intended.

So I have been pondering some, wondering if the Lord would incorporate light and colors with or in light, as I explore pain praying.  There has been some--images included with pain praying, and color connected with the images.  However, a bit of Scripture in this morning's prelude to the Mass' Gospel Reading has me intrigued.  It is a Scripture we are all familiar with; it has to do with Jesus saying those of us who follow Him will be given or be in the light of life.

With that, I'm now asking if the light of life has a color or a spectrum of colors, or some frequency or vibration or what all are its attributes, as I realize the light of life is, of course, the supreme light.  It would have to be!  It is being in Christ, it is the light of Christ that He imparts with and in us, when we follow Him, when we abide in Him and He in us.  So just what is the light of life?  That is the light with which I want to be and desire to include and be part of to impart with prayer and in Christ's love, to and for others.

We shall see.  In the meantime, as always, God bless His Real Presence in us!

As to my post-surgery update, as I mention above, it is quite slow and steady.  I am building up to being able to get up 6-7 times a day, and I can walk with the walker for around 6 minutes during four or once, five, times out of the 6-7 times up.  Last night I went for 7 or more hours between pain meds, so the morning was a bit slower.  But the shower aide came, and that feat is accomplished--yes, slowly, steadily, with no standing without the walker or holding on to a shower bar, and then brace back on, and return to bed until next time up.  Slow and steady--weather or not a race.  This is not a race, not this phase.  God has made that quite clear to me.  Also, I do so appreciate your prayers!  Deeper conversions!  Thank you!

Catholic Hermit: Clinging to His Living Word

The lumbar still feels as if "blown out."  Terrible spinal headache has subsided to just the regular constant headache.  The spinal injection is postponed a week from Wednesday due to the two Extra-Strength Excedrin this pained, old, Catholic hermit opted to take yesterday, rather than arrange a ride to emergency room for some sort of non-nsaid pain medication injection or IV.

I'm praying this higher-than-usual level of lumbar pain is not a new normal.  May this be yet another pain siege that will pass in a day or several days.  I am going to try to get up and attempt simple tasks now and then.  Turn on the washing machine; clean the dhurrie rugs that had been used to pad items stored for the past over-six-years now.

Yes, see how that little effort goes.

At least I'm able to return to taking anti-inflammatories for the next two days:  the prescription meds for inflammation, the powdered turmeric I take by heaping teaspoon twice a day, and Excedrin if need be again.  Praise be to God Almighty that I live in a country and have the means to get these anti-inflammatory aids!  Taking them for two days hopefully will give me indication if this extreme lumbar situation is manageable.  Then I only have to do without for seven days, then injection.

Coping with various aspects of my shifting pain to what seems to be a declining "new normal", I find myself clinging to His Living Word.  This morning's first reading for Mass, from 2 Corinthians 6, helps me unite my bodily trials (and physical pain can become emotional and mental easily enough when spiritual guard is not maintained) with those of St. Paul and his companions.  Disciples of Christ, these companions, as are all we Christians, as well:  Disciples of Christ Jesus,  Savior of the World!

There was a time when much younger, that  St. Paul's zeal and enthusiasm, his gusto or something, did not resonate with me.  I think it was when I was young enough to not have lived many trials at all!  It was when I was young and naive, and forgot in part that God is ALL, and I am nothing.

In later years, when my own type of crucifixion occurred when age 33 and the car accident set in motion an entirely different course, I developed an understanding of St. Paul--Paul to me then, as a Protestant does not address the apostles as "saints".  As the struggles of all types increased in my life, commensurate with my increasing devotion to Jesus, the more I appreciated St. Paul's "out-there" approach; his unswerving loyalty and zeal in proclaiming Christ any where and any which way he could.  Threat of death--and several near deaths--never deterred him.

As St. Paul himself mentions in the first part of today's Mass reading:

"...in everything we commend ourselves
as ministers of God, through much endurance,
in afflictions, hardships, constraints,
beatings, imprisonments, riots,
labors, vigils, fasts...."

Thus my mind can connect with St. Paul, my body can relate.  I am encouraged and exhorted to commend myself in everything--as a hermit-type-minister of God--through all the afflictions, trials, sufferings, hardships--surgery, no surgery, spinal injections, trial medications over the years, persecution, misunderstanding, half-invalid type life becoming now three-fourths invalid, deprivation of normalcy in family relationships, being considered a spiritual leper of sorts whether spoken label or unspoken.  The specific list could go on.

You readers may fill in your own specifics.  Everyone who follows Christ with any diligence and fervor, as a minister of God be it whatever vocational state of life--is going to go through all types of afflictions and hardships requiring Trinity-inspired endurance!

Further on, St. Paul describes how we may be treated:

"We are treated as deceivers and yet are truthful;
as unrecognized and yet acknowledged;
as dying and behold we live;
as chastised and yet not put to death;
as sorrowful yet always rejoicing;
as poor yet enriching many;
as having nothing and yet possessing all things. "

See how St. Paul not only lists how we may be treated in our ministry as disciples of Christ--yet he also includes our marching orders, our work sheet for every present moment.

We are to be truthful always, realize we are acknowledged (by His Real Presence!), we live, we are not put to death by chastisements, we are always rejoicing, we enrich many, we possess all things no matter what has been stripped away.

How is this possible for us pained, pathetic, weak, tired humans (no matter the degree of suffering, we all suffer, have trials, have struggles, and will continue to be challenged!) to come out of whatever assails us with such holy positives?

St. Paul tells us how:

"...by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness,
in the Holy Spirit, in unfeigned love, in truthful speech,
in the power of God;
with weapons of righteousness at the right and at the left;
through glory and dishonor, insult and praise."

This is how and by Whom we endure, we persevere, we confess our sins, we forgive others, we get up whether or not in our physical bodies or our spiritual bodies--we get up, and we keep a goin'!  In temporal or spiritual action, we continue on in our ministry of proclaiming Christ in words and example.  Sometimes that example is not seen except over the course of weeks, months, years or a full lifetime reviewed after we are released from this temporal life on earth.

I considered something the second opinion surgeon wrote in his notes, as he had asked me many questions.  This report was sent to the pain doctor as well as the first surgeon.  The second surgeon had asked me what I had done in the years between my doctoral degree from USC and loss of career until now?

I responded, mentioning a few things, including helping my three young children at the time get through their youths and onto being educated, successful adults with families and careers themselves now.  I mentioned also aspects such as having written articles and a book that was published.  He then asked me what I wrote about, mostly, and I said I write about suffering, and how to cope, and about faith.  That I wrote about suffering and try to help others, also, cope with suffering, must have had impact; it made it from the telling into his final notes.  

He'd also asked me how I get through these pain sieges, and I answered that I try to distract in any way I can, including writing a lot, and I then hang on for dear life and PRAY.  

The pain doctor handed me the pages of notes the second surgeon had written and sent to him, and told me to read it at my leisure.  (Amusing--that word "leisure;" for one thing God does give those of us who suffer a lot is time--we recognize we are given much time, whereas when we lived busy lives, we felt there was not much time).  That is how I know what stuck out to the surgeon.

And it then stuck out to me that in small ways, I witness; and it was an encouragement even to me to read that despite the lengthy and detailed blog posts that sometimes seem to me just going on and on about suffering, that at least my intention is to write about suffering in a way that might help others who suffer.  At least readers can see that I turn to Christ always, I cling to His Living Word such as this morning, in faith, knowing His Real Presence is with me and everyone, and He will see us through this life safely to the heavenly realm.

We simply need to remain faithful, to love Him, to persevere and endure.  And St. Paul certainly in today's readings gives us the reminders of how we can do that, and WHO it IS providing the power, might, glory, love, and all virtues necessary to make it.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!  Praise Him!

Catholic Hermit: Finishing the Race

Been in yet another excruciating pain siege.  The usual phases occurred, replete with black outs, nightmares, inability to get up; then the day of emotions and temptation to great discouragement which signals a turning point, as the progression to being able to get up and get going.  Yesterday, the sense of fainting left, late morning.  The back was still quite sickening with radiating pain, but the electrician was here, and what an encouragement to have the electrical tasks finished.

He is a good soul, and I marvel at how we made connection nearly five years ago.  He has been a gift from God, truly.  In fact, I am astounded by all the miraculous interventions and assistances the Lord has provided in this process of trying to finish the renovation of this old farm house, to get myself out of what I got into without realizing the pitfalls prior.

Jean Patrick has cleared a day out of his work and classes schedule, to come help on Memorial Day, Monday.  The young lad has not been here for a week, and it is best he not come after school as he is too tired and I cannot keep up the pace given that I tried to do interior manual labor as well as exterior in order to have something ready that he was willing and able to do (with my always needing to work with him).  He is simply too young in whatever ways, and too weak, to do the tasks I need help with--mostly yard work.  It is easy enough to shovel bark mulch off the truck and into wheelbarrow, and to then spread it; but even at that he was slow and weary at his tasks, with my becoming weary just in trying to keep him motivated to hustle a bit, put some energy behind it.

Obviously, he liked the idea of having a job and earning a very good hourly wage, but the work itself, and working--not so much.  When he is older, he will learn more about work ethic; I tried to train him even to shovel a full scoop and to fill the wheelbarrow rather than leave it at one-third full.  But the next time he came, he was back to the lesser way, the weaker way, the more time-consuming way.

I have considered St. Paul's words regarding running the race.  It is true that we first must consciously be in the race, to live our lives as fully as possible, revering God and the life He has given us.  While we are in the race, we may or may not be running it.  And as to winning the race, most of us hope and pray to simply finish the race.  

I'm dragging to the finish line--or I should say "toward" the finish line.

Sometimes I wonder if this race is what God truly wants me to have participated in.  And then I consider that it is not the type of race that matters, but the way in which we approach and live out the various "races" in our temporal-spiritual existences.  When we can sprint or distance run, all well and good.  When we must walk, fine.  When we must crawl, we crawl; and when we fall or faint, we drag ourselves or are dragged  or picked up and lugged over the finish line.

If we collapse in the race, even then we are carried off.  There is still a forward effort, a finishing of the race even if we did not finish it in the way the others did or do.  There is still a conclusion of sorts.  And then there is a forward movement after, whether we are physically dead or alive.  There is always an unfolding for us--always and ever more.

Increasingly, I have been pondering the purpose, and asking the Lord to remind me of my mission which of course is of God, of His will, His love.  The means of union with God do include as our training, the efforts and situations we have in this world, notably with others even if as a hermit, not so much physically with others.  One may be spiritually with others as much as in the temporal as with those on the other side of the temporal, of this earth, of flesh and bone, time, matter, earthly existence.

Today's efforts include countering the earth's elements.  In my little spot, we've not had noticeable rain in a month.  I must today get started in hooking up the hose to soaker hoses, some of which need mending and replacing near trees and plants after having been moved in the weeding and mulch-spreading process.  And today's race, or lap of the race, includes limping with this body.  While over the worst of this recent pain siege, the body pushed yesterday, which is part of running a race.  We tend to push ourselves onward, praying all the while for the stamina and will to add extra impetus to the forward-propelling motion while very much aware of the wisdom and reality, the truth, that we remain in actuality in present moments.

Finishing this particular hermitage completion race is a ways off.  And there are always more races to run: metaphorically, actually, temporally, spiritually.  I'm recognizing that the most important race, the race of our souls throughout life eternal, is not going to have a finish line, not really.  Eternity continuously and continually unfolds.  The hoped-for and desired progression is toward union with God, but do we end or finish when we have been blessed with attaining this union, or are there yet more degrees of union, or further events and gradations of union?

Does love (of which God is love), have a finish line?  

While in the temporal or finite aspects of life's "races", there are types of finish lines, and the effect we may have of finishing a race and many races, there is always more.  Participating in the race and finishing the race varies yet are each a necessary part of living temporally and spiritually.

When we finish one aspect regardless if seemingly temporal more than spiritual, or more spiritual than temporal, there is another, and then another.  Love metamorphoses as do our souls which desire and pray to remain in Christ's love.  Love seems to be the key to running and finishing.

I must now rise and see about some very hot green tea to try to help clear the spinal headache that other medications have not quite tamed to a functioning point.  Yet love will be my focus in today's race of more manual labor, prayer, and each with Christ love as spiritual infusion.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit Shares 1 Corinthians 9

+ Paul's Rights as an Apostle.

1Am I not free? Am I not an apostle? Have I not seen Jesus our Lord? Are you not my work in the Lord?^a2Although I may not be an apostle for others, certainly I am for you, for you are the seal of my apostleship in the Lord.

3My defense against those who would pass judgment on me^* is this.4^* Do we not have the right to eat and drink?5Do we not have the right to take along a Christian wife, as do the rest of the apostles, and the brothers of the Lord, and Cephas?6Or is it only myself and Barnabas who do not have the right not to work?^b7Who ever serves as a soldier at his own expense? Who plants a vineyard without eating its produce? Or who shepherds a flock without using some of the milk from the flock?^c8Am I saying this on human authority, or does not the law also speak of these things?9It is written in the law of Moses, “You shall not muzzle an ox while it is treading out the grain.”^d Is God concerned about oxen,10or is he not really speaking for our sake? It was written for our sake, because the plowman should plow in hope, and the thresher in hope of receiving a share.^e11If we have sown spiritual seed for you, is it a great thing that we reap a material harvest from you?^f12If others share this rightful claim on you, do not we still more?^g

Reason for Not Using His Rights. Yet we have not used this right.^* On the contrary, we endure everything so as not to place an obstacle to the gospel of Christ.13^* Do you not know that those who perform the temple services eat [what] belongs to the temple, and those who minister at the altar share in the sacrificial offerings?^h14In the same way, the Lord ordered that those who preach the gospel should live by the gospel.ⁱ

15^* I have not used any of these rights, however, nor do I write this that it be done so in my case. I would rather die. Certainly no one is going to nullify my boast.^j16If I preach the gospel, this is no reason for me to boast, for an obligation has been imposed on me, and woe to me if I do not preach it!^k17If I do so willingly, I have a recompense, but if unwillingly, then I have been entrusted with a stewardship.^l18What then is my recompense? That, when I preach, I offer the gospel free of charge so as not to make full use of my right in the gospel.^m

All Things to All.19^* Although I am free in regard to all, I have made myself a slave to all so as to win over as many as possible.ⁿ20To the Jews I became like a Jew to win over Jews; to those under the law I became like one under the law—though I myself am not under the law—to win over those under the law.21To those outside the law I became like one outside the law—though I am not outside God’s law but within the law of Christ—to win over those outside the law.22To the weak I became weak, to win over the weak. I have become all things to all, to save at least some.^o23All this I do for the sake of the gospel, so that I too may have a share in it.

24^* Do you not know that the runners in the stadium all run in the race, but only one wins the prize? Run so as to win.^p25Every athlete exercises discipline in every way. They do it to win a perishable crown, but we an imperishable one.^q26Thus I do not run aimlessly; I do not fight as if I were shadowboxing.27No, I drive my body and train it, for fear that, after having preached to others, I myself should be disqualified.^*

* [9:1–27] This chapter is an emotionally charged expansion of Paul’s appeal to his own example in 1 Cor 8:13; its purpose is to reinforce the exhortation of 1 Cor 8:9. The two opening questions introduce the themes of Paul’s freedom and his apostleship (1 Cor 9:1), themes that the chapter will develop in reverse order, 1 Cor 9:1–18 treating the question of his apostleship and the rights that flow from it, and 1 Cor 9:19–27 exploring dialectically the nature of Paul’s freedom. The language is highly rhetorical, abounding in questions, wordplays, paradoxes, images, and appeals to authority and experience. The argument is unified by repetitions; its articulations are highlighted by inclusions and transitional verses.

* [9:3] My defense against those who would pass judgment on me: the reference to a defense (apologia) is surprising, and suggests that Paul is incorporating some material here that he has previously used in another context. The defense will touch on two points: the fact of Paul’s rights as an apostle (1 Cor 9:4–12a and 1 Cor 9:13–14) and his nonuse of those rights (1 Cor 9:12b and 1 Cor 9:15–18).

* [9:4–12a] Apparently some believe that Paul is not equal to the other apostles and therefore does not enjoy equal privileges. His defense on this point (here and in 1 Cor 9:13–14) reinforces the assertion of his apostolic character in 1 Cor 9:2. It consists of a series of analogies from natural equity (7) and religious custom (1 Cor 9:13) designed to establish his equal right to support from the churches (1 Cor 9:4–6, 11–12a); these analogies are confirmed by the authority of the law (1 Cor 9:8–10) and of Jesus himself (1 Cor 9:14).

* [9:12] It appears, too, that suspicion or misunderstanding has been created by Paul’s practice of not living from his preaching. The first reason he asserts in defense of this practice is an entirely apostolic one; it anticipates the developments to follow in 1 Cor 9:19–22. He will give a second reason in 1 Cor 9:15–18.

* [9:13–14] The position of these verses produces an interlocking of the two points of Paul’s defense. These arguments by analogy (1 Cor 9:13) and from authority (1 Cor 9:14) belong with those of 1 Cor 9:7–10 and ground the first point. But Paul defers them until he has had a chance to mention “the gospel of Christ” (1 Cor 9:12b), after which it is more appropriate to mention Jesus’ injunction to his preachers and to argue by analogy from the sacred temple service to his own liturgical service, the preaching of the gospel (cf. Rom 1:9; 15:16).

* [9:15–18] Paul now assigns a more personal motive to his nonuse of his right to support. His preaching is not a service spontaneously undertaken on his part but a stewardship imposed by a sort of divine compulsion. Yet to merit any reward he must bring some spontaneous quality to his service, and this he does by freely renouncing his right to support. The material here is quite similar to that contained in Paul’s “defense” at 2 Cor 11:5–12; 12:11–18.

* [9:19–23] In a rhetorically balanced series of statements Paul expands and generalizes the picture of his behavior and explores the paradox of apostolic freedom. It is not essentially freedom from restraint but freedom for service—a possibility of constructive activity.

* [9:24–27] A series of miniparables from sports, appealing to readers familiar with Greek gymnasia and the nearby Isthmian games.

* [9:27] For fear that…I myself should be disqualified: a final paradoxical turn to the argument: what appears at first a free, spontaneous renunciation of rights (1 Cor 9:12–18) seems subsequently to be required for fulfillment of Paul’s stewardship (to preach effectively he must reach his hearers wherever they are, 1 Cor 9:19–22), and finally is seen to be necessary for his own salvation (1 Cor 9:23–27). Mention of the possibility of disqualification provides a transition to 1 Cor 10.

+From the USCCB's website, as cited from The New American Bible, Study Edition.