Catholic Hermit: Battle of the Soul

Lent is upon us:  first full week.  It is a good time to die! 

Someone emailed of a most frustrating morning.  Seemed as if not one thing went easily, from having a doctor's appointment for an alarming lump, to arriving at the doctor's office in a nearby town and the doctor having called in sick.  The receptionist had called to let the patient know, but the patient did not recognize the number as was some other line in the office that was used for the call.  Then late for work as a result, and some glitch occurred inexplicably with a cash register.  Patience point had been breached!

Here, for this nothing consecrated (in Jesus) Catholic hermit (legitimacy per CL603 to be determined and already off to an odd start with a first hurdle not prudently feasible), the visit is coming to a close, and it will be a long time if ever will be visiting the loved ones again.  Much depends on the pain situation of this nothing's body.  Perhaps if the pain pump is surgically installed, but that remains a nebulous "if" and is also quite a surgery in itself.  

The neurosurgeon performs intricate and skilled work to install a hockey-size puck in the abdomen, under the skin--the easy part--but then making an incision in the back to insert a tube that goes carefully through the spinal sheathing and into the spinal column itself, but not too far in--has to be "just right".  The other end of the tub then goes around the side to the front, within the tissues, and into the pump.  Six weeks recovery which is much less than the length of the spinal surgery recovery.  But the bending, twisting, and not lifting more than 5 lbs. will require some discipline; the patient must not jeopardize the pump or the tube moving out of position.

But it is within the soul that the most masterful and intricate work of all is performed, and that is by each of us, within our own selves, our innermost place:  our ver own soul.  I'm finding these excerpts written in the 5th c. by Hsychios the Sinaite, a monk of the monastery at Vatos, to be mindful helps to prepare me for the work necessary to be done within my soul this Lent.  

(I need worthwhile distraction to take my mind away from the frustration of sorts, or the wonderment at least--as to why the Lord would allow an infeasible hurdle for me, right out of the gate in my desire to fulfill the desires of my bishop as to the hermit vocation within this diocese.  The Lord knows my pain situation as well as my genuine desire to align my spiritual aspects of hermit vocation with the temporal aspects of CL603 which has become the norm for hermits and  surely will continue to be from here on out as long as our temporal world exists.) 

What Hesychios wrote is chock-full of points to ponder in what God gives us as a model for a holy life, of the facets of our soul's battle against the demons and to successfully overcome through these holy facets such as humility, fasting, prayer, and watchfulness.  I plan to return to these lines from Hesychios the Sinaite's Chapters on Watchfulness  nos. 12, 20, and 40.  I will break them apart by sentences, by thoughts, by facets in words and meaning, then mull and ponder, pray and pray to put into practicum within my soul and my mind, heart, and actions. 

Perhaps this is the time to get out some index cards or Post-it Notes to place around the hermitage to remind me, to focus me for the battle of the soul to win out over what hinders me from winning Christ through full trust in Christ in all matters of life and soul! 

"Through his incarnation God gave us the model for a holy life and recalled us from our ancient fall.  In addition to many other things, he taught us, feeble as we are, that we should fight against the demons with humility, fasting, prayer and watchfulness (cf. Mt 17:21).  For when, after his baptism, he went into the desert and the devil came up to him as though he were merely a man (cf. Mt 4:3), he began his spiritual warfare by fasting and won the battle by this means--though being God, and God of gods, he had no need of any such means at all....

"Someone engaged in spiritual warfare should simultaneously possess humility, perfect attentiveness, the power of rebuttal, and prayer.  He should possess humility because, as his flight is against the arrogant demons, he will then have the help of Christ in his heart, for 'the Lord hates the arrogant' (cf. Prv 3:34).  He should possess attentiveness in order always to keep his heart clear of all thoughts, even of those that appear to be good.  He should possess the power of rebuttal so that, wherever he recognizes the devil he may at once repulse him angrily; for it is written:  'And I shall reply to those who vilify me; will not my soul be subject to God?' (Pss 119:42; 62:1).  He should possess prayer so that as soon as he has rebutted the devil he may call to Christ with 'cries that cannot be uttered' (cf. Rm 8:26).  Then he will see the devil broken and routed by the venerable name of Jesus--will see him and his dissimulation scattered like dust or smoke before the wind....

"Let your soul, then, trust in Christ, let it call on him and never fear.  For it does not fight alone but with the aid of a mighty King, Jesus Christ, Creator of all that is, both bodiless and embodied, visible and invisible."  

God bless His Real Presence in us this Lent and always!

Illegal Catholic Hermit: Hermit Watchfulness and Humility

From the Forty Texts on Watchfulness (nepsis) by St. Philotheos of Sinai, no. 39 and no. 40:

"39.  An unexpected event or misfortune considerably disrupts the mind's attentiveness; and, by dislodging the intellect from its concentration on higher realities and from its noble state of virtue, it diverts it towards sinful quarrelsomeness and wrangling.  The cause of this overthrow is assuredly our lack of attention to the enemy's attacks.

"40.  None of the painful things that happen to us every day will injure or distress us once we perceive and continually mediate on their purpose. It is in account of this that St. Paul says:  'I take delight in weakness, insults, and hardships' (2 Cor 12:10); and:  'All who seek to live a holy life in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution' (2 Tim 3:12).  To Him be glory through the ages.  Amen."


My day today has been that of increased pain, but I am plowing through with having prayed and read more of Galatians and some commentaries and writings of saints and popes regarding the intent and meaning of what St. Paul exhorts and explains.  Was up in the night with too much pain, and that remains the effects of this day, thus far. I still hope in God to be able to dress and do a little bit of manual labor.

The sunshine is glorious, and I'm ever grateful for all the good God brings:  many blessings!  My delight in Scripture is noted; as I was praying the Divine Office and reviewing Paul's Letter to the Galatians, I realized just how alive does God's Living Word become within, and how much Scriptures delight me.  It is as God is explaining all, answering any and all of my wondering thoughts, and giving me great peace as well as courage.  Joy and peace are two of several fruit of Scriptures--even if we see an aspect of which we desire to improve our minds, hearts, and souls--and also bodies, for the Lord cares about all aspects of our lives.

The devil did up-end me some upon waking, for I must have been dreaming of some aspect of past, of a most happy time in life when children quite young, and time with them treasured in my heart and memories.  Such a blessing from God to have sent me back to rear my children and fulfill my mission (of which I continue to not know for certain, other than praying that somehow I am in some way fulfilling the mission He wills of me). 

Loving Him, being close in Him, writing of Him and sharing with Him of my life and innermost thoughts through writing and more so of all the other intimacies between myself and God throughout the day--surely that is part of my mission in this life.  My soul increasingly in love and focused on Christ Jesus, my Beloved Spouse, and of my loving God above all else and in Him, loving others as God loves us all: purpose and mission, could be!

As a convert to Catholicism years ago--after resisting for at least ten years prior to my Confirmation--I have always related extra-much with this Scripture selection from the Gospel of Matthew 15.  In writing out this excerpt from St. John Chrysostom's homilies on these Scriptures, especially do I love the fact that the woman is not put off but persists in her selfless request, born of love of her daughter and faith in Jesus to help rid the demon from her child.

"When she came up to Jesus, The Canaanite woman just said these words:  'Have pity on me' (Mt 15:22) and her repeated cries drew a large crowd of people. It was a touching sight to see this woman crying out with such great feeling, a mother pleading on behalf of her daughter, a child who was so severely possessed....  She didn't say:  'Have pity on my daughter' but 'Have pity on me.'  'My daughter is not aware of her plight, but I, I experience sufferings in profusion; it makes me ill to see her in such a state; I am almost out of my mind at seeing her like this.'

"Jesus answered her:  'I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel (Mt 15:24).  Now what did the Canaanite woman do when she heard these words?  Did she lose heart?  Not in the least!  She urged him even more.  This is not what we do when our prayers are not answered:  we turn away in discouragement whereas we ought to be pleading even more insistently.  Who, it is true, would not be discouraged by Jesus' response?  his silence would have been enough to take away all hope....  This woman, however, does not lose heart; to the contrary, she comes nearer to him and bows to the ground saying:  'Lord, help me (v.25)....  If I am a little dog in this house then I am no longer a foreigner.  I well know that food is necessary for children..., but it cannot be forbidden to give away crumbs.  They should not be refused me...because I am a little dog who cannot be pushed aside....'

"It was because he foresaw her answer that Christ delayed to grant her prayer....  His replies were not intended to cause this woman pain but to reveal this hidden treasure." 

Absolutely love the elements of humility and of abject nothingness in these Scriptures.  Jesus loves the lesser, the least of these:  the anawim.  I have been also reading St. Augustine's thoughts on Paul's Letter to the Galatians, as well as other saints and magisterium writers.  The answer within begins to take shape and form; the pleasure of His Real Presence in each of our lives unfolds when we seek and being to find in the silence and stillness within.  All is well and all shall be well; St. Julian of Norwich repeated this from the Holy Spirit.  Yes, all shall be well!

Going to light a candle by Our Lady of Solitude/Suffering here in Solus Deus Hermitage bedroom where I will renew the Vow of Consecration of Suffering I offered, with my late Spiritual Da receiving and witnessing, 20 years ago today.  The vows and offerings made from within our hearts and souls, and prompted in the mind by the Holy Spirit to formulate and then discern with spiritual father, do mean much to God and come from within our depths of intentions and love of Christ Jesus.

God bless His Real Presence in us!