The heavy suffering continued through the night and am woozy and weak and pained today. Am trying to do some watering, tree by tree, laying down the hoses, running two at once.
Last night I prayed fervently, asking the Lord what He wills of me. I awoke in the night and heard His Voice say: Be an immolation.
It seems as if sometime in the past years, He has told me that, but I'm not sure. There has been much, and I am rather worn out.
I looked up the word immolation, although I know what it means. A sacrifice. A victim.
I did not realize it was first used in the 1500's, not prior. But, other words such as sacrifice and victim have been used far longer.
It all comes to the same or similar intent and meaning.
Be a sacrificial victim.
Lord, I am trying to hang on. It is not easy. It is not easy in isolation, under living conditions very rugged. The symptoms of the suffering make it all the more difficult. Well, it is the greater immolation, all this.
I hope to write more, later, on some details of the time of the death experience in 1987. It is not all that important. Perhaps it won't inspire others or give them hope or more faith that God is so real. Yes, these things, such as "Be an immolation" and a death experience--dying and being sent back--mean much to the person who experiences and probably not much to others. I don't mean to build up any expectations. My time with God was not all that long at any given stretch. I was not in heaven but rather in the anteroom which is heavenly enough in itself. Being within God in such intimacy is supernal. The closest to it on earth has been the mystical state during Mass. But that was just a taste of the Feast to come.
God bless His Real Presence in us!