I did not write other than correspondence in the last week of Advent, Christmas, and following holiest of days including Holy Family and Mary, Mother of God worshipful observances.
Some thoughts I expressed in a letter involve "slowness." Advent is slow and well to be slow in the prayerful, expectant waiting. The on-going work of finishing this hermitage continues, as it must be sold; time is sifting and finances dissipating. It is all a slow process, is finishing work; and the process is made all the slower by added pain considerations, as well as more correspondence and a few phone calls from people who desired a listening ear, a bit of advice, encouragement, and my promises to pray.
(I'm sharing with you some of the letter to my spiritual father. My bodily pain is high after finishing some drywall mudding of a small, downstairs office/bedroom, with closet. I tend to take the path of slowness in drywall mudding. Some drywallers blade mud thick and then sand and sand--and tend to have electric drywall sanders with dust bags attached. Others apply the mud in thinner coats, layer upon layer, using larger and larger blades, until the final result is that of the mud drying and having a feathered appearance. Very little sanding is needed, thus. Yet it is a slow process, requiring dry time between each layer of drywall compound. Anyway, I am weary tonight; and while not necessarily the pith of my thoughts on slowness, the letter provides a "thin coat".)
"I love the statement of Jesus in the Gospel: 'But wisdom is vindicated by her works.'
"Yesterday morning I primed the widened hallway near the laundry closet. There is a very tiny utility closet that I had framed in that hallway, plus instead of just lowering the ceiling under the stairs, I instead “wrapped” the beams of the landing above, with drywall, and all of that needed drywall mudding. It was a tedious and lengthy job, particularly since I can only manage using my hand and elbow for one tray of drywall mud and using the drywall blade to apply it, about one time a day and sometimes not every day. Over time, though, it got done. That includes the tiny little closet in which I could barely fit up in it to mud every corner and juncture point, over and over, until smooth. Then to sand it all smooth--I needed to use a flashlight in order to see any imperfections requiring sanding!
"Yesterday afternoon, 'M' wanted to come and help me for a few hours. I’d had a hard time thinking of what we could do, for I am so used to loping along in the pace I am able. My mind is geared to doing all humanly alone, yet with the grace of God's presence and surely my angel and whoever else you might think is helping me, for all this is not of my doing, that is for sure. I’m going along in blind faith, I suppose, and also in blind confidence in having to do what I’ve not done before.
"So M came, and she taped woodwork upstairs that I’d installed, and I caulked it all. The tape is to keep the caulk from smearing on the walls and woodwork and is to provide a clean line when the tape is to be removed. But I ended up having to re-caulk a lot of it, for the caulk seemed to stick to the tape and lift up when the tape was removed. I will need to paint over all the caulked lines, next, and then due to the caulk slightly smearing, will take an artist brush and touch up all along the woodwork with wall paint. I don’t mind; it is easy and meditative but still more time which slows the finishing.
"Then we painted a color coat of paint on the laundry hall and in the tiny, utility closet, and all around the various ceiling parts that I had not made simple as a low ceiling. But my, it does look good—and interesting, that ceiling! Wrapping the landing joists overhead makes the ceiling seem higher, which is always a good thing in aesthetics. Plus the added unique design creates interest.
"M expressed as she was leaving yesterday, that she wishes I could finish faster. I laughed and told her my dear spiritual father had written that he hoped I could finish by Christmas. But alas, nearly 17 years ago after my private procession of hermit vows in a most beautiful ceremony, I was told the first three of what became nine S’. Yes, I had been told to try to go forth living out these three words: Silence, Solitude, and Slowness.
"It is so inspired! So it is that “slowness” is perhaps quite difficult to endure and with which to contend. Slowness requires waiting, it seems: Waiting while yet existing, waiting while attempting to think or feel or do much of anything. It is slowness that is required if one is to live in the Order of the Present Moment.
"So I said to M that somehow the Lord is even making me work all the more slowly—such as the caulk coming up with the tape, thus requiring me to re-caulk and then later to do all that touch-up painting along the baseboards and all other trim around closet doors and such.
"And I never know how my body will be when I wake up, such as today I had hoped to have had that laundry hall already painted a final coat, but rather I am still needing to rest the pained body, even with the low dose pain pill I took and a cup of coffee consumed. At least I’m dressed, and I will do that painting yet today. But there is always the chance that I’d have to wait another day….
"So slowness is something that is quite a teacher; and while yesterday’s boost brought more accomplished in here, I can only go at whatever pace the Lord allows.
"There is a song by a gifted song writer that has some lyrics that remind me of the two of us, as we wait and suffer in this temporal world.
"'But the ending always comes at last.
Endings always come too fast.
They come too fast
But they pass too slow….'
"Since it is said that we are only here as pilgrims and all temporal things pass, I find it so true that as we age it seems time passes so quickly, but when we get to our later years and are more physically hindered, it all passes so very slowly. Yet in the way we try to live in that slowness, how we live and accept slowness, is perhaps 'Wisdom reflected in her works'.
"I’m trying to have a blind faith as far as just passing each day as slowly as is required, for I cannot push more than my body or even my soul can push. While I can seem to make great progress in some bit of work, there is always the potential for it to end up being slowed down by extra steps required; and there is always the reality that the Lord could allow some type of added suffering to keep me from doing, thinking, or consciously praying.
"He is teaching and proving that He is in charge of time and the speed of passage, and of what one might complete or not complete, and when or not. But the attitude we possess is something He notes and desires in the waiting and in slowness.
"M was eager--perhaps a bit impatient--for me to get more of this renovation finished; and sometimes others have been that way. And I used to be that way, impatient for progress to be swift and then frustrated when not. And 'not' is the norm; slowness the norm. Frustration ensues; and errors and calamities the result in desiring faster rather than accepting slowness.
"Thus, slowness has become a comfortable friend to me, and I think you have known this friend, as well, for a long time. Slowness is in Wisdom, and Wisdom is vindicated by her works. When something is lived slowly, it is more subtle yet also more rich and impressive in some ways.
"Another Scripture verse lends to this: 'It is in waiting [patience] that one shall possess one’s soul.'
"Anyway I’m ever grateful that I was told early on as a Catholic hermit to live in silence, solitude, and slowness."
To add to the above correspondence...the other day, someone sent a text message: All good things come to those who wait. I'd forgotten that adage. Another is: Haste makes waste. I'm just remembering now something Jesus told me in a vision over five years ago. He told me to "Wait"--that He'd come back to take me with Him. That ultimate, blessed waiting seems ever-so-slow!
