Catholic Hermit: Moved Into Hermitage

It's been an exhausting several days.  After four and a half months of staying with two sets of relatives, this tired and pained consecrated Catholic hermit is finally in a new-to-me hermitage.

Solus Deus:  God alone.

A week ago yesterday the Lord took the wheel of my pickup truck, Precious Blood, and helped me endure 15 hours of interstate-mostly driving through parts of four states and the entire length of yet one more state.  At one point, exhausted, I took an exit by error, although someone had said to get from one interstate to another in a certain town.  So I took the exit that stated the town's name.

Well, I took the instructions too literally.  I was to stay on the one interstate until it intersected the other interstate near that town.  However, an hour and a half later, having seen some side-road vistas and having met six kindly town-persons who kindly gave instructions as to how to get out of the town and find the interstate needed to get to the intersection that would take me yonder in correct direction to my final destination, the man at the post office proved to have the right way.

I spent two nights in an Airbnb (a room to rent via internet reservation but breakfast is generally not included, thus actually an Airb...) whose lovely owner had a floor bed ready for me as I arrived rather late in the evening.  She also, the next morning, gave me strong, hot coffee and made a healthy bowl of oatmeal and allowed me to unwind, for I was in no physical shape to even attempt driving nearby for breakfast out.  I gave her some added money for her kindness--of which she did not want to accept but finally agreed to take what I offered, for Airbnb hosts really do not make a lot of money on their reasonable offerings, and this woman in particular is between phases in her life and has needs.

She was reared Catholic but has lapsed as have so many I encounter, here and there.  She is a gentle, peaceful, and most beautiful soul who tended her parents' in their passing two weeks apart from one another and within two weeks of her brother (their son) passing unexpectedly.  About the same time, her husband of 20 years called her to say he did not want to be married anymore.  This was a couple or more years ago, but still, the impact of the suffering she has borne was not lost on me, one bit.

She also has suffered recently from a torn shoulder and hopes to avoid surgery to repair it.  I'm praying she can have some miraculous healing.  But from my two-shoulder surgery experience, of which the first surgeon missed a major tear and dismissed my concerns for a year saying I was a malingerer and nothing wrong--I hope if no miraculous healing, that she will endure the quite painful surgery but which can fix the problem as she has a lot of life yet to live.  She's in my prayers and in my heart of gratitude, both.

So the house closing appointment came and went.  Both the bank mortgage man and my real estate agent came, as we'd been together in the house-hunting process for the four and a half months.  Each of these men are outstanding, kindly, honest, efficient, and professionals.  What a difference it makes in life when we are assisted in the temporal aspects we all must face and endure, when we have good people with whom we interact and make needful transactions.

Then I got a couple recommendations from the storage facility employees as to local movers, as well as some tips from my real estate agent and online research--and the next afternoon the remains of my earthly possessions were loaded onto trucks by four men.  Within 3.6 hours, the menagerie of mostly religious books and artwork, a few old pieces of furniture, and boxes of pots, pans, dishes, bedding and other temporal detritus of life were unloaded into the garage of Solus Deus, and only the few piece of furniture not requiring repair and refinishing, into the hermitage itself.

I asked them to put the boxspring and mattress of the bed I'd had way back in my Agnus Dei hermitage, six years ago, on the floor as I wanted to see if that then-firm bed my back could tolerate.  It is not bad; I slept on it most of three nights until the pain too much to deal with.  Back to the floor this hermit went; and on the floor for a bed this hermit shall for sleeping and pain sieges, remain.  

(At some point, I will try a piece of 3/8" subflooring on the mattress set and see if the pained back can cope with that added firmness.  Otherwise, I will build a platform with a plywood base, but up high enough so I can see out the windows to a lovely, natural, scenic view, when needing to recline for sleep or pain siege recovery.  I was "sold" on this hermitage--rather unnecessarily large but I have ideas for that aspect--due to the view onto nature and the peace and quiet of the area.  So be it and thanks be to God for the seller having dropped the price dramatically, at which point my agent and I pounced on it.  All went so smoothly and rapidly; the bank lender and agent opined when we were chatting at closing, that they'd never quite had one go so well and so fast.  God chose this one for me!  I'm so grateful to His Real Presence.)

I had the third MRI the pain doctor set up; this one is of the thoracic spine.  At some point sooner than later, he will get the results, go over them with me (and I will ask for a recap of the lumbar and neck MRI's as I was too pained and also stunned by his saying I need surgery), and we will discuss his referral to surgeon.  I will research in advance, being new to this area; and I also will ask for second opinion surgeons.  However, I've come to accept that if more surgery to clear up bone spurs, spinal stenosis, and more bulging discs and compressed discs that have come over the years after the major surgery back in 1987 following 1984 life-altering car accident, then I of course would love to feel any bit better.  That is all the pain doctor has to offer given how bad the MRI results, other than trying another medication he hopes will help any small amount during pain sieges.

So consecrated Catholic hermits or any hermit, still have to deal very much with the temporal, with people and professionals, with having a place to live and all that goes with life and living in this 21st century.  I have to wash out cupboards, wait until Friday for a Shop Vac to arrive, sweep out lower cabinets and closet, unpack dishes and pots and pans, hang up a few clothes, put away bathroom items.  

And soon, I hope and pray, I will unpack the marvelous library of rare and otherwise spiritual books on and by saints, mystics, hermits, spiritual masters and directors, religious order founders, and Scripture scholars.  My library collection has been boxed for nearly six years due to the previous hermitage, Te Deum, being what I later learned a cosmetically covered "tear down" dwelling.  Took five and a half years to gut and renovate, run out of money, and sell just in the nick of time.  Praise His Real Presence for all providence and love!

This hermitage, Solus Deus, has a lovely bonus room upstairs that will be the chapel and place of prayer as well as artistic and creative endeavor.  More on that another time.

For now, I share the following Scriptures read at Masses around the globe, a few days ago.  These I will separate from the aspect of what not to be, to the aspect of how to be in God's sight, in His footsteps, in His love.  So much is ours to choose, after all, which path, which attitude, which perspective, which way to live and be.  God is Love, and turning to and trusting in God is that of LOVE.

I pray you can apply these somewhat hard truths of the two aspects and ways of choosing, in your own circumstances and life.  This selection has been quite meaningful to me as of late.

Jeremiah 17:5-8

Thus says the LORD:
Cursed is the one who trusts in human beings,
who seeks his strength in flesh,
whose heart turns away from the LORD.
He is like a barren bush in the desert
that enjoys no change of season,
but stands in a lava waste,
a salt and empty earth.

Blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,
whose hope is in the LORD.
He is like a tree planted beside the waters
that stretches out its roots to the stream;
it fears not the heat when it comes;
its leaves stay green;
in the year of drought it shows no distress,
but still bears fruit.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love God above all things and others as ourselves!

Catholic Hermit: Next Phase

Much has transpired in temporal and spiritual life, as is usual for all of life.  I tend to forget that flora and fauna experience many transitions and phases in their daily lives, as well as do us humans.  Often, a challenge for humans is to be cognizant and sensitive to the transitions occurring in our fellow human beings, as there are as many trials and situations going on within others bodies, minds, hearts, and souls as in our own.

I've spent nearly five weeks staying at a family member's lovely and spacious home.  This cousin is married to a nearly life-long friend of mine, so in essence we are bonded in addition to childhoods shared, to being related through their marriage.  We have long and deep connections that span over five decades.

Over three months, the cousin experienced some type of extreme fatigue causing a break or shift in body and mind.  Many tests were administered; he was hospitalized for two or three weeks.  A team of health care professionals assists them now that he is home, with an aide coming two days a week while the other three he'd attend an outpatient group therapy program until recently.  Now a second aide is being interviewed today to assist him the three days since he no longer attends the group program.

The diagnosis has been elusive.  Tests are inconclusive, but a new neurologist on the case is scheduling more tests, for she does not think early dementia is accurate.  Depression was an early aspect of the diagnosis, but there seems to be some cognitive aspect to the rather mysterious malady that came to the forefront from extreme fatigue--driving a distance in heavy traffic to and from a very long work day in a professional career now coming to an end.  Physical balance was affected greatly.

I have been told by the cousin as well as his wife, that I my being there has been a great help to each of them in different ways.  And I assured them that their hosting me for this length of time was of benefit to me, also.   It had been past due time for me to get out from under the young family I was previously staying with while familiarizing myself with an area and its real estate market and seeking the next place to "be" for whatever time on earth the Lord wills me to remain.

Phases in life come and pass.  The phases of this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit have been short, recently: more temporary than most phases when we consider being in a place as part of a phase.  But there are various ways to view and examine "phases" in our lives.  There may be temporal phases of location, physical phases of health, emotional phases of relationships, mental phases of education, work, interactions, and spiritual phases of soul school and growth in virtues and close, loving relationship with His Real Presence--Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Today, for me, begins a new phase of temporal being.  Yes, each day on earth can be viewed as a new phase; but today is a new phase of greater magnitude as it will mean a temporal stability in locale and place to be, to exist, to enter once again into the silence of solitude as a consecrated eremite.  Tonight, barring some lifting out of life by God should He choose my earthly passing today, I will be sleeping on the floor of the next hermitage, Solus Deus: God Alone.

As I consider the great faith of the Syrophonecian woman depicted in today's Gospel reading for the Holy Mass, I pray that I might have that depth of faith and trust in the Lord to heal all wounds of body, heart, mind and spirit in those I know and love, and in those unknown to me on this earth.  I pray for healing for myself, and for the person--a stranger at first but no longer--with whom I've been staying for two nights while waiting to complete the necessary transactions one enters into when securing a place to live.

Being a hermit in the 21st century requires learning to consider the present moment in that a hermit of the fifth century or any previous time period, had to live according to the present moments of their society, laws, and cultures yet to remain true to their God-called way of eremitic life and live out their hiddenness and prayerful existences in praise of God to the best of their abilities and situations.

I know not what will be in this next phase, other than where I will physically be, finally, in Solus Deus, unpacking over time the books by which I learn increasingly from the great spiritual masters--hermits, mystics, spiritual directors, holy men and women who wrote of their lives, experiences and knowledge with and of God.  I will once more be in the solitude of silence, better able to live the hours of the day without considering them, yet with the rhythm of the Divine Office, interspersed with some manual labor, and always, of course, with my bodily suffering forming the greatest link of love with the Beloved, Jesus Christ, every holding onto Him in his crucified suffering.

I have another MRI coming up soon--this one of the thoracic spine.  And then, there will be a review with the doctor, and a referral to a surgeon to determine what surgery might help alleviate the difficulties that have arisen over the years, causing increasing pain and threatening proper use of limbs.  My damaged spine has taken a lot of hard use and has served me well in the temporal and spiritual phases of my life since the accident at age 33--my earthly, bodily crucifixion, of sorts.

Solus Deus will be a fascinating hermitage.  The way in which it all came to be and fell into place is, as God always has such aspects--miraculous in the unfolding.  How smoothly it all transpired.  I pray that I consider how phases--one after another--when willed by God seem so meant to be and flow smoothly and often rapidly, after lengths of seemingly torturous seeking and waiting.  

I asked God to choose the hermitage, and indeed He has.  I am not naive to think that there will not be soul school a plenty, nor freedom from suffering in Solus Deus.  But God Alone knows, and God is through me, with me, in me, as I am in Him, remaining in His Love on this temporal day on earth which we celebrate as St. Valentine's Day--a celebration of love of one another and love of God--lest anyone on earth forget that "God Is Love."

Catholic Hermit Shares Another Encouragement

I continue to rejoice and praise God for the good souls, for the righteous, for the kind people we encounter each day either in physical form in the real world or in thoughts and memories of the lovely.  Then I weep and pray for the bad souls, the ones who do not even think about the reality that they have a precious soul, that it is this soul God implanted into a fertilized egg in their mother's womb, co-created by a man's sperm in cooperation with God's power and mystical might.

So many people exist without thinking about the reality of souls.  They do not consider that this world is but a proving ground, a place of growth for our souls.  And these souls of ours are all we will have when we die to our bodies and to this world and life; these our souls will be what we will be for all eternity.

It is imperative that those of us who do know the value of and existence of souls must do all we can to pray for and help others keep from doing wrongs that harm their souls forever.  And, we must do all we can to keep our own souls vibrant and healthy, holy, and capable of goodness for eternity.

Other than these thoughts, I have fought to endure with tremendous physical pain.  Each added temporal battle--which are truly unnecessary if not for some bad mistakes people have chosen which cause extra suffering and trials to be overcome on top of physical pain--seems a weight that will crush me.  Yet, I pray and persevere and remember that it is God Who fights the battles for me.

I did call the parish office Saturday morning, weighted down with suffering and needing some encouragement, realizing that this hermitage needs blessing and any assistance of mystical power that the Church can offer.  Alas, it is not a positive result as there is still no return call, four days later.  The conclusion I sense is that the Lord is reminding me that He alone will be my guide, my support, my encouragement, my healer and provider.

At least with the horrific bodily pain I am trying to live with and through, my mind reminds me it is not always this painful, and that even within hours, the barometric pressure shifts that have been running rampant lately, daily and nightly, will pass.  Then the pain will ease enough for me to rise from the mattress.  And if not, there is medication to help sedate the physical body, although that means there is no progress.

Sometimes the mind considers trying to drive out, drive far enough away and remain away for the fall and winter months, avoid the barometric pressure shifts and not have my body suffer to excruciating levels.  That may be what must occur, for the mind and emotions can only handle so much suffering, or so it seems.  I know God can handle all suffering, and it is in this faith that I must exist for now, today, in this present moment.  I pray to be able to rise even if to move about in here, to keep the body limbered.  We shall see.  

But for sure, the Lord hears my cries and knows that I turn to Him in faith, and that I understand that no return call from a priest and not even a return call from a message left with a priest of another rite in the Eastern Church, simply means the Lord desires me one-on-one, with Him alone: solus Deus.  That, in fact, is rather special.

The following is poignant truth, is it not, and beautifully presented?

Catholic Hermit Has the Heebie-Jeebies

Heebie-jeebies:  This is what I call a certain kind of nerve pain that sets me off in a desire to escape my circumstances.  I hope and hop from one thing to another, always ending up flopped back down on the mattress here in the rudimentary, tiny cell-room of my in-process-renovated hermitage.  Te Deum Hermitage--although I rather like the sound of Te Deum House best.

Last evening while picking some tomatoes and berries for the roadside table and setting up the soaker hose watering rotations every hour or so, I told myself that in the morning I may have lots of pain.  I was giving myself a pre-pain pep-talk with hope that I'd handle whatever better than ever before.  I saw the weather forecast with a shift coming, and that affects the spine and all the nerves radiating from that point through the body.  

However, even after 32 years of constant pain, I have never quite been able to anticipate properly.  Thus, when the pain increases such as the case when I awoke around 3:30 a.m. with the pain jagging around in the body, I am as if apprehended by surprise.  And, of course, it is no surprise at all.  But my mind registers as if it is a new force, which it is, in a way.  It is new for this present moment.

Anyway, the battling of "my" thoughts begins, for I get tremendous urges to escape even more than the gradually increasing urge to do so, simply from the difficult, temporal circumstances in living quarters.  What the heebie-jeebies usually boil down to is that of wanting to escape the pain.  When it is spinal headache pain and low back or gut-radiated pain to the level that I must take something to konk out for a day and remain prone for several days, that is different.  

When it is this leg nerve pain that causes burning from the low back on down and sets all function of movement and thought "on edge", the heebie-jeebies evoke a desperate type of effect.  Amidst images of fleeing without looking back or of temptations to konk out, I do recognize that there is no point in either, for the heebie-jeebies are here due to this type of pain which enhances what was already a temptation of wanting to have a break from the efforts here, seemingly never-ending until death do me part.

I received an email from the young man of whom I recently referenced.  He is doing so well in his discernment process to become a monk and is shifting toward a more cloistered, contemplative monastery.  Excellent!  This suits him far better than a prayerful but more active religious order such as the Benedictines.

He also wrote a bit of his past, brief experience with a drug that others in this hermit's recent ken have been proselytizing as their cure for all that besets one: marijuana.  So I share what the young man wrote, for I find it always instructive to learn from those who have tried something, thankfully not for long in this case, and have their minds left and motivation enough to share the effects of his experience.

"Yeah, it does seem that marijuana has a way of making people want to theorize about conspiracies about our food and our water and the government and all kinds of impertinent paranoia.  Those things seem really interesting when you're stoned. If you do it a lot, then when you're not stoned, nothings seems that interesting, so maybe chasing down the conspiracy rabbit hole is some people's way of keeping up the novelty.

"It definitely [using marijuana] would make me paranoid!  And then depressed afterward.  It's a wonder even to me that I desired to keep doing it, since it caused me such paranoia and would rob me of all my vitality....I think it slowly makes people unable to tolerate difficulties in life.

"I had to come off some of those misplaced worries and priorities, at least partly because of the drugs.  The Christian understanding of spirituality got me to stop worrying about whether I needed to do something about obscure chemicals getting in our food and water and air, and whether I needed more iodine or magnesium, or whatever.  When I was first thinking about spirituality (but not so much about God), I thought you could better 'access' a spiritual state by purifying your body (and at the time I thought psychedelic drugs could be purifying).  Maybe you've heard of people talk about 'cleansing the third eye.'  Wow, it really is a miracle that I had been guided away from so much superstition, huh?"

_________

I admit to having been affected by the other news of his email--and it fed right into the heebie-jeebies this morning.  It has to do with the monastery he is going to visit for a week in the near future.  Ah, I visited their online site and read about the monastery, the statutes and constitutions (and soaked in those having to do with monks who become hermits later in their vocations).  I also viewed the photos of their monastery and grounds--beautiful, serene, steeped in nature--and read of their daily life.

Glorious!  And I praised God that this young man is on this path, for he is not made for the temporal world.  We had realized that when he shared his dreams with me for interpretive help late last fall and into the winter.  He is called to the spiritual life in a more direct sense than many; and his seeking thus far had him conflicted by what some others of his age were feeding his mind.

The Lord reached in with powerful dreams.  Yes, it is a miracle that the young man was guided away from so much of wrong paths and confusing temptations.  How I have been affected by his great news and the monastery he is next to visit!  It placed me once more into the deeper yearning for more spiritual life with less responsibility in the temporal life circumstances.

But alas, the Lord has me here for now, and it is the great challenge to battle this present moment's heebie-jeebies.  It requires calling upon His grace and strength to discipline more to make of Te Deum House--this totally work-laden, messy, partly-renovated hermitage--a place of of quietude and a tabernacle of His Real Presence.

There is no escaping the physical pain, no escaping the work to be done, no escaping the on-going challenge to discern and delete my thoughts and to recognize and honor God's Thoughts.  I have no brother monks nor sister nuns to help with upkeep, cooking, laundry, maintenance, or to interface for me with store clerks, or pay the bills, or such as being on telephone hold for 45 minutes to cancel credit cards that hackers used online for major purchases....  

There are no benefactors paying the bills, no little hermit's hut already constructed and furnished for me.  There is no other doing tax preparations for the government--and indeed not tax exempt status here.  There is no one to do the driving for supplies or medical visits, no one stepping in to advocate in my stead for this or that of the temporal world's obligations.

Rather, as a consecrated Catholic hermit, privately professed and avowed these nearly 16 years, I am--as can be colloquially said--"the chief cook and bottle washer."  

I am to do it all but am not at all alone.  His Real Presence is with me always, and I am always with Him even if the heebie-jeebies do a masterful job of trying to mask this reality.  God is here, in this place; and I am here, in this place, in Him. 

Even a hermit in a monastery or under canonical rule of a diocese has a sense of someone "other" in charge--responsible for, directing, in place over the hermit.  Not so for the traditional, historical, privately professed, consecrated Catholic hermit.  Consider St. Antony of the Desert or St. Paul of Thebes.  Consider the various known and unknown desert and forest hermit abbas and ammas (fathers and mothers).

When the heebie-jeebies arrived physically or otherwise in the soul of their cell, they had none save God to Whom to turn, to call out, to see them through.  Alone.  Solus Deus.  No one was checking in on them if they did not show up for Mass once a week or once a month or once a year.  

No monastic superior was there to send a brother or sister to their hermit's cell.  No bishop nor designated hermit guide or director called or stopped by, nor a parish priest making contact or inquiring of the hermit's spiritual progression, or to expect him to show up to a parish job or function.  These hermits had naught but God alone to consider the hermit's whereabouts or wherewithal.

So it is here in this Te Deum House, this in-progress hermitage, that this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit has God calling.  It is God Who checks in, God Who inquires as to the spiritual life of this hermit's soul--and God Who pokes and prods a bit, as well.  And it is God Who asks this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit these questions during the painful heebie-jeebies:

Are you trying to escape the premises, the work, the spiritual reading, the praying, the praising, the listening in the silence of solitude?  Are you trying to escape the physical pain?  Are you trying to escape the various crosses that I have given you to bear--if not to juggle while doing so?  Get up when you can, do what you are able, and remain in My Real Presence.  Remain in My Love.

Catholic Hermit Considers Desert Time and Dishonesty

There is a term the folk living in this desert have that is a misnomer, I suppose, of sorts.  They are quite proud of it and what it means to them in lived actuality.  They call it something akin to "desert time."

What it means is that they do not stick to any time frame, such as if they say they will be at work or pick up something being sold used, they do not show up on time or often enough, at all.  The lay and secular people find it to be stylish, and someone once tried to explain it to me--how wonderful it was to be so free--as I had put off doing some tasks so that I'd be free when someone had said he'd come to do an odd job for which he wanted a-plenty per hour.

I waited and waited and waited.  I called and called.  No show, no response.  A person who happened to be in my hermitage to help with some lifting (and had shown up, obviously, but delighted in explaining how "awesome" is "desert time" and that I must get with it!) explained that people in these parts just go with the flow and practically intentionally don't stick to the time frame they have chosen or said.  And, furthermore, everyone knows that and goes along with it--desert time!

This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit asked, "Isn't that sort of unkind to the person who is waiting and wondering for hours and sometimes for a day, or maybe forever in some cases?"

"Oh, no, it is actually very kind--the way desert time works.  Since the other people know that the person is on desert time and might show up a couple hours later or the next day, it gives them even more time to do whatever they might be doing."

I call it desert rude and desert irresponsible (but only in the silence of solitude, sharing my take on desert time with God).

Today a woman was to come between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m. to pick up some dirt-cheap windows I had listed for sale.  They would cost $140 or more, new, and these were excellent condition--just too small for the hermitage renovation, so had removed and replaced.

I hauled the windows from the pole barn around 10:30 a.m. and had them by the front gate, and waited.  I waited, and waited, and then needed a pain break and rest.  Around 2:30 p.m. I called to ask if she still wanted them.  "Definitely" she said, and would be over soon.

I waited, and waited, and waited, doing little tasks but not able to get started in anything of duration like painting a ceiling.  A man called, inquiring if I still had the windows as he really wanted them. I said someone else was supposedly coming but had not yet, and I'd call her, and give her an hour.  He was already wanting to come immediately and purchase--good deal that they were.

So I called the lady a third time and asked her if she was still coming, and that someone else wants them, and I told him to give her an hour.  If she still did not come, he could buy them.  The lady was put out a bit and mentioned she'd have to set aside what she was into, doing, and would come.  She made it barely within the hour.  I had started spreading more mulch out by the fence, keeping an eye out for her.

I then called the man back and said the woman did indeed come; the windows were sold.  I am not what anyone could diagnose as obsessive compulsive nor am I the saint of charity by a long shot. However, I do not want to ever catch this disease akin to desert time.

Then there is a point about dishonesty I'd like to make.  Granted, last week was rather chaotic with oddities occurring in just trying to get the proper scan scheduled in a place where there was a working phone number, and then also counting on the neighbor boy to come to work on the times agreed upon.  

Friday morning I had the scan at the hospital imaging center.  The lad called me, and I said I'd be back at the hermitage around 2:15 (but I do not call it that to others since I am hermit, hidden in that regard from the eyes of men, women, and children!).  If he could come over at 2:30, we'd get to work!  He agreed.  I said I'd call again to let him know for sure that I was back.  Seems a kind thing to do, in case something would happen--save him walking the distance to my little place.

I called.  No answer.  I left a message.  A couple hours later I called again.  No answer.  I left a message that since it is difficult to get in touch, or perhaps something had happened to them, I would leave it that I am here, now no need to be going anywhere into the distant future.  He can come whenever he wants to work, or he also can call and let me know his schedule.

The next day, the lad came over, apologized for not showing up the day before, said he'd forgotten.  He then said he could not work the next week because his grandparents were coming to visit.  How long?  He was not sure--maybe a week.  So I said to enjoy his grandparents, and let me know if he wants to work after they leave.

This afternoon when out mulching by the road, I happened to see the lad out riding his bike with another boy, backpacks, heading off.  Ironically, the neighbor lad turned around as he must have sensed me down the way, and I smiled and waved.  So much for having to be on hand for the grandparents.

Now, there may be excellent reasons for the dishonesty.  For one thing, it may seem odd to have an older person in much solitude, renovating a fixer-upper, tending gardens, being a goat on top of the pole barn painting the roof and slip-sliding along.  Also, with the recent health issue and my needing to go to a hospital emergency room, and then the subsequent PET Scan, they may not want to "be involved."  It was not as if they were, but they had decided that I was not an emergency and exclaimed that even the EMS would never take me.

Why?  I was able to stand and to verbalize.  Of course, a little over a day later amid more agony, the EMS was insistent I needed to ride in their vehicle.  And well I did need to go, as it turned out.  I would have called them sooner had I known it was free of charge due to the distance into civilization.  Tax dollars at work.

However, regarding my neighbor lad, it would have been as well and of course much better, had he just said he did not want to work, after all.  I would understand. He is young, and even though the pay on the high side (because young people in this area of the desert do not like to work, and this boy seemed an anomaly), they are a family quite well off. 

Still, dishonesty does not settle well with me, even when a kid or his mother are trying to seem kind or such.  Did they think simply saying, "I don't want to work this summer, after all"" would be unkind?

I'm praising God for the little touch of grace this afternoon, of the lad turning around while pedaling off, seeing me smile and wave.  Caught in the lie, he was, and I know he is a sensitive enough soul that he will realize a bit of sting.  And I, the hermit next door of whom they would never guess am a consecrated religious solitary nor know that I am Catholic, even, has been praying for this family.

And I am praying for this thing called something like "desert time" and the people who live by it.  One might think that it is akin to living in the Order of the Present Moment. But no, it is far from it.  For desert time, or whatever one wants to term it, involves rudeness and irresponsibility.  At root it is selfish, unfocused, uncharitable, and silly. 

As for this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit, once again I see that the Lord is asking of me to do the work here solus Deus, God alone, and to allow Him to help me in ways He chooses.  And for now that is quite at a snail's pace, and with increased bodily pain to which to adapt.  Call upon the Lord, and He will answer!  God is with us, always.

The Order of the Present Moment flows freely, yes.  But in the Order of the Present Moment, the Gospel Rule and the greatest of the command to love God above all else and others as Jesus loves us, is the operational condition.  And in the Order of the Present Moment, all is on God's time yet in respectful truth and goodness.

God Bless His Real Presence in us, little children!  We are all in this life together; let us consider love of one another as Christ loves us.  Ah, but that can be the rub:  we may not know of or grasp or think of or feel Christ's love, so we may not know how to love others as we are loved.  Always much to pray about, all the more!

Catholic Hermit Is Thankful for You!

Yesterday, in this country, we celebrated Thanksgiving.  The reading in the daily Mass Scriptures included these words from St. Paul.  I posted them for family and friends, and I do so now for you, my friends in Christ and blog readers.  I am placing my body, mind, heart, and soul in these words of St. Paul, as my Thanksgiving thoughts for you!

"I give thanks to my God 
always on your account 
for the grace of God bestowed 
on you in Christ Jesus, 
that in Him 
you were enriched in every way, 
with all discourse and all knowledge, 
as the testimony to Christ 
was confirmed among you, 
so that you are not lacking 
in any spiritual gift 
as you wait for the revelation 
of our Lord Jesus Christ.  
He will keep you firm to the end, 
irreproachable on the day of 
our Lord Jesus Christ."

Now, to rise from this mattress on the floor, although very chilly in this hermitage on a late autumn desert day!  Must dress and begin some manual labor.  A daughter, son-in-law, and young grandson came yesterday for a few hours.

We worked on building a wall requiring angle cuts that is under where the stairway is to be and as a back wall of the laundry plumbing drain and vent pipes and water lines.  I will today construct another wall to help hide these pipes which take up more space than a single, 2x4 wall.

I also hope to continue on, installing the bathroom cabinets.  My guardian angel helped me immensely, getting them from the pole barn to the house.  With the family members probably leaving the area, the Lord is challenging me to increased faith in Him!  Solus Deus!  God alone!  It will be good!  May this nothing Catholic consecrated hermit step up and fully embrace the challenge!

God bless His Real Presence in us, dear friends wherever you may be!  May your day be blessed with all the praise and gratitude that can issue forth from our bodies, minds, hearts, and spirits!  Let us live the royal law:  Love God above all things and love others as ourselves!

Catholic Hermit's Spiritual Father Weighs In

Finally was able to reach the spiritual father.  Reported what occurred at this past Mass.  He said to not at all go back.  He said to not try to talk to or help the priest, for he said it will do not good.  He said to not try to talk to the vicar general at the diocese, for a couple others of which the hermit is aware have approached to no avail.

The plan was for the hermit to go to a parish in which the priest is solid and healthy and able to function well with parishioners and to celebrate holy Mass unimpeded.  The hermit checked the map, and the drive is too far; the hermit's back cannot take that.  For awhile now, the left hip becomes extremely painful and remains so for days after driving an hour.  To have to go nearly two hours each way and also sit during Mass, is too much, physically.

So, the Lord will be this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit's "portion and cup."  Solus Deus.  This is how it must be for now.  Exile.  It is all right.

Awoke the other night quite ill.  Sickness had come to this body; and the body felt it, the mind knew it.  Mostly these illnesses go into the lungs sooner or later and require antibiotics.  But, the hermit is trying over the counter remedies on hand and drinking lots of hot tea.  God provides.

With whatever energy can be mustered, the exterior painting continues.  Yesterday, the hermit finished caulking around a section of porch siding.  There are always obstacles.  Had to stop many times to rest the body, of course, and then also had to remedy some glitches such as an opening under the eaves in which birds could get in the space between porch ceiling and roof.  In another spot, a small piece of wood needed to be sawed and fitted to cover over where there was a small opening of weakened, old, wood facia.

There is no sense in just waiting for the illness to worse but rather to remain positive and do even an hour of some sort of labor while praying, and to pray while laboring.  Prayers for the priest seem to take priority ever since Sunday morning Mass.  This illness is offered for him, and in some ways, the horror of what others evidently could not sense, depleted this body's reserves and resilience.   The body is a sacrifice of praise for the priest.

For now and into whatever days and weeks and months the Lord allows energy and improved health, the hermit will continue to try to finish this hermitage, get it salable, and then move on wherever the Lord has a place for the hermit to come to roost.  Hopefully, there will be a holy monastery nearby, or a small parish with a priest after the Lord's own heart, where the hermit can come and go anonymously, as much as feasible, and be subsumed into the Mass.  

If that is not in this consecrated Catholic hermit's future, the hermit will accept in faith and trust and love.  It all--all aspects of our life both temporal and spiritual--have to be in the Lord's will and choosing.  Over time, the discernment process sorts what is His will and what is not.

While it would be quite easy to judge the current situation by those who do not experience--and difficult enough for this hermit to describe it.  The time alone with His Real Presence and the spiritual communions, the heartfelt acts of contrition, the prayers for forgiveness such as offered the other afternoon while crunched up under an eave, trying to paint and also keep from sliding off the steep porch roof--it is blessed time spent solus Deus.

One can only do what one can do, follow the guidance of one's spiritual father, yield to physical obstacles that are not prudent to breach, and simply trust in the Lord even when situations seem not as one would think in temporal Catholic world considerations.  In such circumstances, we have to go on faith, on hope that is unseen, praying for the gifts of knowledge, counsel, understanding, and wisdom--four of the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit and also considered to be the intellectual gifts.

"Here I am, Lord, I have come to do Your will."  What better prayer at a time like this?

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Ash Wednesday Gratitude

This nothing Catholic hermit is so very grateful for those who read its thoughts.  Thank you, readers!  
Prayers and blessings to you on this Ash Wednesday!  May we all recognize the nothing we are and the All that He Is.

While what this Catholic hermits writes and shares is not profound nor erudite, nor intellectual nor critical with temporal information that changes the face of the hermit vocation, the sharing is hopefully adaptable to your life situations whether or not hermit or other.  Or, it may even be very good as a means of seeing what not to do, how not to be, and stirs your minds to far better living out in superior ways to the often trial-and-error strivings of this hermit.

It is true that living as a hermit with others about, or to be noticed and known to others as a hermit, or to have a superior near at hand--is quite helpful in order to be corrected quickly or even to be more motivated to strive to live up to a standard so that others will not be disappointed or to see a hermit-error lived out.  St. John Climacus points out the benefit to such hermits who live more among others for this definite advantage in keeping up hermit appearances--in a good way.

As for the solitary hermit (such as this nothing Catholic hermit is, especially these past nearly two years), the margin of error is increased!  It knows, for it has noticed the difference from even when it was able to go to Mass daily and receive the criticism of others, or the disapproval of priests, or even the kindly encouragement of its spiritual father.

This other--the more hidden, solitary Catholic hermit life--is much more difficult in the living out.  The nothing Catholic hermit can wallow about for lengths of time, while the will struggles to build some strength from the inside out.  Or it can start up some marvelous devotion only to falter...and then try to start again, yet slack again.  

The ego tends to collapse in a vacuum, not so much being around people, for who is there to notice how devout or how holy.  Is that the hermit over there?  Did you know so-and-so is a hermit?  I think a hermit should look and act like thus-and-so....  

And indeed, then the more visible and known hermit might be encouraged to pull itself up in order to not disappoint the others, or for whatever other reason--perhaps to avoid shame if the hermit is not living up to its vows that well.  Or the hermit might try to seem more adept at being a good hermit as it sincerely realizes others are looking and expect the more visible-to-others hermit to be specially good--based on those others' own notions of hermits--valid notions or not.  Being inspired and motivated by others can truly be helpful in spurring a hermit (or any pilgrim) onward in this journey.

But in the very solitary life of a nothing Catholic hermit, there is none of that.  It is only His Real Presence who sees, other than what the solitary might report to its earthly spiritual father.  "Only?" do you ask?  But the nothing Catholic hermit who is private and solitary, indeed has only God alone as witness and guide, encourager and enforcer.  And His Real Presence tends not to be forceful but instead is gentle, merciful, meek, humble, and ever so patient.  He allows the solitary hermit to crawl and doze, to stumble and also to pick itself up again.  He allows it to run, as well, including running away from the hard parts of self-discipline and sacrifice and self-renunciation.

But the solitary nothing Catholic hermit sticks with it, and that is by His grace.  His Real Presence strengthens through weakness, teaches through suffering, and encourages with unending love.  After awhile, the solitary nothing Catholic hermit learns to not need the esteem or glances of others, nor the expectations of priests or parishioners, nor the understanding of family in order to be motivated or to strive, to pick itself up over and over and to simply keep going. 

Cannot a risk of being a  very solitary hermit [these distinctions come from saints of yore who are considered by the Church for centuries as experts in the field] include failing altogether in one's vocation?  Perhaps so.  We really do not know of failures because those who have been very solitary hermits, not living among others as much, can remain unknown other than to God, long after their passing. But of the ones we do know through others having met them to report, or through their own writings, we learn that while their paths are quite challenging with missteps along the way, God never abandoned them even if it sometimes it seemed so to the hermit.

These other more solitary types of hermits of the past told or wrote of their experiences--the failures allowed by God and the triumphs graced by God--and over time endured in solitude. This current, aspiring, very solitary, nothing Catholic hermit is slowly learning to desire only to please His Real Presence Who does not expect other than abiding in His Love, from His beloved-even-if-misfit, nothing Catholic hermit.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another!  Remain in His Love! Thank you again for the prayers of any sorts or types offered and for whatever touch of love we have one to another, through the personal thoughts expressed in this blog.  Much gratitude also for the readers from foreign countries who touch this hermit's heart from a distance.  God bless you all!