Catholic Hermit's Consolation

Been having more severe pain issues lately.  It is difficult to keep going, and the Lord has heard this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit's thoughts.  I've been quite direct.  Why try to fool His Real Presence?  Impossible!  So He knows how hard it is for us to want to live when the suffering becomes most challenging, when the true crosses we are given weigh down upon our mortal frames.

And, or course, at the same time we may be praising God for all things.  Honesty, though, is always the best policy.

So it was that this body dragged its way through a couple of days.  The severe pain continues in the relatively new bodily locale: liver area.  Yes, recent scans show nodules and what an emergency room doctor said was a "splayed and frayed" portion of the upper right quadrant--a portion under the back rib cage and touching the bottom right lung lobe which has a larger nodule.

All is confirmed non-malignant.  The Lord also understands and knows this hermit's disappointment.  On earth, only those who have had death experiences or are mystics, or a couple or so persons who know the hermit for the past many years of suffering, can grasp how this could be for one to be actually eager and excited about the prospects of cancer.

It is not as a means of escaping from something, although that would be a decent enough reason.  Crosses can become excruciating.  Just see an inward glimpse of Jesus Christ being crucified.  He cried out to God with His last breaths.  I suppose it does not even take someone who has had a marvelous death experience or who is a mystic, to have a great desire to pass to the other side, to begin the new life, to be more on the way to heaven without dragging our physical bodies around with us.

Over the weekend I did try to get up and do what I could to make a little progress with the on-going efforts of making this hermitage more livable and ultimately salable.  The neighbor lad, seemingly so sincere about wanting to work with promises of coming on Thursday and able to work Friday and Saturday, never showed up.  I'd placed a call and left a message late Thursday when it was becoming obvious that my "guarded encouragement" that he meant what he said, was turning to reality that he was not reliable.

Ah, the Lord gives and the Lord takes away!  Blessed be the Name of the Lord!

His brother came, evidently hearing the message later on.  We were able to get the bathroom cabinets into the bathroom.  Of course, one is incorrect so Lowe's will be ordering a correct cabinet--the fourth try in getting four cabinets ordered correctly.  I will wait another month or so on that project.  The lad who did come became faint.  This pained hermit walked him home to make sure he did not keel over on the road.  He'd had a couple routine inoculations that morning.  Promised he'd be back on Friday, as well as his brother probably coming.  Did not happen.

It was all right.  This hermit did what possible, and the angel Beth and St. Joseph surely helped.  The trim is now installed and caulking done, and posts wrapped with trim board--the porch nearly completed.

By Saturday afternoon, the thoughts came from within where God's Will has replaced mine.  And I think they were God's Thoughts nudging me to try going to confession and possibly Mass.  Catholic friends and others have suggested otherwise.  Why go through more persecution and hardship?  Why subject myself to that?  (You'd have to search back into older posts for the backlog of events, to understand what had transpired.)

However, I decided to drive the distance, for the liver-muscle-whatever pain had subsided some.  The truck still loaded with mulch, I headed to the parish.  The new priest was hearing confessions.  I decided to remain for Mass; a man and his wife were willing for me to sit with them, for a year ago they were the ones who became alarmed when this hermit (they know not my vocation, of course--am hidden from the eyes of men in that regard!) did not move during Mass.  They would remember and did, for they had called EMS only to find, after Mass, the hermit not near death nor dead but simply has a mystical phenomenon known as an ecstasy, during any Mass.

So it occurred again this time, which is fine.  Lately the reminder has come to my mind (and must be the Lord's Thoughts reminding me) of what Jesus had said four years ago.  He had shown me some parishioners and priests and told me they would criticize and persecute but that I was to not pay attention to them, to not be bothered by them.

The Saturday vigil Mass was marvelous!  Praise God for the new priest who did not at all bastardize the Mass.  There was no horror in the mystical state.  All is well!  In fact, there is something that I remember distinctly from the priest's homily when in a holy Mass, in the deep mystical state, usually nothing is recalled after.  But the Lord wills that I would hear and recall these words from the priest.

"We have to learn to think like God thinks.  And God thinks in terms of love and mercy."

What a consolation to this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit's body, mind, heart and spirit!  I have been so praying for God to replace my mind with His Mind--my thoughts and ideas with His Thoughts and Ideas!  Increasingly, the difference between my mind and His Mind has been painfully revealed, and the dichotomy disturbing.

The answer is simple as far as discerning the difference.  God thinks in terms of love and Mercy.  God's Mind Is Love and Mercy.  All of my thoughts can be sifted out accordingly.  His Thoughts can be discerned based upon love and mercy as key.

I will be returning to Mass, if body able, once a week.  I am joining the parish although I know that as a consecrated Catholic hermit, my interactions will be governed by my rule of life, the Gospel Rule, and the parameters of my eremitic vocation as set forth in the Institutes of the Church, by my vows, and as defined in The Catechism of the Catholic Church.

Prior to Mass, at the end of confession, I mentioned to the new priest that there might be a bit of a mystical state that has been occurring during Mass for going on eight years.  An ecstasy by definition, but that it might not occur as has been awhile since being at a Mass in person.  I also mentioned that I am a consecrated Catholic hermit, privately professed, going on 16 years, and at some point perhaps we might want to talk some.  Yes, I'd like to be helpful with any specific prayers or spiritual needs of his efforts with the parish and my being part of the Body of Christ.

After Mass, yes, people had inquired some of the parish administrator, regarding this person they noticed at Mass.  The parish administrator told me that people were "talking", and some would be judging the situation, judging the hermit without knowing me.  I assured that it would be all right.  We can do all we can to keep others from judging and temptation or occasions of that particular sin, but ultimately, I must keep my eyes on Jesus.  Look at HIM.  And remember what He said over four years ago.  Others will wrongly judge and criticize you, but you are not to pay attention to them, not be bothered by them.

What a loving and merciful consolation the Lord has given me!  And I must approach all as God Thinks, in love and mercy.

Praise His Real Presence!  Little children, let us love God above all things and others as ourselves.  We must love as Jesus loves us, as God Thinks and Is:  Love and Mercy.

The Lord Sets Down and Lifts Up

Our lives can be read in the Psalms.

Here, the nothing Catholic hermit was dunked down, down, down.  Then with one final phone call to Raphael, leaving a message that it needed help and was too cold, His Real Presence sent a return call as a life line.  Help is on its way, tomorrow.

In the meantime, the hermit has been given that raising up necessary to do some tasks that Raphael and his men will find helpful.  Trying to clear clutter and organize tools and building materials--that which this hermit can lift and organize.  Raphael and men will make room in pole barn and carry out furniture that is stored in here, that keeps from more work being easily accomplished...like drywall.

The goal is to do whatever to help make the hermitage warmer, to retain heat, as living in 43 degrees is not easy.  Upstairs got some warmer, but thankfully the temps outside have warmed some, helping the body.

One can begin to have greater compassion and understanding of children and adults in tough living conditions, either too hot or too cold, who then do not do well on a job or at school, or who give up either with their bodies and emotions drained of energy.  One can understand the give-up mode.

Fr. V. is so correct in that this hermit needs to be yet more aware of how the devil will use any means to disrupt the body, mind, heart and spirit.  Yes, there is a prevalence of discounting the devil, as we can become out of balance with not keeping God's power and might and sovereignty in mind.  

However, combatting the devil can be matter of fact and does not need to consume. It is just part of the spiritual life, and an important part, as is praise and prayer and love.  Yet, awareness and combat are vital and not to be dismissed.  Spiritual warfare is reality.    Good vs. evil is nothing new.  It is that evil can be ignored, and then our foothold becomes unsteady.

We can be taken down for any number of reasons, and all has spiritual underpinnings for our souls.  Yet we can learn to turn repeatedly to His Real Presence.  Down, down, down, then when so emptied other than calling out to Him, at some point:  up, up, up.

The cycle repeats, and hopefully over time we become strengthened and all the more sure of our turning to His Real Presence.  The down, down, down has benefits; and over time, we learn to consider it like the ferris wheel, in which the down parts are considered always as merely an (even necessary) condition of the rising.  It is all part of the ride.

The infrared heater did not do a thing to warm the place.  Thankfully can return it.  But did find, in shoving heavy things enough from one wall, to get behind and start placing 2x4's between studs at the floor, two spaces that had cold air coming up from the crawlspace.  They are now stop-gapped.  Any progress is progress.

All this is fodder for linkage to the life of the soul, to growth toward His Real Presence.  Any progress is progress.  Praise God from Whom all blessings flow.

The ferris wheel will rise, and then it will descend again before another rising.  In the spiritual life, one must hang on just as solidly in the descent and lower regions, as when rising or at the pinnacle.  If the ferris wheel would become stuck at the height while we are on this temporal ride in this temporal world and in our temporal lives, being on top would soon lose its delight.

In the spiritual life,  being at the height is marvelous, for it means we are no longer enclosed in a circus ride's compartment, no longer riding an amusement.  We are freed and exist outside the limitations.  The soul who seeks God is one that increasingly learns that freedom within, to without, in faith, hope, and love.  

We float in snippets, and those come when we perhaps come to a point of allowing the down parts and up parts to be something outside our souls.  Sometimes it becomes too much to express but worthy of pondering and praying for the graces necessary.

Part of the grace is to realize that the Lord sets down and lifts up.  Either are facts of the temporal and the spiritual realms.  If we come to grasp that the setting down is not negative but rather a necessary aspect of the lifting up, we will make movement toward freedom in body, mind, heart, and spirit.  This likely will not happen other than in bits and pieces.  But each bit is a worthwhile segment.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another for God Is Love.          

Postscript:  Mark just called.  His truck is not working, so he cannot come today to do some necessary electrical in order for Raphael and men to hang drywall.  Good!  This is an prime example of what could seem down, and it is a downward movement in the temporal flow.  

However, it now can be viewed as a necessary part of the rising.  So set the sights on the rising to come, and realize that the back area cannot be drywalled, but other areas can.  Or, the landing can be constructed, or part of the ceiling done--not all as plumbing needs to come through.  Or, whatever bits of work on upstairs sections, even though nothing can be completed in totality.  

But know for sure, that His Real Presence allowed Mark to not be able to come today, for very good reasons and practice in the spiritual life, for faith, hope, and love.  Am praying for Mark's truck to be repaired for his sake, and to see that it is a necessary down for Mark, and there will be the rising, as well.                                                         

After Consolation: Desolation

There always is an interplay between the soul and the Beloved.  With a consolation raising the soul as if up to the kiss of God's lips, one is so consumed in the cherished and unexpected gesture of love, that nothing else seems possible but the soul's delight with Christ.

Then comes desolation.  Yes, it always comes until the final breath of the earthly body when there is no more desolation for the soul who has desired and striven to be beloved of His Real Presence.  But until that moment, either at death or after judgment and more purifying of the soul into greater light enough to be one with His Light, there will be a reminder through desolation of the earthly attachment to sin, which is some degree of opposition to God's purity and perfect, loving will.

Desolation:  a state of complete emptiness or destruction; anguished misery or loneliness.

For various reasons, the main one being desolation comes after consolation (and consolation comes after desolation), this nothing Catholic hermit experienced tremendous and unexpected emptiness and anguish of body, heart, mind, and soul yesterday evening and this morning.  It was rugged, and thankfully was able to email a friend, repeatedly, expressing the temporal discouragements and sorrows.

Only later, by afternoon, did the hermit grasp what was the cause and effect that always is, was, and shall be in souls on the purgative, illuminative, and unitive way of the spiritual life:  consolation, then desolation, then consolation, then desolation, then....

There was no relief, no verbal or mental prayers that one can recall.  Just prayer without words, without thought, and the sorrows and sense of abject failure as a person and with its life, became as prayer of sorrow, repentance, and hopeless clinging.

In times such as these, the soul is let down.  The kiss on the lips by God is forgotten or seems long ago if recalled.  And, if recalled, there is added shame that somehow, within days, the consolation that was so glorious is as if spurned or rejected, and in its place is the dejected soul, unable to function, not able to force its mind to reading Scripture other than a few lines that seem unable to be absorbed.

Then, somehow, toward the evening after the night and day of desolation, there is a ray of light in the evening dark:  a song.   This hermit was turning to YouTube to find music--anything that might soothe the misery of its failed and flawed life and weakness in faith on the Sabbath, no less.

Harmony!  That is what this weeping soul sought.  And somehow--yes, by the grace of His Real Presence, the Bridegroom brought His emptied hermit-bride to the name of a back-up singer for another famous singer.  Then, a title drew the attention:  Song of Bernadette.  Then, from there another song title:  Joan of Arc [refer to previous post, song composed by Leonard Cohen, sung by Jennifer Warnes].

This hermit had never heard the latter song.  It listened while viewing the accompanying video and lyrics printed upon the vivid images.  Each word had clear meaning, deep significance, and each brought:  consolation.

Thanks be to His Real Presence for His marvelous works!  Thanks be to the Beloved for raising up and taking down...and raising up again!  May this tired, ailing, yet desirous nothing hermit soul be soundly reminded of its purpose and to accept the suffering of this life as a means of reparation with the Beloved.  To be burned in the fire of His Love is so very painful, yet it is necessary for its purifying qualities.

Consolations and desolations intertwine and spiral through our spiritual journeys on this earth.  At some appointed and anointed moment, there will be the final desolation, an immolation.  Then there is the final yet eternal consolation.  Think on these marvels of His Real Presence and His fiery love for each of us.  We cannot but accept such love, yet we will cringe with the desolations, for that is natural, and we on earth are of nature.

But with each spiraling cycle of consolation-desolation, we will learn to trust in His lifting us up, then setting us down, higher then lower.  But He always raises us up for the kiss of His Lips.  Even when in the dizzying delights of consolation or in the despairs of desolation, we may forget this cycle is occurring and all in His loving pervue, we will be consoled over and over until the soul is burned into His very Soul--never more to be disconsolate again.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another, for love is of God.  Let us remain in His Love and offer ourselves as living, holy, pleasing sacrifices to His Divine Will.

Scent of Roses: Consolation

This morning a friend emailed one of Therese of Lisieux's letters.  She also sent along this morning's Mass readings, all of which were appropriate in marvelous message, on point, to what this Catholic hermit has been experiencing and trying to express.  The Lord hears the cries of His people, and He has heard this hermit's weariness and uncertainty in the trials and lowliness of physical existence.

Before reading what the friend sent, the hermit began to smell in the early dawn moments, a beautiful scent of roses. It pervaded the room.  There is absolutely nothing in this gutted room in this gutted, old house, that smells of roses.  No perfume about, no flowers, no sweetness, anywhere.  Then the hermit wondered if could be deodorant?  But alas, no.  There has not been bathing for two weeks.  (Yes, this hermit has to rough it in here, for now and forever how long.  Has to go to a doctor today and then on to daughter's for a much-needed shower in civilization!)

The hermit took some deep breaths, finally realizing it must be the Virgin Mary, through the numinous power of the Holy Spirit, to bless this worn out person here, with a consolation.  But then, when reading the email from the friend, saying she was sending wonderful message from St. Therese (aka The Little Flower), this hermit still did not make a connection.

It was only after reading the letter of Therese with it's appropriate message--just perfect for what this hermit needed to be reminded, as well as today's Mass Scripture readings--that the realization occurred that the Holy Spirit was sending through St. Therese, roses from heaven.  The scent remained strong for quite awhile and still is present, even though less potent.

Frankly, it is quite a consolation, as the hermit's hair has not been pleasant, nor the bedding all that fresh after being in bed quite a bit the past few days.

And, the words of Scripture from St. Paul and from Jesus, reminds to keep in the race, to work hard, and to finish what is started, as well as to reside in one's nothingness and lowliness, before His Real Presence in love and faith.  All of and in and about us must be a witness to the glory of God.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another!  Remain in His Love!

This is the selection from St. Therese's letter, that the friend sent.

Saint Thérèse of the Child Jesus (1873-1897), Carmelite, Doctor of the Church
Letter 197 of 17/09/1896 (©ICS publications)
"Everyone of you who does not renounce all his possessions cannot be my disciple"
"Dear Sister, how can you ask me if it is possible for you to love God as I love Him? ... My desires of martyrdom are nothing; they are not what give me the unlimited confidence that I feel in my heart. They are, to tell the truth, the spiritual riches that render one unjust, when one rests in them with complacence and when one believes they are something great... Ah! I really feel that... what pleases Him is that He sees me loving my littleness and my poverty, the blind hope that I have in His mercy.... That is my only treasure...
"Oh, dear Sister, I beg you... understand that to love Jesus... the weaker one is, without desires or virtues, the more suited one is for the workings of this consuming and transforming Love. The desire alone to be a victim suffices, but we must consent to remain always poor and without strength, and
this is the difficulty, for: "The truly poor in spirit, where do we find him? You must look for him from afar," said the psalmist. He does not say that you must look for him among great souls, but "from afar," that is to say in lowliness, in nothingness.
"Ah! let us remain then very far from all that sparkles, let us love our littleness, let us love to feel nothing, then we shall be poor in spirit, and Jesus will come to look for us, and however far we may be, He will transform us in flames of love. Oh! How I would like to be able to make you understand what I feel! It is confidence, and nothing but confidence that must lead us to Love. Does not fear lead to Justice? (To the severe justice that people show to sinners but not the justice Jesus will have for those who love him.) Since we see the way, let us run together. Yes, I feel it, Jesus wills to give us the same graces; he wills to give us his Heaven gratuitously."
 

Marvelous Dream

["nothing" is apt identifying term as opposed to "me" or "I".  Am reminding that nothing is nothing and God is All.  Using this term "nothing," helps it sink in.]

Last night "nothing" had a marvelous dream.  It fits in well with casting the net today, offering to share about angels.  It had all to do with suffering and with being utilized in what and how God wills.

A couple of angels were speaking with "nothing" about the severe bodily pain, and they said it will be alleviated in a simple manner, daily.  They warned against another possibility for pain relief that was rather invasive and more complicated.  "Nothing" got the idea that the angels meant the pain will be gone in eternity, but of course am open to sooner!  May it be heaven on earth, His will be done.

Then the angels said "nothing" would be utilized spiritually.  This was a huge relief and a pleasant surprise.  In excitement, "nothing" mentioned how welcome news it was, and shared what was explained to the grandson about how each step and thought we take and make, is either a step or thought toward heaven or toward hell.  We should choose carefully!

The angels smiled.  One of the two said they already knew of that.  Yes, surely they would!  But they added that in the small ways of sharing such thoughts with others, God was very pleased.  They repeated again that "nothing" will be utilized in spiritual ways.

So, when a desolation came of a temporal financial nature, and tears choked the voice some and blurred the eyes, and when the parish employee did not want a program offered (and last spring was equally wary over a couple of small matters), "nothing" realized God was making His will known, and that He will provide plus will utilize spiritually.

Later, when painting the second top coat on the upper reaches of the north side of Te Deum House (hermitage), nothing again reviewed the various ways and offerings made in parishes, and the assurance returned that the utilization is in small ways as a hermit, and also through writing--not through or in parishes.

It is a relief.  As is said, "No is an answer."  And, it is a positive answer for it leads to what is not "no."  It leads to what is "yes", what is door opening, what is possible and can-do and joyful and what is freedom to be in His Real Presence.

At some point, nothing will give the program on angels and share the guardian angel story, en blogue.  There are Catholics and non-Catholics out there who do want something more, whose main concern is the progression of their souls and the souls of others, and who are willing to seek until they find their heart's desire (which is not for them, learning what exercises one can do in a chair or the history of the local zoo, wonderful as this information might be for many).

The door is open wide!  Nothing is going to be utilized spiritually, and hermit hidden ways, small as they may be, are as good as any.

Thanks, angels who spoke in the night!