Hermit's Lent Never Dull: Sharp & Painful!

Merciful Heavens!  Allowing God to have full reign in all plans for Lent brings forth the unexpected each day, each hour, each moment.

It has become scorchingly painful for this Nothing Consecrated, Catholic Hermit!  [Am capitalizing each of the previous four words because each has emphasis and totality of meaning, thought, truth that can stand alone.]

It has been so painful that I have not written for awhile.  I have not been able to call the handful of contacts; emotions have been excoriating.  Physical pain has been burning and exhausting.

"The Lord gives, the Lord takes away.  Blessed be the Name of the Lord!"  These words attributed to the prophet Job, with their obvious meaning, I have uttered aloud repeatedly in the silence of solitude in Te Deum Hermitage. And there have been times of great grieving, of sobbing, of calling out to His Real Presence the sorrows of leave-taking and the (faithless) pressure of total unknowns going forward.

He is pruning my branches in ways I had considered in advance; but the pain of adapting and adjusting to the immediate, effective pruning has leveled me as much as physical pain can also reduce.

The son-in-law got a job elsewhere.  He, his wife, their young son will be leaving in two weeks.  The details of the job offer are such that it is more than obvious the Lord has blessed them mightily; and the son-in-law did need a job after four months of his being let go from previous employment.  In that I am praising God for the good fortune and His making clear the path for their move.

However, before this hermit agreed three years ago to move to live closer to them, the conversation took place: What happens if he gets another job?  With giving up so much from whence I came, going to a place where I knew no one and would have increased risks, I felt I needed an answer.  With my health as it is I said I could not follow them around the country; but my vulnerability, also, health-wise, makes it best that I have some contact, some support system. (Or thus, at the time, we agreed.)

The daughter assured they would remain in this area, would apply for jobs in this area.  They had lived here a year and loved it...then.  But things change, and what the Psalmist advises is so very, very true even if our hearts and minds want to think that those closest to us will not renege on promises made. 

 "Trust not in princes, trust not in men; trust only in the Lord Thy God." 

So it has come to pass that they wanted to leave the area after nearly four years, and the bulk of job applications were elsewhere.  When a finger-count of interviews were in this area, the complaint arose from the daughter, "Why is he even applying here when we want to move away?"

Regardless of all the tangibles and temporal aspects, there is NO way that I cannot view the timing, their house selling and closing, the generous conditions of the job offer--as anything less than the blessing of Divine Will.

And that leaves this Nothing Consecrated Catholic Hermit more stripped than ever in its life.  Ever.  And, in the mail came three enveloping disappointments of financial, further demise.  It nearly is too much to bear.  Nearly.

I have no idea how I will fare.  I have been trying to continue on with working on this hermitage, hoping to get it salable before I totally run out of funds or the body gives out.  There is no one I can turn to in the human race.  The bodily pain levels preclude outside employment.  I'm fortunate to be able to do an hour or two or three here and there--but not when the weather shifts, causing worse pain.

I turn to His Living Word.  This morning's first Mass reading from Isaiah offers these truths--impactful, powerful, hopeful, intriguing:

"Remember not the events of the past,
the things of long ago consider not,
see, I am doing something new!
Now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?"

I turn to His Real Presence, the Virgin Mary, my angel Beth, those who love me from the other side.  There is no one else, no place, no remedy of the temporal or tangible, that I know of.  

This afternoon while trying to drywall mud a slanted ceiling, a sloppy glop of mud fell into an opened right eye.  The blinding PAIN!  The painful BURNING!  Tears helped some. By the grace of God I remembered a bottle of water within reach, for the only other water source was down the ladder and into the kitchen (no stairs, yet).   The eye will heal, the effects of drywall mud will wash out over time.  Already I can see a blurry view from it, thankfully so.

It reminds me of Jesus our Lord mixing His spittle with dirt and dabbing it onto the blind man's eyes.  Is He doing likewise with me?  Will I henceforth see more clearly the path ahead, the outer and inner, my soul and the souls of others, His Divine Will, God's Face?

The electrical power here was out for several hours.  But thanks be to God, it has returned before darkness and night's dropping temps.  This is a hermit's desert life: the silence of solitude, the sacrifice of praise amidst a plenitude of penance.  

Lent is progressing for this hermit who definitely did not need to write out any self-conjured plans ahead of time.  There is more than enough present moment penance.  God procures the best and perfect shake-down and take-down, dust to dust, ashes to ashes!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love God above all things and one another as our selves. God bless Lent!

Takes So Much Faith!

The past couple of days have caused more challenges.  The power went off again, and this time for over 24 hours.  No space heater, thus.  Finally decided to make the long trip back to civilization, after trying to get to a neighbor's to see if the man would hold the generator on one end so this hermit could do the pulling on the other to try to start it.

Small detail, of course, when sold the generator a year ago.  Not easy for one older person to start.  Takes two or a very strong man.  Then, there is the main breaker to electric panel.  The contractor put one in that is too small, but that is beside the point.  A problem is that the main breaker takes a man's full strength to turn back on, and running the generator requires turning it off.  So need someone to come and push the very tight breaker back, if one is going to use the generator, if one has someone to hold one end of it while the other does the pull cord to start it.

So, we see that the area is not flush with people willing to assist another.  The neighbor who someone said was friendlier than the others, has blockade across their front entrance and a fence with gate to the back, and two dogs....

Headed back into civilization to get warm and to use Lowe's guest internet to check to see when power might be back on out in the remote desert.  Ended up spending the night at the daughter's, which is a way farther from the Lowe's, which is a distance to begin with.

 Can't express how difficult to desire to return to the austerities!  Called the financial adviser to see just what is the final straw?  Can try to endure another 2-3 months or perhaps until spring.  Try to keep working in here with what materials already purchased, and have purchased more insulation to at least try to keep the place warmer.

The daughter mentioned how the heat pump man certainly had a convincing sales pitch a year ago.  Yes, that is how it has turned out to be in this area.  Rather a ruthless environment, with people who seem so genuine and kindly, selling this and that and having others vouch for them.  They do mean well, probably, or so it seems.  But now to find out this area has many power outages and the circuit board can blow in power outages, does not leave this hermit with reliable heat.  The daughter reminded this hermit was told it would heat and cool the whole house, which of course it does not.

The financial adviser is a good and decent Catholic man.  The hermit pointed out the pleading phone calls and emails to the closest Catholic parish, where the priest does the least and doubtful he is consecrating the Host.  The head of the St. Vincent de Paul Society turned a deaf ear to a plea for just one man to come and help for one hour, to please help out this older female hermit with a task.  The priest has said he knows of no man who, when the hermit called asking for help, to assist carrying plywood 4x8 sheets from pole barn to house.  He also said he could not bring communion nor do a house blessing as he needed another person to come with him, and he said there was no one who would come with him.

The financial adviser, far away, said again that there will need to be a point in which this hermit is going to have to give up the efforts, abandon this rather sinking ship of an effort; but he admitted he'd not gone through such a process with any clients before. It is rather sad to think that the resources are dwindling, but that all good intentions, research and hope, faith and prayers went into this.  It is sad to think that all was set and comfortable in the previous hermitage, but the police advised needing to leave due to the threatening couple next door and the protective order running out.  Not to forget the adult children insisting this hermit leave and have a better and safer life, closer to where one lives.

The Catholic realtor did a good sales job, had an upbeat inspector check it over, recommended quite the contractor who she said was such a wonderful man and good contractor....  She even said she'd have the hermit over for dinner, but that never occurred.  The daughter has said she always thought the realtor very phony, but that this hermit always thinks Catholics are going to be so good and trustworthy, when they are not.

Well, that is true.  This hermit always tends to place hope in Catholics, for Catholics have the Eucharist, have His Real Presence.  However, it does not seem to be enough for many.  We can say we are all sinners, but that excuse wears thin, when countered with daily or weekly reception of His Real Presence in the Body and Blood.

The hermit needed a medical doctor, and the parish at a distance--the priest--said there were many doctors in the parish, he would talk with some, and give some names and numbers.  Then he backed away from that offer, and so he and others did from even giving recommendations for plumbers and other workers.  It was so strange, in a way, for people to say they will, and then not, on such simple matters.  The hermit this morning was pondering Matthew 25, and the validity of what Jesus says, and what will happen to people who turn a deaf ear and blind eye to their fellow man.

All this hermit can do, now back in this hermitage, is to try to lift up the spirits and place them before His Real Presence, pray for those who have been a disappointment, pray for wisdom and guidance of the Holy Spirit, and get to work.  Even though the place is still quite cold, there is at least a space heater in this small area upstairs, and the hermit will plug in a space heater in a small area downstairs...and start doing anything, just anything, such as bringing in some batts of insulation and fitting them between some studs.

The Psalms in the Office of Reading this morning brought comfort, and the Book of Wisdom in the daily Mass readings is helpful.  Having a downcast spirit, although it certainly could be understandable, is not going to help matters.

Had even mentioned to the daughter of perhaps living with them until spring, and that did not meet with any approval.  No, the Lord asks of this hermit to gut it out, and to keep the faith, and to praise and love and pray and persevere!  This has more to it than the temporal, that is obvious.  It is a matter of a soul striving to rise beyond the temporal, and to not lose faith, hope, and love, especially of those who for whatever reasons, are receiving His Body and Blood but seem stuck in some other world.

Scupoli, in the chapters read quite early this morning when still in civilization, mentioned turning the soul to receiving spiritual Communion each hour.  He writes that this is as effective as the tangible reception, and even more effective and worthwhile than to receive the tangible Body and Blood when the soul is not open or not in a worthy frame of mind.  So this hermit will pray to have a worthy frame of mind, and to desire with all its heart and soul, His Real Presence, Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity, and to receive Him fully each hour or even each present moment!

In faith, it is all very possible.  And this hermit must strive to be a possibility thinker...and do-er.

As for Catholics and parishes who cannot help someone who asks for a small assistance, once one summer and once the next summer, or cannot suggest names of good doctors or workers from among the faithful, then they are not those of whom the rubber meets the road (so to speak), no matter how marvelous the homilies or how well-attended the parish fund-raisers.  We must pray for the Church, the Body of Christ and all Members.  Surely we can do better, although the Book of Job comes to mind in this hermit's existence, the trials, the errors, and the need to have that total trust in God above all else and all others.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another, for God so loves us and wants us to love Him and all peoples, not just those who are nice or helpful.  Remain in His Love!