Catholic Hermit: Labor Day Thoughts

I've not written at all lately other than correspondence.  The suffering continues as much if not more than ever, but that is to be expected even if not wanted.  Adhesive Arachnoiditis symptoms continue on progressively.  The other morning awoke with one of the worst of pain sieges involving the head in the upper ranges of pain thus far after 36 years of pain since the accident and 33 years since the surgeries and death experience.  Turns out I had another ailment--an infection--going on concurrently.  Antibiotics will help the infection.  God only knows the why and wherefore of suffering, truly.

So it is Labor Day, and I listened to Mass on EWTN (Eternal Word Television Network).  Can watch it on laptop via live stream at certain times they offer, or on youtube at any time. I was more interested in today's Scriptures than the comments on Labor Day itself.  The mystical ecstasies have not occurred during Masses seen as if from one world into another world far, far away.   There is subtle effect if the homilies (or sermons) are based on the Scripture; the more spiritually based the sermons, the better.  So it was when in past I was able to be at Mass in a church and with a Tabernacle in vicinity.  Always the mystical state would be far more profound if the sermons were spiritual and not with temporal, personal anecdotes or sharing.  Definitely the ecstasies would be as if I was bound in hell wanting to escape if there were aspects at the altar or the celebrant that the Holy Spirit knew not good.  It had nothing to do with anything I as a mortal could detect, of course. When in ecstasy, our mortal faculties are as if set aside.

This summer I continued some net-casting in this locale, this diocese.  All doors closed.  I had decided to be honest about my mystical life; that is very unnerving to Catholic parishioners and priests and even bishops, on a whole.  But having been passed through some type of what was said to me within is a "mystic portal" on Pentecost in June, there was impetus to simply be as I am, as God has me, and take and accept what may.  I suppose this is another level of detachment for the mind, heart, and soul.

The final net cast happened to be the leader of a parish's lay spiritual directors.  A woman, older and who had received spiritual direction certification from mostly online courses of some sort from an Episcopalian priestess' spiritual direction certification program, begun in California but she expanded it to be available for those in other states--that woman had emailed in response to some inquiries.  She was not happy with my questioning why a more new age type person who was the contact man for the online program instead of getting certification from some of the several offered by Catholic universities which are also mostly online but contain Catholic theology as well as counseling points to learn when one counsels others?

I did then apologize sincerely, for when I saw a photo online of the woman lay leader, I realized she was quite a bit older, and her "companioning" others was likely not the spiritual direction that I had in mind or that was more in depth.  She called it companioning, and that suggests being company for lonely persons, encouraging them to pray or such.  So I thought perhaps she might be or know of someone with similar interests in reading or spiritual writing or mystical situation as I deal with.  I emailed some thoughts and that I needed prayer to discern what topic God might want me to write in a more formal way or focused way, with perhaps more length than blog posts.  I decided to use the "m-word" and said I need prayer and discernment if I should write of experiences in my "life as a mystic."

Well, that did it.  It always does.  Same with the parish secretary. I had decided it was best to cast the net even in pulling up stakes from parishes and allow the Lord to do with me as He wills--that I would be as if totus Tuus to Christ--belonging to God Alone and not with parishes and dioceses.  (Thus why watching Mass on EWTN--it is not a parish nor diocese but a small Franciscan religious community of a few priests and three brothers.  And my mystical life is unknown to them, of course, and I am anonymous to them as they are to me other than I can get to know and sense them through my little laptop window to the world.)

The parish secretary had emailed me to say that the parish priest did not read my emails or if anything, only a line and then nothing more.  I had sensed that, of course, but she mentioned the staff and she decided to let me know--so I suspected the staff may have included the priest.  It always amazes me that I can explain that I sense things, or other aspects of mystic beings of which we cannot help it nor choose it; mystics are born this way.  It is nothing one can decide to "be".  And, frankly, I can't think anyone would want it given how it creates all kinds of troubles for the mystics, all through life if one lives very long.

I had responded the secretary that I knew that, but my writing was cathartic, all the same, and needed to be written.  And that some things written would have been good for the priest to have read, but it is God's signal to me of a door closed, a net pulled up and empty.  I dared mention the secretary that this type of situation seems to occur with mystics from what I've read of them in the many books I have--books that are not re-writes simplified of the books written and translated from those who either knew the mystic or lived closer to the time in which the mystic was alive; and if writings included by the mystic, then all the better. 

Just the mention of the "m-word" with Catholics seems to upset them and cause them to judge.  They don't want to think they are judging and sometimes respond with, "I am not judging you, but...."  There is always the "but."  The last priest I spoke with in the diocese was that of the Cathedral, and I could see in his eyes (our mouths and noses covered with our masks in this time of Covid-19 pandemic so no reading the nuances of his lips or chin or nose) that he had turned off shortly into his asking me about where I had been going to Mass and my mention of being a Catholic convert 25 years ago. He wanted to know how it was that I became Catholic?  Well, that very much involves a series of supernatural events including locutions and visions as well as amazing aspects of God reaching into the temporal of my life in the conversion process over ten years' time in which the Holy Spirit was quite involved, as well.  I'm not sure I used the m-word then, but no doubt I did the colder his eyes became.

There is no sense at this phase of life and the occurrence on Pentecost of passing through this mystic portal thing, whatever it is, to be mincing words anymore.  There is no more trickery, no glossing over the mystic reality and being taken in to a parish only to have the priest and parishioners going into the mode that has been handed down to them for centuries. I figure it started to be this way for mystics in the Middle Ages, for in the early Church, Christians were far more open to mystical experiences and spirituality of some; it was the non-Christians who stoned St. Paul and eventually cut off his head.  But by Joan of Arc's century, mystics were being quite harshly judged, questioned, doubted, shunned, and horribly mistreated.

I consider that in our century, mystics who are in the Catholic Church are considered a problem, a disruption, or otherwise a mentally ill or emotionally psychotic or downright charlatan.  There is more shunning and negation as a person, and a non-welcoming aspect or if told allowed to come to Mass, are very discouraged from it.  The last priest I spoke with said of course the church is open to all Catholics, but he then said go to the parish you had been going to--and this despite my telling him I was not allowed to be in the main church but was told to be in a room without even a tabernacle but with a screen for the live-streamed Mass, and it was better to watch EWTN on my laptop than do the added sitting and driving only to be reminded that I was different and not to be with the normal people in the big church!

So the leader of the lay spiritual directors emailed back saying she did not want to correspond with me--even though she said she was not judging me, but that God chooses mystics.  Well, yes, He does.  The point?  I suppose it was that God does not choose them currently or at least not in this area or not in whatever area I came from previously, nor wherever I was born.  The parish secretary never responded once I used the m-word and described some of what I'd been through and the net-casting I was doing to see if it was even possible for a mystic to be accepted--a plain and simple human person who happens to be a mystic, and otherwise nothing unusual that is noticeable aside from ecstasies during Mass.

That concluded my net-casting of many nets prior.  The Holy Spirit then reminded me vividly of the last vision and locution that involved Jesus Himself.  It was the vision and locution surrounding the actual marriage ceremony of the mystical marriage and banquet following, and my pleading for consummation. But Jesus told me no, that he had to tend to other souls but would be back to consummate our marriage and to take me with Him.  However, Jesus gave me instructions, very clearly.  He said to remain strong.  He told me to wait.  Then He showed me a group--kind of like a gaggle--of priests and Catholic parishioners who were pointing and staring and whispering gossip about me and priests doubting and dismissive of me.  Jesus said firmly:  Pay no attention to them!  And, the last words He spoke were a repeat, but much more forcefully, of the:  REMAIN STRONG.

As I was reviewing in detail that marriage and banquet, the intense love and desire for Jesus to consummate our marriage, and then of what were the last words He spoke to me some 8 years ago this week--I realized that I'd taken much of it literally as it needed to be taken literally.  I have tried to remain strong (not always strong but try to do so!) and I have waited.  Yes, I literally have waited.  But I have not taken literally the "Pay no attention to them!" directive by Jesus.  I have paid attention, I have continued to push on parish doors and doors of priests and three bishops--and those doors have either not opened or if opened, just a crack or for a temporary time enough for the priests to say "no" repeatedly in word or in action such as shunning or coming up with excuses as to why I was not welcome.

So I decided recently to take Jesus seriously in all that vision and locution.  What a difference it has made once I got over the feeling sorry for myself and then a bit of disgust that I was so weak and pathetic as to think surely He did not mean it.  I reviewed when was that mystical marriage and banquet and the message of Jesus to me--and that I thought moving to another location would help.  Maybe Jesus just meant pay no attention to the priests and parishioners in that diocese.  After all, they were telling me directly I could not come to their parishes and telling parishioners to run me out if I came.  Seriously.  They meant business!  But in the next area God kept the doors closed even when I tried hard to push them open. And here, one door did open, but to what?  To a room with a screen; and then the Lord had the spine worsen and a major surgery and unable to go, anyway.  But then even with trying to find a kindred type or spiritual director--NO.  The nets repeatedly  came up empty.  

And the good part of all this is that I am no longer blaming others, nor am I blaming myself!  Jesus meant that directive literally as much as he meant "wait" and "remain strong" literally!  This is all part of having passed through the mystic portal (what the Holy Spirit called it back in 2012 around the time of the mystical marriage and wedding banquet).  But God in His kindness and patience let me refuse the mystic portal passage while I cast nets port and starboard, aft and stern in various parishes in a couple more dioceses.  Then God laid me low but still had doors close when I'd inquire via emil or meet in person with a couple more priests and parishioners.  Jesus says in Scripture let your yes mean yes and your no mean no. Well, in striving after God in Three Persons, I realized that the Trinity's yes means yes, and Their no means no!

I've been told under no uncertain terms and repeatedly:  No.  Pay no attention to them.    I am taking the Lord literally now, and there is progress and more peace!  There is also plenty of pain of suffering, and the week after the final priest's being horribly dismissive and the doors closing elsewhere in major shut-downs, I admit to being very, very low in spirit.  But remember that we are never forsaken by the Lord, and so it is true that even with the horrible pain siege of a few days ago and still sick with the infection on top of the usual Adhesive Arachnoiditis pain, I woke up this Labor Day morning here in the USA, and I realized I am a real hermit now.  I am a real Catholic hermit!  

Then I come upon the comments that somehow I could not see from the older blogger format.  One of them I deleted for the person was very angry with me for I had right before my surgery last summer suggested I could not keep emailing.  I had emailed this spring or early summer to see how she was doing.  I never heard back.  Somehow she had blocked me after I said I could not keep corresponding last summer, but I did not know that; and so my email or contacting her via video comment section really upset her terribly.  So I am sorry, although I doubt she will see this.  I did not realize she had taken it so hard when I explained I could not continue corresponding.  No, I needed space and time to deal with the surgery upcoming, and the person was wanting to email fairly often and wanting more contact and attachment than what I could do.

Other readers have left comments, and I will try to figure out how to respond. For now, I think I simply clicked to post them.  Please accept my apologies for I never saw the comments until today!  But to the one person who wrote at length in rather frustrated mode as to why I vacillated on the issue of canonically approved hermit vocation for diocese hermits or simply being a consecrated Catholic hermit of the traditional, historical type--the vacillation was due to a woman CL603 hermit who for 13 years had stalked and detracted me, and she is all-in for canonical approval for various reasons that I do not agree with.  

And just the other day I noticed one of her buddies whose email and contact information is listed with this lady's CL603 blog--the buddy who is kind of like a "fixer" for the CL603 hermit and used to leave such angry and nasty comments several years ago that I closed comments for a few years until awhile ago.  Well, the buddy, a woman also, had viewed a site online for people to connect with, that someone had set up for me years ago thinking it would be good.  I do not use that site but have not figured out how to unsubscribe or whatever.  They send notices if someone has been looking, and sure enough, this other woman had.  And lo and behold, I read her information, and she belongs to and says she is a priest--with title of reverend--in a made up Independent Catholic Celtic Church of some sort.  There are several women priests and a couple male priests and a male "bishop" in this made-up but very actual "church" they consider some type of Catholic, I suppose. (See: https://www.celticchristianchurch.org/clergy.)

I was stunned.  Not only did the CL603 hermit lady whose attacks and persecutions of me as a consecrated Catholic hermit caused me consternation for years  and a lot of ups and downs and back and forth on if God wanted me to be CL603 when visions and locutions indicated He did not want that at all--but then I found out her own bishop is not even aware of her and vicar general wanted nothing to do with her when I finally contacted them in hopes they could get her to cease and desist her online doxxing and detracting and stalking.  I'm sure they also have no idea that her alternate person on her hermit blogsite is a woman priest in a made up Catholic church (there are offshoots dotted around a few places in the country).  But I ultimate laughed when I realized how the devil was in all that, and all the more I find the CL603 hermit situation too much for bishops to even supervise, for the most part.  

Well, it was yet another affirmation as if I needed any more, that God definitely did not want me to have anything to do with it. That is the temporal Catholic world in its complexity in addition to the temporal Catholic world's goodness of parishes and priests and outreach programs and bona fide religious orders and societies of the faithful, of the married and single Catholics all over the world.  As for me, I remain and always in this life will be a victim soul, mystic, consecrated Catholic hermit, and bride of Christ.

God knows what He is doing.  The problem is, we don't always discern as God intends; but God in his loving mercy and patience, gives us all the time we need to figure it out the way He wants us to live and be and love Him in Himself and above all things, and to love others as He loves.

And God does answer our prayers in big ways.  I was in my acceptance of remaining strong, waiting, and paying no attention to parish priests and parishioners and all that entails.  I pray for them; I love them; but I am on the other side of the mystic portal now.  I do not belong to that other world.  I have been told that, also, by God and His heavenly messengers.  But I tend to not trust, always, especially that which I don't want to hear and trust!  So I had been thinking of getting a hypo-allergenic dog, thinking maybe my pain was not maybe as bad to be keeping me in bed so much, and that a dog would force me to get up in the morning.  I thought it would be a creature that is always accepting and would not mind if I were a mystic or not!  So it was getting closer to the time to choose which pup and then four more weeks or so to get the pup.  I asked Jesus quite directly to let me know if I should get a dog or not--but added on to please tell me in a dream or vision or some other way than through more suffering...please!  

Well, God answers our prayers in whatever way He knows is necessary for us to get it and get it straight, no questions asked, no wriggle room.  The next morning I awoke early with such a horrific spinal headache with lumbar, legs and feet on fire with burning pain--that even trying to text was an ordeal, but I made one quick text to the lovely young wife and mother who had the darling puppies--and told her no way can I have a dog! Please remove me from the list.  Said I was in a pain siege and no way could I have even let a dog outside!  Serious pain siege!  She texted back did I mean it, and I had enough ability to squint to type, "Yes.  Sorry."  

I'm still in bed with this siege and God tossed in an infection I've never had all these years until now, for good measure.  I'd put a deposit on the dog since I need one that is hypoallergenic and those don't just show up in the shelters.  That loss of deposit as it was non-refundable will be added reminder, and thanks be to God I did not pay the rest and even try the puppy.  I will dedicate the money to helping the hurricane victims in Louisiana and other good causes.  I know the pain is as God has it, and the being laid low by it is as God has it. And my adult children and grandchildren in their independent and active, responsible lives are as God has them.  There is very little contact and communication; that is for valid and good reasons God has let me fully understand.  

God has me where and how He wants me, while I wait, while I remain strong.  God is taking care of and has the priests and parishioners in their lives where and as He wants them.  I am free now, for the Holy Spirit and my angel to show me around what is on the other side of the mystic portal.  Even though I have not come across that term in the writings of mystics thus far--or at least not in that specificity of wordage--I will be looking for that aspect in some other form of it in Scripture and in the writings of mystics and great spiritual writers through the centuries of Christianity and the prophets prior.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: Awoke Early, Weary

Awoke early.  Turned off ice pump as lately the skin and tissue of spinal incision area has been horribly itchy with welts and such; yet without being on the icy pad for long the nerve pain down legs and into feet is quite obvious and painful.

But my thoughts immediately upon awakening go to waiting for Jesus.  I read the daily Mass scriptures.  I've tried to download some articles on discernment by the late Fr. Ernest Larkin, O. Carm., but no matter, the websites I try repeatedly, are not downloading.  I had tried last night, as well.  I could get a couple articles through a third-party website but were overviews of Teresa's prayer points--recollection and quiet, plus verbal of the Our Father deepening with our focusing and knowing Christ is within us.

I push aside thoughts of which I wrote to Fr. Vincent last night, not that he will receive depending on his community's internet service in Nigeria.  Another two-page plus postage-paid return envelope arrived in the mail yesterday.  It was yet another plea on fine vellum stationery, with four-color print photos of a lovely monastery and rounds, and started off telling me that since I am too busy to pray with my hectic life...and on from there explaining how these Benedicting monks will pray for me and what amount of check will I write and send them, and they will pray for me.  At least this is the short version of two full pages of convincing me that I don't have time to pray, but they do, and to send money.

I push aside thoughts of the long-time friend and relative, and know within that I must let all that go.  The Lord is clearing that which I can do nothing more.  

I pray for those who have asked my prayers, and I do that with mental prayer, or so it seems, although anymore I do not know what level it is that I am praying.  But not verbal mostly other than now and then, such as when walking yesterday, I used specific words in thanking all the saints and all the holy souls including my late parents and grandparents and relatives and friends who have passed.  I particularly thanked them for helping me rear my children, adults now for some years.

But as to my prayer life and focus, I know despite how much silence in my life, my mind is distracted with thoughts and with situations which I realize keep turning in my mind in thoughts and prayers, in love, but truly without resolution for there is nothing to do but let go of so much thought.  Just let go.

I cannot even get through the two articles of the above-mentioned Carmelite.  They seem to be so many words of which I've read similar in the past, and I realize my mind is wearied with words.  Too much outer distraction; mind filled with thoughts.  I keep returning to that, yet thankfully my thoughts return to Christ other than when I intentionally use externals to take me far from the deeper thoughts which seem to plague.   I then turn to escape, letting the mind escape by external distractions that take no effort but yet are not silent.  But somehow they silence my mind, take it away from itself.

Yesterday in writing to Fr. Vincent, I reminded him of one of the last times we saw each other in person, or I think it was.  The night before I'd had the experience of my mystical wedding and banquet following.  It was an event of major proportions, of course, spiritually and otherwise, for the Lord gave me specific instructions of which yesterday while walking I reconnected with the simplest part of His instructions:  Wait.  He told me when I'd begged for consummation of our marriage, that I was to wait.  He had to leave and go to help some other souls but would return for me, and I was to wait for him.  

Fr. Vincent at the time said most often when there is a mystical marriage of this degree and level, the consummation will come at earthly death.  I don't know, but I have relaxed much from efforts;  I have fond it hard to study and read other than small portions of Scripture.  I am weary with pain of various types and yet distract with what probably is not best; yet I realize that I am indeed in a mode of waiting.  I am waiting for Jesus to come back for me.  Just waiting, and I evidently am fairly content in the waiting.

It feels as if I'm being lazy in this waiting, and I feel and think that I am not using time wisely in the waiting since I am not so focused on effort in the work of exercises and study.  I will try yet again today; I think I will attempt to read from a book.  But I am weak and weary and prefer easy distractions.  We will see.  

But for sure, I wait, and I know and realize I am waiting for Jesus to return, as He asked.  And I'm paying no attention to those He showed me who were being critical of me, uncomfortable with me for being to them, different, and were perhaps fearful of me in that regard, as well.  He said pay no attention to them.  I remember this and see the still, in a gathering, a group, looking at me and talking among themselves.  Distractions, only, but stay clear of such.

In the waiting for Jesus to return for me, it is peaceful and sweet when I take simply what comes rather than try to reach in.  My walks yesterday provided some encounters, in passing.  They were lovely and chosen by God, these encounters of brief interchange with others who know nothing of me than I've had back surgery and am new neighbor and out walking as part of recovery.  We exchange pleasantries, and I always encourage in whatever they are doing, like the elderly man walking with a cane telling me of a recent diagnosis of a terrible inner ear problem that is not really treatable.

I am reminded of aspirational prayer, and of the deep thoughts of this past week, such as the intensity of the man Randall's sharing of his story of evidently infused gift of being able to not feel physical pain, to transcend it, and that he now approaches all with love and from a place of gratitude. I consider the Psalm of today's Mass readings, and of Psalms each day as being gratitude, praise, and of aspirational gratitude as a way of life.  Aspirational prayer such as a loving sigh or as interior sensing love of God.  This is prayer: loving God.

Weary and waiting, I am.  But filled with love and acceptance, and grateful that God is clearing from my outer world, and at some point I will let go of what remains of which I think and feel through as a process of acceptance of what all best to let go.  Content and enjoying life, yes, while I wait in Jesus' words and promise.

Returning to more silence, I'm being assisted by God and those to whom I've reached out for help in this, souls not earthly, not temporal.  And I wait for Jesus to come back to consummate the marriage.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Spiritual Reading, Spiritual Progress, Suffering

 "It was fitting that God, for whom and through whom all things exist, in bringing many children to glory, should make the pioneer of their salvation perfect through sufferings" (from Hebrews, Chapter 1). 

This Scripture, from one of this hermit's favorite books of the Bible, spoke sensible reminder this morning, regarding suffering.  Am in such pain!  And while Jesus is the pioneer of our salvation through His sufferings, we bear our sufferings through, with, and in His Real Presence--the Trinity in us, deep in our souls.

Must have stood too long in one spot, rolling the dozens of St. Bernard Love of God Bourbon Balls the other day, despite breaking the efforts into three segments of time, including one segment the night before.  Then yesterday made a first and second batch of Fortitude Fudge and for the first time used the new stove.

Too tired to drive the distance to the post office, but figured out how to schedule a pick up here at the hermitage.  At first, when trying to schedule on line, kept getting a message that the address did not match their records.   Called the post office, and a kindly postal worker took the information, said this has never happened before, would research and call back.

When she called a short time later, she informed that this nothing Catholic hermit (did not refer to me as such, of course) had its own address wrong!  So, explaining the chronic pain was wrestling for top spot in the brain, she took pity and repeated the address so this nothing could write it down.  Have been here nearly two years.  Ah, the ravages of pain.

Today am resting, obviously.  But am reflecting upon the phone book discussion with the young spiritual friend, thousands of miles away.  She has come to the recognition that what the author writes is ultra-intellectual and wordy, and the extended quotes of St. Teresa are more understandable than all the words and explanations of the late author.  Nothing hermit chuckled and admitted it had felt that way, too.  

But we agreed that for those who perhaps had no background at all in the spiritual life nor in the lives of two great saints, the book might be helpful and all the explanations--those of the saints and those of the late author trying to better explain what the saints explain--might be just what those readers need.  The young, married woman and mother did add that her spiritual director said last time they met, that reading St. Teresa's Way of Perfection is next.

Yes.  Why is it that some priests or ourselves (and perhaps mostly us) think we cannot make sense of what the saints write, and thus turn to books that interfere with the one-on-one relationship we could have directly with the saint and his or her own thoughts, put down in writing and available centuries after their earthly passings?

When trying to locate what the late great Adolphe Tanquerey wrote about fortitude, in his section on virtues, in his excellent book The Spiritual Life: A Treatise on Ascetical and Mystical Theology--came upon a section had forgotten.  He writes specifically on spiritual direction as well as why have a rule of life, and what ought be included.  Plus, he advises that we select only the best of the books to read, written by the saints themselves, as well as the Scriptures, of course.

There is always good to be found in books written by others trying to explain what the saints wrote and meant and taught.  And so the young friend and the nothing Catholic hermit, discussed what stood out from St. Teresa's "mansions" metaphor to describe aspects of the soul's progression through prayer, through the purgative (senses), illuminative (mind), and into the unitive (soul united with God) way.

She was uncertain how a person in the 7th mansion--having experienced not only the betrothal but ultimately the mystical marriage, union with the Divine, could still have temptations to despair, struggles, ups and downs.  St. Teresa's excellent description proved useful in answering.  She explains it is like a king who is in his palace, on his throne, secure in his position as king of the kingdom.  

Yet out in the kingdom there can be battles raging, and chaos and despair, hardships and trials swirling about.  (The king might even be called to leave his palace to help fight the foes.)  But all the while, the king is either physically in his palace or otherwise secure in knowing he is the king, and that his chair and seat of power remains secure, as depicted by his throne in the palace.

It is for souls, as well, when the various phases are passed, and the soul has experienced much, including betrothal and some form of raptures and then mystical marriage or union.  Even in the mystical marriage and union, there will be struggles.  One week could be great temptations to despair; the next week there could be blissful peace.  

However, the soul when in this "mansion" or phase of the spiritual life, has arrived at the great and firm awareness that His Real Presence, the Trinity, has made His abode in the soul and remains there, no matter what.  The soul knows this despite battles raging in its daily life, or even battering right up to the "walls" of the soul itself.  Yet, the Trinity, His Real Presence, remains constant and fills the inner sanctum of the soul.

For this nothing Catholic hermit, the reminder has proven encouraging and powerful.  We can judge ourselves (beyond what others may enjoy judging of us) for backsliding or not progressing spiritually.  Shouldn't we have blissful existences, all be a bed of roses, have constantly beaming faces--when we come to union with His Real Presence while yet on earth?

Not so, at least not all the time or even often.  Maybe people think that would be the case, and judge others (or we castigate ourselves) if we do not come to such existence.  In fact, Teresa reminds that if we have what she calls raptures, eventually they can subside.  She explains they occur when the mind fears the unknown, and when His Real Presence takes the soul away with Him for periods of time, in a unitive bliss, yes, it stems from protecting the soul in a way, from such ecstatic love experience with the Divine.  When the soul gradually loses that fear and is more accustomed to His Real Presence in direct embraces of the soul, the raptures may dwindle and sometimes cease altogether.

This, too, is reassuring to nothing Catholic hermit.  There is renewed courage.  And as for salvation being perfected through sufferings--the pioneer of perfecting our salvation through sufferings--we know that all we suffer on this earth is purifying fire, perfecting, when united with His sufferings.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another, for God Is Love!

[Not sure why sometimes the text is on white background rather than the blog post background.  Kind of visually annoying, but what is that little outer battle compared to His Real Presence having His Abode in us?]

Spirit of Truth: Remain in His Love

When the Spirit of truth comes, 
he will guide you into all the truth; 
for he will not speak on his own, 
but will speak whatever he hears, 
and he will declare to you 
the things that are to come. 

But the Advocate, 
the Holy Spirit, 
whom the Father will send in my name, 
will teach you everything,
and remind you of all that 
I have said to you.  (John 16:13)

The heat here in the desert of this Patmos, my place of exile, slows the manual labor efforts.  My right shoulder is unusually painful, as well.  Perhaps the sharp pain is from dragging the water hose in attempts to keep trees, shrubs and perennials alive?  I consider Christ's shoulder wound.

Thanks be to God for Raphael, the man God sent like an angel to help me with good work done and fair prices.  Yesterday he allowed Francesco to work with me here; today Raphael needed Francesco for another job requiring all his workers.  Francesco will return, though.  We are going to build a stair landing.

Today I removed more siding before the heat was too much.  I have returned to using my left arm more and am now icing the right shoulder.  So Francesco's assistance with framing in a large window will be most appreciated.  God has "winged" me, and I pray this is but a strain.  No more shoulder surgeries, please, His Real Presence!

 

 But building a new stairway--this excites beyond measure!  I know I will learn more about the Stairway to Heaven in this temporal, construction attempt.  But first the landing to be built under the existing stairway that is too narrow and steep, the risers and treads not to code.

When reading the above Scripture, I had not noticed previously  Jesus distinguishing the Spirit of truth, seemingly, from the Advocate, the Holy Spirit.  The Spirit of truth speaks what he hears and foretells things to come and will lead us into truth.  The Advocate, the Holy Spirit, is sent by the Father in Jesus' name and will teach us everything and will remind us what Jesus has said to us.

It practically seems like two Spirits, but of course, there is One.  I did some research, and else- where in His Living Word, the Spirit of truth and the Holy Spirit, the Paraclete, the Advocate, are used inter- changeably for the Third Person of the Trinity:  the Holy Spirit.



However, I truly appreciate the distinguishing points of the Spirit--as one who leads us into truth, who repeats what is told Him and declares what is to come.  I am not sure why the transitional "but", other than we are given more facets of the Holy Spirit.  I am going to ask His Real Presence to enlighten me or guide me to whatever commentary if I am missing something of Jesus' explanation.

Since posting my previous two sharings of spiritual experiences, I have pondered the reasons as to why share these, today?  Why share these particular ones, and what use for me or anyone?

I suppose these particular ones came to mind for a reason I may not know.  They just came back to me when starting to write.  Why share them at all?  Well, I am in the Letting-Go prayer for another which involves my letting go, as well.  I am letting go of some very negative circumstances of which I may yet write as part of the letting go, but it seems quite positive to ponder anew how God is so real.  

His Real Presence, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, is right here, for us, interacting and wanting us to hear and recognize the practical and marvelous ways in which he guides and helps our lives, daily and nightly.  We just ask His help, recognize deeply we need His help, and in faith know He will help.  Then we experience the help and praise Him and all the more know His Real Presence as present within us and us within Him.

This is not for play-acting or to start seeking some kind of unusual occurrences.  It is for real, and not seek--we can expect some kind of unusual occurrences....

By "unusual", I mean that we will start experiencing the loving touches of God in us through some little nudge or thought-flashing or encounter with another person or thing.  We might have some memory or wonderment.  We might have some ache or pain or conversation or daydream.

We should not dismiss these occurrences, for within them there is something of His Real Presence.  Look and listen!  Expect to find Him and hear Him because He is so real and lives in us and us in Him.  Remain in His Love.

 

That was another thought when I checked the outside heat to see if it was low enough to go out and continue watering the thirsty plants--these living, created beauties crying out like Jesus did on the cross, "I thirst!"  Jesus thirsted at various levels.  He physically thirsted for tangible water, but he also thirsted for the salvation of our souls.  And He thirsted to be with His Father in Heaven, to complete the temporal mission, and to assume His Real Presence as God in Three Persons.

Anyway, the thought surged to my mind and lips as I sat on the only "chair" in this place, a step-stool.  I cried it out from deep within where He surely dwells and silently exclaimed:  I am so in LOVE with YOU! 

Somehow, having such intimacy brought up from the spiritual memory and writing--sharing examples of how we learn to be more aware after offering ourselves to be utilized in any ways He desires--gave me a sense of exuberant, expressed love for His Real Presence. 

Despite trials, including the painful shoulder that keeps me from much work, including the heat causing the rods in my back to heat and tissues swell, thus pressing on damaged nerves up and down the spine, radiating throughout this mortal body-- despite traumatic memories of the past and any trials of the present:  
I love Him.  

I am sure that kind of surging expression to Him a bit ago in the silent heat of Patmos exile, was the Spirit of truth, the Holy Spirit, guiding my thoughts and lips, my heart and soul.  The Advocate was reminding me that Jesus said:  Remain in my Love!

What also excites me is remembering what the Spirit of truth told Dr. H. years ago, that the ways in which I experience God is not just for me.  It is for everyone who seeks and loves Him, for those who need help, ask for His help, and believe and receive Him in great faith. 

His Real Presence is for everyone who believes and has faith and who loves Him!   When we love Him so very much, we give over to Him in every way, even though the stripping and painful crosses required in letting go of ourselves can be confusing and painful at times.

There will be the consolations.  There will be the betrothal, the mystical wedding, the consummation of the marriage.  As to the consummation, a priest friend told me it often, but not always, occurs just before or at physical death.  That is something yet to experience and find out.  When will He come to consummate the marriage?

It does not matter when, for every moment is being lived in His Real Presence, true love and true lovers are we.  Yes, this is not just for me but for everyone.  I have prayed to have my joy and delight in His Real Presence return after such oppressive encounters and severe persecutions.  I have prayed that Jesus will be enough for me.  

Remain in His Love!  Let the Spirit of truth speak words of Love to His Real Presence within us and us in Him.  God bless His Real Presence in us: talking, showing, teaching, guiding, consoling, embracing, resting in silence.