Christian Catholic Hermit Mystic: Pathos of the Sin of Judging Others

There are valid points for all humans, including hermit humans, to not place ourselves as judges of others, and to strive in living our lives not based on disagreeing or living to expound upon others' lives.  

That is, we may be influenced by others' lives, or interested in others' lives, such as I am grateful to have had the blessing of a collection of books of arcane mystics, hermits, "saints", writings of spiritual directors of saints, Scriptural commentaries, and of Catholic poets and literary talents.  These topics and talented souls are intriguing!  I personally am interested in the spiritual life, in the soul's progression.  I want to lift my mind, heart, and soul to positivity, as a goal.  The mystical and temporal have always been of interest as well as a topic of which I've written since high school days. I also wrote of man's inhumanity to man to a point that an English teacher commented on an essay that it gave her chills--the depth to which I wrote.  I think it was of some theme in one of Dante's Trilogy.  

I'm old and weary now, so I can't evoke chills, but I obviously cause reaction--but really only from this one person and her blog comrades.  It is always negative reaction, which is a so what, but no kindly.  We all have our minds and thoughts, and yet I'm not really a blog-reader myself, but a blog writer.  So I'm not interested in writing based on what another blogger writes or thinks--unless that person attacks me personally, as in detraction and wrong judgment. I recognize that there are Christians from the time of Christ, including Christ, who spoke and wrote what stirred others to a full spectrum of emotions, from anger to hatred, from disagreeing to detracting, from misunderstanding to outright misconstruing, from disliking to sinful judging. 

Some detractors became so incensed by what others spoke and wrote that they went from words to actions.  That is how Christ was crucified and numerous persons over the centuries were run out of towns, dropped into cisterns, sold into slavery, thrown off cliffs, fed to lions, stoned to death, beheaded, burned at the stake, drawn and quartered, shot, guillotined.   

When someone--another hermit--cannot seem to cope with a fellow hermit's also writing a blog, discussing the personal, spiritual, daily journey and who then detracts, stalks, and diminishes a fellow hermit in ugly and untruthful terms, there is grave sin involved.  The main concerns in such an unthinkable yet ongoing situation are the obsession, the seeming envy and resentment, the anger and frustration that the detracting hermit cannot seem to keep in check, as well as the online stalking (penal code infraction in most states). A call to the hermit's diocese might remind the infracting hermit to reign in the impulsive behavior; but what if that hermit's diocese does not want anything to do with their diocese hermit? What if they deny having responsibility for the perniciously maligning hermit?  Spiritual counseling might remind such a person to keep pride in check, for no one person, least of all a hermit, is the divine or otherwise appointed authority or guardian of hermits or of the hermit vocation.  

Hermits are not in competition with one another.  This is a simple statement that if repeated enough, along with "Thou Shalt Not Judge" might help quell  judging another hermit to even such a wrong as judge and write publicly inferring that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not a Catholic.  The seriousness and ungodliness of such a judgment against another cannot be emphasized enough.  The very timing of a publicly written statement in itself is not of God.  

The hurtfulness and the pathos of judging and of stating such ugliness does nothing but to damage and imperil the very soul of a person who persists in it.  A diocese hermit who demeans, detracts, and viciously and wrongly judges another person is in grave, moral standing within the Church as well as with God.  For one thing, people--another hermit-- is a person who like other people is loved by Jesus and is one who God values very much, and for whom God has chosen the hermit life. 

A basic step for any individual who experiences such a painful and hurtful situation, is to offer prayer for this offending person (even if sadly a hermit perpetuating such ugliness), and pray also for any others, such as the offender's friends, who have been involved in the detraction and ill-will toward the person being attacked.  Let these situations and suggestions of how to deal with them be a reminder for any one: find other topics than target another person, and above all, stop judging in such rashness and of that which there is no factual proof.

Judging and deciding who is not a Christian, a not a Catholic, and leaving enough identifying information in a public blog is going too far across the line of what Jesus teaches. Surely no member of church clergy would condone derision or libel, slander or even veiled hints of tearing down another person--hermit or otherwise--in any manner.  

As for writing on the topic of legalism and increasing temporal aspects of churches (Catholic or other denominations, and of any world religions and sects in our time) Jesus was certainly well aware of these aspects in the Jewish temple of His time.  He was quite frank and honest in his speaking of these realities which had those stuck in the temporal aspects of religion and even of spiritual life--to the point of losing His life for what He said and taught.  

There are many canonized Catholic saints and mystics who endured terrible persecution, and worse, at the hands of such persons who were and are stuck in and attached to temporal views and opinions.  These persons "stuck" did verbally and at times physically attacked those who saw through to the spiritual, the numinous, the love of God and of God's Law of Love above all things temporal.  St. John Chrysostom is one who spoke and wrote of truth and beauty over the corruptions and wrongs of his time; and he was exiled and eventually killed for his words.  

Let us hold forth and foremost (and this is for all hermits and humans) of all vocations, Catholic or not, that the hermit and most vocations we live:  A vocation is not a competition. Furthermore, there is no hierarchy among hermits nor in most vocations--no designations such as of Royalty,  There is no Queen of Hermits, no King of Hermits, no Lead Hermit, no Head hermit, no Legal or Illegal Hermit--at least not in God's purview of hermits who are mere humble followers of Jesus and adherents of the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  We are Christ's, God's, and the Holy Spirit's Hermits! 

Furthermore, we are all human--we hermits. We are all human no matter what vocation God has given us and of which we have accepted God's call. No vocation is more important nor more authentic than the other! We Christians are all in process, all learning to follow, to serve, to love, to obey God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Love in His Love!

Joyful, Solus Deus, Christian, Catholic, Mystic Hermit: Correspondence to a Fellow Hermit

Note:  The canonical hermit who has done much to perpetuate various precedents created by said person, has written a lengthy and seemingly sound refutation of my comments and questions below.  What this person writes in disagreeing what I have set forth, and now has added on years that have grown exponentially to what was this person's previous length of time as a hermit, is not scripturally based nor accurate other than is from the person's legalistic view of the Body of Christ and Christ as Head, of which Jesus decried such aspects that the high priests, scribes, Pharisees and Sadducees of His time on earth had so created a contorted legalistic form of religion and spiritual life in the Jewish faith and lived out in the temples as well as were imposed on the Jewish people.  This manner of humankind creating what they wish and adding on to what humankind creates in legalisms yet in our times or in recent times, is what most hermits such as St. Bruno, gave pause and ponder, and thus left the temporal world including ithe temporal system and structure, and left for the farthest reaches  of the Alps in which to draw nigh on to Christ and to worship and pray, to be Christian in the freedom of silence of solitude, praise of God, and intimacy with Christ that yet lifted up and strengthened the entire Body of Christ.  Bruno had lived enough of the very aspects of this person who persists in making up what is not in many aspects in fact.  I have provided the person with more platform than is warranted or healthy for the misinformation that comes forth, so will leave off the topic of which I do believe, however, that there will be increasing "hermits" of the canon law provision, simply due to the public promotion and position, prestige of sorts, and aspect of thinking "legal" and "approved" is preferred to following in the footsteps, heart, mind, and spirit of Christ's teachings and life as He exemplified on earth and as it is in His Real Presence here and in Heaven.

God's blessings:

I've been wondering how you are, if you are holding up by the power of God to the physical challenges you were having at one time or perhaps yet are, causing you to move to another location now some time ago for personal and needful reasons.  I'm a Catholic hermit, consecrated but of the traditional, historic mode, privately professed as had been customary for centuries, as also some of the prophets lived--John the Baptist, as well.  I've always appreciated and been refreshed by your writing about how to become a hermit (religious type).  You write reasonably and openly, with wisdom and intelligence.  I've found the trend to instead by going toward more structural, temporalized hermit vocation in the Catholic church vis a vis the  CL603 diocese hermit platform.  Just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your just and modest expression of the vocation, thoughtful and set forth with reason and respect for all those who share the Catholic faith and also have been called by God to the hermit vocation. 

I have been, since vows professed nearly 23 years ago in private ceremony, and remain anonymous including hidden as far as blending in dependent upon environment in which I live or go out for errands. No prefix nor suffix to my name by choice of the same hiddenness and never felt need to stand out or be distinguished as with the low income and disabled with pain, facing increasing suffering so less manual labor. I may be facing losing the financial base I was utilizing--that of a modest inheritance invested in a house to renovate and eventually, hopefully selling for a profit to help pay for (likely) end of life health care needed.  I may not be able to complete the renovation, but will see what God has in Mind this coming year--if I recover enough from the latest major surgery.

I've never quite fathomed why bishops and/or those who wanted to be known as hermits, or given diocese hermit, bishop approval--was the canon law developed, and by what concern to do so.  Or did some hermits approach, even one or two, desiring the Church to create such a church law, because they wanted a place within the other designations of religious orders and clergy, virgins and widows?  Or were bishops concerned that the few hermits that ever exist, relative to Catholic lay members, were going to somehow have unmitigated and unapproved power, or were promoting themselves for monetary or theological gain?  

I thought perhaps you may know why they finalized the canon law (603) in 1983 to create a "diocese hermit" of which the bishop approves, and the vows are made publicly, of which now it seems precedents followed to include a public Mass, reception, publication announcement in diocese and other media, and sometimes hermit utilized in parish life and employment therein, or as hospital chaplains, paid spiritual directors or counselors, parish administrators or diocese employment.  However, typically hermits always have been and some few remain, solitary and more strictly separated from the world;  seekers of God alone and the spiritual life, existing to praise and pray and do penance, to live in silence of solitude and be hidden from the mainstream of the world.  And definitely were or are not known, not interacting in parishes nor belonging to any particular diocese--yet were and are approved and consecrated by and in God while very much remaining definitively Catholic (members of the Body of Christ and members of the Catholic Church).  

You seem a rather rare glimpse of a diocese hermit who has not succumbed or perhaps not gone along with the precedents being set by some hermits, particularly in the US, who are promoting, formulating, the erstwhile "traditional, historic" hermit vocation in this other manner.  It also seems from current research and events that bishops are assuming and inculcating the precedents, although have been simply made up by more visible diocese hermits who have by essence of being more public have established themselves or by supporters, as authorities.  The bishops seem not to question nor realize these protocols are simply being made up, whether or not the practices follow or adhere with what is stated in The Catechism of the Catholic Church.  These may include precedents and practices regarding solitude, per say, or "hidden from the eyes of men", or living a "stricter separation from the world"--of which stricter has grown a loose definition and as if no "waistline needed."  

Also, I have noticed that there is a precedent that has become as if "law", that the Catholic hermits who are of the ancient or traditional, historic mode (as has been the way of hermit profession and avowal, of being formed by God and those whom God has placed for a time period to guide the hermit, mentor the hermit)--that these hermits are somehow not to be referred to nor of themselves be "Catholic hermits".  This is a relatively new development, not that a Catholic hermit needs to be known as belonging to his or her Church despite Catholicism being the basis of a hermit's practice of worship, theology, faith, and tradition. 

Amidst these ongoing observations and in some regard concerns, I hope you might personally offer some insights as to the what and especially why, and how it was the diocese hermit and canon law 603 came to be accepted as essentially "promote and official, even "legal" format of hermit vocation in recent times. Also, do you anticipate the traditional, historic, perhaps what has been the only form or type of hermit existence prior to 1983 to thereby be replaced at least as no longer technically legally and in practice and essence inviable, in the eyes of the Church clergy and members?   [I believe there was a movement in France in early 20th c.of something of the sort but my memory rusty on what I've read of this, now a century past].  

Regardless, the creation of yet another canon law, and this for hermits of all vocations, seems to create what could become or has already made lasting ruts and signage as a replacement form of the centuries-old, tried and true hermit vocational pathway, going back prior to time of Our Lord hermit vocation. Already I am aware of aberrations from what is set forth and gleaned from more ancient hermit lives and writings, the requisites that earmark a hermit's life from perpetuity and history, and the ways and means of that lifestyle. 

Thanks in advance and regardless, if you can illuminate and share your thoughts or knowledge on these questions and concerns I have for the rather divisive situation of hermit vocational options, the one being subjugated in many circumstances and locales, already.  While the variant precedents and actual life style shifts taking place perhaps by bishops and diocese hermits maybe not in agreement or knowledgeable of the traditional and historic ways and wherefores of hermit lives--will not affect my own vocation.  What has been written in The Catechism has been been gleaned from historic hermit and theologic writings and lifestyles; my own and other tradtional hermits live vocations anonymously, formed, and corrected by for most part the Holy Spirit as enactor, and our guardian angels as messenger, the Holy Spirit as guide and overseer, and of Jesus the Word  and Son of God Our Father.  

But I do sense and have cited instances noticed, of the division that is being created, plus some detraction even if subtle or recently reworded. Eventhough you state correctly that the centuries-and-into-antiquity style of hermit vocation should not be demeaned, the traditional historic way of hermit life is in effect being negated or presented/treated as illegal by virtue of having the relative recent, diocese hermit path "legalized" by a canon law with procedural structure created by humankind, albeit clerics, but perhaps some who wanted this structure and stature developed, lobbied for and assisted in the creation of the canon law.  

So again, to re-cap; my sincere appreciation if you can shed light at least on the reason why a canon law to legalize and make public, organized, and structured a diocese hermit vocation--was determined necessary to begin with, or who promoted the diocese hermit or "by law" type of public profession into the hands of a bishop over private profession in and consecration by God?  

It's always fairly obvious when someone has a mental illness or is a demoniac, even back in the Old Testament times or during life of Christ, compared to a quiet, unassuming person who if takes seriously being "hidden" from the eyes of humankind, lives in solitude, blends in, is in stricter separation from the world--with stricter being an on-going progression but not playing games with the meaning of the word. And of discerning and noting the spiritual life and prayer, praise and penance being the way of life, along with living the Gospel that of a healthy and viable hermit as opposed to an imbalanced and mentally ill person, or even one who simply does not have the vocation, at least not yet, and is in it for the uniqueness or some form of self-gain.  (Hopefully, Christians would offer care and mercy  to such persons, or grasping if one even knew of the "hermit" if in a phase of spiritual or temporal trial that time would prove the vocation one way or another.)  

Otherwise in reality, if there were such a "hermit" observable as a hermit, saying he or she is a hermit, who is exhibiting traits and behaviors of a genuinely emotionally, mentally, or pathologically ill person, no one would take such a one seriously as a hermit. In other words, how would anyone even be known as a hermit if truly living in accord with the standards or requisites of hermit life and vocation from the period of the Essenes and even further back in history and forward through the Christian era to the requisites and standard basics being summarized and set forth in The Catechism of the Catholic Church?  

And, will there will be a time or has it arrived, when the historic, traditional form of hermit is no longer attempted due to the current promoting by the Church bishops as well as the growing incidence of diocese hermits, the created canon law  603 also promoted by dioceses and being accepted as the legal way to become a "Catholic" hermit?  While the traditional, historic, and not long ago only path or way of the hermit vocation--will it fall out of custom and become past history as it is not encouraged nor espoused by the clergy?  Nor is the historic traditional hermit vocation promoted by diocese hermits by virtue they chose the publicly professed and bishop-approved path, and being public and following precedents set, are visible as hermits in dress, name and titles, having been announced in dioceses and often nationally or in national publications of countries.  Additionally the Church membership at large is unaware of the hidden, silent, solitary privately professed hermit pathway and hermits themselves due to their remaining hidden and anonymous unlike the advertised diocese hermits whose often new names with religious titles are interviewed and presented in publications, as well as announced and spoken of by bishops and priests as Catholic hermits of "the Catholic hermit vocation"?

I wrote this to the hermit who I have admired for several years, when I discovered what had been written that was the most fair and decently accommodating of the hermit vocation in which otherwise, previously have been the only types of hermits, religious, at least, since any records or knowledge remains of those of which I am a remaining morsel among the others out there, living solus Deus, God alone, and striving in the basic summations of what is a consecrated Catholic hermit to live and be, now gathered and available to refer to in The Catechism of the Catholic Church.  Beyond that, there are the writings by and of the ancient hermits up through the 21 centuries, and the Scriptures, Old Testament and John the Baptist in the New Testament, as excellent guides with their lives and trials, and their guidance, from which to learn, be inspired, and encouraged.

I went through and edited (cleaned and made more clear) my thoughts and request for feedback from this diocese hermit, and I have personally noted that the hermit did update the earlier writing on hermits, and has been influenced some by the increasing trend of Diocese hermits and bishops predominating the hermit vocational scene in the temporal aspects of the Catholic Church at least for now.  Who knows how this will evolve and to what end--except for God Who often lets humankind devise their own hands-on desires to make and create more system, structure, and legalities?  However I did appreciate shortly after sending my essay letter to thus level-headed and spiritually mature CL603 hermit who is admirably living her hermit life admirably in keeping with the basics and what remains summed in The Catehcism, coming across the writings of St Ignatius of Antioch way back circa some years prior to his death around the year 110.  A bishop and martyr of the very early church, likely alive and part of the word "Catholic" being used interchanged with Church and thus Catholic Church came into the vernacular, this letter to the Magnesians, Chapter 6, 7, implores them to not tolerate division and warns of the dangers of divisiveness in the Church among Her Body, and in general.  Enjoy what gifts us some worthwhile consideration even in our personal lives!

Do all then, imitating the same divine conduct, pay respect to one another, and let no one look upon his neighbor after the flesh, but continually love each other in Jesus Christ. Let nothing exist among you that may divide you; but be united with your bishop, and those that preside over you, as a type and evidence of your immortality. As therefore the Lord did nothing without the Father, being united to Him, neither by Himself nor by the apostles, so neither do anything without the bishop and presbyters. Neither endeavor that anything appear reasonable and proper to yourselves apart; but being come together into the same place, let there be one prayer, one supplication, one mind, one hope, in love and in joy undefiled. There is one Jesus Christ, than whom nothing is more excellent. Therefore run together as into one temple of God, as to one altar, as to one Jesus Christ, who came forth from one Father, and is with and has gone to one.

Christian Catholic Mystic Hermit: Today's Psalm Ever Purposeful

 

I found the Psalm of today's liturgy to be quite meaningful, in vast and purposeful ways.

From Psalm 119 the following lines remind me that those with propensity to deceive themselves and thus attempt to deceive others, will eventually find their falsehoods gurgling to the surface. While truth always ends up being shown to such persons at final judgment, it behooves each of us to consider, absorb, and live the advice and wisdom of these lines from the following Psalm.

Though princes meet and talk against me,

Your servant mediates on your statutes.

Yes, Your decrees are my delight;

they are my counselors.

I declared my ways, and You answered me;

teach me Your statues.

Make me understand the way of Your precepts,

and I will meditate on your wondrous deeds.

Remove from me the way of falsehood,

and favor me with Your law.

The way of truth I have chosen;

I have set your ordinances before me.

--Psalm 119: 23-24, 26-27, 29-30

Years ago in my vocation as a consecrated Catholic hermit, I prayed about the rule of life that God desires of me.   I knew immediately when reading a biography of a hermit of the Middle Ages, a holy, blessed man named Richard, that what he had determined to be the "perfect rule of life" is indeed what the Holy Spirit was showing me to be the perfect rule of life for my own hermit life and my life as a Christian religious solitary:  The Gospel Rule.

All the more, the above Psalm inspires in me today and now tonight, again, the favor of His Law:  God's Law of Love.  I have chosen the way of truth, in that Jesus repeats and exhibits and instills in us to live in truth, beauty, and goodness.  I have prayed to learn the meditations of Jesus' Heart, and to make them the meditations of Christ within me.

I'm so ever grateful for His Real Presence always through, with, and in me, each step of the way of life in the Triune God:  Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  

Let us love God above all things, and let us love others as God loves.  God bless His Real Presence in us, and love in His Love.  Amen.

Psalms 119(118),23-24.26-27.29-30.

Psalms 119(118),23-24.26-27.29-30.

Though princes meet and talk against me,
your servant meditates on your statutes.
Yes, your decrees are my delight;
they are my counselors.

I declared my ways, and you answered me;
teach me your statutes.
Make me understand the way of your precepts,
and I will meditate on your wondrous deeds.

Remove from me the way of falsehood,
and favor me with your law.
The way of truth I have chosen;
I have set your ordinances before me.

Christian Cathoilc Mystic Hermit: Living the Hermit Vocation Authentically in His Real Presence

 Just want to check in and say all is going well with this consecrated Catholic hermit--Christian foremost, Catholic and mystic living the hermit vocation as set forth by His Real Presence and in the ancient, traditional, hermit Christian tradition of centuries of men and women hermits in the Church.  I include in my inspirations of the Christian Catholic hermit vocation the prophet hermits and, of course, John the Baptist, and the hermits following of both Eastern and Western hermit traditions following the Great Schism circa 11th c.

However, my main point is that of living a life devoted to His Real Presence:  God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.  To have and hold the faith within of being in His Real Presence and His Real Presence being within us, all the time and in all places and dimensions of space and time known and unknown to the human being.   To live and love in His Living Word as the on-going challenge, and to follow Christ in today's world, temporally and mystically, and doing so until we are called out of this life and into eternal life, with our no longer being personages on this earth.  

The implications of such a life as a hermit in today's society and in today's Church bring with it challenges to adapt logically, spiritually, practicably, and humanly with enduring mercy, faith...and very much so, living in and with God's Law of Love.

I no longer think about the hermit vocation as such, and not as anything set forth recently in hierarchical or temporal organizational terms.  I do not engage in other than the living of His Living Word and pondering the wonders therein, as far as anything temporal or tactical in what some may find worthwhile conversation of "hermit vocation".  The Lord has brought me beyond the ensnaring nets of the temporal in those controversies, and I realize the space of mind and thought wasted in the past, with so much benefit in grasping the holy ones who lived lives as religious solitaries yet among their fellow humans, but with a God alone reality that transcends the muck of temporal degradation of mind, heart, and soul.  All for God, omnia pro Deo, allows me to listen and obey as best a human can and may, the calling and teaching of His Real Presence, to allow oneself in faith to obey and be directed by God Himself, is the challenge and beauty of my life of increasing suffering.

Understanding with greater awareness that my sufferings and the sufferings of Holy Mother Church are made one and were made one years ago and forever in my life on earth, has brought meaning and love in the sufferings, despite the sufferings diminishing and demeaning my mortal body and ego.  This diminishment and demeaning of my body and my very "self" in temporal existence has been beautiful and positive; I know God has me in His Real Presence fully and forevermore.

What is difficult is in the faith required, but then to grasp that all the faith necessary is given by the Holy Trinity, His Real Presence.

So awaken, rise physically or only mentally and always spiritually each morning, and live out each day in His Real Presence, enjoying the pups Mercy and Love, enjoying whatever my body and mind and emotions are able to enjoy, and let the soul grow in whatever ways His Real Presence desires!  Today I pray to plant a tree or transplant some Echinacea flower starts to create a row of blooms along the driveway of Solus Deus Hermitage.  Or, to shovel sand off the truck bed and into some trash containers for use when my helper Sean returns on Monday to help dig out and level the small courtyard area outside the hermitage entrance.  

Whatever today of physical efforts, I know that His Real Presence is forming my mind, heart, and spirit in His likeness and image.  Only "myself" when the pain becomes too temporal, gets in the way of all the graces that His Real Presence is constantly bequeathing upon me.  

Thus, perhaps, my dear readers, you can understand why the temporal, hierarchical, humankind laws and applications created have little to do with the progression occurring within and without this body, mind, heart, and soul who is existing as a child of His Real Presence, a consecrated hermit in His Holy Church Eternal, more mystical than temporal, and more so "of the ages."  God has me directly now because I finally accept His will in this regard, and let go, simply let go of other.  Simply keep going in faith, in love, following His Real Presence where I know not, but He does.

Love in His Love, and God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: Labor Day Thoughts

I've not written at all lately other than correspondence.  The suffering continues as much if not more than ever, but that is to be expected even if not wanted.  Adhesive Arachnoiditis symptoms continue on progressively.  The other morning awoke with one of the worst of pain sieges involving the head in the upper ranges of pain thus far after 36 years of pain since the accident and 33 years since the surgeries and death experience.  Turns out I had another ailment--an infection--going on concurrently.  Antibiotics will help the infection.  God only knows the why and wherefore of suffering, truly.

So it is Labor Day, and I listened to Mass on EWTN (Eternal Word Television Network).  Can watch it on laptop via live stream at certain times they offer, or on youtube at any time. I was more interested in today's Scriptures than the comments on Labor Day itself.  The mystical ecstasies have not occurred during Masses seen as if from one world into another world far, far away.   There is subtle effect if the homilies (or sermons) are based on the Scripture; the more spiritually based the sermons, the better.  So it was when in past I was able to be at Mass in a church and with a Tabernacle in vicinity.  Always the mystical state would be far more profound if the sermons were spiritual and not with temporal, personal anecdotes or sharing.  Definitely the ecstasies would be as if I was bound in hell wanting to escape if there were aspects at the altar or the celebrant that the Holy Spirit knew not good.  It had nothing to do with anything I as a mortal could detect, of course. When in ecstasy, our mortal faculties are as if set aside.

This summer I continued some net-casting in this locale, this diocese.  All doors closed.  I had decided to be honest about my mystical life; that is very unnerving to Catholic parishioners and priests and even bishops, on a whole.  But having been passed through some type of what was said to me within is a "mystic portal" on Pentecost in June, there was impetus to simply be as I am, as God has me, and take and accept what may.  I suppose this is another level of detachment for the mind, heart, and soul.

The final net cast happened to be the leader of a parish's lay spiritual directors.  A woman, older and who had received spiritual direction certification from mostly online courses of some sort from an Episcopalian priestess' spiritual direction certification program, begun in California but she expanded it to be available for those in other states--that woman had emailed in response to some inquiries.  She was not happy with my questioning why a more new age type person who was the contact man for the online program instead of getting certification from some of the several offered by Catholic universities which are also mostly online but contain Catholic theology as well as counseling points to learn when one counsels others?

I did then apologize sincerely, for when I saw a photo online of the woman lay leader, I realized she was quite a bit older, and her "companioning" others was likely not the spiritual direction that I had in mind or that was more in depth.  She called it companioning, and that suggests being company for lonely persons, encouraging them to pray or such.  So I thought perhaps she might be or know of someone with similar interests in reading or spiritual writing or mystical situation as I deal with.  I emailed some thoughts and that I needed prayer to discern what topic God might want me to write in a more formal way or focused way, with perhaps more length than blog posts.  I decided to use the "m-word" and said I need prayer and discernment if I should write of experiences in my "life as a mystic."

Well, that did it.  It always does.  Same with the parish secretary. I had decided it was best to cast the net even in pulling up stakes from parishes and allow the Lord to do with me as He wills--that I would be as if totus Tuus to Christ--belonging to God Alone and not with parishes and dioceses.  (Thus why watching Mass on EWTN--it is not a parish nor diocese but a small Franciscan religious community of a few priests and three brothers.  And my mystical life is unknown to them, of course, and I am anonymous to them as they are to me other than I can get to know and sense them through my little laptop window to the world.)

The parish secretary had emailed me to say that the parish priest did not read my emails or if anything, only a line and then nothing more.  I had sensed that, of course, but she mentioned the staff and she decided to let me know--so I suspected the staff may have included the priest.  It always amazes me that I can explain that I sense things, or other aspects of mystic beings of which we cannot help it nor choose it; mystics are born this way.  It is nothing one can decide to "be".  And, frankly, I can't think anyone would want it given how it creates all kinds of troubles for the mystics, all through life if one lives very long.

I had responded the secretary that I knew that, but my writing was cathartic, all the same, and needed to be written.  And that some things written would have been good for the priest to have read, but it is God's signal to me of a door closed, a net pulled up and empty.  I dared mention the secretary that this type of situation seems to occur with mystics from what I've read of them in the many books I have--books that are not re-writes simplified of the books written and translated from those who either knew the mystic or lived closer to the time in which the mystic was alive; and if writings included by the mystic, then all the better. 

Just the mention of the "m-word" with Catholics seems to upset them and cause them to judge.  They don't want to think they are judging and sometimes respond with, "I am not judging you, but...."  There is always the "but."  The last priest I spoke with in the diocese was that of the Cathedral, and I could see in his eyes (our mouths and noses covered with our masks in this time of Covid-19 pandemic so no reading the nuances of his lips or chin or nose) that he had turned off shortly into his asking me about where I had been going to Mass and my mention of being a Catholic convert 25 years ago. He wanted to know how it was that I became Catholic?  Well, that very much involves a series of supernatural events including locutions and visions as well as amazing aspects of God reaching into the temporal of my life in the conversion process over ten years' time in which the Holy Spirit was quite involved, as well.  I'm not sure I used the m-word then, but no doubt I did the colder his eyes became.

There is no sense at this phase of life and the occurrence on Pentecost of passing through this mystic portal thing, whatever it is, to be mincing words anymore.  There is no more trickery, no glossing over the mystic reality and being taken in to a parish only to have the priest and parishioners going into the mode that has been handed down to them for centuries. I figure it started to be this way for mystics in the Middle Ages, for in the early Church, Christians were far more open to mystical experiences and spirituality of some; it was the non-Christians who stoned St. Paul and eventually cut off his head.  But by Joan of Arc's century, mystics were being quite harshly judged, questioned, doubted, shunned, and horribly mistreated.

I consider that in our century, mystics who are in the Catholic Church are considered a problem, a disruption, or otherwise a mentally ill or emotionally psychotic or downright charlatan.  There is more shunning and negation as a person, and a non-welcoming aspect or if told allowed to come to Mass, are very discouraged from it.  The last priest I spoke with said of course the church is open to all Catholics, but he then said go to the parish you had been going to--and this despite my telling him I was not allowed to be in the main church but was told to be in a room without even a tabernacle but with a screen for the live-streamed Mass, and it was better to watch EWTN on my laptop than do the added sitting and driving only to be reminded that I was different and not to be with the normal people in the big church!

So the leader of the lay spiritual directors emailed back saying she did not want to correspond with me--even though she said she was not judging me, but that God chooses mystics.  Well, yes, He does.  The point?  I suppose it was that God does not choose them currently or at least not in this area or not in whatever area I came from previously, nor wherever I was born.  The parish secretary never responded once I used the m-word and described some of what I'd been through and the net-casting I was doing to see if it was even possible for a mystic to be accepted--a plain and simple human person who happens to be a mystic, and otherwise nothing unusual that is noticeable aside from ecstasies during Mass.

That concluded my net-casting of many nets prior.  The Holy Spirit then reminded me vividly of the last vision and locution that involved Jesus Himself.  It was the vision and locution surrounding the actual marriage ceremony of the mystical marriage and banquet following, and my pleading for consummation. But Jesus told me no, that he had to tend to other souls but would be back to consummate our marriage and to take me with Him.  However, Jesus gave me instructions, very clearly.  He said to remain strong.  He told me to wait.  Then He showed me a group--kind of like a gaggle--of priests and Catholic parishioners who were pointing and staring and whispering gossip about me and priests doubting and dismissive of me.  Jesus said firmly:  Pay no attention to them!  And, the last words He spoke were a repeat, but much more forcefully, of the:  REMAIN STRONG.

As I was reviewing in detail that marriage and banquet, the intense love and desire for Jesus to consummate our marriage, and then of what were the last words He spoke to me some 8 years ago this week--I realized that I'd taken much of it literally as it needed to be taken literally.  I have tried to remain strong (not always strong but try to do so!) and I have waited.  Yes, I literally have waited.  But I have not taken literally the "Pay no attention to them!" directive by Jesus.  I have paid attention, I have continued to push on parish doors and doors of priests and three bishops--and those doors have either not opened or if opened, just a crack or for a temporary time enough for the priests to say "no" repeatedly in word or in action such as shunning or coming up with excuses as to why I was not welcome.

So I decided recently to take Jesus seriously in all that vision and locution.  What a difference it has made once I got over the feeling sorry for myself and then a bit of disgust that I was so weak and pathetic as to think surely He did not mean it.  I reviewed when was that mystical marriage and banquet and the message of Jesus to me--and that I thought moving to another location would help.  Maybe Jesus just meant pay no attention to the priests and parishioners in that diocese.  After all, they were telling me directly I could not come to their parishes and telling parishioners to run me out if I came.  Seriously.  They meant business!  But in the next area God kept the doors closed even when I tried hard to push them open. And here, one door did open, but to what?  To a room with a screen; and then the Lord had the spine worsen and a major surgery and unable to go, anyway.  But then even with trying to find a kindred type or spiritual director--NO.  The nets repeatedly  came up empty.  

And the good part of all this is that I am no longer blaming others, nor am I blaming myself!  Jesus meant that directive literally as much as he meant "wait" and "remain strong" literally!  This is all part of having passed through the mystic portal (what the Holy Spirit called it back in 2012 around the time of the mystical marriage and wedding banquet).  But God in His kindness and patience let me refuse the mystic portal passage while I cast nets port and starboard, aft and stern in various parishes in a couple more dioceses.  Then God laid me low but still had doors close when I'd inquire via emil or meet in person with a couple more priests and parishioners.  Jesus says in Scripture let your yes mean yes and your no mean no. Well, in striving after God in Three Persons, I realized that the Trinity's yes means yes, and Their no means no!

I've been told under no uncertain terms and repeatedly:  No.  Pay no attention to them.    I am taking the Lord literally now, and there is progress and more peace!  There is also plenty of pain of suffering, and the week after the final priest's being horribly dismissive and the doors closing elsewhere in major shut-downs, I admit to being very, very low in spirit.  But remember that we are never forsaken by the Lord, and so it is true that even with the horrible pain siege of a few days ago and still sick with the infection on top of the usual Adhesive Arachnoiditis pain, I woke up this Labor Day morning here in the USA, and I realized I am a real hermit now.  I am a real Catholic hermit!  

Then I come upon the comments that somehow I could not see from the older blogger format.  One of them I deleted for the person was very angry with me for I had right before my surgery last summer suggested I could not keep emailing.  I had emailed this spring or early summer to see how she was doing.  I never heard back.  Somehow she had blocked me after I said I could not keep corresponding last summer, but I did not know that; and so my email or contacting her via video comment section really upset her terribly.  So I am sorry, although I doubt she will see this.  I did not realize she had taken it so hard when I explained I could not continue corresponding.  No, I needed space and time to deal with the surgery upcoming, and the person was wanting to email fairly often and wanting more contact and attachment than what I could do.

Other readers have left comments, and I will try to figure out how to respond. For now, I think I simply clicked to post them.  Please accept my apologies for I never saw the comments until today!  But to the one person who wrote at length in rather frustrated mode as to why I vacillated on the issue of canonically approved hermit vocation for diocese hermits or simply being a consecrated Catholic hermit of the traditional, historical type--the vacillation was due to a woman CL603 hermit who for 13 years had stalked and detracted me, and she is all-in for canonical approval for various reasons that I do not agree with.  

And just the other day I noticed one of her buddies whose email and contact information is listed with this lady's CL603 blog--the buddy who is kind of like a "fixer" for the CL603 hermit and used to leave such angry and nasty comments several years ago that I closed comments for a few years until awhile ago.  Well, the buddy, a woman also, had viewed a site online for people to connect with, that someone had set up for me years ago thinking it would be good.  I do not use that site but have not figured out how to unsubscribe or whatever.  They send notices if someone has been looking, and sure enough, this other woman had.  And lo and behold, I read her information, and she belongs to and says she is a priest--with title of reverend--in a made up Independent Catholic Celtic Church of some sort.  There are several women priests and a couple male priests and a male "bishop" in this made-up but very actual "church" they consider some type of Catholic, I suppose. (See: https://www.celticchristianchurch.org/clergy.)

I was stunned.  Not only did the CL603 hermit lady whose attacks and persecutions of me as a consecrated Catholic hermit caused me consternation for years  and a lot of ups and downs and back and forth on if God wanted me to be CL603 when visions and locutions indicated He did not want that at all--but then I found out her own bishop is not even aware of her and vicar general wanted nothing to do with her when I finally contacted them in hopes they could get her to cease and desist her online doxxing and detracting and stalking.  I'm sure they also have no idea that her alternate person on her hermit blogsite is a woman priest in a made up Catholic church (there are offshoots dotted around a few places in the country).  But I ultimate laughed when I realized how the devil was in all that, and all the more I find the CL603 hermit situation too much for bishops to even supervise, for the most part.  

Well, it was yet another affirmation as if I needed any more, that God definitely did not want me to have anything to do with it. That is the temporal Catholic world in its complexity in addition to the temporal Catholic world's goodness of parishes and priests and outreach programs and bona fide religious orders and societies of the faithful, of the married and single Catholics all over the world.  As for me, I remain and always in this life will be a victim soul, mystic, consecrated Catholic hermit, and bride of Christ.

God knows what He is doing.  The problem is, we don't always discern as God intends; but God in his loving mercy and patience, gives us all the time we need to figure it out the way He wants us to live and be and love Him in Himself and above all things, and to love others as He loves.

And God does answer our prayers in big ways.  I was in my acceptance of remaining strong, waiting, and paying no attention to parish priests and parishioners and all that entails.  I pray for them; I love them; but I am on the other side of the mystic portal now.  I do not belong to that other world.  I have been told that, also, by God and His heavenly messengers.  But I tend to not trust, always, especially that which I don't want to hear and trust!  So I had been thinking of getting a hypo-allergenic dog, thinking maybe my pain was not maybe as bad to be keeping me in bed so much, and that a dog would force me to get up in the morning.  I thought it would be a creature that is always accepting and would not mind if I were a mystic or not!  So it was getting closer to the time to choose which pup and then four more weeks or so to get the pup.  I asked Jesus quite directly to let me know if I should get a dog or not--but added on to please tell me in a dream or vision or some other way than through more suffering...please!  

Well, God answers our prayers in whatever way He knows is necessary for us to get it and get it straight, no questions asked, no wriggle room.  The next morning I awoke early with such a horrific spinal headache with lumbar, legs and feet on fire with burning pain--that even trying to text was an ordeal, but I made one quick text to the lovely young wife and mother who had the darling puppies--and told her no way can I have a dog! Please remove me from the list.  Said I was in a pain siege and no way could I have even let a dog outside!  Serious pain siege!  She texted back did I mean it, and I had enough ability to squint to type, "Yes.  Sorry."  

I'm still in bed with this siege and God tossed in an infection I've never had all these years until now, for good measure.  I'd put a deposit on the dog since I need one that is hypoallergenic and those don't just show up in the shelters.  That loss of deposit as it was non-refundable will be added reminder, and thanks be to God I did not pay the rest and even try the puppy.  I will dedicate the money to helping the hurricane victims in Louisiana and other good causes.  I know the pain is as God has it, and the being laid low by it is as God has it. And my adult children and grandchildren in their independent and active, responsible lives are as God has them.  There is very little contact and communication; that is for valid and good reasons God has let me fully understand.  

God has me where and how He wants me, while I wait, while I remain strong.  God is taking care of and has the priests and parishioners in their lives where and as He wants them.  I am free now, for the Holy Spirit and my angel to show me around what is on the other side of the mystic portal.  Even though I have not come across that term in the writings of mystics thus far--or at least not in that specificity of wordage--I will be looking for that aspect in some other form of it in Scripture and in the writings of mystics and great spiritual writers through the centuries of Christianity and the prophets prior.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: On Writing, Refocusing, and Butterflying

Someone who comments and also likes to send information on a saint of the day, is intrigued by the young saint, not long ago canonized:  St. Rafael Arnaiz Baron.  He died at age 27, just 9 days since receiving the Cistercian (Trappist) habit.  

He entered the Trappist monastery (in Spain) when age 23, and due to a rare type of diabetes that was resistant to insulin, three times had to leave the monastery to return home for treatment when his diabetes would flare.  Thus he lived as a conventual Trappist (lived as a Cistercian oblate on monastery grounds).  In other words, he lived his time as postulant and novice and as if a Cistercian but not with vows or full status until shortly before a diabetic flare up took his life.

There are not many of his writings--but enough to be inspired by his life and his love of God, his strong faith, and his great desire to be a Trappist despite his health trials.  He was a victim soul, surely, given his on-going suffering of diabetes to an extent of no means of cure or life longevity. There is one biography in English that includes excerpts from his letters and other forms of bits of writing his thoughts.  A Cistercian monk priest who was reading a German translation of Baron's writings translated from Spanish, shared on a blog one excerpt.

I found it simple, picturesque, poignant and relatable regarding a cold, dreary morning in the monastery in which Rafael was also very cold and peeling vegetables, notably turnips upon turnips.  He began to slip into a despair--tempted--describing his fingers are red demons.  Then he experiences some thoughts that uplift him, and he recognizes the grace of God in His Persons, uplifting him and helping him rejoice and delight in what the turnip-peeling taught him and brought him to a point of delightful grasping of the glory of God in various facets.

I get tempted to purchase yet another book, as I love to read of other mystics and learn from them.  But I am so depleted myself by pain and the fatigue of pain currently, that I do not begin to read all the books I have on the shelves here at Solus Deus.  And when I read the excerpt of Rafael's writing and researched more of his life, it is sufficient to appreciate him and ask him to please befriend me.  I could use some GUMPTION, actually.  I need his perseverance with turnip peeling, so that I go out and churn some soil with grass clumps invading the beds around trees, to mow the front yard, to plnat the tiny shrubs and trees that remain from last year that did not get planted prior to surgery.

A major facet of Rafael's writing is that he reminds me through it, of the simplicity of the types of situations and nuances of observations, and the interplay of communicating within with His Real Presence, that so much was the delight of many years of my life--the bulk of them.  But this delight is suffocated off and on, and now more on than off, by the weight of the temporal aspects of what is not actually the brilliance of spiritual life, of the Christian progression of the soul winging its way to union with God.

Rather, it is the weight of the crushing and suffocating squishing of a caterpillar nearly formed into a butterfly yet still in the cocoon, that deadens my mind, heart, and spirit:  my soul reason to exist, my main purpose, my mission for which we all are called.  We are to love God in Himself and enjoy His love for us, and to share that love in God with love of others as God loves--the sparkles of noticing the reality of His Real Presence and of heavenly beings--Mary, the saints, the angels, the loved ones sanctified on the other side of the thin veil that separates us on earth from those in blessed eternity.

I wrote many thoughts--poured out in an email to the parish priest, of gratitude for his time and effort several days ago in a phone appointment of brief duration but for a focused and busy parish leader to a mystic, victim soul, hermit none of it, I realize, what a parish priest needs to be tending to.  I let out the thoughts and feelings, some of the situations of past, with the reality they gurgle to the surface because I need to forgive.  The priest had brought up sensing fear.  How much and variety and reasons why fears, I mentioned some.  And am grateful, for faith is the flip side of fear; and fear spurs us on to action in ways we never thought possible, and that includes action that seems inaction to those in active life.

Email contact is akin to trying to speak on phone or in person; it goes through a channel of someone else, and who knows if the priest ever gets an email or reads it.  That did not matter; I just needed to pour out the fears which are real and valid and for good reason--but not necessary. I do not need to hang on to those fears but rather let them free me, spur me on to freedom and butterfly emergence from crushing cocoons and onward winging with assurance of God-with-me-always, now and forever.  

As to fear of being so crushed as to lose my Catholic Christian faith, that is not a realistic fear, either, from someone who'd years ago exclaim in the depth of a horrific pain siege, to a priest who brought the consecrated Host to me laid out in agony, "The Catholic Church is my last and only hope!" 

But fears of all types will no doubt be the devil's means of trying to discourage and distract my butterfly-self from freely flitting upon delights in the union with His Real Presence I've enjoyed for a long time.  Off and on has this delightful, inter-playful union in actuality existed, and assuredly is on when I fly out of reach of temporal, grasping fingers of all types and sorts, metaphorically and literally, wanting, trying, to touch and grasp my butterfly wings.

I must not tarry low!  Must, need, fly out of grasp of that which will disrupt and harm the butterfly freedom in flight of delight in God's love and the love of life temporal and mystical, the love of noticing and appreciating the observations and tiny details of joyful existence and on-going communication with the Beloved and of, in, those and what He loves.

I must write of these encounters with the Beloved.  And in Jesus, I trust!

But as to a mystic-victimsoul-hermit taking the time or energy or looking to a parish priest for guidance and direction when a parish priest if not most all priests have distinct purposes and callings, I must not disrupt their efficiency and their necessary focus on all those many to whom they are called to shepherd generally and specifically.  The Lord provided priestly guidance for me for 24 years--amazingly and miraculously so.  

Unless He specifically and unexpectedly brings another along, the Lord expects of me some maturity in the spiritual life now, and to in forgiveness and love, cast out fears of past persecutions and recognize they were His Real Presence teaching me the way of the mystics, the way of victim souls, the way of mystic-victimsoul-hermit whose hermit vocation remains the God-anointed and consecrated vocational vehicle for this life time.  

The Lord expects of me love of Him and of all others, and the offering of myself has been full and complete.  There seems not more to offer other than to keep going, to simply keep going, and to love, to keep loving Him in Himself and others as He loves, to love the love with which He loves us.  I'm otherwise spent.  

And my life as a consecrated Catholic hermit is God's, all for God; and He gifts me not to just one parish or diocese but to the universal Church and to all Christians and to the salvation of all the world.  This is true of any hermit chosen by God to this vocation that is but a vehicle for this life's journey.  This is true of any soul, any person, any follower of God in whatever vocation they are given as vehicle for this the earthly, temporal-spiritual sojourn.

Butterflying is for all eternity and is not just for me--is for everyone.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

"Beloved:  if you invoke as Father Him who judges impartially according to each one's works, conduct yourselves with reverence during the time of your sojourning, realizing that you were ransomed from your futile conduct, handed on by your ancestors, not with perishable things like silver or gold but with the precious blood of Christ as of a spotless unblemished lamb.  He was known before the foundation of the world but revealed in the final time for you, who through Him believe in God who raised Him from the dead and gave Him glory, so that your faith and hope are in God." 

Catholic Hermit: Visions and Revelations

Just noticed this.  Not sure how, but it seems starkly new to me after reading Scripture for years.  St. Paul shares in 2 Cor 12:1:

I must boast; not that it is profitable,
but I will go on to visions and revelations of the Lord.

Not that it is profitable--what does he mean?  I'm not sure exactly what Paul's reasons were for it not being profitable to share his visions and revelations, but I tend to know why it is not profitable for me to do so.  Yet recently I have gone on to speak of visions and revelations as I consider years of them and wonder, "Is this part of what the Lord meant when the Holy Spirit told me I was 'to write?"  That what was given me was for the "espousal to others"?  That much would be shown me, told me, for the espousal to others?  Am I not appreciating nor considering what has been shown me--that it might be of help to someone?

The reason the telling has not been "profitable" to me, in my sharing off and on with a relative or friend, priests, a religious sister...here and there is due the "freak out" mode they can go into, or the wrong-judging they fall into, or a misguided envy, or a seemingly hearing-but-not-listening, or a not-remembering effect.  And this is not profitable (beneficial; useful, are the meanings to which St. Paul employs "profitable") in my sharing because I have only shared with specific persons at times I thought or sensed might be of some uplift to them.  

Always my intent has been to share some spiritual import such as with older people prior to their deaths, or the reality of what it is to die, or how we communicate, or our eternal work, of sorts, or that we will have a heavenly name, or that we have guardian angels helping us.  Or I have shared in specific instances a message or visit from one of their loved ones, of which I could reassure someone or other, or at least I tried. Or I have warned a couple people to get to a doctor; one heeded, the other not.  Or in the case of a death warning, I must discern what I'm shown and told and to whom; and I have to deal with my own courage or insecurity, whichever, at the time.

It is not easy, always, working with our visions and revelations.  Complicating matters, it seems to me, are the reactions of others which have not proven fruitful from my perspective.  [Ah, and I must reckon with God's perspective foremost, yet let me continue working through for now, what may be a mystic's perspective!] 

To and against the mystic there can be outright or back-handed persecution, or a falling away--a silencing or distancing of the person/s to whom a mystic shares.  And there can be a sense of futility in that the message, the sharing, the trying to open others to spiritual, to the mystical life that is real and in whatever levels and degrees--something God desires and offers to us all.

It is as if what I share verbally (especially to people who know me or who I encounter in person) cannot or will not absorb nor trust what I share.  The temporal is too with them and they with the temporal.

So I have written a bit in my anonymous way; and I have shared verbally, also in anonymous way.

In praying for deeper conversion for myself, as well as the desire to know more clearly and be led to fulfill the mission for which God sent me back to live those 32 years ago this coming July 28 and into the wee hours of the 29th, I wonder if there ought be more sharing on my part--anonymously so.  Definitely, sharing in person with even the closest of family or friends, has proven to be way too much for them to deal with.  

While some closest can say that we all need to be taught more about the mystical and to not fear it, not misunderstand, be more in tune--they, too, tend to shut off or not be able to absorb when I do explain some aspect of the mystical realm and life.

The other early morning in a dream, I was speaking on the phone to someone--a woman's voice--on the phone.  In the dream I was explaining to her some mystical experience or other, and she seemed to be listening, grasping, what I was relating.  But then her tone shifted to one of concern, and she proceeded to be concerned and then into a rather threatening aspect, to report to some authority or other, to have me deemed "off" in some way.

I awoke and realized the dream partly an assessment of how careful must a mystic be, and also, though, it was a culmination of recent situation with my logically and honestly explaining something regarding the spiritual aspect of suffering and that of a death experience.  Also, I shared some even with Dr. H, of some of the areas of my pain; and later I wondered if even too much for him who has known me for years and witnessed some of the more supernatural phenomenon way back, when the Lord was opening my soul to His Real Presence in a mystical and temporal way.  Astounding, profound, it was.

So St. Paul's statement, yes, is quite personal in meaning to me.  But also is his determination to proceed to tell of visions and revelations.  Even though he worded it, as did St. Teresa of Avila, as if "I knew of someone in the past", or I know of a person who" had this or that happen--we all know exactly who the person and the someone is, were, and are.

Or persons in religious orders--hidden off due to their mystical experiences--would write in a journal and be so guarded, or also state they are only sharing due to their superior commanding them to do so.  Such fear there has been of what in the past century, are the actual and real aspects of both ascetical and mystical theology mostly now lumped cohesively as "spiritual theology."  Even then, it is difficult to find a priest knowledgeable or accepting of such; and if so, there is yet that element of doubt and exhaustive observation, questioning, and examination.

Look what happened to St. Paul as a result of his sharing!  Look what happened to St. Joan of Arc when she was honest about her voices and their guidance!  Look what happened to St. Faustina and St. Padre Pio--either for several years or for a couple years--incarcerated, basically, within their own monastery; forbidden to speak or correspond, and Padre Pio not allowed to fulfill his priestly duty as confessor.  And there are so many more I could cite--injured, hurt, incarcerated, emotionally abused, verbally discredited.

In the past hundred years or so, the situation has been shifting, or so spiritual theologians think and hope.  But yet, in reality, there is the admittance that most people, including clergy ("who should know better" as I've been told many times by people who were stunned by what occurred to me yet only one really stood up for me, yet to no avail)--the reality that people still are unwilling to "go there" with such a beautiful and vast means by which His Real Presence wants to interact with us, to teach us, to show us the way into union, into the spiritual realm that will be how all is after we are no longer on this temporal earth.

These are my thoughts this morning, along with yet way too much lumbar back pain.  Even in the physical, sharp, stabbing, burning, depleting pain, I very much see the mystical relevance and am reminded of the reality of vicarious suffering and of offering pain as prayer for the surgeon and his staff.  At some point, either I will be able to get up, dress, and function a bit, or I will need to risk being an annoyance again, and to get a ride to an ER, ask for another MRI, perhaps.  I don't need pain medication even if much stronger; there is some issue going on with the lumbar spine that is more pronounced than I can recall, for a longer period of time than I can recall.

And this pain, too, has proven to cause people to fall away, to drop back.  It is too unknown, too unfathomable over a long period of time.  People cannot relate, they cannot do anything about it; thus it becomes frustrating to them, and frustration leads to their wanting and perhaps even needing to escape from the reminder of what the world of pain is, to their active world of little pain or if pain, occasional pain to rare instances of severe pain.

And that is a linkage between being a mystic with various profound supernatural experiences that one cannot create nor develop nor do anything at all to encourage or bring on--and the person in constant, higher level pain.  I suppose the same effect of a mystic on others and the person in pain, would also be with those with any type of on-going affliction that takes them out of the temporal "normalcy" of the bulk of people.

Yeah, yeah--I've been told that "everyone is different."  I've been told that "normalcy" is highly over-rated.  I've heard that often enough to know that the persons uttering such statements do not understand, either, the life of a mystic--and really, don't understand the life, either, of someone with constant, intractable pain or various other constant, not visible, afflictions.

So, perhaps it is time to have the courage of these others--of St. Paul, for example.  And go into the visions and revelations.  Perhaps.  Maybe.  Would it be helpful?  I can only think it would be helpful in a broad sense of anonymously "normalizing" the spiritual, supernatural "order" in a way that helps people grasp there is something other than the temporal, the active, the ordinary.

After all, years ago I was told (as was Dr. H. for he was asking questions of God) that this is for everyone, not just for me.  And more would be given me for the "espousal" to others.  Just need to find the best venue, the means--and definitely be anonymous.  The Lord has told me to remain hidden.  Anonymous writing and speaking without name and location have always been safeguards.  Or not sharing at all, if one is not told one is "to write" and "to teach."

There are Catholic mystics dotted all over the globe in any generation and time period.  We all have our different missions in addition to adoring His Real Presence and glorifying Him in whatever ways He asks and desires.  Some are so blessed as to be called to adore Him and not much other.  Some have been shown and told far, far more than what I've been shown and told.  Some are given messages and showings that are meant for major doctrines, universally.  

My experiences and messages have been more personal, small tidbits, but perhaps they will help others in some way, become more comfortable with the mystical life all around us and help people open up to whatever ways the Lord wants to be far more intimate with them, far more real in their daily lives here on this earth, to handle life situations with the spiritual, the mystical view.

Perhaps if I do more sharing, with courage, I will fulfill my mission, and the Lord can come back for me and consummate our marriage--take me with Him!  When my mission finished, when I have suffered all that He wants of my suffering, when I have learned to suffer as He suffered and suffers.

God bless His Real Presence in us! 

Catholic Hermit: Campaign Slogan

Well, I've come up with a campaign slogan (for the be-nice election hopeful win).  Make Me Nice Again--Nicer Than Ever Before!

My cousin from afar has joined in as she wants to be nice again, too.

We were discussing the elderly aunt's decision to never talk to me again due to the last time my voice not sounding "good."  (I actually was quite good compared to how I'd been an hour prior as was in terrible pain but had medication that helped so was quite chipper in comparison.)  But the real reason, I was told by my cousin is that my aunt does not like to hear about my dwelling problems.

Funny, I had not mentioned anything, having figured out she could not cope with nor grasp how so much could go wrong in one place.  I had previously explained the devil does pound on me, but her understanding of spiritual warfare is that you simply tell the devil to go away one time, and that is that.  

Not so, of course.  The more we pray and strive after Christ, the more the devil tries to suck us down.  Jesus was in battle the night before His crucifixion and again on the Cross when He felt so abandoned at one point.

Regardless, my cousin and I gave benefit of the doubt that the aunt is tired, elderly, and, I submitted, perhaps has gotten "peevish" with age.  My cousin said she'd not heard that word in a long time, and I said it has been on my mind recently, for I feel I am peevish, as well.

For fun (I love words and meanings!), I looked up "peevish" on Google, and here are the results.  I note the root word meanings; so apt for how I currently feel, as well as all the descriptors and synonyms in the definition.  Sent it on to my cousin who emailed back that she did not realize the word meant quite this, but realized it was not just applicable for the very elderly...but that it described her, as well, and then added that she realizes she is "old", too.

Yes, and so is this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit mystic or mystic hermit, not that labels matter.  I just include them as a reminder of reality and identity of sorts, while on this temporal earth.  Labels help size up our situations and make us face facts--as well as responsibilities and realities.  So I sent back the message to my cousin that I join her in being peevish.

We concluded our brief internet exchange by her saying she'd like to join my campaign.  She wants to be made nice again, too.  

Making ourselves nice again is a prayer, of sorts.  We solicit God for help to meet our need and desire to be nice, as we confess we have grown not-so-nice over time.  I remind that the main foot-work in this campaign must be done by ourselves.  Attitude, effort. humility always, desire to succeed in being nice--these are keys to winning the be-nice election.

May we be elected to niceness--even nicer than ever before!

While it seems simplistic, the effort is genuine and forthright.  There are many details to which to attend; prayer and practice, re-do and then try again and again, honest reflection--we must persevere and in faith know that we can leave off the peevishness and truly be nice again.  Charity is crucial; charity is also very nice virtue to live out in daily life, in thoughts, words, emotions, and deeds.

Dear God in Heaven, Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit:  Please help make us nice again--nicer than ever before!  Fling peevishness far from us, and in this effort we also will try our best.  But please grant us the graces to simply and profoundly be nice!  Yes, make us nice again.  Amen.

peev·ish

ˈpēviSH/

adjective

adjective: peevish

1. easily irritated, especially by unimportant things.

   "all this makes Steve fretful and peevish"

   synonyms:

   irritable, fractious, fretful, cross, petulant, querulous, pettish, crabby, crotchety, cantankerous, curmudgeonly, sullen, grumpy, bad-tempered, short-tempered, touchy, testy, tetchy, snappish, irascible, waspish, prickly, crusty, dyspeptic, splenetic, choleric;More

   antonyms:

   good-humored

Origin

late Middle English (in the sense ‘foolish, insane, spiteful’): of unknown origin.