The pain is so severe this morning that it feels difficult to breathe. Extremely fatigued so hard to have energy to breathe beyond little and not often. Body is burning with quite a bit of pain, and am trying to consider that it is as "taking bullets" for souls--including this hermit's own soul!
It is not easy to have such faith, to have come upon a thought, a potential reality that is of the spiritual aspect. A part of me would say it is not so, the aspects of suffering and of souls, of being what I rather humorously term being a "soulbuster." Yet there is not much other explanation for the situations and souls I encounter, repeatedly, with the very good souls of much largesse and depth, sprinkled into the life experience.
Regardless, this level of pain is sapping whatever energy and strength I might otherwise possess. There are so many tasks in here that I could attempt to accomplish, but the pain is blinding and binding. Perhaps I can try to get off the mattress and heat up yesterday's left over coffee. There is always the option to take more medication; but that, at this level of pain, will not do much to help unless taking that which is given for extreme episodes to knock the body out, essentially.
What a life to lead! If the pain can be turned around some, with the spirit and body and mind and heart on top of the pain rather than it on top of my being, I can begin work on cutting cement board to construct the shower niche recessed box. Yet, on days like this one, in which the pain has sapped the body of energy and the eyelids keep drooping into a kind of autonomic dozing, an escape-mode from pain, I wonder if I will ever be able to maintain the efforts here.
Yes, the entire body is in a kind of burning sensation, and beneath the burning is raw, intractable pain. The feet are so painful--perhaps best to try to stand on them and see if that helps to push some pain out? Rather sickening, really. This is all part of this consecrated heart and soul's existence, daily life, spiritual being, Christian essence, hermit and suffering vocation, legacy: so very much pain in so many aspects.
Was this how Jesus felt when on the cross? I believe so. He existed on this earth as long as His body was able to function. This is so for each of us, as well.
God bless His Real Presence in us! Little children, let us love one another, for God Is Love!