Catholic Hermit: Jesus Is Praying for Us Now and Always

This reminder from The Catechism of the Catholic Church is so consoling--but more so, it is TRUTH.  The truth that Jesus prays for us where we are, in our situations and lives, on our behalf--all the time in our time--provides reassurance that even when we feel we are failing, or when we are failing in some regard, to pray, He is praying for us!

This selection, 2741, explains and provides the reasoning, the theological aspects, as to this reality.  I am emphasizing in bold, the one line that uplifts me; yet pondering through every line, every word, opens vast assistance in our prayers, in our praying.

"Jesus also prays for us--in our place and on our behalf.  All our petitions were gathered up, once for all, in His cry on the Cross, and, in His Resurrection, heard by the Father.  This is why He never ceases to intercede for us with the Father.  If our prayer is resolutely united with that of Jesus, in trust and boldness as children, we obtain all that we ask in His name, even more than any particular thing:  the Holy Spirit himself, who contains all gifts." 

More consolations today.  Last evening, the pain in lumbar became exhausting enough that I decided to call the on-call surgeon, asking first who that might be, on-call.  (I did not want to risk irritating the surgeon whose nurse had mistaken what I meant in a couple crucial answers, as it turned out, and from whom the surgeon receives input.)  The on-call surgeon urged me to call the surgeon's staff this morning; he said he did not think ER could do much for me, not even do an MRI, so not worth making my body pain worse for the wear of someone taking me to ER.

I made no headway this morning with trying to get an appointment with the surgeon sooner than July 17.  But I accepted this and with great Hope in God, and prayers for deeper conversions for self and for the nurse, surgeon, and surgeon's PA, I was strengthened to the point that I delighted in suffering whatever it might take, to help any or all of these souls, for it did seem rather an extreme situation that had erupted a couple or more weeks ago--chaotic and bizarre.  Devil involved.

Then came the consolation of the couple from whence I had lived last--the couple from that parish who brought me Holy Communion each Sunday.  I received a text from the wife, inquiring about what is happening here, and relating various pieces of news in their lives.  I also then received several persons there who are in need of prayer, plus assurance on their part to pray for the ones for whom I pray here, including prayers for me.  So grateful!

Then came the consolation of Angel (name of parishioner who brings me Holy Communion here in my hermitage).  She could bring Jesus at 1 p.m.  We talked over several aspects of souls in need, and we offered these to the Lord in the receiving of the Blessed Sacrament.  What a strengthening is His Real Presence in us, in the consecrated Host.  Angel offered to drive me to the osteo PA appt. tomorrow if the lumbar is still in this mode of high pain.

Then came the consolation of the two young neighbor children who came wanting to do some work.  They helped lift nearly everything I needed lifted in the garage, helped water, helped fill the last planter with sand, dirt, and potting soil on top--even were delighted to plant the seeds.  They carried up a twin bed frame and put it in the Angel's Room; they carried down a set of bi-fold doors that I will try to sell.  They are ever thrilled with their paychecks and choose an ice cream fruit bar as treat.

While the children here, my back became so painful that I decided to call the surgeon's staff and leave a message--risking whomever to hear it, risking irritating the nurse or PA.  After a bit, I received a call back.  Eleanor, the one who had called me three weeks ago to say my surgery scheduled in two days was permanently cancelled.  I thanked her and said again how sorry for anything and whatever I had said that had been rude or caustic, misunderstood, and could she please forgive me?  She said there was nothing to forgive; well, I'm not so sure about that.  The Lord will unfold what is to come as He always does in His Divine Providence.

But she took down my status, this the 10th day of what seems to be an unrelenting lumbar, that sometimes seems a tad better and other times not at all.  She will pass on the information to the surgeon's PA, and I will hear back tomorrow any ideas they have.  At least I had opportunity to make amends, which is a tremendous consolation!  And I was able to insert the news that I've had medication for the bones in my system and working now for two weeks. 

And just as I was getting ready to write the children their paychecks, another consolation came:  phone call from the eldest daughter who does not often call, but not due to anything other than her family and career have her going various directions and communicating all day and into evening, even more communicating is not foremost.  But we got all caught up with the news of their lives, their joys, their needs.  Truly, this call was an extra-much, unexpected gift.

Increasingly, with the bodily pain being consistently higher now, the spiritual lessons and the deeper conversions of my soul are even apparent to my conscious mind!  The praying for my deeper conversion of soul, asking Mary to facilitate and the Holy Spirit engendering the conversions and infusing the graces thereof in my soul, has been beyond what I could have fathomed.  Thanks be to God for the insights given when I am reduced to clinging to Christ on the Cross in suffering.

Insight was given on the always-answered prayer of deeper conversion, over and over, closer to union in His Real Presence, no matter how long it might take in earth time or beyond.  Insight was given in Hope in God.  Insight was given in pain as being the prayer, in essence and substance.  Offer pain prayer for souls in trouble, for souls being messed with by the devil; offer pain prayer for my imperfect soul, offer pain prayer even for souls excelling.  Yes, pain prayer is praise prayer at another level of love and understanding Jesus' pain prayer in all He bore for the salvation of all our souls.

"If our prayer is resolutely united with that of Jesus...we obtain all that we ask in His name...."  He wants us united with Him, united with His prayers for us, in being in Him, remaining in His Real Presence.  Prayer for deeper conversions of our body, mind, heart, and soul brings us to union; He answers our prayer for all that we ask in His name.  He will never fail to answer our prayer of deeper conversion, bringing us into Divine Union in His Real Presence.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  What a blessed assurance: Jesus prays for us!  Right now He is ceaselessly interceding for us with the Father.  Thank You, Most Holy Trinity:  Father, Son, and Holy Spirit!

Catholic Hermit: Priest Mentions Deeper Conversions

Finally, this morning I was able (although fatigued by leg pain and awake in wee hours) to have no other obligations such as doctor appointments and went to MASS!

For a bit, I thought perhaps the mystical state during Mass was going to lift, to go away!  I remembered the priest telling me that Teresa of Avila had hers until close to her earthly passing.  That is encouraging!  Of course, these mystical phenomenon do not outlast us; or rather, based on our spiritual progression on earth, we can continue to progress on the other side where all is rather mystical compared to our usually temporal time on earth.

I've been blessed to have someone make contact who is also a Catholic hermit, privately professed, who also has a plethora of mystical experiences in her life.  She has asked some good questions, such as are all hermits also "intuitive"--I think her way of saying "mystic" although I'll try to remember to ask for clarification.  My answer seemed to be as she figured.  No, not all hermits are intuitives or mystics, if that is what she means.  

Yet, depending on the degree of solitude of silence, and the hermit's not needing to much interact with the usual and often good "distractions" of the temporal life, silence of solitude alone can help in listening, in observing, in noticing the nuances if we spend time with the Lord in prayer.   And that is, especially growing into contemplation from meditation or mental prayer, and that from verbal.  However, a hermit (and any Christian) ought to pray in all forms depending upon degree of prayer progression. 

Even the one who has reached the unitive way, would still pray verbally--such as in liturgy or in verbal aspirations.  Just because one has moved from the purgative through the illuminative and into the unitive way, does not mean it is a pass-through one-and-done ascent.  No, it is maybe more like neon flowing through a circle-eight tube, an infinity figure three-dimensional or even four--and all is interflowing.  So we are not exclusively and determinately always--fully--in one level or phase.  They flow and co-mingle as God wills or as we need.

Regardless, I consider this fellow Catholic hermit to be a gift.  I remain anonymous in a means to actually be more open.  Yet it is a hiddenness that the Lord has asked of me; and this window to the world allows for anonymity of name and place which is marvelous, for one can also be genuine and real to readers or viewers.  Praise His Real Presence!

I was so excited that in an opening comment by the priest this morning, prior to his prayer, he asked all present at the Mass to ask the Lord for deeper conversions!  It made me want to share with him next time I might have a quick chance, to tell him about the insight the Lord reminded me of, of the Virgin Mary's vital role in our deeper conversions to her Son, Jesus Christ!  She is the catalytic converter!  

But that is another area of sharing, and now, also, I am excited about a book I'm reading by the late Archbishop Luis M. Martinez of Mexico.  (He was spiritual director of a mystic and I believe, stigmatic; when I write more of what I read, I will have the exact details of the mystic, as I have her book yet to unpack.)

The book is titled, The Sanctifier.  Topic, the Holy Spirit, and in the very first chapter the late Archbishop explains the importance and relationship of the Holy Spirit and Mary in their roles as well as in our being devoted to each--of which devotion to the Holy Spirit, he notes, is sometimes less emphasized as an actual and needful "devotion."  I'm into this book with joyous thirst--and that a direct answer to my prayer for deeper conversions for myself.

I also today was prompted within to the Scripture from Deuteronomy:  "'Vengeance is mine,' saith the Lord."  From that, I was directed to Romans 12:19:  "Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,' says the Lord." 

Why these from the Living Word?  I was notified that someone has yet again crossed the line in writing online--broken two penal codes in that person's state.  I don't even read that person's writing; not something I'm interested in.  But now and then I find out that there has been hermit wrong doing. 

Again, I do not mind if that person wants to disagree with what I write or even with the facts I present, which I cite from what the Church has written (rather black and white) and augmented by research, and then offered to readers by my valid, rightful considerations.  But for this person, also a Catholic hermit, to do so with intent of detracting, to do so in slander, as well as in revealing my identity, not only is against the law but reflects poorly on the very type of proclaimed authority the person is trying to project of him/herself to others.

This ugliness not only reflects poorly on the person but also on the person's diocese of whom this person stakes a claim as an approved hermit by church law.  Yet that diocese has not claimed this person, or did not last time I asked them, and furthermore does not seem interested in helping the person to get control of self enough to stop making rather a foolish hypocrisy of Christianity, let alone the hermit vocation.  But aside from that, we hermits are also bound to obey the civil law, the law of the land.  

Pathetically, it is most sad, for the person has certainly been made aware of the very real, criminal wrong in what she has repeatedly engaged, visible online. I thought the message I wrote had gotten through, for the person seemed to self-remediate for three months or so.  I worded the reality in a way only that hermit would know for sure was meant for self.  But I now realize that self-control enough to not break state laws--probably not possible for the person at this point.

So I prayed yet again on any course of action God may want, and mercifully, the Holy Spirit put into my mind the above Scriptures from first Deuteronomy and then Romans.  I think those Scriptures speak for themselves.  I have my answer.  As it was the case before, I will let His Real Presence deal with the person.  All this is part of my on-going praying for deeper conversions!

And in the mean-time and God's-time, I will continue forth with the joyous expectation in all the good out-flowing from the deeper conversion prayers for self and others.

However, recently I learned in temporal time and place, that praying for deeper conversions will also bring out the devil.  This is another topic of which I want to write separately.  There is powerful movement in progression in our spiritual lives when we pray for deeper conversions to Christ. 

But also then, where there is positive progression for our souls, the devil is sure to erupt.  This is true when we are praying for deeper conversions for self and for others; we don't always know what is going on with them, but we must not be surprised when we receive the devil's shrapnel deflected via souls we may have prayed for.

Mercy, always--and don't forget to praise His Real Presence for a sense of humor!  Do not lose that gift of humor!  It is good for body, mind, heart and spirit, and the devil is deflated with our sense of humor solidly intact!  Humor helps us gently return our hearts to the Heart of Christ where He abides in us and us in Him.

Heading outside, heat subsiding as dusk nears.  I rise, still with legs not doing so well, but surgery may be not optimum per second opinion surgeon's thoughts that surgery could leave me in worse pain/condition than this.  Hard for me to know, of course, but I do know His Real Presence is looking out for me.  God provides.  All I have to do is simply keep going in love, humble prayerfulness, in faith, striving to follow Christ.  And when I fall, pick myself up even if cannot always do so physically--but always can do all such pick-me-ups with the inner senses.  Then continue on no matter what obstacles God wills for my good, or shrapnel from the evil one that may fly my way.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Mary, help bring us to deeper conversion; God speed us to your Son!

Catholic Hermit: Deeper Conversions, Surrender, Increasing Blind Faith

I began the morning noticing and reading this excerpt from Catechism of the Catholic Church:

2712 Contemplative prayer is the prayer of the child of God, of the forgiven sinner who agrees to welcome the love by which he is loved and who wants to respond to it by loving even more.  But he knows that the love he is returning is poured out by the Spirit in his heart, for everything is grace from God.  Contemplative prayer is the poor and humble surrender to the loving will of the Father in ever deeper union with His beloved Son.

On a perhaps a more temporal level, yet with the spiritual ideal inherent deeply in my intention and desire, it is that spirit of contemplative prayer with which I love to garden--to plant with love and delight the glorious trees, shrubs, and flowers, herbs and vegetables that God has created.  It is to me like taking the love through flora poured out by the Spirit and returning this love to His Real Presence in a redounding of beauty, peace, and glory of life that grows and gives without taking other but some sunshine, air, water, and nutrients of the earth.

So in this sense, for me gardening is partly contemplative prayer.  Yet there is another deeper aspect of contemplative prayer, of course, that is more purely the receptiveness to God's love, then returning that love by means of the Holy Spirit within us, reflecting and propelling that love to God--while often others are recipients of the glow or afterglow of such love given by God, permeating our beings, and returned to God in a constant flow of exchange like breathing, or like photosynthesis in plants and trees.

Such contemplative prayer is often autonomic in nature; we do not notice it occurring, so natural it is.  Yet in other settings or situations, we sometimes are made aware of what is occurring, what is transpiring that is so incredibly holy and spiritual and supernatural!  Praise God for the knowing and the unknowing of how His love fills us--indwells and binds us to His Real Presence in ways inexplicable other than similarities to what is glorious in our temporal realm yet dims compared to the glory of His love breathing and pulsating in union with God.

That ever deeper union through the "poor and humble surrender to the loving will of the Father" as stated above from The Catechism selection, reminded me of the humility that my late spiritual da was talking to me about last Sunday night--my first time to consciously recognize his voice since his passing from this world on St. Patrick's Day.

Humility is crucially important in our lives both temporally and spiritually.  And within the past day or so, I've come to realize through the answered prayers of deeper conversion, that full surrender is necessary, also.

I have been through a type of nightmare with the medical situation this week--leg giving out, calling in the symptom, being told would have surgery Friday, then not.  Then discovering weak links and misleading information from the young physician's assistant for the osteoporosis dept., and that my bone situation is not at the level that he'd said nor am I high risk of bone fracture--yet not far from that designation.  

But all this has stopped my needed spinal surgery, and then when I discovered he is just recently graduated with his master's degree equivalent, and is routinized in dogged pursuit of a medication that is too costly plus main side effect is what would not be good for my situation--well, more frustration.  He is referred to as "Doctor S" when he is not at all a doctor.  Dishonesty does not help my lack of confidence in his ability to manage my bone health.  And still no medications to help.

Then I found out that one of the surgeon's physician assistants is the one who basically decides if and when I will have surgery, based upon her recommendation to the surgeon for his final say.  He is unlikely to do surgery if his PA says we must wait the results of yet another test I was asked to do which will eat up another week.

At least my pain doctor has told me what will happen and could at any time:  loss of leg mobility that does not return (as did my left leg regain feeling after a day of rest a few days ago), and loss of continence.  I will be wheel-chair bound, but he assured me there are reclining wheelchairs but I'll still have pain--going up the spine and will have the constant headaches from the spinal fluid leak years ago.

All that does not help when I thought the surgeon's nurse was going to ask the surgeon upon his return on Friday, if it is true that my bones are such that surgery will NOT be successful.  (This is what his PA told me on Tuesday, which was not what the surgeon had told me two weeks ago when he said he'd do the surgery this past week but wanted me to at least be in process in the osteo clinic.)

The nurse did not ask the surgeon, but said that the PA will be reviewing "Dr. S'" (not a doctor, a very young and inexperienced PA) notes based on whatever results from this additional test done of which I already know that if positive result, an oral med will handle it, but most likely will not be as he is curious it might be.  Certain people in various demographics and age range, gender, develop weaker bones--and that includes people with intractable spine pain who increasingly cannot be active to build bone the natural way.

More than frustrating!  At least I took action yesterday and got the doctor I saw last fall who referred me to pain doctor, to give a referral to a group of three MD's with advanced post-doctoral and post medical degree training, such as at Cleveland Clinic, in bone health and have some "miles on their engines" in experience.  Of course, my taking this action may bother the surgeon's PA, as it might be construed as a non-cooperative patient.  No, I just know when I am not getting helpful care, and my surgery is being held up by the young man who does not have a doctorate.

In the meantime, I've tried to be up and doing some bits of gardening which is slow and difficult--and kind of discouraging given how I can tell how much I've declined even in the last month.  Yet, in the praying and wondering about how strange all the delay is, and in wondering how it can be that two PA's basically have my surgery held hostage, I considered praying again for deeper conversion of my mind, heart, and spirit, to draw closer to Christ, to His Real Presence:  Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

It was then that I could more perceive another view of this matter.  Perhaps the surgery is not being held back so much by two PA's but by God.  Perhaps for some reason, the effects of the surgery which is going to be a challenge for the surgeon in one part of it even if the stenosis part alone would not be as tricky, the outcome would be worse than if I became a paraplegic from lumbar spine down.

Also, a pre-cancerous skin spot on face was "zapped" with that freezing blast of whatever it is dermatologists use for such procedures.  This was three weeks ago.  But something was not right with part of the zapped larger area not healing correctly.  I finally had the time and not in a pain siege or dealing with the numb leg and PA's, to get back to the dermatologist who said a cancer has formed, he's pretty sure.  So he did a biopsy then and there.

Once the results back early this next week, he said he will discuss what procedure necessary.  He just about did not do the biopsy for concern of infection causing the neurosurgeon to not do my spine surgery!  I told him not to worry, I'd all but given up that I will ever have the surgery but will lose mobility first!

Then when in closer to Christ, the Holy Spirit, and God the Father, the reality of this came, that God knows all--past, present, and future.  The skin cancer that came up so suddenly would possibly get out of hand requiring more extensive correction if put off.  That process seems to be flowing as it should, whereas the spine surgery is delayed even though I was still on surgery roster for yesterday.

I ended up praying and offering a full surrender to the will of God last night, although it is not easy to consider that God may find paralysis better than the results of spine surgery.  The spine surgery could perhaps mean even more pain than what is already which has truncated my ability to function as well as to focus much on spiritual reading of depth, or to be marginally active, or even to be able to sit through Mass this evening.

I'd stood in line for confession rather than sit and cause that added pain from sitting; and my left leg started to go numb again by the time I got into confession.  The priest had suggested I ask the Lord what is my mission to fulfill, specifically, and to do that during Mass--as it is of on-going concern to me that I am not fulfilling my mission of which could be suffering (well) but also writing and sharing more, of which how much more, and in what venue or genre?

The priest realized my pain predicament and said God knows I'm doing the best I can.  I will see what the morning brings with pain, but it seems most prudent to hope for Monday morning Mass which will be half as long as a weekend Mass.  Less sitting, less pain, and I won't be going into it with a numb left leg of which I had no idea if it would ease up, or not, during or after Mass.

As to what all this has to do with being a consecrated Catholic hermit (privately professed as most of you readers know and understand the difference between canonically approved and privately professed, traditional hermits--both in the consecrated life of the Church but with the canonical type essentially a recent option compared to centuries' worth of privately professed as the only type of hermits until the 20th century).

Well, as I told the priest, ever since pain siege before last and I had the insight of the power and efficacy of praying for deeper conversions for self and all others, there has been much movement in my life--spiritual and otherwise.  (They are connected, after all.)  So my life as a hermit has also become busy with medical appointments--including the ophthalmologist to check on the glaucoma in the eyes.  Then there is, or was, the kind of "death watch" of when my legs will give out and stay out, or when I will lose continence fully.

My hermit life now, my daily life of silence of solitude, has been infiltrated--has been attacked it seems to me--by intrusions of the type that I must go out and insert myself into the world of people "doctoring."  So it is, that I have tried to witness when with others in either a silent but visible way, or in kindnesses to employees and medical staff, or if it is in feeling the Holy Spirit to nudge me to share even my death experience in 1987.

However, I had lost my kindliness in part, with the surgeon's staff, in trying to advocate for truth in the facts that were being twisted some, and in the facts about various medications that I should not have to be telling physician assistants what they are for or what are their side effects that would oppose the very concern that now the young osteo PA is chasing after with the latest test.

I did apologize, though, in phone voicemails and then when one did call for another reason, I apologized directly for snapping and being rude or insulting. 

Yes, the priest is right, that I am doing my best--but for not doing my best in stopping the "easy" distractions of listening to this or that through my little window to the world in this laptop.  At least I've begun listening to and watching such as the movie now, of St. John Bosco available through most USA parishes with downloading "formed.org".

I'm still like a cat on an electric fence with pain, and my clickity-clacking of typing so many letters that make words, is evidence of that.  I'll stop!  Such are the challenges in my hermit vocation of this present moment, of one health upheaval and responsibility after another, all of which I must fully surrender to the will and judgment of His Real Presence.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: Joy of Praying for Deeper Conversions

My parousia or whatever--powerful insight given--on praying for deeper conversions to Christ has been bearing much fruit in my life.  I hope it is, also, in the lives of those for whom I pray for conversion to Christ and for deeper conversions to Christ--in Christ Jesus!  

Again, this is a prayer that God will always answer.  He will answer our prayers for deeper conversions to Christ because that is what God wants of us, what Jesus asks, what the Holy Spirit desires...and what the Virgin Mary helps to facilitate for all of us children of God.

Another aspect struck me the other night after M, my high school helper who has kindly come now thrice to help me spot trees, dig some holes, grind stumps and chainsaw out shrubs, and plant some trees.  He and I have planted thus far, three trees.  M is to return today.  But what struck me after he left on Monday, is what a joy it is for me to pray for deeper conversion in Christ for him.  

I became quite excited and joyous thinking of how this prayer will be answered by God, without any doubt about it.  Yes, God will do so in His "time" and way, not mine.  I likely will not know the outcome.  But yet it will happen; M will find himself drawing closer and closer to  Christ.

M had asked me some questions about my life, my activities, and even what led me to become a Catholic--now nearly 24 years ago.  But regarding questions on my daily activities and contacts, going to church, involvements with people--I finally explained rather than darting around his questions, that I am a consecrated Catholic hermit.  

I explained I'm privately professed over 18 years ago after 15 months of discernment and proficiency and novitiate through a start-up community of hermits dotted around the globe, but now defunct.  I was not in it long--just under 12 months, but it was beneficial on many levels.

M has asked many excellent questions regarding hermit life, plus other aspects of faith and church.  He wanted me to tell him about my conversion to Catholicism, but I said it is a long story with many details that I'd want to concentrate one--and realized I do need to share that story more anonymously, such as in writing or speaking.  The graces God has for us when we convert to His Holy Church, or really, in any deeper conversion to and in Christ, deserves our gratitude, respect, and focus if sharing.

M and I needed to also focus on the here and now of digging holes, mixing peat, manure, a vermiculate type additive, and now gypsum since I located it at Lowe's.  Glory be to God for the beauty and delight of His created trees of all types, flowers, plants--so many I doubt any of us could really fathom the varieties of cultivars and flora species.

But my excitement continues in praying for deeper conversion for souls all over the world and in purgatory.  It is a deep and true joy to know I'm praying for what His Real Presents wants and also what His mother, the Virgin Mary helps bring about.

In fact, just again, during my rest break from planting two smaller trees (had to power saw through some fat roots in the way and break through too-heavy of weed barrier that should never be used!), I was reminded, seriously reminded, yet again of the mission of Mary in our lives, and her loving grace of mercy and of leading us to Jesus.  To Jesus through Mary--Mary helps connect us, she is a true conduit in bringing about our conversions and deeper conversions.

I became quite thrilled with the reminder, as--mercy on me!--I've really been slipshod for some time, or so it seems in my estimation and self-examin of conscience.  M had offered to teach me how to change oil in my truck (Precious Blood), as he said it would help save money and be better quality oil that would help the engine run longer.

I wanted to tell M about how when early on as a Catholic convert, I'd been asking the Lord just what is the purpose or function  or position of Mary?  Immediately I got the response:  She is the catalytic converter.  Seemed strange, but since I did not know what is a catalytic converter but thought it "rang a bell" as to having to do with a vehicle, I did ask my then car mechanic.  He explained some of it.

Made perfect sense.  But I'm going to ask M to explain in his words and viewpoint, as I recall a catalytic converter is necessary for the best and perfect functioning of an engine--something to do with necessary oxygen exchange or such.  I'll share what M says; many of you readers already know what is a catalytic converter, in easy-to-understand terms.

I'm going to reconsecrate myself to Mary.  I must!  Even if I may not have much time left in this phase of life, and the temporal tasks are mounting with little time left before the surgeon appointment tomorrow, I know for certain in various tangible and spiritual ways--too many to recount here--that my prayer for my own self to have deeper conversions to and in Christ is being answered bountifully!

I know that my praying for my cousin and her family for deeper conversions is being answered--even if bringing them to yet another most difficult cross to bear--for her to bear another life-threatening surgery through which she has come through.  Yet her life will be further temporally challenged by more disability of mobility and organ function.  Suffering is always a means of encouraging us to deeper conversion in Christ!  Lord, to Whom shall we go?  Jesus holds the Words--Is the Word--to eternal life!

This morning, a young man named Ethan came to mark where the telephone lines are hidden under ground.  I had not even considered these lines because I've not had a landline phone for 15 years.  But sure enough, the previous owners, now 90 and 92, had landline phones.  I felt the encounter with Ethan something other--so we talked a bit.  I ended up sharing with him my death experience, of all things!  He was delighted with the love, joy, and hope we have and how dying is easy and filled with indescribable grace.

After he left, I wondered why that all came up and out, and I realized the Holy Spirit knows, the Holy Spirit sparks us, gives us impetus to witness.  How should I know what good it might do Ethan?  We don't know our day nor our hour to depart this life or when others will depart this life.  Someone being told--and he was aptly listening, appreciating, interested--how it is to die and the joy of knowing how real is God!--that can make a difference in our lives when it comes our turn, or how we react to and handle and help those around us if it is their time.  Reassuring and hopeful!

The surgeon's office just called with reminder of 1 p.m. appt. tomorrow.  The Lord is kind and merciful, overflowing with kindness and love!  The Blessed Mother, my late parents, my late spiritual father and who knows who all else has been praying and assisting me to keep a goin' this week.  I've not had to go to ER and have surgery by one of this surgeon's colleagues, although of course I would have had I lost mobility or the other warnings the surgeon PA gave me a week ago now.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: Lost Is Found

It is so strange, but having lost something precious of the tangible, and having detached so fully, the item is found.

In the interim of having lost it, a text for prayer came late that night.  A close relative, quite precious, was being prepared for a serious, sudden surgery in the middle of the night a long distance away.  In the early morning hours here, a call came; the person had made it through but in ICU and facing another surgery, abdomen left open, if makes it through next 24 hours.

More praying for greater conversions.  This is a person who just the week prior had been instrumental, in a way, in helping me see the importance of praying for deeper conversions to Christ, repeated conversions, cooperating with the conversions, bringing us closer and closer to Christ.  This involves our striving in that deeper conversion to seek, act, find Him in His Word, in sacred worship, in prayer and praise.

Amidst more phone calls regarding the medical crisis, the person's elderly mother being one call, it seemed as if I might not make it in time for Mass.  Yet with my own praying for deeper conversion for myself, and in desiring to be in Mass and to pray for the person so critically ill, I decided to quickly dress and drive.  If I did not make it in time for start of Mass, I would pray outside.  But it seemed best to push my own pained body and try.

It seemed it would be chilly out in early morning, so I noticed a pullover on a hangar farther back on closet rod.  All this "stuff" had been packed away for six years and just recently unpacked.  I decided to grab that sweater, and when I did, something on the hanger brushed my hand.

It was my lost and preciously tangible yet spiritual lost item!  I still have no recall as to how it got there.  But there it was, and I kissed it and placed it around me neck, thanked the Lord, and headed to Mass, making it just in time before opening prayers.

I have no idea if the Holy Spirit put that item on that hangar.  I usually hang the item at night on the first two or three hangars; the sweater was hanging half or farther back on the long, lower closet rod.  Could it be that in my increasing manner of mind being far from increasingly pained body, that I somehow, after all, had brought it inside and put it there?

I simply have no recollection at all.  But had I not pursued trying to get to Mass, had I not somehow noticed that sweater and decided to quickly put it  on, that precious item would have not been discovered for perhaps another year as the weather warms daily now.

Regardless, what was lost is found.  Now more than ever, the item is a reminder of what it represents in the heavenly, eternal sense.  It represents the prayer for deeper conversions, for it is the sign and reminder of not only my hermit vocation, but of the Holy Spirit, of the crucified and resurrected Lord, of those now on the other side who have been instrumental in my earthly life and who all the more, though, are instrumental from their being in heaven.

I am also trying to be more present, as well, and have an appointment with the surgeon's PA (physician's assistant) as she wants to check for leg weakness in the on-going problem with the spinal cord increasingly being squeezed off in lumbar section of my back.  I'm being pro-active in cues the mind is more leaving the bodily pain for longer stretches of time.  Pain is quite powerful in its effects.

Meanwhile, the precious family member has made it through another surgery, hopefully the last in this health episode.  The full intestines had to be removed.  The person is heavily sedated and will be in ICU for awhile.  Sepsis is so dangerous, but thankfully no other organs were affected. Praise God.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: Deeper Conversions

Of course, this extended period of physical suffering includes--and perhaps has predominant impetus in--deeper spiritual conversions.

These periods of immense suffering include the accompanying storms and darkness.  The body, mind, heart, and soul are put through the grinder, so to speak.  Or, to stick with weather metaphor--all aspects of body, mind, heart, and soul are buffeted by howling winds, pounded by torrential rains, drought-ridden by desert dryness, immobilized and frozen in icy avalanches.

This period of time here, for my body, mind, heart, and soul--seems as if not weathering this storm.  Yet, it most certainly must be or I'd not be writing about it.

Last evening, when realizing I have no means to do manual labor, and at a deeper sense no work to be done in any active or acceptable, tangible, capacity in the temporal Catholic Church--and facing the unknowing of when or if the body would be "doing" much again, at all--an email came.  It is one that I have received the past three years, asking for some St. Bernard Love of God Bourbon Balls.

I realized the Lord was reaching in, saying, "You can do this.  I will let you be able to make these over which you pray and pour love into the efforts."  

Making these small and simple confections are usually without obstacles--nothing like other work efforts or interactions with the temporal world that become marathons of perseverance and endurance.  Other than if the printer is ornery if more labels are needed, the process is something that my body can manage if I make them in phases.  It is so very painful for me to stand in one spot for more than five minutes or even less.  And that is the case even when the back pain is at more manageable levels.

There is nothing else in my life right now that I can actually "do" and have satisfactory completion.  I am still persevering with kitchen and bathroom cabinets, so those rooms cannot be finished until there is resolution with the store and cabinet company representative.  There is nothing else--no other area of life that can be engaged to complete something.

Even all the garden harvest that I processed and froze is ruined.  Somehow, the cord came loose from the outlet when a couple weeks ago--surely must have been then--I struggled with each awkward and heavy bathroom base cabinet, having to get them in from the pole barn to the house.  Yesterday, when I finally was able to walk the short distance to the pole barn, needing a container of frozen food, I discovered all in the freezers had long-since thawed.  There is no meat involved, but the hermit's winter and spring food supply is all but gone.

Can't even empty it out--body not able.

As for what is going on spiritually in this deeper conversion, I've written it to Fr. V. in Nigeria and to a long-time friend, not Catholic, but who reads without comment, and prays.  Fr. V. is unlikely to respond with comment other than to remind to pray and remain in Christ's love.  Yet, it serves a purpose to express the depths of thoughts, insights, and conclusions when the storms are ravaging the outer and inner earth of our beings.

I am considering on a deeper level such great and successfully spiritual souls as Bruno the Carthusian, John of the Cross, and Joseph Benedict LeBre.  Their times of deeper conversions give great insight into those called to a different type of temporal life, a deeper call to live in the spiritual realm while their bodies existed in the temporal world.  Even with John of the Cross, his mind, heart, and soul went to another "place" although living amidst his fellow Carmelite religious brothers.  

He wrote his great insights and poetry more toward the beginning of his adult life as a consecrated religious and priest.  In the very few years between his imprisonment and torture by his fellow priests and monks and his final years of persecution again by his fellow religious, John had brief cohesion of active life utilization of his body, mind, heart, and spirit as spiritual director to Teresa of Avila's religious sisters in the several foundations she made of reformed Carmelites.

Bruno had more temporal Catholic world utilization at the beginning of his priesthood but extending some years when he was priest and professor in Cologne, Germany.  His departure from the temporal Catholic world was a decisive separation although previously had been an agreed-upon goal between himself and five or six friends--some of them priests.  They had resolved to leave that world and seek union in God without the temporal distractions and the laws of minds that can cause all kinds of obstacles to the "climb up the holy mountain.".  

And leave they did, and up the highest mountain they could find in the farthest reaches of the French Alps. Bruno was only called back to the temporal Catholic world once after that, by a pope.  He assisted for a short time although the pope wanted him to remain longer in his service.  But Bruno left for another foundation of similarly-minded men (again, some of them priests and others not) that later became also a monastery known as part of the Carthusian order.  Bruno died there.  

He did not formally "found" the order himself.  No, he simply (but I am sure with many dyings to self along the way) lived the ideals and in the way he thought was most helpful in climbing the holy mountain, to live spiritually the Christian ideal for achieving Divine Union and living the law of God.  He did not write down any laws of mind; he lived in whatever way he sensed could be successful in the repeated deeper conversions which would reach the spiritual summit.

Joseph Benedict LeBre sought entrance to numerous religious orders.  He was allowed entrance into several, often with much reservation on the parts of abbots and priors.  He never lasted long; they were concerned about what they perceived as his potential to be ill, and a couple superiors sent him on his way due to his becoming ill.  In other monastic attempts, he was considered to be at cross-ends with the goals and efforts of the monks themselves. Joseph's focused and desirous seeking of the spiritual realm and of God did not fit in.  Out he went.

Joseph had his mind, heart, and soul set on the spiritual heights.  Yes, he was crushed repeatedly when sent away from the various religious houses.  But that led him to a time of deeper conversion in which he realized he was called to live the life of a "pilgrim."  He determined to follow Jesus directly, without the ways and means or laws of minds involved in religious orders or other designated vocations.  He wandered for a couple of years or so in France before sensing within a strong calling to walk to Rome.  

Joseph LeBre wandered, walked, lived, and prayed as Jesus did in His life ministry.  He never encountered his family again.  Even in Rome, he lived as a pilgrim--not taking upon himself label of hermit or religious solitary or anything other vocational title.  Today he would be likened to a hobo or a homeless person; in Rome, those who noticed him at first considered him a filthy vagrant.  He died in the odor of sanctity, on a street, although a priest convinced him to live in his rectory for awhile, living there along with a few other homeless men the priest took in--worn out and ill from their ages, poverty, and harsh living conditions.

These three examples, have roosted in my mind this past day, as they have off and on for several years.  As such, these three souls (on earth known as saintly men) assist me in the deeper conversion occurring.  Such conversions are unlikely to provide much progress or success if the body is not incapacitated from all activity and distractions.  Thus, while difficult to be rid of current temporal distractions due to the pain and the mind's concerns about how will the work progress in this hermitage, how will I be able to do the heavier work once the family leaves the area--a prolonged, incapacitating pain siege allows for that self-concern mindset to pass.

Then the eye of the storm occurs in which the temporal worries and questions and thoughts of even past persecutions or whatever else, are stilled and silenced.  That is when His Real Presence shines the light on the deeper conversion and upon the decisions and acceptances that are to be made if one is willing.  If not, there will be yet more storms and then eyes of the storms with their opportunities for deeper conversions.

The three men have been in the beam of Christ's light in this day of the eye of this storm.  Even though the body could get up and move about a bit more, the pain is enough to remand: lay low, be still.  And, there is now the recognition of the storm's purpose, the pain siege's "inner eye."  The mind and heart want to pursue the deepening and to be given, in the soul's "eye," the insights and courage required to venture forth and through the other side of this storm.

These three men's life examples of following Jesus in His life and teachings and in the law of God, are with me as companions--as storm chasers, I guess we could say.  We don't need to fall victim to storms but rather to see them as they are--natural events brought and allowed by God--and to enter into them knowing that in the storm's eye are the deeper conversions of greater Christ-clarity, of spiritual progression, and hold the graces we carry with us when we pass through them.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love God above all things and love one another as ourselves!