Catholic Hermit: More Thoughts on Mystics

 From correspondence to someone who likely is not that interested in these thoughts, but who is fascinated with saints--who mostly are not "mystics" while some are.  Many and most mystics are not canonized in the Catholic Church.  Mystics can be of other religions, also.

[Dear C,]

While doing manual work on subfloor--locating and pounding down staple tips with a small nail-set tool, I was praying and also practicing the mystical element.  I also was thinking of something Bernard said, as he thinks that anyone can become mystics.  I'm not sure. I was reminded of my paradigm of the Floaters and the Dockers. [Have written of this in other blogs titles, such as Stairway to Heaven].  

I think for most, it would take an act of God such as St. Paul had, for them to have conversions of great impact; and that one was definitely a mystical event for St. Paul!  But in some aspects he represents more the intellectual element.  While Paul had some profound mystical experiences in his own life as an intellectual, verbal, active Christian, the apostle John is the innate mystic by comparison.  So I think the institutional and intellectual elements of the church influence, and most people, tend to think of mystics as anyone who's had a mystical experience.  

No, it is deeper, and maybe like saying all people can be athletes, or all people can be actors and actresses, or all people can become musicians or artists or engineers or doctors or whatever.  But in reality there are aspects of which we are born with certain dispositions, gifts,and purposes. But I do think all people can become aware of the mystical element, and can grow close to Christ and be one with Christ, have mystical union in little bits or even once. 

Consider St. Thomas Aquinas who was not at a mystic, but he had one major mystical experience toward the end of his life that altered his way of thinking about all the writing he'd done.  But he had gift and purpose in writing and establishing theological thought that for the most part have not been replaced or still are considered prime and best written works of theological impact.  

So I was thinking and praying about these things, and figure that we all are born with tendencies and gifts and purposes and missions.  And God wants us to approach Him and love Him and pray and desire Him with all our bodies, minds, hearts, and souls.  It does not mean one is a mystic to do that, nor does one need to be a mystic to do that.

Bernard's life of study and intellectual pursuit and his brilliant mind at 83 are of innate gift and talent and purpose.  He is a scholar, intellectual, and on that topic, a world expert.  He wrote volumes that are outstanding in the area of Western Christian Mysticism--the historical periods all the way through, plus works on specific mystics such as Meister Eckhart.

But can anyone become a mystic?  I rather think David Knowles who was the leading expert on mystics in the mid-twentieth century has the correct response in that mystics are born with the qualities even if they do not come to the fore or are noticed by the person or others until later, sometimes in a pivotal circumstance in life when they realize they are on a different wave-length, so to speak.

But anyone can come to God, can love God and others, can do great things for God in life.  This does not mean they are mystics, not even if they have one or what they feel or might actually be mystical experiences.  And everyone can become aware of the mystical element of religion. That is key and foremost, to recognize and to elevate the mystical element and indeed, the Mystical Element, the Trinity, the God Is Love, and try to impart their grasp of the mystical element into the institutional and intellectual elements as much as they are able.

Anyway, I realized in my pondering and talking over with God this topic, there will likely always be a problem in society, in the temporal world, with mystics and non-mystics.  It is a topic that is uncomfortable for many, particularly if a mystic is around and about.  Mystics and mysticism is a more supernatural reality but one  that the intellectual and the institutional elements will always be wary of and/or keep at bay, because the intellectual and the institutional are temporal, and temporal is what most are comfortable with.  It is not bad, it just is as it is.  

I've lowered my idealism in and of the temporal reality; I am content being as I am but knowing it is most often a more solitary type life style, a life hidden away.  And as in the paradigm of floaters and dockers, some are floaters, but most people are dockers. We all seem to be born in these ways, and in lesser and greater proportions, depending; and I suppose due to the temporal world as being where we exist in the body.  

Also, as for surviving as a mystic, a mystic wouldn't have a career such as Bernard has had or at least not as accepted as he is.  The emphasis in intellectual was necessary, as well as the scholarship, and the teaching at university a set topic.  How do Christian mystics make a living?  In what career would they fit in?  Well, I will not answer that, but it is not one that works out best among others too much, for the mystic is rather not meant for the temporal even if in the temporal, as the mystic is more in another world, the mystical world more so.  I suppose that is why some end up in religious orders, or have done in Christian history, or they are out on their own, hidden, but doing a trade in which they do not have to interface much with people.  Mystics do not really "belong" or "fit in" to this world, and that includes the world of parishes.  Yes, just think on that.  It is truth.  And that is a good truth to grasp and then live accordingly.

Perhaps the best we can hope and pray for is for people to become increasingly aware of the mystical element, and in that, of course, the Mystical Element of the Godhead and all aspects therein.  And also, at least, to learn about mysticism and mystics so as to not be put-off or uncomfortable with the topic, and to integrate more of the mystical element in our daily lives, balancing out the institutional and intellectual elements.  Plus, simply be more accepting of and tolerant of mystics who are dotted among us.

But all people can learn and do and love Christ and so forth, and pray, and are close to Christ--not only mystics, of course!  But there is something more innate in mystics just as there is in others born with certain aspects, and that  innate aspect is the differential.  This differential in mystics (or other) cannot be faked nor acted out nor to somehow make oneself be able to  gain that differential.  But everyone has a mystical spark, and that can be inflamed and grow with awareness.  

Again, I'm not sure, but I tend to go more with what Dr. David Knowles' assessment and scholarship, the former world leading expert on mystics and mysticism back in the mid-20th c., British, Cambridge.  He concludes that mystics are born with the differential that is mystical as innate gift and purpose in life.  I think the  real challenge is that we must consider God's will and what gifts and innate differential God's given us.  

But as to striving and praying and loving and coming to Christ, and in bits of union with Christ while yet on earth, yes, that is possible for all people! Mystics simply are just yet another type of person, another category, but more of a strange one to most people due to not belonging to this world so much.  They are simply spiritually different, and that can be very off-putting in a mostly institutional and intellectual world--especially the United States and quite a bit of Europe now, it seems.  But that is another topic--of other cultures being more open to mystics as well as to the mystical element, even within the Church.  Catholic parishes in other countries and cultures maybe and seem to be more open to mysticism and mystical element as well as to mystics themselves.  I also wonder if Orthodox--Eastern, Russian, or such might be more open to the mystical element, but I have no answers other than that, too, might more have to do with culture and country.

And what I think is a good question to ask:  Why would someone "want" to be a mystic or to want it to be that anyone can become or ought to become a "mystic"?  When we realize that anyone can come to union with God and does not need to be a mystic to do so, then do they propose or say that everyone can be a mystic or ought to be a mystic (Bernard mentioned that quote of Karl Rahner to the effect that if one is not a mystic by the end of the last century, then one is nothing), then perhaps people who are not born with the mystic differential but wish they had it, often for what they think would be so marvelous to have some of the mystical experiences that they've heard or read that mystics can have--maybe we'd not have the problem of scrutinizing mystics so harshly, and there might not be the problem of false mystics, either.  They'd be content with whatever innate differential God gave them, plus all would realize the important aspect is to enhance and learn to place God into all aspects of our lives and thus balance out into healthiness, the temporal problem of the over-weighted and emphasized institutional and intellectual elements.

What will eternity be?  Mystical!  Will there be institutions there?  Will there be such reliance on intellect?  Consider this supernatural reality.  Perhaps mystics are born in part to remind people and to help balance in this world the imbalance of the institutional and intellectual elements, and remind of God and the great spiritual import of the mystical element and the reality of God as source, creator, and alive in and among us, of the supernal beings and the thin veil between worlds.

The option is and is happening increasingly, new age ideologies and spiritism takes root even within churches, for people sense and seek the spiritual, the mystical element, and when it is not balanced nor taught nor of awareness and understanding, and yes, ways taught to help all people bring the mystical element more into their everyday life through prayer and love and less institutional and intellectual--well, it just seems people are seeking that which is out of balance and not taught nor emphasized, particularly.

Perhaps the people in churches then would not be put off by those who are mystics but not called to religious orders--not that mystics fare much better in them or as priests. There is still the tremendous wariness and scrutiny, envy, and/or lack of simple acceptance.  But all that might be simply due to mystics don't really belong to that world of more predominate institutional and intellectual elements, despite the basis and foundation being the Mystical Element, God Is Love, Christ, Holy Spirit--and these elements come under different names and essences in other of the world religions.

Just my thoughts, from the inside looking out, from the perspective of one who was born with the mystical differential more so than other differentials that others are blessed to be born with.

 

Catholic Christian Mystic Hermit: More Thoughts on Three Elements of Religion in Reality

 

The sufferings of this life become steep and stiff.

The yearning for Jesus continues, and so it goes.  Lent gets long.

I listened a bit more to Bernard in another lecture.  He has a slightly broadened view in some aspects, yet regarding the mystical element, he considers it in more a narrow view that surprised me.  I realize that to study something is to kind of be looking from the outside in rather than being what one studies.  

A simplistic metaphor I wrote to him is the institution and intellectual and mystical elements and a stove with oven, installation and instruction manuals and cookbooks, but without the source of gas or heat, there is no amazing outcome, no mysterious outcome that is helpful or nourishing.  We take the source, the mystical element for granted.  I suppose in some ways, God is the source, the Holy Spirit the fire, Jesus also the Love.

Love to suffer, and suffer to Love.  My sufferings are inextricably linked to the sufferings of Holy Mother Church.  That is my connection and I suppose place or purpose in the Church. Suffering is mystical, also.  Suffering is part of the mystical element, but the Trinity is the Source of the Mystical and is in my more broadened view is the Mystical Element.  God's Love Is.

Dr. McGinn is an amazing and profound intellect which is a major contribution and is his place, and he's done much in studying western Christian mysticism and in writing the volumes following and describing mysticism.  I think it will be very difficult for the Church as institution and intellect, those parts, to give more berth (and even birth) to more of the Mystical Element and the mystical element, both.  But God will handle it.  And in our own little ways, such as our love of Christ and the suffering that links us, we can let go more the institutional and the intellectual.  Balance the three elements of religion or also allow more of the mystical element to be given more berth in our minds, hearts, and souls.

The prayers even if lots of words put together, talk about loving God.  The hymns are similar expressions.  It's desire for God and desire for His love, and desire to try to love God with our inabilities to seem to love that much.  It is painful.

I know that when he answered someone's question regarding mental illness vs. mysticism or mystics, the answer gave away that it was someone looking from outside in, who had not the mystical element, at least not pronounced--within, but more the intellectual. However, that is that person's purpose and mission, and what a major and excellent and helpful purpose and mission!  I am enthralled by his mind and discipline both!  And, he has great compassion and understanding.

Even those with pronounced mysticism from birth onward at times wonder about their states of mind. After all, we are dealing with the numinous and as if in more touch with the other than this world.  We do not belong to this world; that is a major suffering in itself, for there is little understanding.

I was so excited about the mystical element of religion and how it seemed to be a puzzle piece for which I'd been seeking a long time--and explains to me so well why the institutional and intellectual element does not understand nor accept me.  God gave me Fr. F., my spiritual da for 24 years--our paths crossing and of all places in my hometown where I'd returned after 17 years away and he'd come there just the year after I did!  Four years later we met, and he understood and somehow never doubted me, although he said what I do not like to hear:  that I am very different, that he'd never met anyone like me.

But when Bernard mentioned in his answer segment of a lecture, that Teresa of Avila had her "problems" as the question was of mystics with mental illness, and that they were troubling but eventually they got worked out--well, I was upset by that.  I suppose I was upset because I realized then that he was not one of us on the interior, that is, despite great knowledge and a life of studying mystics and mysticism.

For a mystic who gets to know Teresa of Avila through her letters and writings and autobiography and those who knew her personally and left information--we mystics would not think at all that she was troubled with mental problems even for awhile, other than the sufferings that mark mystics and are our lot in life--sufferings of which the worst are the yearning for the Lord and also of not being accepted and understood, of recognizing that there are not many of us around, and it is going to be a lonely and misunderstood journey.

Bernard suggested in effect that the actual ones always leave something for the Church. So we are back to the intellectual and the institutional aspect, and that meant left writings or active works that benefitted, such as Teresa reformed the Carmelites plus had wondrous writings, and so on with others who stand out and are canonized or would be except for such as Meister Eckhart--was misunderstood in a way that was going to mark him as perhaps too controversial. But he left great writings and so forth and was a Dominican and indeed had a place in the institutional and the intellectual elements of the Church, plus he was known as a mystic.

But others of us--and I'm recognizing this as part of what I'm to suffer and do suffer and will--have in effect no place in the institution and thus not also in the intellectual elements for we are unknowns, and our writings such as mind are personal and am not a religious order nor clergy nor able to be active in parishes, either.  Nor am I acceptable to parishes, and I grasp why now--the predominance of my purpose and mission is the mystical element.  

And with the mystical element considering Christ as Mystical Element--is the suffering that binds us to the Church even if the institution and the intellectual elements do not want us nor understand us. And for us it is even worse, those who try to discount our existences further with judgments of being "off" or having some type of mental illness.  Well, the stresses of what a mystic bears within and the suffering some of us bear physically as well--it can seem to take us to the brink of sanity.

And how we perceive the world in which we are plopped, and especially the frustration with the Church's institutional and intellectual weightedness, and even such as the mystical ecstasies the Lord gave for any and every mass--instead of a a sign, the people could not cope nor understand, and priests could not either--and the institutional and intellectual elements took over and shoved out the mystical.  The protocol is to not talk about such things, to not give credence, to not share or educate others, to not accept.  

I myself have been harsh with a handful of people who have contacted me over the years, or gravitated to me, wanting to connect as they felt they were mystics.  And at times it seemed to me, once I got into some interchange with them or if in person observed, there are some signals that help discern if the person is grounded. But I realize it is treacherous ground, that, and I am sorry for cutting short some interchanges, but really, I needed to be more in person to ascertain, and above and beyond that, what difference what I think or thought?  But someone in each, there was not a groundedness, not the effect of a balance of intellectual and also the institutional.

I would be at that parish for mass and be a member if I could, and in a heartbeat.  But I do not belong there nor am understood nor accepted, and likely I've been deemed as Bernard mentioned of his assessments of even Teresa of Avila, to have mental difficulties that she was able to overcome!  Yes, there he lost me in that I knew it was an outside in intellectual assessment, and the situation of mystics always leaving something for the Church, for the institution and intellectual elements--well, the problem with that is that there are many mystics of which we will never know.  For as the Lord was reminding me this morning, some are building up the mystical element and the gift to the church is being one with Holy Mother Church by their suffering.  And that their work is to learn to love to suffer and to suffer to love.

And a great portion of that suffering is inflicted by the very Church and its institutional and intellectual persons and such, who even can intellectualize about mysticism and mystics, and see that they should be not mistreated, and think that somehow people can become mystics--but not if the mystical element remains as it is, squelched for most part except after the fact of some more visible mystic who does great actions that benefit the Church in visible ways.  And people must let go of so much weight of the institutional and intellectual elements and open to the mystical element which means the Mystical Element.

However, Dr. Bernard McGinn and other scholars with great hearts and souls are making headway in discussing these matters and sharing more about the mystics, mysticism, and I pray even more about the mystical element as the Mystical Element.  

Yes, it was painful last night when my exuberance was met by the elder friend with that I was wearing out my brilliant mind by thinking!  I had been emailing the wondrous insights that had broken through as this missing puzzle piece that explains why I am not likely ever to fit in, and that my purpose is more hidden in suffering, my sufferings declared by God early on to be made one with the sufferings of Holy Mother Church--and that means even more suffering of the mystical element type and within, and the suffering of much rejection and misjudgment.

And it is rather painful to know and to have been told from on high, that one does not belong to that world--that world of temporal existence with all its good along with the bad. Yet, the Lord brings people into my life who enjoy me--such as Craig who is my go-to mentor and inspiration and instructor on matters construction.  I called, and he happened to answer out of all the ones working there at the building supply company, and his voice is so upbeat and happy to hear from me, and he instructed right away on the depth of the header beam I will need to have for the 12' stretch of windows that will be in the kitchen.

I am setting forth the little remodeling here (nothing compared to before yet harder and slower due to my pain and body being worse) as doing it for the Holy Family. This place is to be done as well as humanly possible for it is being fixed up for the Holy Family (and whomever they choose to live in it after I am gone from this place).  Craig has found nothing but delight and fun in me, even when I've been down with suffering; he has a spirit within that is close with the Mystical Element.  Same with several other encounters here, such as Randy and such a fun time with Heather in doors and windows, but the physical therapist is lovely but grew very frustrated with me, and I don't blame her for I grasp from her standpoint.

But mercy, if Bernard considered that Teresa of Avila struggled with some mental illness or problems like that--he did not grasp the inner workings in actuality of the mystical element as well as how the Mystical Element operates within such persons who have more pronounced mission and purpose, who are born with that spark, if you will, in more percent than perhaps others. Or, at least the Lord allows circumstances to get souls back to the mystical element and the Godhead as Mystical Element.  I do think we all are called to be seeking and noticing and building up the mystical element of religion and detaching from so much of the institutional and intellectual elements--and the latter does not mean to go stupid and deny our minds from learning. But it is a different type of learning--that which will help us survive the temporal but yet enhances our building up of the mystical element, and of seeking and finding and reverencing the Mystical Element in all of this earthly existence.  We are to enliven the sparks that are sputtering, and to cause ours to inflame, and that by more Jesus, more Holy Spirit, more God the Father--more Mystical Element.  And not by outer efforts or seeming goofy or wanting or thinking about some little phenomenon or feeling.

The mystical element of religion is not much at all about mystical phenomenon.  Those are the quickly-gone little tidbits from when a spark sparks.

Well, I think the other person I emailed kind of gets it. I know if my spiritual da were here on earth, he'd be so excited along with me!  He always loved and welcomed when I'd rush to see him or write a long letter with some big puzzle piece found, and he'd consider it and smile and then a grin, and say, "This is so!  This is truth!"

I will say that it seems that is why I'm running into new age Catholics--those who get caught up in new age even in parishes, and even such as the late Thomas Keating and Basil Pennington and the like, who developed techniques (based on some Buddhist techniques) to try to enhance feeling and spiritual experience through repetitions meant to empty the mind.  They wanted the mystical element; it is just that they turned to more new age techniques to try to achieve feelings and phenomenon or mystical experience.  Somehow, it just does not work that way, even if that seems a door opening for it.

I'll pray on what might help more, but it seems that love is the main key. Love of the Mystical Element--or also known as His Real Presence, and that really is the Three in One, the Holy Trinity.  And to recognize that His Real Presence is in His Living Word, and He is in the consecrated Host, but also in the spiritual communions many of us receive now due to COVID restrictions for gathering.  And Covid might be God's way of trying to bring about a better balancing of the three elements of religion. Or people will continue to drop away or within the Church bring in new age techniques and ideologies, for they are seeking without realizing it--the lacking of mystical element, and the over weightedness of institution and intellect.

I do want to apologize for the couple of people who had asked to email and wanted my take on their mysticism or wanted to be mystic friends, and I was harsh, and some aspects seemed unsettling, or something. And then there was the young man who wanted to email as he was thinking of the hermit vocation. And I discovered he is quite young and fairly new to Catholicism, and I am sure I was blunt and harsh. Plus I got on a tangent about CL603 and the emphasis on that by some who are only building up more institutional element by doing so, and also intellectual tossed in.  My basic message, though, was to wait until he's 50 years old, another 25 years perhaps.

God bless the Mystical Element, His Real Presence, in us, accessible by clearing away that which hinders, but found in love and suffering.  The mystical phenomenon--that is not the Mystical Element nor the mystical element but just the quickly gone and often not seen tidbits flying off from the sparks.  That's not mysticism nor do such things mean one is a mystic.  It is the Love and the suffering, the Love....

More Thoughts on Transition, Writing, Mystic Mission

The time came and went with discussion this afternoon, on phone.  Some questions were asked, and I elaborated but went off on what I can call "verbal riffs."  Thoughts and ideas flooded through any filters or masking needed in most situations.  However, when we talk again, I did request that he just cut me off when I get off on especially past incidents of this and that, such as explain some aspect of mysticism, and then go into example of past that has various prongs and a point--but that point gets lost in the abundance of mystical experiences that enter into temporal life.

However, some aspects are established, such as no writing regarding hermits and hermit life as such, for that is not the essential or what the Lord desires of His purpose of me and my mission which is a shared purpose with all souls.  We are all seeking even if we do not realize this seeking--we are seeking our Creator and seeking His love for us, and our created purpose is to also seek to find God so that we can forever, fully love Him.

Part of what I mentioned, brought out by the question asked me of what aspects of mystics did Prof. Bernard McGinn's lectures on Christian mysticism did pertain to me specifically?  What was it of the information on mystics that particularly made me fearful in a way, or stunned all over again, that this life has been and is my life?  And the reality of the shock, I guess I could call it, although I've had to face this shock before, somehow has been brought into more clarity through the lectures and hearing example after example of the mystics lives that are what I experience and have going way back. It was even when young, comments made or a sense of reaction on my part to what was not so much spoken but known within, an instinct that there was a difference going on, that caused me to all the more as I got older to try to mask or to try harder to fit in with what I perceived were "normal" people who I so admired and still do.

So I told Dr. H. some of the ways and time periods of my going all out to be to my way of viewing self or as my parents socialized me or others through their positive feedback--that I'd put time, energy, and sometimes some expense into the effort; and this mostly after someone or other would make a comment regarding my being "different" in various ways that also affected me temporally.  I mentioned even a letter left me by the spouse who was leaving, a mention of my "mysticism" that unnerved the other.  I had not heard nor read the word before so looked it up in the dictionary.  

Regardless of this aspect the spouse had noted as a a reason for leaving, there were obvious choices and life style that the other had made all along in the short time together in the full spectrum of the years before and after.  But the word was out in the open, and my reading what it meant seemed very good in one sense, but the rejection involved provoked an insecurity of my self-hood and a time period of desire to be free in myself and how God created me, but also then to change somehow at least in outer effects, what was not seemingly acceptable or would fit in with the world of others.

Insecurity invites all kinds of others into one's life who try to help and have various suggestions and advice.  The one who has opened self up to feeling as if not acceptable to the real world of all the "normal" people begins to experiment in being other than self.  Yet, there is never success in that tact; there is only a prolonging of the inevitable finding what one is that God has created, and accepting His choice as to what He created, and then learning to grow in the security, learn, bud out, and eventually be fruitful in the purpose and mission of God's will for what He chose for us and finds special and dear to His Heart.

This is true of whatever God has chosen for any of us--the purpose, the mission, the circumstances and innate nature He bestows and allows in each soul He creates and brings into this world.  This is not unique to those He choses to be mystics with more mystic than less mystic.  As Dr. McGinn uses as example, all of us are on the continuum, the spectrum of mysticism.  God desires all of us to come to union with and in Him.  

McGinn mentions that of basketball--such as everyone can love the game of basketball, and most people can play basketball or if not actually play physically can enjoy watching from the bleachers or from television or listen on radio to games broadcast. But not all are going to be playing on the A-team, and even fewer will have exceptional talent and play on the pro-teams. He likens the mystics who are called to be the A-listers and pro's, to those whose lives are foremost as mystics, consumed with God and the union with God, the love of God, and the mission of showing others and writing of and talking of God and the spiritual life of the Three Persons of the Trinity and all else involved in God and the mysteries of God.

I commented to Dr. H. that in this period of major transition, I am all over again being shown by God my purpose and mission, but I also can see through some of what I wrote in past years, that I have not nearly kept focus on the purpose and particularly the mission.  I am upset by that and ashamed at the ways I have yet gone about in avoidance, seeking distractions and also continuing my efforts to fit in, such as especially to fit into the temporal Catholic world of parishes--to be acceptable as "normal" so as to be included by Catholic parishioners and priests, and even utilizable--even in some way as a mystic.  But the Lord kept having to allow circumstances in my life to prune me and prevent me from what is not His means and ways of His purpose and mission for me, which is not so tangible nor a fruit desired and edible to those who know me or in a parish situation or even diocese.

Dr. H. got that; he can see the phases of my life and the increasing pruning and to point of nearly truncated.  I have perhaps--we can hope in God and pray--accepted these matters, once and for all.  I am not going to know if I'm "doing" what God wills such as in writing, but he did laugh when one of the examples from Dr McGinn on a commonality of the Christian mystics is that they have a compulsion to write.  Dr. H. says he sure knows someone like that! But there are other aspects that hit home with me in the past few days.  

These creatures known as mystics (and of the more on-the-court types, the ones with more pronounced infusions of the category or "sport") generally go through the mystical derelictions, have episodes in their life of great suffering of various types, sometimes seemingly odd timing causing pivotal life changes.  They are intensely focused on God and the Church and feel deeply, as if they have become so subsumed as to be deeply injured and concerned with angst when there are affronts and wrongs occurring even if not noticeably, in the Church or priesthood, or among the worshippers.  There also are the many spiritual experiences--not a couple or so major events of God's reaching into a person's life in soul-altering ways--but many and varied examples of mystical graces that come unbidden, spontaneously, but mark the mystic.  

And while the mystical graces or experiences are signs, they are actually incidentals or ancillary to the mystic but cause problems often enough, among others. The mystics experience and endure many trials of spiritual and temporal forces and factors.  the mystics of these more extreme types are put through the paces in order to learn what is necessary for the mission they are given, and in part, that mission is as fruit for others, for the Church.  But mainly, I am realizing this evening as I write and have had thoughts come since the phone discussion--the mystic is to exemplify that of a love for God with intensity that other aspects of life will be set aside, even relationships that are not beneficial to the mission, or of what would be considered best regarding temporal Catholic world involvements. 

I commented to Dr. H. that I feel as if I have been a bench-sitter, not willing to get out there on the court and give it my all.  I've been a reluctant and passive mystic, despite the profundity of mystical graces.  Even my writing has been off-track on hermit topic, or drawn off in reactionary writing with someone other whose purpose was not as a mystic but rather as something other equally chosen by God and desired and willed by God.  

A mystic must stay in the position God created the mystic soul to live in this life and to play it with all its mind, heart, soul, and spirit--not be diverted or splinter off even if there are aspects given the hermit that can be misunderstood and distract.  The hermit life for this mystic is the means of custody for this mystic to be able to better fulfill its mission, not to be this mystic's mission.  Whereas other persons' mission might be the hermit life itself.

So when Dr. H. at the end of the conversation mentioned per my writing as part of my mission in what fruit I am to share and offer, he suggested I will need to learn to write in a way and with words that, as he put  it, the everyday person in the world who does not even begin to think about such matters would relate with and understand--he might have even used the term the average duffer or something similar.

However, that got my inner to consider what keeps coming forth that is telling me, no, you must be congruous, real, yourself, as I created you.  You do not have the energy now to expend on trying to write in some other style, or to use a vocabulary that is not given you through your temporal education, what does not come naturally to mind and out the fingertips on the laptop keys.

And more, I realized that perhaps what I write is for God, to please God, my whole self as fruit to Him and Him only?  Solus Deus?  I thought of a friend who enjoys fiction although also loves to read Scripture each day, has a prayer life of whatever level it does not matter, not for me to know, of course.  But she mentioned the title of a book--and she reads as many do for entertainment. I looked up the book as is part of a trilogy of which two more books are being sent that are eagerly awaited.  I read an excerpt, and all the more I understood the differences.  

It has been years since I lost appetite for fiction.  But these are best sellers, and a well-known author, but I was stunned by how I'd no more find interest or even structural artistry; the content seemed dumbed down somehow.  I realize that what people read and enjoy would be great effort on my part to write.  My bodily pain would not allow for that expenditure in that way.  Thus the thought came, the realization, that what I write might not at all be as Dr. H. has in mind--not for a broad spectrum of people.  What if the fruit God has for me to produce is a kumquat or gooseberry?  

At this point, as I mentioned to Dr. H. in feeling I've been a bench-sitter on the basketball team to which he said he was going to have the role of pushing me off the bench and fully into the game, I'd better just get to writing of whatever the Holy Spirit brings up in everyday life but with my assenting to all that God wills for me as a mystic.  I have shirked and shrunk for too many years.  I am ashamed and even concerned that I have not cooperated with God Who has been so good, so patient, so generous in the gifts both temporal and mystical.  

I have resisted passing through the mystic portal.  Even now, or recently, I ordered doors, windows, and oodles of flooring cartons that I will have to impose upon others to help find places to store them in the stuffed and messy garage (needs organizing), on the back patio, and in the house wherever we can make space.  We?  Well, I am not physically able to do much of anything at this point.  I'm not even that fit for writing, it seems when the pain is super high.  But more so, I have shirked the praying--unless my writing becomes as prayer in itself.  Perhaps sometimes.

I did read the poem to Dr. H. that I had forgotten having written in 2011.  Nor did I recall the other aspects going on then in which God was asking of me to pass through, to accept fully and agree to being the person He chose to create and wants of me--loves of me even if what I am is not understood nor that acceptable or valued by the bulk of persons.  That is all part of the plight of mystics in general.  But usually in a mystic's life, the mission part becomes pronounced, and God allows the fruit to grow and be cultivated, picked, and offered for whomever desires.  Mostly this is after the mystic has physically passed on from this temporal world.  

Even then, such as if the mystic in the compulsion to write and write, what is written might be tossed in a dumpster by whomever clears out the mystic's belonging after death. But the fact is, the mystic must give its all to the purpose for which God chose to create such a woe-begotten type and to give its all to God to fulfill its mission.  That mission continues to evolve here, now, with this mystic, but it must be authentically from within whatever this is of myself.  And it must focus on Jesus, take care of Baby Jesus, just adore Him and yet share anonymously in writing what evolves and unfolds.  

A mystic is to remind those who want to see the mystic spectrum and that we all are in a continuum of being on that spectrum, and that our purpose and innate yearning as souls is to seek God our Creator to love Him and be united in Him eternally.  The fruit is as all else with a mystic--really, up to God as to if it is picked up and eaten and enjoyed by others.  There is not just one mystic of the more extreme type at any given time on earth. And even the bench-sitter mystics might be called by the coach to become more fully engaged and on the court.  

All is God's will and choosing.  But I had better remove myself from distractions deceptively slight, and devote myself more to the practice of praise of God and prayer.  Even a mystic on the bench must attend and participate all team practices and do the necessary bodily and mental regimens that lend to successful outcomes.

God Bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic and God's Hermit: Seeking a Word

Upon awakening, the pain did not seem to immediately register but the world did, opening the eyes to daylight and the green of earth outside the window.  I did not want to be awakened to another day of suffering.  So I began to praise God.  That is my "technique" for countering my reaction to living with pain.  God understands fully; He knows my body, mind, heart, and soul in this world and out of this world.

Took the hours' past-due pain med, stood up, very weak, but went to kitchen:  coffee, oatmeal, back to bed to sip and eat reclining.  The usual routine, this, and added the magnesium, calcium, D, K, and B-12 vitamin supplements.  (I'm doing all temporally, physically possible that is blessedly available to try in building bodily energy so that I might get up, dress, and cope with this consistently higher level of pain.  I'm grateful to God for the many blessings given me in the temporal.  But I am utterly depleted physically.)

Text Dr. H. and express the temporal pain experience and of my losing ground in the physical.  For when up getting the coffee and oatmeal, my legs are weak.  The entire body feels as if having to push to just stay upright to do the simple motions of coffee machine and to cook the easy oatmeal.  It is the same every morning, but this one am even more weak in body.

I comment upon R., the man who last fall spoke on phone in three-way conversation including Dr. H. who knows this man.  R. had a miraculous relief from pain to a point of being "cured" as if through a focused breath "technique".  I'd listened last night to another lecture by Dr. Bernard McGinn, this one on the prayer life and advice of various mystics of earlier centuries.

McGinn, in his life-long study of Christian mysticism, points out that people can but prepare ourselves,   Develop a prayer life that usually begins with verbal, then mental or meditation on God; for Christians this includes aspects of Christ's life as well as the Trinity--the love of the Holy Spirit that binds Christ the Son with God the Father.  McGinn then comments upon prayer at some point becoming more of a contemplation of the Trinity-- a more wordless and imageless form of prayer.

The scholar and theologian emphasizes yet again in this particular lecture, that we cannot make experiences happen, that a mystic cannot make himself a mystic nor to have legitimate spiritual experiences occur.  Not everyone will be a mystic in that more extreme aspect.  He gives as example that many can play basketball but not all will have more talent, not be on the pro teams.  And he stresses there is no technique in particular that will make a person a mystic with mystical experiences.  Yet we all are to prepare our minds, hearts, and souls with the desire and openness to receiving God, to desiring union with God, and prayer is a means of preparation.  Prayer is our communication with God.

But God alone infuses the grace or graces.  He imparts graces through and of Himself and His Son Jesus Christ, by the power of the Holy Spirit.  All we people can do is to prepare ourselves through love of the Trinity and through the exercise, if you will, of prayer.  And to pray constantly as St. Paul mentions in his epistles-- many of the early mystics explain is to have our intentions be that of always directed or focused in love of God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. So prayer becomes our way of life, our existence, by means of intention as we cannot always practice or exercise prayer in conscious gradations:  verbal, mental, contemplation. 

Dr. H. texts about calling later today.  He says he might be able to offer some techniques to help with the pain or perhaps my sense of fatigue and inability to seemingly get up and function much at all.  I remind him that it is not a matter of techniques, all this situation. I add that two people could do the breathing techniques that R. did, but not have the result R. experienced and I assume is still experiencing the remission of physical pain. God allowed R's outcome due to God giving that grace, that miracle.  However, I text that we can discuss the topic of "techniques".  (Actually, it is mind, heart, and soul preparation, practice--that of prayer.)

Perhaps there will be good from discussing as I need feedback verbally, or so it seems.  I sent an email yesterday through chancellor to bishop regarding my understanding of the need for balance, a reassurance that I have a grasp of these matters of temporal and mystical "worlds" and describe what I mean, and of the necessity of being "grounded".  I emailed twice to the parish priest, further sharing some spiritual thoughts and understandings.  

By having written emails (including to try to express some of these thoughts to a quite elderly friend), I recognize I am feeling a need for discussion--but what I really could use right now is feedback with those who would have knowledge of or life purpose in such matters and topics.  Dr. H. is best for that, it currently seems, for the clerics are too busy to just "talk" or correspond.  I knew and know this, yet was unrealistic in reaching out.  Dr. H., while not a religious, does have mind and soul interest in such matters.  Also a major benefit is that he has known me for years, is innately wise, expeirenced, and has time and availability.

The very elderly friend I emailed is not interested even if Catholic, to have email nor spiritual discussion.  I know this; yet my need for discussion or feedback right now is so strong that I emailed the other day, regardless.  I know there will be no response of any spiritual matter or aspect.  I do know the person prays for me and has a spiritual life, of course, a prayer life and daily lectio divina (reading Scripture in personal, interactive-with-Holy Spirit,  meditative way). 

But when in a transition phase in particular, so much is being opened up by the Holy Spirit, in the mind, heart, and soul--one must go with whom God reasonably provides.  So Dr. H. it is!  He has always possessed prescient wisdom from the early years, and he has interest in God and spiritual matters; all this counts.  Plus, he is a gift of God.  

What I'm trying to point out for those readers who are seeking God, is that we take what and whom God provides when needed, and it may not always be a priest, bishop, or anyone ordained.  Go with God's flow.  I had even thought in recent days that I'd love to be able to contact Dr. Bernard McGinn for discussion and to ask some questions!  But I realize God has provided Dr. McGinn through his lectures online on various topics per Christian mysticism!

Sometimes, no matter the particulars or breadth of silence of solitude, we find a need to discuss with another, the matters of the mind, heart, and especially soul--which all do affect and interface with the body, temporal life.  I'm realizing I miss the late Spiritual Da who provided that occasional contact, for as one grows in the spiritual life, the contact does not need to be frequent.  

The soul weans away from such need for human discussion or as it was called by early desert hermits--seeking "a word" from a more progressed, wiser, older hermit.  The hermit needs a jump-start, so to speak--so travel miles to the hut or cave of an older hermit and once in the old one's presence, asks:  Father, give me a "word".  So it is similar in our day that we ask for some advice or counsel from a wise, spiritually attuned, other.  The "word" from the elder hermits would usually be brief--some wisdom or even a saying that the seeker then could take to ponder and meditate upon, and put into practice.

In my case, some has to do with the bodily pain, of course--which is complicating this current, major, transition phase.  I finally made the tangible effort to call the pain doctor and left message with his medical tech--essentially asking for a "word", as well!  I want to know if the neurosurgeon request went through and if they've had any feedback, for I've not received a call from the neurosurgeon's office in the three weeks or so since the pain doctor told me he was referring me for the intrathecal pump surgery.  So we ask for a "word" in temporal matters more often than what we'd recognize as similar to the "word" a spiritual, a holy God-seeker would ask on spiritual matters.

Mostly, we seek a "word" when we read Scripture, the Living Word, the Word of God, or often simply stated "the Word."  And for those well along the way, the path, in seeking Divine Union with God, when we read His "Word," we are reading at a depth or level of understanding in that the "Word" becomes God's speaking to us directly.  

The "Word" that Jesus gives me today is that He is sending the Advocate to help me--the Holy Spirit, and that Jesus has to leave the world in order for Him to send the Holy Spirit in His place.  Jesus could not live indefinitely as God-Man on earth, for His mission on earth was that of showing us the Way as we live on earth, and to die for our sins and salvation, and to show us the Way forward in our own dying physically and of our rising, but of the Way to God spiritually, also, while we are on earth.

I'd best stop writing which I'd prefer to do, and get up for the second cup of coffee, and then add the protein powder to the vitamin water, and simply get dressed so that I will be at least physically readied to try to perform some physical tasks that might help me distract the mind from physical pain as well as to being to strengthen muscles that are unused.  I must try.  I have no idea if this is "it" for me as far as being bed-ridden, but I must at least try to build some muscle and stamina.  I've been through prolonged phases of major transition before, but none have quite been like this.

I noticed in an old blog years ago that I was in a spiritual transition, and these transitions do tend to also involve the temporal aspects of body, also.  But then I'd written of calling the Spiritual Da, and he said, "You HAVE to pull out of this!"  He used to also say in minor transition phases that also affected the body, "Get out and back into the gardens!"  Manual labor, in other words, and especially for me, working with the plants and trees and earthly hummus, would help my body pull out, and through which there generally would be some sort of breakthrough within.

Also, as God Himself through the Love of Jesus Christ His Son, and by the power of the Holy Spirit will give us a "Word" within our inner beings.  This level of receiving a Word from God Himself, is a grace.  But we do all we can of our own volition and tangible means and preparing ourselves to be open to receiving a "word" which is from God Himself, God alone, solus Deus--meant for ourselves but a "Word" to us within us, always is beneficial and rather universal in effect and helpfulness.

Dear God, the physical pain in this body is fatiguing and depleting to a point that I find myself not even breathing regularly, often, and definitely not deeply.  It is as if the body itself wants to shut down the breath in order to rise out of this temporal form of such physical heaviness and pain.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Hold onto, nourish always, Faith, Hope, and Love in God!

[The pain doctor's nurse called and gave a "word."  Others are experiencing increased pain due to weather.  The referral just went out to neurosurgeon a week ago and can take awhile before I might hear from that office.  Go out when there is sun and try to absorb the D from sun.  Try to do leg movement when up to get blood circulating.  "Hang in and hang on."  I'm reminded that seeking a word for temporal means is useful and helpful.]

Catholic hermit, God's hermit: Awaiting What's Next

I read this Gospel the other day, of Jesus Christ according to St. John 15:18-20a, and since.  Of course it seems deeply meant for my soul.  Yes, I know it is meant for everyone.  But Jesus is speaking to me and desiring me to remember it beyond my mind and heart.  Remember the Word He speaks to me in my soul.

"Jesus said to [me]: '...If you belonged to the world, the world would love its own; but because you do not belong to the world, and I have chosen you out of the world, the world hates you.  Remember the word I spoke to you....'"

This is the reminder that I do not "belong" to that world--and He has for many years tried to get me to not only understand but also to accept.  That world is needful, good, His creation; it just is not where God wants me to linger.  It is not the out of the world where He wants me to be in order to fulfill His purpose, the mission He's given me from the beginning.

Years of preparation and progression, years of delights and trials have passed.  For years God has been patient with me and still would be--if the pruning and now this major pruning as if truncating my body to nearly a stump, were not sufficient.  There might be yet more pruning, though.  Who knows but God?

I am going to try very hard now, as I've made another acceptance--what I call a "full acceptance."  Made it at the counter on brief time up for cup of coffee this morning.  But who knows, truly, but God if my acceptance is actually "full".  I've made full acceptances before, and asking God to use me as He wills.

I feel sick unto death.  In other words, the pain is so sickening and now am so depleted with this major crucifixion of the  major transition, that I would like to die in order to be in union with God forever.  Sometimes the pain in the feet and the sensations, or then the heart pain, has me concerned that what is within will become external.

Tell myself not to be concerned; it won't matter whatever happens, not really.  I'm in transition and perhaps already transited.  Likely so, this.  Who could really know but God?

What I do know is that I do not mean nor intend to rile others, but I fear perhaps I have in writing even what it was that I needed to absorb that has helped me let go of that world and opened and understanding the why, now, of the need for being taken out of that world and transitioning to what is next, that I can grasp in the intellect and understanding but no further.  Again, only God knows fully what it is when chosen out of that world.

I've written emails today to those I must not pester.  Writing continues to be what helps me get the mind out of pain.  However, a thought as come to try not to write, at least not emails.  I am writing to those who are not going through this major transition, at least not at this time.  They have their own transitions, and my prayer is that of transitions leading to union with God in the very real and conscious sense of the mystical reality of Divine union with and in God the Father, through the Son, and by the power of the Holy Spirit.

For this is what the Trinity desires of us.  For this we were created in the ultimate, eternal, mystical sense.

I'm trying, also, to not be concerned that this level of pain not continue, for being in bed most of the time for days on end, or then getting up and doing a couple or three hours of manual labor and then being down in bed for several days more--the practicality of such an existence is not going to be viable if it continues for a long time.

I'm listening to more lectures--not writing notes, not concerned if I do not remember details or even if the bodily pain or otherwise intrudes on the listening and the remembering on surface.  I trust in the Holy Spirit that it has come into the inner sense through the outer senses, and there is good the Lord has for me in such as now, some review of the prayer that is the mystics' contemplation of, with, God.

The writing must slow and be less until the time is otherwise, through the transition phase and when and if God has something for what is next.  In the meantime, if I write such as now, these bits and pieces, it is partly due to flight from bodily pain at a sickening level, plus such as the Word of Jesus, shared above from John 15.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit on Writing Bent

Fr. V. emailed a week ago from Nigeria where he continues as an inspired and inspiring Novice Master of hundreds of seminarians.  How blessed are they in his religious community. to have as many as 1200 applicants to seminary.  Due to size restrictions in their monastery, they have to whittle down the field to accepting less than 200 each year.

In his email, Fr. V. reminded this pained and tired but desirous and loving consecrated Catholic hermit that its writing ought continue and to have as a purpose that of inspiring and helping others in their spiritual journeys and lives.  He pointedly stated that it is not to be that of theological debate nor getting involved in the quagmire of legalism or of what St. Paul would describe as the law of the mind.  

Rather, I am to write to inspire, to encourage, to hopefully help others who might find some aspects of the sharing of my own journey and thoughts, to persevere in their own spiritual endeavors.

This morning, an email arrived from the young married woman--a true spiritual friend and soul who loves the Lord much and aspires in her spiritual life to union with God.  She has had repeated dreams and has interpreted them fairly well but asks for some assistance and assurance in her discernment.

Perhaps it is in the personal correspondence that this hermit's writing comes to best or better fruition, such as it is.  With prayer and loving consideration, I will re-read my young spiritual friend's email, and then I will ask the Holy Spirit to illumine my mind and guide my fingers on the laptop keyboard in order to assist in any way possible, to help with the dreams' meaning and intent.  Already the ideas have come to mind, heart, and spirit.

So it is, with what Fr. V. wrote and also with the types of personal correspondence and assistance requests from others, from time to time, and in reflecting upon what is in my experiential background and heart of hearts, I will focus all the more in writing of the spiritual, albeit utilizing some daily life activities to lend as examples for whatever seems appropriate in fleshing out the thoughts and ideas.

I am also going to be sharing more of the mystical life--but not simply writing out some lived experiences.  That will be so, but more so will be the writing in an effort to help others to learn more for their own spiritual experiences.  Discernment is critical, as is understanding mysticism compared to or as differentiated from contemplation.  

Overcoming fear and being open to God's love and mercy, to His desire to bring us to union within His Real Presence, is another aspect to share, perhaps best in lived examples--with some failures as means of learning to improve and to grow. The writing, thus, will continue to reflect personal experiences, thoughts, and examples.

Today's Gospel gives Jesus' Living Word that the Kingdom of God is within us.  Am going to ponder the wonder and awe of this truth.  What does it actually mean to us as mortal men and women--adults and children--and to our immortal souls?  The Kingdom of God is within us!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another.  Remain in His Love!