Catholic Hermit: Major Occurrence

I cannot write about it in detail now.  I've spent the morning discussing a vision of Hildegard's with someone via phone--and sharing what occurred yesterday afternoon.  Death of will.  I will write about it later for I've written it out to my spiritual father; and I need to go outside and weed, dig, spread the last of the truckload of mulch, and hopefully even dig a bit--but with left leg mostly.

Am yet nauseated with pain, but the soul is uplifted and cleared.

I just did not realize--never thought about it much--that death of one's will, will, of course, have physiological, emotional, mental, spiritual, real, actual sensations and experience.  It is quite painful; I suppose painful like any aspect of losing part of ourselves be it discs removed from spine, leg amputated, mental decay, tooth pulled, baby miscarried.  

On another note, someone was interested in seeking a means of discussing "wanting" to become a hermit.  I'd not be the consecrated Catholic hermit to be able to shed much light on "wanting" to become a hermit because I had not thought of it, had no desire nor want of it previously, but received an irrefutable call by God that this was to be my life mission, vocation.  It occurred toward the end of my final child's high school years just prior to his leaving for college.

I suspect that had God made much of it to begin with, that I'd have resisted far more.  As it was, it took over six years for me to warm to the word "hermit."  Prior to that all I could mentally and emotionally handle was "religious solitary."  That seemed more palatable and less severe.  

So funny, now, to think of it and to recall the time my angel chastised me for not "living nor honoring enough the hermit life that God has chosen for [me] and values very much!"  I literally shuddered when my angel uttered rather forcefully (probably part of the chastisement, to emphasize my not honoring even the term) the word "hermit."

However, I think I do understand that a person might specify a sense of a call or an interest in a call or even an actual call by God to be a hermit by positing it as desiring to become a hermit.  There evidently was some agreement within my mind, heart, and soul to accept the vocational call.  

There came with that acceptance, an infusion of interest, determination, and the kind of excitement one has when knowing something is "right" even if with some trepidation of the unknowns and risks.  (The risks in my situation included the Protestant family and friends and even some Catholics who simply are not versed in the eremitic vocation even as a lifestyle other than the stereotypes, mostly negative or oddly connoted.)

I admit the profession ceremony was intimately holy, beyond anything I could ever have dreamt or asked for.  God provides!  I yet have the vows written, signed by the priest and myself, my blood spread inside a small heart drawn at the bottom--a seal that only my spiritual father has seen.

But the actual last 15 years plus--it is a present moment unfolding of unexpected experiences--trials, suffering, blessings, joys.

But "want to become a hermit"--no, I admit especially from my upbringing and Protestant family and friends, the hermit vocation is nothing any of them relate with nor consider other than in ways to discourage as something that God would never desire, let alone call someone to that life.  I'm sure they do not realize that the great John the Baptist was a hermit prior to his proclaiming Christ as the Son of God.

Well, enough on that.  I had a phone call just now, and I have someone to pray for while I go out and finish the mulch task and maybe plant some seeds.  Something--whatever the LORD WILLS.  Have to wait and see what He wills.

Catholic Hermit: Consecration That Matters

Have been pondering being "consecrated" in and by Jesus Christ and also in the life of His Church.  What Jesus says about consecration is of interest, thus.  Also, an experience 20 years ago the 19th of June, came to mind a few days ago, on that date.  Consecration that matters, matters to this human, this Christian, this Catholic Christian, this hermit, this soul, this child of God.

Jesus said, as written in the Living Word of God, cited in John 17:

"Consecrate them in the truth.  
Your word is truth.
As you sent me into the world,
so I sent them into the world.
And I consecrate myself for them,
so that they also may be consecrated in truth."

Perhaps, later, will share of the experience in which Jesus consecrated this hermit years ago, consecrated its heart.  Recently, though, have not been writing as much on these posts, and wonder if what is shared, if of help to others.  Maybe, maybe not--but will try to write out what occurred when Jesus consecrated this hermit's heart.  It takes a certain energy to write it out, to share it, and sharing may or may not uplift or increase others' faith.

Regardless, dear readers and spiritual brothers and sisters:  God bless His Real Presence in us!

A Spiritual Phenomenon We All Experience

Last evening a friend forwarded a notice from the national director of "40 Days for Life."  Basically, this is the prayer campaign of the last ten years in which people pray for 40 days for the closure of abortion clinics and for women to choose life for their babies.

The director mentioned that 59 abortion clinics have closed down since the campaign began. What is also astounding is that the new national headquarters for "Forty Days for Life" is opening in the College Station, TX, former Planned Parenthood clinic that closed its doors after persons of prayer kept praying outside its location.

Thus, this hermit is reminded of the most frequent and what could be constant mystical experience of any one's spiritual life:  PRAYER.

Prayer itself is a spiritual phenomenon.  Just think on that truth!

Prayer is a spiritual phenomenon, a mystical experience, of which any of us may be gifted, literally any time we pray.  To consider that communicating with His Real Presence is so readily available and accessible, and that it is absolutely spiritually and mystically a phenomenon beyond the temporal, is quite easily down-played or forgotten.

What do we people want that could be more loving, more spiritual, more miraculous, more mystical, more phenomenal than prayer?

This morning, upon awakening, the words to the effect that music follows the angels, also reminded of how the mystery of lovely music and harmony, of instruments and of voices in song, can also be a spiritual experience and verily a mystical phenomenon.  Consider how music links us with the angels!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children that we each are, let us love one another!  Remain in His Love!

Be An Immolation in the Mass

My spiritual father was quite ill but improving, thankfully so.  We spoke on the phone yesterday, and I reported my daily Mass experiences in the more local parish.  He had advised me to go there, give it a try, despite being told a year ago by the priest there that I was not allowed to attend daily Mass--only Saturday evening and in the cry room, at that.

Friday's Mass, commemorating the Assumption of Mary, was in the main church with more people than the eight or so who go to the daily Mass.  What has become the usual reaction by people came to fruition.  Some anger with those assuming I was rudely sleeping with the kneeler slammed from behind into the pew, people after Mass avoiding eye contact or pleasantry.

The woman I met the day before spoke, however, saying she noticed that I seemed not aware from the beginning of the Scripture reading through the end.  She said, "You missed the whole Mass!  You weren't aware of any of it!"  I quietly responded that I was very deeply aware, more than could be described.  "I am subsumed into the Mass."  She then said, "But you did not receive the Eucharist!"  I replied that I receive at a very deep level, in a dimension beyond the temporal."  I added that I thought she had the capacity to grasp this, and she said she did.

Still, she kept asking, "So I don't need to worry about you, then?  I can stop worrying?"

I told my spiritual father that it is becoming repetitively sad that we Catholics seem unable to leave off with the assumptions, the judging, the doubting, the fear of what is but an unobtrusive, quiet, stilled experience of the numinous during Mass, albeit not usual but also not unheard of.  I felt sorry that the woman took upon herself to "worry."  Worry about what?  That my soul was in peril?  That I was not aware based upon her assumptions?  That I did not receive His Real Presence tangibly?

She represents us all, I suppose, when we are so in tune with the temporal and external appearances.  But my spiritual father said it is at and in the Mass that we all ought to be immolated.  I had told him that this is my immolation, being at Mass yet under the scrutiny, fear, doubt and judgment of others over what does not neatly fit neatly into the temporal view.

I admit to having awakened this morning, thoroughly sickened to the core with realizing how easy it is for us to fall into making assumptions and being too caught up in temporal views and entangling judgments.  The experiences I am gaining are teaching me in ways nothing other could supersede as a good lesson in seeking the spiritual view of love and mercy and of not succumbing to infertile ground. (Nothing grows there.)

In but four daily Masses, there is consternation among them.  I did approach an older woman to say hello and ascertain if she is the other woman who the man (of the Potato Novena family) told me seemed to be a thoughtful woman.  Evidently she did not recognize me in glasses, for she immediately asked, "Who IS this woman who is coming here now?  Is she a PARISHIONER?"  I realized her confusion, and said perhaps this woman she noticed is or will be....

This is His will to which I am called:  Be an immolation.  I have assurance within, during Mass. that His Real Presence is conforming my body, mind, heart and soul to Him as well as utilizing me in mystical ways for whatever He wills within me and within others.  I am to be an immolation and in that, also, a conduit of His love and mercy.

I stand corrected in many aspects, and fear must be transformed to its flip side:  Faith.

There is no need to be driving longer distances to attend Mass where the parish may be more in tune with good and holy activities of education and outreach, where the priest may be more plugged into his vocation.  The people's reactions have not proven to be any better.

That and this is for all of us.  I realize that each person, each body, each heart, mind and soul present at and in Mass, is an agent of change and fuller realization of all the Sacraments, including His Living Word, evident in temporal and mystical actualization.  We are called from the limitations of the temporal and move toward the mystical, the supernal spiritual--as the priest ought stand at the portal, pointing to and leading us into the Promised Land. 

The instruction to "Be an immolation" requires only that, and very much simply of "being."  I am present in the Mass, very much among and deeply within the Body of Christ in silence and prayerful union of conformity through, with and in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. 

Little children, let us love one another.  Love Is of God.  God bless His Real Presence in us!