Catholic Hermit: Holy Communion; Intentions

I've been thinking, yet, about the aspect of which I wrote a couple or so posts back.  It had to do with Holy Communion, and that I realized, rather surprisingly, honestly, that I cannot say I "miss" not receiving the consecrated Host.

This does not mean I do not believe in Holy Communion, the Eucharist, His Real Presence in the consecrated Host.

It has to do with having the experiences of union with Christ in other aspects, through the mystical ecstasy, and of being united with His Real Presence in a way rather indescribably, yet very real.

Ever since those experiences, I have not "missed" nor "yearned" (as I used to yearn) for the Eucharist in a more visceral and tangible way.  There is a very deep bond within, and His Real Presence is "present".  

He is with me, within me, embracing and filling me with His Love.  This occurs even if I am gnarly with suffering, tempted to despair, or out of it with the amount of pain the body is experiencing and the mind and emotions are trying to endure.  That "real presence" of His Real Presence has been even if I have not that frequently consciously noticed or acknowledged, for we do tend to our daily, temporal responsibilities including whatever distractions go along with our daily lives.

But, not "missing" the tangible consecrated Host is quite different than not appreciating or having benefit from, or not being thankful for the Eucharist.

Prior to the mystical experiences, when I'd be ill with suffering and unable to be at Mass, I would yearn for the Eucharist.  And I mean truly, to the full extent of that word "yearn", that I yearned for Christ present in the consecrated Host.

But after experiencing the union with Christ that is so powerful as to suspend my temporal faculties, to not experience any bodily pain when in that state, the bond would be so strong with Christ, that something evidently altered within my mind, heart, and soul.  I cannot explain exactly how.  I cannot explain why.  Nor do I know if it will be this way from here on out while I am on earth, although I suspect so just as my mind, heart, and soul altered when I had the death experience between back surgeries, 30 years ago this past July.  

I suspect the union with Christ during Mass also altered something in my body in some way or other, but I don't know what, other than it was an actual, physical alteration that counters scientific "rules" of normal, or typical, bodily aspects--and all outside the bounds of any human control or possibility of inducing by self or by others.

Yet, I do not miss nor yearn for the ecstasies, either.  In fact, I'd rather not experience them, for what occurred within, within the soul and psyche and heart, has made its indelible mark.  Nothing can erase that mark, that consecration, if you will, that experience of union with God even if lasting only the duration of the Holy Mass, in my case.

Regardless, I know that when I am given the tangible, consecrated Host--the Eucharist--when the couple from the parish are able to come, that the Eucharist does strengthen my body, mind, heart, and spirit in ways I cannot fathom or describe, either.  Just as His Real Presence in us and us in Him in the solitude within, day and night, strengthens us indescribably and in faith.  We are united with one another in the Body of Christ.  We are sustained by His Real Presence in myriad facets.

Here, with the thumb doing amazingly better this morning (I suspect someone's prayer has helped, and God has granted a marvelous improvement that is rather dramatic), I am still unable to rise and do much physically due to the overall suffering going on in the body: physical pain and fatigue from that pain.  I am fairly certain since He reached in night before last with a spiritual dream--out of the blue, as is said--that the continuing time of needing to be at rest is of His will, to bring me back to His will in my thoughts and receptivity spiritually.

So it is that this morning I also saw quite clearly how important are our intentions.  And we cannot even fully judge our own intentions, for we usually want them to be good, and we consider them to be good intentions even if deep down, hidden from our shuttered inward gaze, we think they are good.

They  might be good, or they might not be so purely good as God would will of us.  For that judgment, God is the One Who knows for sure.  

I am praying that He open the shutters of my soul so that I can see my intentions--if I can handle the pain of seeing them--and thus I might be able to at least be honest with myself.  To change my cloudy intentions, mixed with not-so-pure or not-so-good flecks, is possible but only by God's help.  There again, my intentions might be very good that I can change my not-so-good intentions once I see them as such; but to actually purify my intentions takes God's action through the Holy Spirit.

That action would not be so possible if my intentions are not good--if I do not will to have good intentions.

I consider St. Paul who was viciously trying to kill off as many Christians as possible, for he considered it to be a travesty against God from Paul's strong Jewish faith perspective.  Yet there obviously was something good in Paul's intention--misdirected and misguided thought it be--for God saw within Paul's soul and knew the man was doing wrong due to misunderstanding and twisted perception.  Even when trying to rid out Christians, Paul was doing so thinking he was honoring God by preserving Judaism as he was convinced Jesus was not the Messiah.

Anyway, I saw an article about Jeffrey Dahmer, the serial killer; and I thought about a spiritual friend's husband who is very controlling to a point of being emotionally and in some ways mentally ill in how he thrives on manipulating, bullying, and controlling his wife.  And I realize that if the psychological ills of a Dahmer or a bully are stripped away, as God can see through and in the depths of any darkness with His Light, the intentions of the persons might not be so heinously bad.

We just don't know.  Ultimately we have their actions--the bad fruit of their ill psyches--to contend with, just as we have our own thoughts and actions to contend with in any given present moment or accumulated over time.  I can consider the man who a week ago tomorrow morning took 26 human lives out of this world and then his own.  If all the mental illness and hate and his choosing to turn from God are stripped away, what is in that soul of his?

God knows, and surely we all will know fully and purely, without any self-deception or psychological blockage or illness, when we have our judgment when we, too, die from life in this world.

In the meantime, I'm seeing the great need to pray for and strive to seek to see my own intentions, and to be given the graces necessary to altar any intentions that are not good, and to pray for God to perfect my intentions to goodness and to His glory, yet while I am in my body.  It is myself who causes any hindrances to more pure intentions, even if I cannot see the cause or the hindrances.

And I also see the great need to not judge other people's intentions, for in so many cases, we see the bad fruit that falls, or even the bruises on the fruit that clouds and even obscures seeing within minds, hearts, and especially souls.  And this goes for ourselves, as well.

I'm not suggesting that people, including ourselves, should not face consequences for our actions; but a pure heart, mind, and soul is hard to come by in this life, in anyone.  Might not even be possible, given our human condition and that we are so capable of even tiny missteps and our propensity to not be able to clearly see and judge our own intentions.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

The Earth as Tabernacle

I just had another thought, while writing to someone who had some responses and was trying to better grasp the death of our will.

It has to do with readying to head out to hopefully plant some bare root starts this afternoon, despite the pain level in the body being higher today.  I had been considering the soul Tabernacle and the hermitage and hermit vocation as tabernacles, and then came the insight that the very earth is a tabernacle.

Within the earth, that the little bare root plants will be lovingly placed once I clear some weeds and prepare a mounded row--is the power of God Most High.  Within the soil is His Real Presence and the miracle to create life from a seed or to cause a plant start to thrive into maturity and productive fruitfulness.

Now, that is truly something, is it not?

It is true that I have so loved Eucharistic Adoration in the past, and can bring the mind to spiritually adore, to see in the mind's eye a monstrance with consecrated host.  But the little bare root plants are so needing to get into the ground for their survival, that even if I had a tangible monstrance here with consecrated host, or had a tangible Tabernacle with host, or could find an unlocked parish and go to kneel before the Tabernacle with His Real Presence miraculously within the host--there is the earth right outside this hermitage.

The earth is a Tabernacle with His Real Presence in mysterious, miraculous power to create life, to promote life, to bless all of life with His power and might, His saving love.  Yes, I will now go and adore His Real Presence in the Tabernacle made available to me. I will adore with love and will listen to anything He might impart.

Later, a sweet addendum:  Taped to the bottom of a 5-gallon bucket given me by the departed family (while using it to put weeds in) I saw the grandson's juvenile scrawl of his name, markered on duct tape....  So the Lord brought him to the earth tabernacle today, to adore and be adored, the Lord and the little child.

Catholic Hermit Shares Macarius' Mind-Opening Point

In reading Homily 47 of the outstanding writings of the holy, early century Macarius, this statement opened my mind to a sensible but hitherto unconsidered truth.

He wrote utilizing Scripture to explain metaphorically life lived under the Law of God.  This statement answers wonderings I've pondered for awhile, within.

"The individual person progresses, once he has received the life of the Holy Spirit and has eaten the Lamb and has been anointed by his blood and has eaten the true Bread, the living Word."

I re-read and then read again, over and over, letting the words and their meaning settle.  Macarius was not writing on that theme in particular.  His words were obvious to him in their import in that time period which was quite close in comparison to our time period, to the earthly existence of Jesus Christ, His disciples and apostles, and of the extant writings from Christ and His followers and the practices religiously that they lived.  

Obviously, they considered the living Word as true Bread.  That makes sense when we realize that the first half of the Catholic Mass is dedicated to the reading of the Living Word.  In Protestant church services, the reading, study of, and preaching the Living Word is predominant.

But what about this point that it is the true Bread?  That is what opens my mind and heart and soul to that which I'd not considered, yet it now makes total, true sense.  The reality has expanded Christ's gift of His Body and Blood to us, existing also and available to eat, in that true Bread, His living Word.

He is the Word.  His Word is living.  His Word is truth and life.  When I review Jesus' words to us in John 6, when we eat His Body and drink His Blood we will have true life in us, and when I consider that His Body and Blood are of course within the Living Word which is what Christ is called in totality of Who He Is, as well--all become quite precious and life-giving, sustaining, and eternal.

No wonder when we sup on Scripture and take it in through our eyes and with our mouths speak the Word, we are sustained by this true Bread, the living Word.  

Regardless how it affects others--this insight simply expressed so matter-of-factly from a saintly priest of the early centuries--the reality of what also is Christ and to be eaten, called the true Bread, is the living Word of God. 

I realize now how many of the early Christians and the desert fathers and especially the women eremites who were not priests and not consecrating the bread and wine--how they were sustained by His Body and Blood in yet another spiritually powerful act of consuming Christ.

(There is no point in sharing the insight with the parish priest nor most anyone I know, for it may be the type of truth that makes sense to us when the Holy Spirit has our minds, hearts, and souls ripe for the germination of this spiritual seed.  But I share it here, for some soul may be ripe, as was my soul.  I also doubt it would have as strong an impact on those who are physically able to avail themselves of the Body and Blood of Christ in the consecrated host and consecrated wine, when they attend Mass.  Yet it is of import to those paying attention, to heed and consume the immense value of also the true Bread, the living Word.)

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another and love God above all things!