Catholic Hermit: Holy Communion; Intentions

I've been thinking, yet, about the aspect of which I wrote a couple or so posts back.  It had to do with Holy Communion, and that I realized, rather surprisingly, honestly, that I cannot say I "miss" not receiving the consecrated Host.

This does not mean I do not believe in Holy Communion, the Eucharist, His Real Presence in the consecrated Host.

It has to do with having the experiences of union with Christ in other aspects, through the mystical ecstasy, and of being united with His Real Presence in a way rather indescribably, yet very real.

Ever since those experiences, I have not "missed" nor "yearned" (as I used to yearn) for the Eucharist in a more visceral and tangible way.  There is a very deep bond within, and His Real Presence is "present".  

He is with me, within me, embracing and filling me with His Love.  This occurs even if I am gnarly with suffering, tempted to despair, or out of it with the amount of pain the body is experiencing and the mind and emotions are trying to endure.  That "real presence" of His Real Presence has been even if I have not that frequently consciously noticed or acknowledged, for we do tend to our daily, temporal responsibilities including whatever distractions go along with our daily lives.

But, not "missing" the tangible consecrated Host is quite different than not appreciating or having benefit from, or not being thankful for the Eucharist.

Prior to the mystical experiences, when I'd be ill with suffering and unable to be at Mass, I would yearn for the Eucharist.  And I mean truly, to the full extent of that word "yearn", that I yearned for Christ present in the consecrated Host.

But after experiencing the union with Christ that is so powerful as to suspend my temporal faculties, to not experience any bodily pain when in that state, the bond would be so strong with Christ, that something evidently altered within my mind, heart, and soul.  I cannot explain exactly how.  I cannot explain why.  Nor do I know if it will be this way from here on out while I am on earth, although I suspect so just as my mind, heart, and soul altered when I had the death experience between back surgeries, 30 years ago this past July.  

I suspect the union with Christ during Mass also altered something in my body in some way or other, but I don't know what, other than it was an actual, physical alteration that counters scientific "rules" of normal, or typical, bodily aspects--and all outside the bounds of any human control or possibility of inducing by self or by others.

Yet, I do not miss nor yearn for the ecstasies, either.  In fact, I'd rather not experience them, for what occurred within, within the soul and psyche and heart, has made its indelible mark.  Nothing can erase that mark, that consecration, if you will, that experience of union with God even if lasting only the duration of the Holy Mass, in my case.

Regardless, I know that when I am given the tangible, consecrated Host--the Eucharist--when the couple from the parish are able to come, that the Eucharist does strengthen my body, mind, heart, and spirit in ways I cannot fathom or describe, either.  Just as His Real Presence in us and us in Him in the solitude within, day and night, strengthens us indescribably and in faith.  We are united with one another in the Body of Christ.  We are sustained by His Real Presence in myriad facets.

Here, with the thumb doing amazingly better this morning (I suspect someone's prayer has helped, and God has granted a marvelous improvement that is rather dramatic), I am still unable to rise and do much physically due to the overall suffering going on in the body: physical pain and fatigue from that pain.  I am fairly certain since He reached in night before last with a spiritual dream--out of the blue, as is said--that the continuing time of needing to be at rest is of His will, to bring me back to His will in my thoughts and receptivity spiritually.

So it is that this morning I also saw quite clearly how important are our intentions.  And we cannot even fully judge our own intentions, for we usually want them to be good, and we consider them to be good intentions even if deep down, hidden from our shuttered inward gaze, we think they are good.

They  might be good, or they might not be so purely good as God would will of us.  For that judgment, God is the One Who knows for sure.  

I am praying that He open the shutters of my soul so that I can see my intentions--if I can handle the pain of seeing them--and thus I might be able to at least be honest with myself.  To change my cloudy intentions, mixed with not-so-pure or not-so-good flecks, is possible but only by God's help.  There again, my intentions might be very good that I can change my not-so-good intentions once I see them as such; but to actually purify my intentions takes God's action through the Holy Spirit.

That action would not be so possible if my intentions are not good--if I do not will to have good intentions.

I consider St. Paul who was viciously trying to kill off as many Christians as possible, for he considered it to be a travesty against God from Paul's strong Jewish faith perspective.  Yet there obviously was something good in Paul's intention--misdirected and misguided thought it be--for God saw within Paul's soul and knew the man was doing wrong due to misunderstanding and twisted perception.  Even when trying to rid out Christians, Paul was doing so thinking he was honoring God by preserving Judaism as he was convinced Jesus was not the Messiah.

Anyway, I saw an article about Jeffrey Dahmer, the serial killer; and I thought about a spiritual friend's husband who is very controlling to a point of being emotionally and in some ways mentally ill in how he thrives on manipulating, bullying, and controlling his wife.  And I realize that if the psychological ills of a Dahmer or a bully are stripped away, as God can see through and in the depths of any darkness with His Light, the intentions of the persons might not be so heinously bad.

We just don't know.  Ultimately we have their actions--the bad fruit of their ill psyches--to contend with, just as we have our own thoughts and actions to contend with in any given present moment or accumulated over time.  I can consider the man who a week ago tomorrow morning took 26 human lives out of this world and then his own.  If all the mental illness and hate and his choosing to turn from God are stripped away, what is in that soul of his?

God knows, and surely we all will know fully and purely, without any self-deception or psychological blockage or illness, when we have our judgment when we, too, die from life in this world.

In the meantime, I'm seeing the great need to pray for and strive to seek to see my own intentions, and to be given the graces necessary to altar any intentions that are not good, and to pray for God to perfect my intentions to goodness and to His glory, yet while I am in my body.  It is myself who causes any hindrances to more pure intentions, even if I cannot see the cause or the hindrances.

And I also see the great need to not judge other people's intentions, for in so many cases, we see the bad fruit that falls, or even the bruises on the fruit that clouds and even obscures seeing within minds, hearts, and especially souls.  And this goes for ourselves, as well.

I'm not suggesting that people, including ourselves, should not face consequences for our actions; but a pure heart, mind, and soul is hard to come by in this life, in anyone.  Might not even be possible, given our human condition and that we are so capable of even tiny missteps and our propensity to not be able to clearly see and judge our own intentions.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Another Mass, Another Report

I noticed a woman walking along the road again, today, on the way to daily Mass.  I asked if she'd like a ride since I recognized her from being at Mass yesterday (one of perhaps eight of us).  She gladly accepted.

Turns out she is visiting a friend in the area, and hearing of the atrocities against children in Iraq caused her to locate the nearest parish for daily Mass.  She is a lovely woman and Catholic; we immediately hit it off.

I admit to being sorry to hear she is leaving the area tomorrow to begin her return to her home state and city.  Seems to be how His Real Presence has it--always giving me a touch of consolation but keeping it brief.

After Mass, I offered her a ride back to wherever she was staying.  We talked more, and she asked some about the parish, noting that the Mass was astounding lesser attended and extremely brief.  I made the comment that the priest is not a well man.  "Physically, you mean?" she asked.  "No, within.  He is not plugged into his priestly vocation with both prongs in the socket."

She admitted that after she remained awhile yesterday, she commented to those around her that she'd never been to such a short Mass.   The others said, "It is the priest.  This is how he wants it."  (They neglected to mention they ran out via many complaints to the bishop and the unspoken threat of withholding donations, an African priest awhile back because they did not like his wanting more adoration time, although it may have also been due to difficulty understanding his accent.  In fairness, it likely was not the handful of daily Mass attendees who were opposed to the more spiritually desirous priest.)

Then she turned to me and said, "But you must never say anything negative aloud or otherwise, even in thought, about any priest.  It is a SIN."  I thanked her and said I needed this reminder.  I did mention that at times it may be necessary to warn others of serious situations.  She agreed.  I suppose the determining factor is what is considered serious and not so serious.

Continuing the rather lengthy (and gas-costly) drive to my hermitage, I pondered what the woman said and realized it is not Scriptural--not the part about saying or thinking negative about priests, even if fact or for the safety of others.  I consider both physical safety as well as spiritual safety.

However, what is in Scripture is to not think or say negative about anyone, not just priests.  For that, I have done wrong and need to clean up my inner and outer thoughts and words.  I have had negative thoughts and words even after addressing the situation to others or trying to fraternally correct.  And I have not taken two others with me, to try again to explain to various persons, the wrongs.  In the past, I have done so but now not for a long time.  It is not usually easy to get someone or two others to come with and fraternally confront and correct another.  Most don't want to get involved or risk being on that person's "bad side."

These thoughts now allude to the Scripture in which we are told if one has done wrong against us, we are to address it to the person hoping for change.  If he or she does not apologize or correct the wrong, then we are to go to a couple others and explain, and take them with us to confront and hopefully correct the one who did wrong.  If that does not produce positive results, we are to go to the Church leaders who will then (hopefully) intervene.

Obviously, if we need to go to others after speaking to the person directly first, we necessarily have to explain to those others what the person did or said that was not right (according to our perspective which hopefully is morally and spiritually sound and just).  What we think and say, then, are negatives about the person.

We now enter into the discussion once more of detraction of others.  It is not a black-or-white area of moral right or wrong.  Each situation has to be considered, with all the facts laid out reasonably.  What is wrong, I suppose, is to keep repeating another person's wrongs or the negatives behind the person's back or publicly (slander and libel as well as detraction), without following the charitable steps toward correction and justice that Jesus in Scripture advises.

I return to the thoughts of how St. John the Apostle greeted people routinely with:  Little children, let us love one another [for love is of God].  I think this might serve me best, to repeat within myself and if necessary at some point, speak or write to others.  I don't need to be thinking, writing, or speaking that a priest is unwell or has issues.  Obviously, the visiting woman realized that or she would not have asked about him or commented on the brief and altered Mass.

The sin (it seems) is in not loving others and speaking ill of anyone unless necessary for a known, higher good, in truth and love, and for the sake of souls--our own and theirs.  Where would we be had Jesus (or His apostles) not spoken negative truths about various situations of high priests, scribes, the early church communities, and people doing wrongs?  I suspect the key in this is the word "truths."  And, the purpose is key.  If the purpose is for correction and uplift, that seems far different than if the purpose is not for any desire for improvement, and if we think we ourselves are beyond reproach, too.

Mea culpa!  But if we remain silent on matters of wrongs committed, even if they are priests, we risk not only others souls but also that of the priest.  We bring down all in the Body of Christ if we dare not follow the way of fraternal correction, and of truth.  Love requires truth.

The woman and I agreed to pray all the more for the priest to have a deeper conversion of heart.  But you see, even that suggests we see or think or recognize something is not for the best.

These matters are never simple, are they?  But I do appreciate the reminder, and I must consider more and more:  Little children, love one another.

The Let-Go Novena and Two Other Prayer Intentions

I enjoyed a phone conversation last evening with a young woman who is also wife, mother, daugh- ter and sister.  When she married over five years ago, her hus- band had a job about four or more hours' drive from her par- ents and siblings.  Now with two child- ren of her own, her parents continue to apply pressure that she should live close to them.  They persist that she is unhappy where she is and in her marriage.  They resent she does not visit them often nor move back.

Her parents do not visit her.  Perhaps this is due to their having several younger children.  But it is their mindset that all their children should remain in their area, and the young woman is the eldest.  The parents simply cannot let go and have enlisted others with hopes to influence her.  The stress is horrible upon a young woman who has struggled with the transition, as it is, with marriage, living in a more remote area, giving birth to two babies, and now burdened with what has become unhealthy and sometimes nasty, parental pressure.

I had told her about the Furniture Novena and its marvelous success...and being so simple and meaningful a prayer.  We decided to pray together for the intention that her parents learn to let go:  let her be the adult, married woman and mother that she is.  So we devised the Let-Go Novena. 

Since her life is burdensome and serious from facets of her parents' subterfuge (although she has compassion for their sense of loss of control), we felt she needed some kind of letting go in a fun way.  She bakes prize-winning cookies, so she suggested she bake cookies once a week for nine weeks, and she will let them go to whoever God brings to her mind to gift them.

What flashed in my mind as to my part, came after marvelous lessons in a car service center and in a Lowe's (home project store).  I was reminded that I have not "let go" of the many workers who have cheated me and taken advantage financially, in the past year in particular.  While it is good to be prudent, I had developed an attitude of mistrust and assumption in situations, but also I kept regurgitating the memories of the many who had "ripped me off."  So I said I will practice letting go of these past situations for nine weeks--that it would probably take me awhile to let go of what had become an assumed attitude. 

Then she thought of two other intentions.  One is for a man she knows who is worn out with working long hours and who snapped at a customer and is on probation with his job.  He is a lovely, Christian man and not typical of him to lose his temper.  So we thought something very positive as a prayer effort would be good.

 

She knits baby hats, so she is going to knit some "fun" ones, and think of him as she does so.  I said I will plant the 19 lovely, purple verbena plants I got on clearance, as my prayer of uplift for him.

The other is for a woman who wants to marry and have children but feels she is unattractive due to being overweight.   My young friend knows this woman from college days; she knows the woman is also depressed due childhood memories of her father not being faithful to her mother.  So the idea popped into our thoughts to simply light a candle daily and pray for the friend's spirit to be uplifted and for His Real Presence to lighten the loneliness and light up her life.  Who knows?  May God's be done regarding an earthly husband in her life!

We have great anticipation and joy in beginning these prayers today.  What fun!  His Real Presence and us together--praising and praying!

A long-time friend emailed last night that what I'd written to her of my letting go lessons--particularly the Lowe's incident--reminded her of the hymn "I Surrender All."  I looked it up, as I had forgotten this classic, written by a humble, Midwest art teacher-turned-evangelist in the early 1900's.  

The lyrics are lovely.  I even listened to it on YouTube and watched the video of Oprah Winfrey's love of this hymn (and why her connection with it).  I've decided for my part of the Let-Go Novena, that I will listen to this hymn each day for nine weeks as a beautiful prayer for myself and others to let go of what hinders us from full surrender to His Real Presence in all aspects of our bodies, minds, hearts and souls.

I Surrender All 
by Judson W. Van DeVenter 

1. All to Jesus I surrender;
   All to Him I freely give;
   I will ever love and trust Him,
   In His presence daily live.
   • Refrain:
     I surrender all,
     I surrender all;
     All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
     I surrender all.
2. All to Jesus I surrender;
   Humbly at His feet I bow,
   Worldly pleasures all forsaken;
   Take me, Jesus, take me now.
3. All to Jesus I surrender;
   Make me, Savior, wholly Thine;
   Let me feel the Holy Spirit,
   Truly know that Thou art mine.
4. All to Jesus I surrender;
   Lord, I give myself to Thee;
   Fill me with Thy love and power;
   Let Thy blessing fall on me.
5. All to Jesus I surrender;
   Now I feel the sacred flame.
   Oh, the joy of full salvation!
   Glory, glory, to His Name!