Catholic Hermit: Visions and Revelations

Just noticed this.  Not sure how, but it seems starkly new to me after reading Scripture for years.  St. Paul shares in 2 Cor 12:1:

I must boast; not that it is profitable,
but I will go on to visions and revelations of the Lord.

Not that it is profitable--what does he mean?  I'm not sure exactly what Paul's reasons were for it not being profitable to share his visions and revelations, but I tend to know why it is not profitable for me to do so.  Yet recently I have gone on to speak of visions and revelations as I consider years of them and wonder, "Is this part of what the Lord meant when the Holy Spirit told me I was 'to write?"  That what was given me was for the "espousal to others"?  That much would be shown me, told me, for the espousal to others?  Am I not appreciating nor considering what has been shown me--that it might be of help to someone?

The reason the telling has not been "profitable" to me, in my sharing off and on with a relative or friend, priests, a religious sister...here and there is due the "freak out" mode they can go into, or the wrong-judging they fall into, or a misguided envy, or a seemingly hearing-but-not-listening, or a not-remembering effect.  And this is not profitable (beneficial; useful, are the meanings to which St. Paul employs "profitable") in my sharing because I have only shared with specific persons at times I thought or sensed might be of some uplift to them.  

Always my intent has been to share some spiritual import such as with older people prior to their deaths, or the reality of what it is to die, or how we communicate, or our eternal work, of sorts, or that we will have a heavenly name, or that we have guardian angels helping us.  Or I have shared in specific instances a message or visit from one of their loved ones, of which I could reassure someone or other, or at least I tried. Or I have warned a couple people to get to a doctor; one heeded, the other not.  Or in the case of a death warning, I must discern what I'm shown and told and to whom; and I have to deal with my own courage or insecurity, whichever, at the time.

It is not easy, always, working with our visions and revelations.  Complicating matters, it seems to me, are the reactions of others which have not proven fruitful from my perspective.  [Ah, and I must reckon with God's perspective foremost, yet let me continue working through for now, what may be a mystic's perspective!] 

To and against the mystic there can be outright or back-handed persecution, or a falling away--a silencing or distancing of the person/s to whom a mystic shares.  And there can be a sense of futility in that the message, the sharing, the trying to open others to spiritual, to the mystical life that is real and in whatever levels and degrees--something God desires and offers to us all.

It is as if what I share verbally (especially to people who know me or who I encounter in person) cannot or will not absorb nor trust what I share.  The temporal is too with them and they with the temporal.

So I have written a bit in my anonymous way; and I have shared verbally, also in anonymous way.

In praying for deeper conversion for myself, as well as the desire to know more clearly and be led to fulfill the mission for which God sent me back to live those 32 years ago this coming July 28 and into the wee hours of the 29th, I wonder if there ought be more sharing on my part--anonymously so.  Definitely, sharing in person with even the closest of family or friends, has proven to be way too much for them to deal with.  

While some closest can say that we all need to be taught more about the mystical and to not fear it, not misunderstand, be more in tune--they, too, tend to shut off or not be able to absorb when I do explain some aspect of the mystical realm and life.

The other early morning in a dream, I was speaking on the phone to someone--a woman's voice--on the phone.  In the dream I was explaining to her some mystical experience or other, and she seemed to be listening, grasping, what I was relating.  But then her tone shifted to one of concern, and she proceeded to be concerned and then into a rather threatening aspect, to report to some authority or other, to have me deemed "off" in some way.

I awoke and realized the dream partly an assessment of how careful must a mystic be, and also, though, it was a culmination of recent situation with my logically and honestly explaining something regarding the spiritual aspect of suffering and that of a death experience.  Also, I shared some even with Dr. H, of some of the areas of my pain; and later I wondered if even too much for him who has known me for years and witnessed some of the more supernatural phenomenon way back, when the Lord was opening my soul to His Real Presence in a mystical and temporal way.  Astounding, profound, it was.

So St. Paul's statement, yes, is quite personal in meaning to me.  But also is his determination to proceed to tell of visions and revelations.  Even though he worded it, as did St. Teresa of Avila, as if "I knew of someone in the past", or I know of a person who" had this or that happen--we all know exactly who the person and the someone is, were, and are.

Or persons in religious orders--hidden off due to their mystical experiences--would write in a journal and be so guarded, or also state they are only sharing due to their superior commanding them to do so.  Such fear there has been of what in the past century, are the actual and real aspects of both ascetical and mystical theology mostly now lumped cohesively as "spiritual theology."  Even then, it is difficult to find a priest knowledgeable or accepting of such; and if so, there is yet that element of doubt and exhaustive observation, questioning, and examination.

Look what happened to St. Paul as a result of his sharing!  Look what happened to St. Joan of Arc when she was honest about her voices and their guidance!  Look what happened to St. Faustina and St. Padre Pio--either for several years or for a couple years--incarcerated, basically, within their own monastery; forbidden to speak or correspond, and Padre Pio not allowed to fulfill his priestly duty as confessor.  And there are so many more I could cite--injured, hurt, incarcerated, emotionally abused, verbally discredited.

In the past hundred years or so, the situation has been shifting, or so spiritual theologians think and hope.  But yet, in reality, there is the admittance that most people, including clergy ("who should know better" as I've been told many times by people who were stunned by what occurred to me yet only one really stood up for me, yet to no avail)--the reality that people still are unwilling to "go there" with such a beautiful and vast means by which His Real Presence wants to interact with us, to teach us, to show us the way into union, into the spiritual realm that will be how all is after we are no longer on this temporal earth.

These are my thoughts this morning, along with yet way too much lumbar back pain.  Even in the physical, sharp, stabbing, burning, depleting pain, I very much see the mystical relevance and am reminded of the reality of vicarious suffering and of offering pain as prayer for the surgeon and his staff.  At some point, either I will be able to get up, dress, and function a bit, or I will need to risk being an annoyance again, and to get a ride to an ER, ask for another MRI, perhaps.  I don't need pain medication even if much stronger; there is some issue going on with the lumbar spine that is more pronounced than I can recall, for a longer period of time than I can recall.

And this pain, too, has proven to cause people to fall away, to drop back.  It is too unknown, too unfathomable over a long period of time.  People cannot relate, they cannot do anything about it; thus it becomes frustrating to them, and frustration leads to their wanting and perhaps even needing to escape from the reminder of what the world of pain is, to their active world of little pain or if pain, occasional pain to rare instances of severe pain.

And that is a linkage between being a mystic with various profound supernatural experiences that one cannot create nor develop nor do anything at all to encourage or bring on--and the person in constant, higher level pain.  I suppose the same effect of a mystic on others and the person in pain, would also be with those with any type of on-going affliction that takes them out of the temporal "normalcy" of the bulk of people.

Yeah, yeah--I've been told that "everyone is different."  I've been told that "normalcy" is highly over-rated.  I've heard that often enough to know that the persons uttering such statements do not understand, either, the life of a mystic--and really, don't understand the life, either, of someone with constant, intractable pain or various other constant, not visible, afflictions.

So, perhaps it is time to have the courage of these others--of St. Paul, for example.  And go into the visions and revelations.  Perhaps.  Maybe.  Would it be helpful?  I can only think it would be helpful in a broad sense of anonymously "normalizing" the spiritual, supernatural "order" in a way that helps people grasp there is something other than the temporal, the active, the ordinary.

After all, years ago I was told (as was Dr. H. for he was asking questions of God) that this is for everyone, not just for me.  And more would be given me for the "espousal" to others.  Just need to find the best venue, the means--and definitely be anonymous.  The Lord has told me to remain hidden.  Anonymous writing and speaking without name and location have always been safeguards.  Or not sharing at all, if one is not told one is "to write" and "to teach."

There are Catholic mystics dotted all over the globe in any generation and time period.  We all have our different missions in addition to adoring His Real Presence and glorifying Him in whatever ways He asks and desires.  Some are so blessed as to be called to adore Him and not much other.  Some have been shown and told far, far more than what I've been shown and told.  Some are given messages and showings that are meant for major doctrines, universally.  

My experiences and messages have been more personal, small tidbits, but perhaps they will help others in some way, become more comfortable with the mystical life all around us and help people open up to whatever ways the Lord wants to be far more intimate with them, far more real in their daily lives here on this earth, to handle life situations with the spiritual, the mystical view.

Perhaps if I do more sharing, with courage, I will fulfill my mission, and the Lord can come back for me and consummate our marriage--take me with Him!  When my mission finished, when I have suffered all that He wants of my suffering, when I have learned to suffer as He suffered and suffers.

God bless His Real Presence in us!