Catholic Hermit: Holy Communion; Intentions

I've been thinking, yet, about the aspect of which I wrote a couple or so posts back.  It had to do with Holy Communion, and that I realized, rather surprisingly, honestly, that I cannot say I "miss" not receiving the consecrated Host.

This does not mean I do not believe in Holy Communion, the Eucharist, His Real Presence in the consecrated Host.

It has to do with having the experiences of union with Christ in other aspects, through the mystical ecstasy, and of being united with His Real Presence in a way rather indescribably, yet very real.

Ever since those experiences, I have not "missed" nor "yearned" (as I used to yearn) for the Eucharist in a more visceral and tangible way.  There is a very deep bond within, and His Real Presence is "present".  

He is with me, within me, embracing and filling me with His Love.  This occurs even if I am gnarly with suffering, tempted to despair, or out of it with the amount of pain the body is experiencing and the mind and emotions are trying to endure.  That "real presence" of His Real Presence has been even if I have not that frequently consciously noticed or acknowledged, for we do tend to our daily, temporal responsibilities including whatever distractions go along with our daily lives.

But, not "missing" the tangible consecrated Host is quite different than not appreciating or having benefit from, or not being thankful for the Eucharist.

Prior to the mystical experiences, when I'd be ill with suffering and unable to be at Mass, I would yearn for the Eucharist.  And I mean truly, to the full extent of that word "yearn", that I yearned for Christ present in the consecrated Host.

But after experiencing the union with Christ that is so powerful as to suspend my temporal faculties, to not experience any bodily pain when in that state, the bond would be so strong with Christ, that something evidently altered within my mind, heart, and soul.  I cannot explain exactly how.  I cannot explain why.  Nor do I know if it will be this way from here on out while I am on earth, although I suspect so just as my mind, heart, and soul altered when I had the death experience between back surgeries, 30 years ago this past July.  

I suspect the union with Christ during Mass also altered something in my body in some way or other, but I don't know what, other than it was an actual, physical alteration that counters scientific "rules" of normal, or typical, bodily aspects--and all outside the bounds of any human control or possibility of inducing by self or by others.

Yet, I do not miss nor yearn for the ecstasies, either.  In fact, I'd rather not experience them, for what occurred within, within the soul and psyche and heart, has made its indelible mark.  Nothing can erase that mark, that consecration, if you will, that experience of union with God even if lasting only the duration of the Holy Mass, in my case.

Regardless, I know that when I am given the tangible, consecrated Host--the Eucharist--when the couple from the parish are able to come, that the Eucharist does strengthen my body, mind, heart, and spirit in ways I cannot fathom or describe, either.  Just as His Real Presence in us and us in Him in the solitude within, day and night, strengthens us indescribably and in faith.  We are united with one another in the Body of Christ.  We are sustained by His Real Presence in myriad facets.

Here, with the thumb doing amazingly better this morning (I suspect someone's prayer has helped, and God has granted a marvelous improvement that is rather dramatic), I am still unable to rise and do much physically due to the overall suffering going on in the body: physical pain and fatigue from that pain.  I am fairly certain since He reached in night before last with a spiritual dream--out of the blue, as is said--that the continuing time of needing to be at rest is of His will, to bring me back to His will in my thoughts and receptivity spiritually.

So it is that this morning I also saw quite clearly how important are our intentions.  And we cannot even fully judge our own intentions, for we usually want them to be good, and we consider them to be good intentions even if deep down, hidden from our shuttered inward gaze, we think they are good.

They  might be good, or they might not be so purely good as God would will of us.  For that judgment, God is the One Who knows for sure.  

I am praying that He open the shutters of my soul so that I can see my intentions--if I can handle the pain of seeing them--and thus I might be able to at least be honest with myself.  To change my cloudy intentions, mixed with not-so-pure or not-so-good flecks, is possible but only by God's help.  There again, my intentions might be very good that I can change my not-so-good intentions once I see them as such; but to actually purify my intentions takes God's action through the Holy Spirit.

That action would not be so possible if my intentions are not good--if I do not will to have good intentions.

I consider St. Paul who was viciously trying to kill off as many Christians as possible, for he considered it to be a travesty against God from Paul's strong Jewish faith perspective.  Yet there obviously was something good in Paul's intention--misdirected and misguided thought it be--for God saw within Paul's soul and knew the man was doing wrong due to misunderstanding and twisted perception.  Even when trying to rid out Christians, Paul was doing so thinking he was honoring God by preserving Judaism as he was convinced Jesus was not the Messiah.

Anyway, I saw an article about Jeffrey Dahmer, the serial killer; and I thought about a spiritual friend's husband who is very controlling to a point of being emotionally and in some ways mentally ill in how he thrives on manipulating, bullying, and controlling his wife.  And I realize that if the psychological ills of a Dahmer or a bully are stripped away, as God can see through and in the depths of any darkness with His Light, the intentions of the persons might not be so heinously bad.

We just don't know.  Ultimately we have their actions--the bad fruit of their ill psyches--to contend with, just as we have our own thoughts and actions to contend with in any given present moment or accumulated over time.  I can consider the man who a week ago tomorrow morning took 26 human lives out of this world and then his own.  If all the mental illness and hate and his choosing to turn from God are stripped away, what is in that soul of his?

God knows, and surely we all will know fully and purely, without any self-deception or psychological blockage or illness, when we have our judgment when we, too, die from life in this world.

In the meantime, I'm seeing the great need to pray for and strive to seek to see my own intentions, and to be given the graces necessary to altar any intentions that are not good, and to pray for God to perfect my intentions to goodness and to His glory, yet while I am in my body.  It is myself who causes any hindrances to more pure intentions, even if I cannot see the cause or the hindrances.

And I also see the great need to not judge other people's intentions, for in so many cases, we see the bad fruit that falls, or even the bruises on the fruit that clouds and even obscures seeing within minds, hearts, and especially souls.  And this goes for ourselves, as well.

I'm not suggesting that people, including ourselves, should not face consequences for our actions; but a pure heart, mind, and soul is hard to come by in this life, in anyone.  Might not even be possible, given our human condition and that we are so capable of even tiny missteps and our propensity to not be able to clearly see and judge our own intentions.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit Considers Jesus' Request: "Learn from Me"

It is so simple yet profound.  Think of it!  Jesus says, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me."

There is so much to learn from Jesus!  Today's thoughts will center around all and anything Jesus chooses to teach this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit.  The very thought itself--the truth of it--excites this hermit!  Just consider the unfathomable and limitless lessons Jesus will teach! Some might be difficult, painful; some might be review of previous teachings; all will be a joy to learn.

Now, for some incredibly uplifting news for this hermit, personally.  The hermit's helper returns this morning for three hours of manual labor and the bits of discussion while hopefully finishing the porch.  (Porches are a marvelous "place"--which could be a topic with many spiritual insights in the thinking and writing.  What aspect of a porch coincides with a soul's relationship with God?)

The incredibly uplifting news is that the helper's mother happens to be an Extraordinary Eucharistic Minister, and she has asked the priest if she can bring this hermit His Real Presence in Holy Communion, and he willingly agreed.  So today, when she picks up the hermit's helper (her son), this desirous consecrated Catholic hermit will receive the Body and Blood, soul and divinity, of our Lord, Jesus Christ, present and living in the sacred Host!

Glory be to God!

The hermit will send off a letter to its spiritual director this afternoon, sharing the marvelous news, plus an email to Fr. Vincent who will be overjoyed.  These holy priests have been praying for the hermit for a long time; they will receive thanks and assurance that their prayers are being answered.

All is a matter of God's will, His allowance, His bequeathing, and His timing--even though God is outside and beyond and within "time", all at once.

On another note, the hermit has noticed an influx of readers interested in the Catholic hermit's blog post of March 9, on CL 603.  It never ceases to cause consideration as to why some readers tend to prefer reading about temporal Catholic Church laws more than the spiritual insights of saintly writers who climbed the spiritual ladder and left illumination and helps for the spiritual life, along with greater understanding of the Trinity:  Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  

This hermit (and surely do many of you readers) thrives on the Living Word of God and the writings of the likes of the saints, and such as those of the early centuries of the Church when the distractions were few and the timeline proximity to Jesus' days on earth much closer than the many centuries since. Yes, there are some readers who prefer the spiritual writings over the laws.  Both types of writings are part of our Christian lives, in our times.  Perhaps it comes down to priority of what we desire most to pass through our eyes and into our souls.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another for love is of God.

Takes So Much Faith!

The past couple of days have caused more challenges.  The power went off again, and this time for over 24 hours.  No space heater, thus.  Finally decided to make the long trip back to civilization, after trying to get to a neighbor's to see if the man would hold the generator on one end so this hermit could do the pulling on the other to try to start it.

Small detail, of course, when sold the generator a year ago.  Not easy for one older person to start.  Takes two or a very strong man.  Then, there is the main breaker to electric panel.  The contractor put one in that is too small, but that is beside the point.  A problem is that the main breaker takes a man's full strength to turn back on, and running the generator requires turning it off.  So need someone to come and push the very tight breaker back, if one is going to use the generator, if one has someone to hold one end of it while the other does the pull cord to start it.

So, we see that the area is not flush with people willing to assist another.  The neighbor who someone said was friendlier than the others, has blockade across their front entrance and a fence with gate to the back, and two dogs....

Headed back into civilization to get warm and to use Lowe's guest internet to check to see when power might be back on out in the remote desert.  Ended up spending the night at the daughter's, which is a way farther from the Lowe's, which is a distance to begin with.

 Can't express how difficult to desire to return to the austerities!  Called the financial adviser to see just what is the final straw?  Can try to endure another 2-3 months or perhaps until spring.  Try to keep working in here with what materials already purchased, and have purchased more insulation to at least try to keep the place warmer.

The daughter mentioned how the heat pump man certainly had a convincing sales pitch a year ago.  Yes, that is how it has turned out to be in this area.  Rather a ruthless environment, with people who seem so genuine and kindly, selling this and that and having others vouch for them.  They do mean well, probably, or so it seems.  But now to find out this area has many power outages and the circuit board can blow in power outages, does not leave this hermit with reliable heat.  The daughter reminded this hermit was told it would heat and cool the whole house, which of course it does not.

The financial adviser is a good and decent Catholic man.  The hermit pointed out the pleading phone calls and emails to the closest Catholic parish, where the priest does the least and doubtful he is consecrating the Host.  The head of the St. Vincent de Paul Society turned a deaf ear to a plea for just one man to come and help for one hour, to please help out this older female hermit with a task.  The priest has said he knows of no man who, when the hermit called asking for help, to assist carrying plywood 4x8 sheets from pole barn to house.  He also said he could not bring communion nor do a house blessing as he needed another person to come with him, and he said there was no one who would come with him.

The financial adviser, far away, said again that there will need to be a point in which this hermit is going to have to give up the efforts, abandon this rather sinking ship of an effort; but he admitted he'd not gone through such a process with any clients before. It is rather sad to think that the resources are dwindling, but that all good intentions, research and hope, faith and prayers went into this.  It is sad to think that all was set and comfortable in the previous hermitage, but the police advised needing to leave due to the threatening couple next door and the protective order running out.  Not to forget the adult children insisting this hermit leave and have a better and safer life, closer to where one lives.

The Catholic realtor did a good sales job, had an upbeat inspector check it over, recommended quite the contractor who she said was such a wonderful man and good contractor....  She even said she'd have the hermit over for dinner, but that never occurred.  The daughter has said she always thought the realtor very phony, but that this hermit always thinks Catholics are going to be so good and trustworthy, when they are not.

Well, that is true.  This hermit always tends to place hope in Catholics, for Catholics have the Eucharist, have His Real Presence.  However, it does not seem to be enough for many.  We can say we are all sinners, but that excuse wears thin, when countered with daily or weekly reception of His Real Presence in the Body and Blood.

The hermit needed a medical doctor, and the parish at a distance--the priest--said there were many doctors in the parish, he would talk with some, and give some names and numbers.  Then he backed away from that offer, and so he and others did from even giving recommendations for plumbers and other workers.  It was so strange, in a way, for people to say they will, and then not, on such simple matters.  The hermit this morning was pondering Matthew 25, and the validity of what Jesus says, and what will happen to people who turn a deaf ear and blind eye to their fellow man.

All this hermit can do, now back in this hermitage, is to try to lift up the spirits and place them before His Real Presence, pray for those who have been a disappointment, pray for wisdom and guidance of the Holy Spirit, and get to work.  Even though the place is still quite cold, there is at least a space heater in this small area upstairs, and the hermit will plug in a space heater in a small area downstairs...and start doing anything, just anything, such as bringing in some batts of insulation and fitting them between some studs.

The Psalms in the Office of Reading this morning brought comfort, and the Book of Wisdom in the daily Mass readings is helpful.  Having a downcast spirit, although it certainly could be understandable, is not going to help matters.

Had even mentioned to the daughter of perhaps living with them until spring, and that did not meet with any approval.  No, the Lord asks of this hermit to gut it out, and to keep the faith, and to praise and love and pray and persevere!  This has more to it than the temporal, that is obvious.  It is a matter of a soul striving to rise beyond the temporal, and to not lose faith, hope, and love, especially of those who for whatever reasons, are receiving His Body and Blood but seem stuck in some other world.

Scupoli, in the chapters read quite early this morning when still in civilization, mentioned turning the soul to receiving spiritual Communion each hour.  He writes that this is as effective as the tangible reception, and even more effective and worthwhile than to receive the tangible Body and Blood when the soul is not open or not in a worthy frame of mind.  So this hermit will pray to have a worthy frame of mind, and to desire with all its heart and soul, His Real Presence, Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity, and to receive Him fully each hour or even each present moment!

In faith, it is all very possible.  And this hermit must strive to be a possibility thinker...and do-er.

As for Catholics and parishes who cannot help someone who asks for a small assistance, once one summer and once the next summer, or cannot suggest names of good doctors or workers from among the faithful, then they are not those of whom the rubber meets the road (so to speak), no matter how marvelous the homilies or how well-attended the parish fund-raisers.  We must pray for the Church, the Body of Christ and all Members.  Surely we can do better, although the Book of Job comes to mind in this hermit's existence, the trials, the errors, and the need to have that total trust in God above all else and all others.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another, for God so loves us and wants us to love Him and all peoples, not just those who are nice or helpful.  Remain in His Love!