Just to Clarify...Christian Catholic Mystic Hermit's Present Moment Situation

 What I've been trying to express--my soul's journey and progression--could seem as if I've "left" the Church. 

No, but in a way I have progressed through the Church, for the Body of Christ and of Whom Christ is the Head, is not a static "thing" but rather a means and living procession by which Jesus instituted a means of Christians to learn, grow, assist, love, worship, pray, and support one another in our spiritual journeys as followers and lovers of Jesus Christ, God the Father, and the Holy Spirit.

I am very grateful for my upbringing as a Protestant (Methodist) and of the various denominations that due to moving when young and married, and the earthly spouse not so much spiritual but more attracted to action, we progressed tried various churches until it really came forth that was not interested much in the Christian path but rather the temporal life and with the pitfalls that the spouse had been enjoying of temporal and physical conquests, I suppose it can all be categorized, that were somewhat hidden from me along the way.

But then I was freed by being left, which was not my choice but God's way of taking me to Himself, and allowing me to return to life after a death experience, to rear three beloved children and to fulfill my mission. And that mission is my soul's progression to God, to union with Christ, and to love to learn to love, and to suffer to love and love to suffer, and to love God above all things and in God and in God's love, to love others as God loves.

Thus, I have come to understand that while I'd hoped I could just remain static in the Catholic Church which to me has been a never ending treasure chest of all matters spiritual of Trinitarian, of those God needed me to meet so I'd not feel so alone--the Christian mystics--and of so much to learn from this great treasure trove of Christian history, tradition, and faith. But the spiritual journey is not meant to be static; it is ever proceeding with God leading the soul onward.

So what I've "left", or perhaps better put has left me, or that God plucked me out of in various ways and remains firm that I will not return to that aspect, is the temporal and more human created of what has seemingly clogged the spiritual plumbing of  Christ's Church--and can occur in any Christian church, not just the Catholic or it's various derivatives, rites, divisions even within what retains a certain label such as Roman Catholicism.

The human additions and structure and this and that will not progress me to God.  But the spiritual remains--the soul of the Church which is Christ and those who love and seek and follow Christ.  And I'm sure if any Protestants are reading this and maybe grasp what I'm trying inartfully to express--you may have encountered the duality temptation in your denomination.  The spiritual can be action-oriented and as Christ in helping the poor, healing in a variety of ways, building up Christians, evangelizing unbelievers--but all that is rooted in the life of Christ, in the Holy Spirit, in God the Father's law of love.  So I'm not talking about detaching from all temporal, but rather from "the world" that can be as much a world in church that is not helpful in its temporalities that clog the pipes of spiritual progression to union with God.

I've tried to get a friend who likes to write of a Catholic-labeled and canonized saint each day, to consider including that we write about some aspect of Christ's Living Word in the daily Gospel reading--just some point of interest, understanding, or question, or even take it to the application level in our daily life.  But the person is not comfortable with doing that, for various reasons.  I will go forth on my own seeking and tremendous desire for Christ, for His Real Presences (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) in spiritual Eucharist/communion, His Living Word, and Prayer.

Due to the mystical ecstasies during Mass which God brought me to and showed me the stairway to heaven, now nearly 13 years ago, the temporal aspects that can clog minds and concern of losing control on part of priests and bishops in grappling with such a phenomenon occurring with me, a simple parishioner--doors kept closing; the welcome mat was withdrawn either overtly or subtly.  Even so much as a couple weeks ago I wondered if I should try yet again, but wise advisors were astounded I'd even consider that given also the progression of spinal pain and difficulty sitting. But mostly it was due to how obvious the Lord made the closed doors and rejections by priests and parishioners firm and quite obvious.

The great news is that I have recently understood how marvelous this is, and my joy at God bringing me into the Catholic church knows no bounds, for I understand now the process of progression, and Catholicism is going into the roots of Christ's church in history, tradition, theology--once one begins to dig and study.  The closer to the time of Christ, the richer the treasures in ascertaining what is of greatest value in the soul's progression to union with God. This is not to ignore more recent examples in persons, but the whole matter of canonizations and selective editing and embellishing of lives does not help come to the reality of the suffering, for example, or the ways in which such souls who came to union with God even in brief periods and glimpses had also left or been left by the temporal world of the church, those human aspects and created laws, rules, regulations, and requirements that effectively are entangling nets for those who want to proceed to God, to be through, with, and in Him, to exist in God's love and to love Him above all else, and to love in His Love, as He loves all souls and all His creation.

For the most part, I've been stuck in a sense of guilt or something, wondering if I tried hard enough or if this is even right--until the Lord helped me to  see this is merely spiritual progression, and He has been bringing me through the process all my life, for I desire Him and seek Him with all my body, mind, heart, and soul, and with what strength He has given me.  I'm grasping now more deeply and with liberating and loving effect, the visions and locutions of past years; I'm on the path God desires for me.  I'm effectually in the mystical Church while at the same time of course in the temporal life, and my charitable little gifts are given, and what words of encouragement to others-but my main action is that of being in His Real Presence through Prayer, Spiritual Communion, and His Living Word.

And this constitutes my life, which is also in God's natural world, in my physical body of increasing pain and limitations, in what bit of manual labor and interactions with whomever God brings to me or me to them in a variety of ways--spiritually directed by God but normal in our earthly sense. So that if not for spiritual awareness, I'd not notice that God is constantly in authority over ever detail and moment and breath of my outer and inner existence.

I'm not sure how I'm to identify myself, for God has me as a hermit, and I've come to realize there is no vow or rule of life required as God determines our vocations; this is how God chose for me, years ago, knowing what my body was going to require, and what God wanted of me in the contemplative, spiritual nature He bequeathed upon me at conception.

I guess I am as the first followers and lovers of Christ:  a Christian. Yet, God brought  me into and through the various Christian churches and into what is called the Catholic Church--and had that "catholic" from later in the first century as part of the descriptor or label.  But "Catholic" can mean to many the more temporal aspects which humans devised and developed over the centuries, so I'm not that; the Lord has brought me through with benefit of understanding the dualities, and into the mystical and spiritual aspect of His Church of which I am in the Body and He is Head.  Thus I have no desire of the temporal fussing and politicizations, of heavy-laden hierarchies and canon laws and rules, regulations, and requirements.  I do not have them consciously in mind, for God's law of Love and the laws of the prophets are ingrained and always have been, from my upbringing as a Christian with Christian parents who believed in following the Ten Commandments as best we humans do, knowing we are frail to temptations at times and not alien to falls.  But God's love and mercy, His and others' and our forgiveness is real in the temporal and even deeper in the spiritual.

Well, enough on all this; more than enough all my expressing of what has been transpiring.  A huge shift is that I've accepted and am praising God for what He has been trying to do with me for these years in which I have been as if a person and mind and heart and soul split between worlds, trying desperately to cling to what is not necessary once God progresses us through increasingly to His way of Love, to living in His Real Presence each moment day and night, of at any moment of desiring to receive His Real Presence from Him--His Body and Blood to sustain me, of in thought or act of reading or listening such as spoke on internet--the Living Word of God, and of the never-ceasing inner and outer communication with His Real Presence:  prayer.

Love in His Love, and God bless His Real Presence in us!

Christian, Mystic, Hermit, Catholic: God Provides All Necessary in Today

I think I've worked through even though it's taken me along time and much writing and praying, to simply and deeply accept and say YES, I agree to want and have you more directly now.  And I add on, "Please show me what next and what is helpful in this phase."

I don't want any reader to think I have "left the "church."  The Body of Christ with Christ as Head, the Church, is now not so much a place or thing, nor is it a temporal need now.  When several years ago God showed me in vision the persons and objects and aspects in a type of visual metaphor of the temporal Church,  and asked me, "Why would you want THAT when you can have ME more directly now?", it has taken these years to experience and consider and pray about God's will and what He meant and means.  And despite my continuing to try to force forward thinking I needed the temporal Church still, that I must be misinterpreting, in part, the vision and locution, God in practicum did not allow any of my attempts to continue temporal life in the temporal Church.  Even the other day I thought aloud in conversation with a long time friend and helper, "Should I try again?"  He responded, "How many times would you keep subjecting yourself to what continues to be closed doors and non-acceptance?  And maybe more importantly, why would you keep doing that?"

And true, the latter is the question that led me to understanding that God chose for me and was delighted for me to become Catholic, but He is showing me as in all of life, even into eternity, it is all a process through which we all progress at individual "time" and ways and means of process and progression.  He leads; He guides; He wills all.  God is patience but persists in helping us progress through the process, or series of processions, one flowing into the next, on and on. Probably the major flow-to-the-next is at our temporal deaths, but there are many deaths and rebirths within our temporal lives if we desire Christ increasingly, but have our hindrances tethering.  God then progresses us which requires some breaking of the tethers, even ones that might seem ought be what we ought have throughout this life, in the same way, shape, and form.  

No.  And so I am reviewing the positives and reasons why God and what God provided and the ways in which I still attached possessiveness and my human desire for acceptance and to fit in, and my naive wish for something on earth to live out the ideal as well as to be a constant in this life, and that this would be a constant, a once-and-for-all place or thing or experience.  But the soul is not created to exist like that, to essentially not progress and be brought by God through processes to closer and closer relationship and understanding of and with and through and in God. The more we desire union with God, the more we must be prepared for and accept shifts and changes and learning and growth, and letting go of even what seem to be or we think ought to be sacrosanct temporal aspects, such as the ideals of the temporal Church.

Nothing can be forced--and that includes forcing ourselves to stay in one place or phase, or to move forward beyond what God ordains, such as desiring for Jesus to come back and take us with Him. That desire cannot be forced into a reality unless that reality is based on the reality that Jesus exists in timelessness and will come take us from this life according to His will and means.  It cannot be rushed or dictated by what we want in order to essentially escape the "lessons" we have yet to learn here, now, and often without knowing specifically what are these lessons nor how to learn them--or on our time frame and conditions which generally wants a rush-order job-done. 

This morning I did force a praise of God, first thing.  I had a determination of my will to get up from bed and be dressed and mudding the bathroom walls, doing a second and final skim coat. I wanted to do this starting at 9 a.m. or shortly after.  I have come to accept that my praise of God is often forced, when I remember to praise God, but that a forced praise of God is better than no praise of God at all.  And as often can be the case, a habit can become natural and unforced with practice and conscious recognition and desire.  I did not, of course, do a forced praise of God without having the sincere desire to praise God. My praise of God, forced, does not mean my desire to praise God is any less than a spontaneous and rich and glorious praise of God.

Then I noticed today's Gospel reading is of Jesus' praising of God!  And I noticed a commentary on praising God by Augustine.  (I have come to a point of consciously not referring to these great people, great souls, as "saints" or "St." this or that because I know consciously that titles of sainthood and canonization process and confirmation on certain humans is a mechanism of humans, specifically those humans who were and are in a man-created hierarchy in the temporal Churches:  Catholic, Orthodox, Anglican and other offshoots of Catholicism, and other religions in the world might designate the people they consider to be holy by some other designation.  But at this phase in my progression in the process, it is important for me to let go of the man-developed mores and practices that Jesus did not create or use or find necessary or needful.  Jesus is wanting all souls to be holy and to be saved and to come to the Father, to believe in the Father and Holy Spirit and come through Him, God's Son, One in Three, Second Person of the Trinity--and have fullness of life in the Spirit, and be children of God, and so forth.

Even in praising God, forced, and in praising God after reading the Living Word and deepening the reality that I am in God and He is in me, and in then praising God with deeper love and conscious awareness of God Being All and my being nothing of my own and only relevant in God and His Love and Mercy of and toward me--I could not force my body up to remain up.  The physical lumbar, hip, leg, foot pain and radiating pain causing unctuous nausea,  put me back on the bed for another couple of hours. And yes, I do whatever at my temporal means to help the physical situation:  oral pain med to augment the pain pump release, called for appt. to increase pump release of med, anti nausea meds-- a second type when the first had litle to no effect.  And the acceptance of having to get down and stay down awhile.  

Change my temporal goals, and let go and let God for this morning and however long physically, just as I had o let go and let God when I accepted God more directly, and had to let go of what I loved tremendously, even too much--the temporal Catholic church of parish and diocese, of all that entails, of this and that temporal and human-developed, human-created and evolved over the years.  

This does not mean I let go of my faith, or of His Real Presence in spiritual communion (spiritual Eucharist), or His Living Word, or prayer.  It does not mean that I do not appreciate and find friendship in and much good help from holy persons living and deceased such as Augustine and many others, including little known holy people like the auto mechanic's secretary who is pivotal in a holy and helpful business that helps so many with love, honesty, integrity and excellence in quality of work done.

And I recommend to any and all, if seeking God: the Catholic Church.  In this Church will be the spiritual, mystical Church, Christ's Church.  I just don't recommend loving the externals or such, but love God more and discover His Real Presence in the Mass as in Eucharist, Living Word, and prayer.  Then discover His Real Presence all the time in the "mass as our lives", in spiritual eucharit, Living Word , and prayer.  Discover the mystics and the prophets and writers, the great spiritual directors, the theologians who strive to explain, and the Scriptural scholars, likewise.  But know that the Church is created and intended by God as a means of process and progression, to find and have His Real Presence in Eucharist, Word, and prayer, and to recognize His Real Presence Who Is in us and in others, as we are in His Real Presence always and everywhere He Is.  Learn to love to learn to love, and suffer to love and love to suffer. Love God above all things, and love others and self as God loves us.  

The Catholic church is a means of many processes of progression to God, but the Church is not God Himself.  The Mass is beyond description.  The Mass is the stairway to heaven, and I suppose each soul must figure that out with God's individualized instruction and progressing in the processes.  

I became very attached to the "Church" and so wanted to be accepted and fit in and have it remain steady, not a progression itself, so static as such, but God provided all necessary to proceed and understand that His acceptance and fitting into Him, becoming one with God, is what He ultimately and primarily and primordially desires and wills in His great love and desire for us to remain in His Love, in His ineffable Beingness.

And thus, I share here a cut-and-paste of today's Gospel reading of His Real Presence in Living Word, plus excerpt of Augustine's writing on praising God.  And God Bless His Real Presence in us all!

Holy Gospel of Jesus Christ according to Saint Matthew 11,25-27.

At that time Jesus exclaimed, "I give praise to you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, for although you have hidden these things from the wise and the learned you have revealed them to the childlike.
Yes, Father, such has been your gracious will.
All things have been handed over to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and anyone to whom the Son wishes to reveal him."

Saint Augustine (354-430)

Bishop of Hippo (North Africa) and Doctor of the Church

Sermon 34 ; CCL 41, 423-426.

"I praise you, Father"

We are invited to sing a new song to the Lord (Ps 149:1). The new man is the man who knows this new song. Singing is joy and, if we consider the matter more closely, love. Someone who understands about loving this new life knows the new song, and so we need to be informed as to what the new life is for the sake of the new song. All these things belong to the same Kingdom: new man, new song, new covenant. The new man will sing a new song and be a member of the new covenant. (…) “See!” you will say, “I am singing.” You are singing; yes, you are singing, I can hear you. But be careful that your life doesn't bear witness against your tongue. Sing with your voice, sing with your heart, sing with your mouth, sing in your conduct: “Sing to the Lord a new song.” You are wondering what you are to sing for him whom you love and you cast about for the praises to sing to him. “His praise is in the assembly of the saints” (Ps 149:1). The praise to be sung is that of the singer. Do you want to sing praise to God? Be yourself what you sing. You are his praise if you live uprightly.