Sometimes I do a search of hermits online, and I find some excellent sites such as one that provides a broad spectrum of articles on hermit life that reaches around the world with various religions and centuries. One article wrote of two hermits and of the writer's disillusionment in outcome of his visits and interviews.
Both hermits reside or resided in the US. One hermit ended up being an alcoholic and what I guess could be categorized as a secular hermit--a man living alone for years, quite simply, in a desert area. The other the author was assured by a priest would be "the real deal". This other hermit, the author discovered, had some personality idiosyncrasies or disorders, that the author found disillusioning or as a "deal breaker" for that hermit to be inspiring or to fulfill a preconception of what or who a hermit ought to be.
(The religious hermit--vouched for by a priest--when interviewed talked incessantly and admitted he had done so prior to becoming a hermit. Other externals seemed to tick the list of what the interviewer felt a hermit would be--quite organized, in a tidy little hermit hut, with rare trips to stock up on provisions, and subsidized by benefactors. But the other externals of the hermit's talking disappointed the author, thus the article concluded with a negative if not ridiculing outcome of two brief hermit "case" studies, as I guess they could be loosely termed.)
From this article, I wondered what kind of impression my hermit life would leave should someone come and observe, interview, or meet me whether superficially or not. What impressions do my often-rambling writings in the various escapades and phases of progression, impart? Yes, I consider how my hermit life would be perceived in the various phases of it, as it unfolds over time and in varying circumstances, when I most likely cannot accurately perceive it myself.
For example, currently I suppose my hermit life would result in criticism of my daily life being skewed to quite a bit of manual labor here. Then there is the use of distractions to help counter the increased physical pain from certain types of manual labor as well as weather pressure shifts.
Plus, if observed from the viewpoint of being a consecrated Catholic hermit, I probably would seem quite the disappointment in various external aspects, such as remaining hermitage-bound other than when needing some construction supplies, and no set daily schedule nor time-balance in spiritual reading or set prayers and traditional devotions.
Today, for example, I view and listen to some news on the internet, while remaining in a pain siege on the mattress on the floor. While I read--again with the ease of laptop--the daily Mass Scriptures, my mind is too tired to focus and meditate for long on the message of the readings. At best in such circumstance, a line or thought impresses and helps the soul in the present moment, but there is no lengthy meditation of which I'm aware.
My distractions and flannel pj's utilized to help cope with the cold and with higher level bodily pain would counter what might be the expectations of just about anyone, including other hermits who wear habits borrowed in style from religious orders, or who read the Divine Office at the various hours throughout the day and sometimes rising in the night to do so. Or my remaining in the hermitage, away from a parish, surely is proof of losing the faith to those who attend daily or Sunday Mass--for this hermit here has not been physically to Mass for over a year. Perhaps it seems more so to me, who otherwise marvels at how peaceful the arrangement--other than when judging myself or considering how others would critically view the situation.
The couple who has been bringing the consecrated Host has been gone a few weeks. And a week ago they sent a text message saying they are praying for me, and that they are sure I am missing their bringing communion, but they will be back before long. I conversed with the Lord about this communication, and I am not sure that I am as the couple thinks. It seems the Lord is with me here, not missed at all. I in Him, He in me.
Is this some delusion? If so, the peace in that regard is an illusion. But ever since the mystical ecstasy during any Mass, that union has been so vivid that I have not felt a loss otherwise. Yet, I have not missed nor yearned for the mystical state during Mass, either. Jesus told me that was how He was loving me, and that assurance remains. The implant of His Real Presence and the reality of union so strong in the ecstasies even if I've not experienced in well over a year, assure me of the reminder of how it was in my death experience, three decades ago. One never forgets such events, nor do I lose the effect of the quietly simple yet powerful ecstasies. God does not make mistakes in what He wills and imparts in our lives.
I've considered all these aspects, and the thoughts have come back around to the times in my life--perhaps especially the over 17 years, including some formation time--of being a Catholic hermit. I certainly have had my opinions and passed judgment on what is or who is living the eremitic vocation "properly" or "authentically." And I've even written some of my critiques along the way.
I questioned if someone living with others or living with family could experience the solitude that teaches a hermit the dependency upon God in the silence of solitude as is a foundational component set forth by the Church's rather simple yet rich formulation of hermit vocation. Yet then I discovered in some reading, the hermit St. Mariana of Quito, a recognized hermit of the Church who lived with her sibling and sibling's spouse. In fact, she carried out quite extreme penances upon herself so that more current commentators of her life suggest she is to be admired but not emulated.
Then I consider St. Colette who was an anchoress--walled off in a two-room building constructed onto the side of an abbey church of which her godfather and benefactor (she was orphaned) was the abbot. In the adjoining room lived a maid servant, but there was only a window between the two rooms, and from the saint's room also a window to the church from which she could observe Mass and be given the Host. Also she had a window in her cell wall to the outside world through which she would counsel the increasing number of people who came seeking her advice or to see out of curiosity, the anchoress. It became such a problem--the people coming and time usurped--that her godfather the abbot had to limit the time she was allowed to speak to others.
This regimen of her life as a hermit lasted not long--two or three years as I recall from reading the biography (not sure of the years but not many). God willed that she be returned to the world to assist a Franciscan priest who, with Colette, were to reform the already-declined and disrupted Franciscan Order. Not even a century had passed since St. Francis' time, for his followers to muck up what were St. Francis' admonitions and example of simplicity and following Christ in the Gospel teachings.
It turned out that Colette resisted the Lord's will, much like Jonah resisted going to Ninevah. So the Lord provided a miracle of a bright light (His Light?) that burst through the stone wall of her cell, crumbling it and with the Franciscan priest walking toward her; she had no valid decision to make other than to step forth and join in with the priest in the work of reforming the Franciscan order, the first of several reforms in the centuries since.
An observer of St. Colette might wonder, if not knowing the interior spiritual experiences or how it came about that she was forced from her enclosed room, how it could be that she was a hermit, for even in the two or three years of enclosure, she had someone just inches away living with her on the other side of a wall, serving her, running errands, preparing meals, and talking with her. Also, Colette had total access to viewing and hearing what went on in the abbey church, and she had (until her guardian the Abbot put a stop to it), hours upon hours of conversations with visitors who came to her open window to the world. And then it all ceased--that way of life for Colette. That phase (or evolving phases) was over.
Yes, I have made my own observations of others, and thankfully I have also read and learned from volumes of writings about hermits over the centuries. Ashamedly, I did not realize how odious can be my or others observations when turned into criticisms or assessments of others in their vocations, whether religious (of various religions) or secular hermits. For one consideration is that from moment to moment, hour to day to month or year, human souls go through phases, and these phases are played out in temporal time in temporal ways but often for spiritual purposes and reasons. It is these spiritual purposes and reasons that we or others usually do not grasp while in a given phase. Later we may know, ourselves, how the Lord willed and somewhat why, for what purpose, despite how odd or out-of-hermit-context the phase may have seemed.
Setting aside secular hermits, we can look upon the lives of religious hermits and even pare the segment down to Catholic hermits, and soon we hopefully will root out our tendency to have tight and tidy mindsets and opinions of Catholic hermits. And that, also, includes doing so of ourselves if we happen to be a consecrated Catholic hermit.
And that, dear readers, includes myself, for I have been judging my own life as a hermit, and the observation currently is quite condemning and negative, for I have not trusted in the Lord that He is unfolding even this time period of increased physical pain, or of temporal time line with temporal finances of temporal impending selling and going forth to who-knows-where-but-God and for whatever His purposes. I have not trusted that there is a depth of spiritual growth going on, obscured to my conscious mind and observation of hermit self.
In some other phase, for all I know, He could desire me to be more out in the world than the distractions of online news, or the use of British scenery and voices to help the body fall asleep since pain medications are not easily available with the increasing attitude and condemnation of opioid epidemic. (Rare it is to hear a politician insert the trials of those with legitimate chronic pain that does not respond to other means that have been tried for years. And I rather like this, for the Lord provides in whatever practical, earthy ways, such as the soft and lulling cadence--at least it helps for now--of British voices, when otherwise I'd not be able to sleep due to pain.
A person with higher levels of pain in the body is fatigued by pain, and pain increases without the body receiving rest. These aspects would not be known or externally observable by someone or other should he or she see me, hidden away here in my fixer-upper, yet not completed but closer to the finish line even if am crawling toward it. The Lord could have me collapse before crossing.
And then, who knows? Perhaps this consecrated Catholic hermit would have to live with a family member for awhile or a long time, or might have to do so as life ebbs and various medical conditions could set in--will set in. None of us escape the decline of material bodies, sooner or later. So then would I be deemed a proper Catholic hermit--not living in the silence of solitude but rather living with family or with a friend? Or what if I'd have to live in nursing home at some point, surrounded by many with television sets on at all hours and me not in that phase of noise distraction, and no place to gain a bit of privacy other than by going within, deep within, and shutting off to the surroundings?
So now I put hopefully a better perspective on the perceptions of hermit life--of the externals, at least. And I ought also consider the internals, for those aspects are and will for the most part remain, hidden from the eyes of men. Even if a hermit is a writer--such as this consecrated Catholic hermit's main temporal gift and mission is that of writing--a verbal description is prone to the critical perceptions of others. What is perceived, understood, or misunderstood, in whatever phase of many phases, of many unfoldings as souls metamorphose according to God's will?
Best not to critique other Catholic hermits, or myself--or anyone in any vocation, for that matter.
Best not to create nor allow set perceptions, nor to critique or judge, for as a consecrated Catholic hermit, I know not what the next hour will bring. Perhaps the walls of this hermitage could fall in an earthquake or burn in a fire, or some person show up at the door and the voice of the Lord instruct me to leave this phase or even the hermit vocation, to help in some mission or other in the temporal world.
(Of course, this would require a miracle of bodily release from constant pain, yet all things are possible even if that supposition highly unlikely from other messages the Lord has given to me, over the years.)
Or perhaps it would be that instead the pain of this body currently in a horrific pain siege, should be able to rise and paint the trim on one side of two more doors. Perhaps He wills me to continue on in very slow mode to finish the manual labor of this place and be able to sell before the finances totally run dry, with only four or five months remaining. And then if He would grace some energy and focus, and fewer manual labor demands, to spend the bulk of time in spiritual reading and writing. Or if I would then don a different "habit" of the Order of the Present Moment, as the clothing might alter when paint-splattered overalls and drywall-mudded tee-shirts no longer what blends this hermit into this current environment.
Best not to formulate a self-imposed perception or image, or that of what others perceive and impose, or that which others have done or lived out in the past as the benchmark for a consecrated Catholic hermit. Let the Lord determine, and let me follow His present moment desires. One can pray always no matter what temporal distractions are available such as to help keep the mind off sickening pain.
Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!
No comments:
Post a Comment