Catholic Hermit on Perceptions of Hermits

Sometimes I do a search of hermits online, and I find some excellent sites such as one that provides a broad spectrum of articles on hermit life that reaches around the world with various religions and centuries.  One article wrote of two hermits and of the writer's disillusionment in outcome of his visits and interviews.

Both hermits reside or resided in the US.  One hermit ended up being an alcoholic and what I guess could be categorized as a secular hermit--a man living alone for years, quite simply, in a desert area.  The other the author was assured by a priest would be "the real deal".  This other hermit, the author discovered, had some personality idiosyncrasies or disorders, that the author found disillusioning or as a "deal breaker" for that hermit to be inspiring or to fulfill a preconception of what or who a hermit ought to be.

(The religious hermit--vouched for by a priest--when interviewed talked incessantly and admitted he had done so prior to becoming a hermit.  Other externals seemed to tick the list of what the interviewer felt a hermit would be--quite organized, in a tidy little hermit hut, with rare trips to stock up on provisions, and subsidized by benefactors.  But the other externals of the hermit's talking disappointed the author, thus the article concluded with a negative if not ridiculing outcome of two brief hermit "case" studies, as I guess they could be loosely termed.)

From this article, I wondered what kind of impression my hermit life would leave should someone come and observe, interview, or meet me whether superficially or not. What impressions do my often-rambling writings in the various escapades and phases of progression, impart?  Yes, I consider how my hermit life would be perceived in the various phases of it, as it unfolds over time and in varying circumstances, when I most likely cannot accurately perceive it myself.

For example, currently I suppose my hermit life would result in criticism of my daily life being skewed to quite a bit of manual labor here.  Then there is the use of distractions to help counter the increased physical pain from certain types of manual labor as well as weather pressure shifts.

Plus, if observed from the viewpoint of being a consecrated Catholic hermit, I probably would seem quite the disappointment in various external aspects, such as remaining hermitage-bound other than when needing some construction supplies, and no set daily schedule nor time-balance in spiritual reading or set prayers and traditional devotions.

Today, for example, I view and listen to some news on the internet, while remaining in a pain siege on the mattress on the floor.  While I read--again with the ease of laptop--the daily Mass Scriptures, my mind is too tired to focus and meditate for long on the message of the readings.  At best in such circumstance, a line or thought impresses and helps the soul in the present moment, but there is no lengthy meditation of which I'm aware. 

My distractions and flannel pj's utilized to help cope with the cold and with higher level bodily pain would counter what might be the expectations of just about anyone, including other hermits who wear habits borrowed in style from religious orders, or who read the Divine Office at the various hours throughout the day and sometimes rising in the night to do so.  Or my remaining in the hermitage, away from a parish, surely is proof of losing the faith to those who attend daily or Sunday Mass--for this hermit here has not been physically to Mass for over a year.  Perhaps it seems more so to me, who otherwise marvels at how peaceful the arrangement--other than when judging myself or considering how others would critically view the situation.

The couple who has been bringing the consecrated Host has been gone a few weeks.  And a week ago they sent a text message saying they are praying for me, and that they are sure I am missing their bringing communion, but they will be back before long.  I conversed with the Lord about this communication, and I am not sure that I am as the couple thinks.  It seems the Lord is with me here, not missed at all.  I in Him, He in me.

Is this some delusion?  If so, the peace in that regard is an illusion.  But ever since the mystical ecstasy during any Mass, that union has been so vivid that I have not felt a loss otherwise.  Yet, I have not missed nor yearned for the mystical state during Mass, either.  Jesus told me that was how He was loving me, and that assurance remains.  The implant of His Real Presence and the reality of union so strong in the ecstasies even if I've not experienced in well over a year, assure me of the reminder of how it was in my death experience, three decades ago.  One never forgets such events, nor do I lose the effect of the quietly simple yet powerful ecstasies.  God does not make mistakes in what He wills and imparts in our lives.

I've considered all these aspects, and the thoughts have come back around to the times in my life--perhaps especially the over 17 years, including some formation time--of being a Catholic hermit.  I certainly have had my opinions and passed judgment on what is or who is living the eremitic vocation "properly" or "authentically."  And I've even written some of my critiques along the way.

I questioned if someone living with others or living with family could experience the solitude that teaches a hermit the dependency upon God in the silence of solitude as is a foundational component set forth by the Church's rather simple yet rich formulation of hermit vocation.  Yet then I discovered in some reading, the hermit St. Mariana of Quito, a recognized hermit of the Church who lived with her sibling and sibling's spouse.  In fact, she carried out quite extreme penances upon herself so that more current commentators of her life suggest she is to be admired but not emulated.

Then I consider St. Colette who was an anchoress--walled off in a two-room building constructed onto the side of an abbey church of which her godfather and benefactor (she was orphaned) was the abbot.  In the adjoining room lived a maid servant, but there was only a window between the two rooms, and from the saint's room also a window to the church from which she could observe Mass and be given the Host.  Also she had a window in her cell wall to the outside world through which she would counsel the increasing number of people who came seeking her advice or to see out of curiosity, the anchoress.  It became such a problem--the people coming and time usurped--that her godfather the abbot had to limit the time she was allowed to speak to others.

This regimen of her life as a hermit lasted not long--two or three years as I recall from reading the biography (not sure of the years but not many). God willed that she be returned to the world to assist a Franciscan priest who, with Colette, were to reform the already-declined and disrupted Franciscan Order.  Not even a century had passed since St. Francis' time, for his followers to muck up what were St. Francis' admonitions and example of simplicity and following Christ in the Gospel teachings.

It turned out that Colette resisted the Lord's will, much like Jonah resisted going to Ninevah.  So the Lord provided a miracle of a bright light (His Light?) that burst through the stone wall of her cell, crumbling it and with the Franciscan priest walking toward her; she had no valid decision to make other than to step forth and join in with the priest in the work of reforming the Franciscan order, the first of several reforms in the centuries since.

An observer of St. Colette might wonder, if not knowing the interior spiritual experiences or how it came about that she was forced from her enclosed room, how it could be that she was a hermit, for even in the two or three years of enclosure, she had someone just inches away living with her on the other side of a wall, serving her, running errands, preparing meals, and talking with her.   Also, Colette had total access to viewing and hearing what went on in the abbey church, and she had (until her guardian the Abbot put a stop to it), hours upon hours of conversations with visitors who came to her open window to the world.  And then it all ceased--that way of life for Colette.  That phase (or evolving phases) was over.

Yes, I have made my own observations of others, and thankfully I have also read and learned from volumes of writings about hermits over the centuries.  Ashamedly, I did not realize how odious can be my or others observations when  turned into criticisms or assessments of others in their vocations, whether religious (of various religions) or secular hermits.  For one consideration is that from moment to moment, hour to day to month or year, human souls go through phases, and these phases are played out in temporal time in temporal ways but often for spiritual purposes and reasons.  It is these spiritual purposes and reasons that we or others usually do not grasp while in a given phase.  Later we may know, ourselves, how the Lord willed and somewhat why, for what purpose, despite how odd or out-of-hermit-context the phase may have seemed.

Setting aside secular hermits, we can look upon the lives of religious hermits and even pare the segment down to Catholic hermits, and soon we hopefully will root out our tendency to have tight and tidy mindsets and opinions of Catholic hermits.  And that, also, includes doing so of ourselves if we happen to be a consecrated Catholic hermit. 

And that, dear readers, includes myself, for I have been judging my own life as a hermit, and the observation currently is quite condemning and negative, for I have not trusted in the Lord that He is unfolding even this time period of increased physical pain, or of temporal time line with temporal finances of temporal impending selling and going forth to who-knows-where-but-God and for whatever His purposes.  I have not trusted that there is a depth of spiritual growth going on, obscured to my conscious mind and observation of hermit self.

In some other phase, for all I know, He could desire me to be more out in the world than the distractions of online news, or the use of British scenery and voices to help the body fall asleep since pain medications are not easily available with the increasing attitude and condemnation of opioid epidemic.  (Rare it is to hear a politician insert the trials of those with legitimate chronic pain that does not respond to other means that have been tried for years.  And I rather like this, for the Lord provides in whatever practical, earthy ways, such as the soft and lulling cadence--at least it helps for now--of British voices, when otherwise I'd not be able to sleep due to pain.  

A person with higher levels of pain in the body is fatigued by pain, and pain increases without the body receiving rest.  These aspects would not be known or externally observable by someone or other should he or she see me, hidden away here in my fixer-upper, yet not completed but closer to the finish line even if am crawling toward it.  The Lord could have me collapse before crossing.

And then, who knows?  Perhaps this consecrated Catholic hermit would have to live with a family member for awhile or a long time, or might have to do so as life ebbs and various medical conditions could set in--will set in.  None of us escape the decline of material bodies, sooner or later.  So then would I be deemed a proper Catholic hermit--not living in the silence of solitude but rather living with family or with a friend?  Or what if I'd have to live in nursing home at some point, surrounded by many with television sets on at all hours and me not in that phase of noise distraction, and no place to gain a bit of privacy other than by going within, deep within, and shutting off to the surroundings?

So now I put hopefully a better perspective on the perceptions of hermit life--of the externals, at least.  And I ought also consider the internals, for those aspects are and will for the most part remain, hidden from the eyes of men.  Even if a hermit is a writer--such as this consecrated Catholic hermit's main temporal gift and mission is that of writing--a verbal description is prone to the critical perceptions of others. What is perceived, understood, or misunderstood, in whatever phase of many phases, of many unfoldings as souls metamorphose according to God's will?

Best not to critique other Catholic hermits, or myself--or anyone in any vocation, for that matter.

Best not to create nor allow set perceptions, nor to critique or judge, for as a consecrated Catholic hermit, I know not what the next hour will bring.  Perhaps the walls of this hermitage could fall in an earthquake or burn in a fire, or some person show up at the door and the voice of the Lord instruct me to leave this phase or even the hermit vocation, to help in some mission or other in the temporal world.  

(Of course, this would require a miracle of bodily release from constant pain, yet all things are possible even if that supposition highly unlikely from other messages the Lord has given to me, over the years.)

Or perhaps it would be that instead the pain of this body currently in a horrific pain siege, should be able to rise and paint the trim on one side of two more doors.  Perhaps He wills me to continue on in very slow mode to finish the manual labor of this place and be able to sell before the finances totally run dry, with only four or five months remaining.  And then if He would grace some energy and focus, and fewer manual labor demands, to spend the bulk of time in spiritual reading and writing.  Or if I would then don a different "habit" of the Order of the Present Moment, as the clothing might alter when paint-splattered overalls and drywall-mudded tee-shirts no longer what blends this hermit into this current environment.

Best not to formulate a self-imposed perception or image, or that of what others perceive and impose, or that which others have done or lived out in the past as the benchmark for a consecrated Catholic hermit.  Let the Lord determine, and let me follow His present moment desires.  One can pray always no matter what temporal distractions are available such as to help keep the mind off sickening pain.  

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!

Catholic Hermit Considers What Is Greater

 Jesus said:  "I tell you, something greater than the temple is here." 

Then He continues to explain that He desires not sacrifice, but mercy.

For a couple days or so I've been mulling this Scripture.  Then yesterday came a forwarded email of one bishop responding to a "famous" priest; their views differ greatly on morals and church law, both.  One is what some would call conservative or orthodox (sticks with Scripture and also canon law), and the other would be considered liberal or progressive (is heavy on love of all types and bending--I guess we could call it--canon law.

I found myself not that interested in the situation or debate, back and forth. 

By now, most Christians who have read Scripture and strive in the Christian life, know right from wrong, know pretty much what Jesus says in the Gospels and also what God has set forth in the Pentateuch (first five books of Bible, Old Testament), as well as the preaching and lives of the prophets, the Psalmists, and the books and letters written by the apostles.

The temporal aspects of how increasingly laws have been created in attempts to further clarify right from wrong, do weary me.  So many canon laws, and truly very difficult to enforce them; and more laws created to try to help enforce, only compound the ridiculous aspect of the temporal intrusion and the sadness that we simply cannot live out what God wants and decrees as best.

I return to John of the Cross and others who floated above the temporal, for the most part, although they existed on earth and rode the daily life through to the end.  As for the spiritual life--that is where they floated and kept with God in love and mercy.

The scripture mentioned at the beginning of this blog post, has to do with Jesus' reaction to the flack His disciples received for crushing heads of grain to eat on the sabbath.  They were hungry; they used energy to take action to make the grain edible; and they ate.  Jesus lumped the legalism in with the Temple, for that is where many priests and others had developed increasing amounts of laws prescribing various actions to be taken, of the right and wrong ways of living and thinking.  It became very detailed, and some were so caught up in trying to live the details and also keep track of how others lived or did not live the details of the proscribed laws--well, much judging and such a mess, and far from the loving union with God Himself.

We have Jesus.  We have His teachings and life example.  What is it that we each and all cannot grasp of it, and live it out in daily life?  It does rather come down to each of us as individual souls, for we cannot do much about famous priests and renowned bishops who disagree on what is right and what is wrong, and how to administer sacraments and such, and not even with the oodles of canon laws we have "in the books."

Well, there is something greater that we have, and He is Jesus.  And Jesus gave us the Holy Spirit, and He said to love God above all things and others as ourselves, and that He desires mercy more than sacrifice.

This past week the Lord allowed the devil to hit at me hard and repeatedly.  Aspects of the temporal were utilized to try to discourage:  additional pain, incompetence of workers resulting in attempts to overcharge as well as a mortgage company that neglected to pay a large property tax bill, putting the gears of foreclosure into motion.  Then there was fatigue and further financial set backs, and facing the reality that I will not be able to finish and sell anytime soon.

Heat so affects this body of pain and damaged nerves along the spine, so progress is slow; yet there is progress.  And I had also offered as prayer, whatever sufferings for another person who is in a severe setback of the worst rheumatoid arthritis flare of the person's life.  When we offer our sufferings or daily encounters as prayer, we must also be prepared to suffer whatever may come.  And then, of course, we must not resent that we made the offer as prayer for the other!

What ended up being the best antidote was to begin praising God for all the good things that occur. Consider all the times a mortgage company has functioned properly.  Consider all the times that pain was not increased, or how many days of lovely temperatures, or how many people have not taken advantage nor tried to cheat.  Consider that the Lord has a reason for a slower conclusion to this phase of housing and financial insecurity.  

One reason is to increase faith and trust in His Providence.  Another is that perhaps He does not will me to move to where I have been considering might be a practical choice--or that He does not want me to think ahead beyond the present moment, to not make plans or imagine what next.  Or, that He desires me to keep on working slowly, and perhaps not be able to finish, and to experience what it is to totally run out of funds, to have to bail out rapidly.  Or perhaps not, but to continue on slowly and slowly get to a point of patience and trust in Him, and somehow He will keep providing in little ways, along the way of losses.

None of it matters--the reasons.  What matters is to keep going with love and prayerfulness, offering all to God, for God, for His glory.  

Ultimately, it is a time of greater detachment as well as greater faith in He Who Is greater than all else-greater than the "temple", greater than any theologian or priest or bishop or canon laws or civil laws or any one of us or any of our items or careers or illnesses or properties or whatever.

God in Three Persons Is greater than great.  He Is Greatest.

So it is humbling, all this, and to consider that mercy is what He desires--love and mercy, not sacrifice.  Being with Jesus--I love Him.  So tired, but He matters.  As long as I am with Him, knowing He is in me, filling with love and peace and His forgiveness--what can lengthy articles of debate fulfill that steering us to Jesus and Scripture and the ways of the spiritual life could not do so much better and effectively?

I cast my cares upon the Lord.  He instructs my heart.  He fills my soul with His love and mercy.  I go and follow Him--yes, as best I humanly can. But with God, all things are possible, right?  And in God a thousand days can seem as one day or a day can seem as a thousand.  Those going against canon laws and those going with canon laws cannot fulfill a whiff of what Jesus fulfills in our very human and spiritual lives.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Today when the couple brought me Holy Communion, we talked.  They brought mercy, in love, with Jesus.

Bearing All, Strengthened in All, by God

This morning's first reading from 2 Timothy focuses purpose in this short excerpt:

"but bear your share of hardship for the Gospel
with the strength that comes from God."

This sickening, totally debilitating, upper left back muscle pain persists.  Yet there is slight progress.  I was able to sleep in the night and even awoke with left arm moved in a position that has not at all been possible prior.  It was the pain that awoke me, but even a day ago could not have moved the arm like that.

By early evening, yesterday, the thought came to me that perhaps the Lord is not wanting me to consider trying to finish the hermitage and move elsewhere--not this summer nor in the fall.  Perhaps He wills me to remain here indefinitely, until the money runs dry or I die.

With that thought, I made an offering to God, telling Him that I agree to remain here if that is what He wills.  I do not yet know His Mind as mine.  My thoughts continue to be in my mind--my ideas--yet I also recognize at times those of His ideas, His insights, His thoughts.  With this one, though, the thought that perhaps God's physically truncating me so totally every couple of weeks recently and for months in the winter, is to ask of me to cease my plans to finish and be on my way--yes, perhaps that is God's thought.

I do not know, though.  It could also be that the Lord is asking of me to give up the work efforts and to try to bail out.  Yet, if that is the case, then He'd give me the physical ability to take the necessary steps to even pack up enough to try to market it "as is."  Regardless, there is nothing more to thinking about possibilities than to give the offering I gave, that I am willing to remain here if that is His will.

When we are in process of His Mind replacing our intellects, our thoughts and ideas, His will has to have already replaced our wills.  But we then are aware that our minds must be replaced by His Mind.  In the intervening space of time and experiences of His Will yet still our minds, we live thus with not knowing definitively as we learn to discern, what are His Insights and what remain our thoughts.

In such circumstances of spiritual transition and progression, we must simply be quite open to making offerings of our daily moments and details, of any idea or notion, to Him.  We must repeat the offering of that which might be His Idea, His Thought--agree to it.  Let go of the thoughts and ideas that are probably our own, or at least could be our own notions and reflections.

It is a humbling stance, all this.  Soon we recognize that plans and ideas do not really matter all that much--other than that we go along with the flow of events, not really knowing yet for sure other than to be sure that the Lord's will is unfolding in us, as it is His will now, not ours.  And the thoughts will either be His Mind replacing ours, or it will yet be our ideas trying to make themselves known in a false position of prominence.

Best not to fret about which is what.  Rather, just take the thoughts and agree to that which we had not wanted in what may have been our own ideas or that of others--that which have seemed most logical and practical.  In this instance it has seemed most prudent to get this place finished and sell and move.  There are no obvious, practical reasons to remain in an area in which there are no close contacts, very little financial security, much manual labor involved as well as temporal responsibilities.

I suppose it was the very thought which could be His Insight, of viewing the opposite consideration, that makes it seem all the more likely His Mind giving the thought to offer to remain here, to stop trying to finish the place sooner than later, to just let the current episode of physical incapacitation gradually evolve daily, nightly, and let go of temporal goals.

Just keeping whatever possible of the vegetables, fruits, trees, and flowers watered is monumental.  Each step the body takes is a jolt of sickening pain, yet perhaps today, somehow, the body will be able to get into truck bed and most carefully try to shove off the mulch...maybe even drive the mile or less to get the PVC pipes the woman still has, so that at some point in future I can put them together as supports for bird netting over the berry bushes here.

Yes, it seems a small and insignificant detail.  I have considered that perhaps the Lord is saying "no" to even that plan, although it would be lovely to have some fruit from the bushes this year.  The birds already have helped themselves to plenty, and crows took out all but 3 shoots.  I've replanted the entire corn crop nearly two weeks ago.

Discerning His Mind and Insights from what are yet my thoughts, is definitely a process.  Amidst the pain yesterday, I ended up disengaging from suffering and from suffering the thoughts themselves, by distracting with a British series on YouTube.  News came of some awful situation with a person I've known in the past, who has been shockingly arrested.

This morning I consider the above Scripture and send it in Spirit to the woman undergoing quite painful tests, probably right now, and which will provide answers to a situation which is of dire consequence in her life--of something she and her husband desire deeply, something quite emotionally real and vital.

Many other prayers for souls become interwoven with the immense physical pain of this body.  Yesterday in the suffering, I literally was lifted out of the day in the filmed drama series by the lovely scenery of England and once again the lilting British accents, and observed lives being lived out through the lens of a camera, plot and action unfolding from excellent actors and actresses guided by a talented director.

Really, in a form of our own reality, His Real Presence directs our lives, our actions, our scripts in daily life.  So it is, also, perhaps a help to me in the silence of solitude, to grasp that His Mind is rather like the script such as the program I watched which helped take me in the present moment out of the sickening pain and into other lives elsewhere--scripted lives with their developed and written out lines and situations.

Today brings more of the script that His Real Presence has written for this hamstrung, consecrated Catholic hermit.  Time seems timeless, and I will follow His script, increasingly aware of that which is His script, not my lines but His lines, created and scripted out for me, as He does for everyone.  We simply are not that aware, though, nor maybe have given up our own wills yet, let alone our own minds, our own attempts at writing our own lines, trying to make up our own situations, acting out our own dramas.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love God above all things and one another as Jesus loves us!  Bear all our hardships with the strength that comes from God, for the sake of the Gospel of Jesus Christ!  Just think of it:  the Gospel is the script given us to speak, act, live out each present moment with the Spirit abiding in us and by His Living Word!