Catholic Hermit: Good Reminder from Jesus

The physical body is struggling with pain--sprained ankle a couple weeks ago, better, now worse again.  One must persevere, must keep going.  Am tiling the upstairs' bathroom shower which is in part under a slanted ceiling.  I have two boxes of large subway tile remaining and will use all, then figure how much more will be required to complete the task.

A lad has been helping with some work.  He is younger brother of lad who helped three summers ago.  The first two or three days went well, but work ennui has set in.  I'm struggling to find tasks that he will enjoy and thus do a good job at it.  At this point of finishing up the hermitage, readying it for selling, the tasks that someone other can do involve yard work.  If I were not concerned with my dwindling finances, I could consider the boy's help as more an outreach on my part.  

But I do want to instill a work ethic, and I mentioned the other day when he obviously was unwilling to help me with getting dirt off weeds and tossing them in the wheelbarrow, that in future, he'd not likely find employers who will find other tasks that he might "enjoy."  We switched to another task that I thought he might like better, but I think he was plainly and simply tired.

In trying to demonstrate omnia pro Deo (all for God) as a point of work focus, or even to offer the work as intention for his dad who has been battling with gnarly cancer, I realize that persevering is not easy, and keeping focus all for God is not easy to embrace and live out in our lives.

In today's Gospel reading for Mass, I consider a linkage to the above, temporal "chatter" about persevering and trying to live our lives for Christ even in the most dull and tedious of earthly tasks.  It can be a matter of shifting the thought, such as I mentioned how I learned to love weeding by telling myself that I love it, by considering each weed as a sin I was removing by the roots and shaking off the good soil to continue on nourishing the earth and the virtues needing good soil to grow.  Also, weeding is excellent exercise--bending, stretching, pulling with hands in the warm soil and lungs breathing in the fresh air.  And, of course, there is the matter of ora et labora: pray and work!  Weeding is particularly meditative--even a doorway into contemplative prayer.

Jesus reminds us (John 15:26-16:4) that when and as we follow Him and remain in His love, and as He sends the Holy Spirit to fill us and teach us all truth, Who testifies as to Jesus being the Son of God--we, too, then will testify to Jesus, in truth.

And our living in Christ and testifying as to Who Christ Is--we will then be tested and tried.  Even those who think they are worshipping--genuinely believe they are in the right--will persecute followers of Christ, those who testify not only with words but in action, in spirit and truth and light.

We must persevere!  The devil will try to infiltrate and oppose even something as simple and small as trying to live omnia pro Deo, of pulling out weeds and whacking the soil from the roots, dumping the weeds on a burn pile.  It is the opposition to our hearts being in Christ that is the trigger point for evil to try to dissuade, interrupt, persecute, stop our progress of prayer and testifying in word and deed that Jesus is the Christ, the Messiah, our Savior!

Darkness does not like the light.

Jesus reminds us to not be surprised nor dismayed when the time comes (and it can occur repeatedly in various ways in our daily lives) that others will either attack in a sense of righteousness or indignation, or disbelief, or might fall away failing to grasp the power of our testifying as to Christ's truth in small and simple ways in our daily efforts.  

We must persevere!  We believe in Jesus Christ, and we follow Him.  We must not fall away but rather keep going, simply keep going.  Think on that which is above, remain in His love, use our body, heart, mind, and spirit to worship and adore Jesus in every breath and movement.  Remain in His love and take heart, be encouraged.  

Of course, a young lad might not yet grasp the significance of such perseverance and the depth of spiritual life involved in simple chores.  Thinking of how much money to be gained is a natural temptation, and the delight of a new job and being paid can wear off rather quickly--especially when the spiritual is not the basis of whatever we do.

Yet those who do grasp at whatever age (and I've had some young persons grasp, early on) that in some of the simplest or also hidden efforts we can be testifying to Christ in goodness and truth--are blessed in the process.  Others may scorn or worse.  We should persevere in testifying, all the same.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Remain in His Love!  Allow the indwelling of the Holy Spirit to inspire us to exude His truth and life in all we are and can be and do!

Catholic Mystic Hermit: Wisdom Vindicated by Her Works

The following Gospel selection from Matthew 11:16-19 was a Mass reading from a week or so ago.  It caught my attention due to the great observation of humankind that Jesus was explaining to us people.  I particularly focused upon the line, "But wisdom is vindicated by her works."

"Jesus said to the crowds:
'To what shall I compare this generation?
It is like children who sit in marketplaces and call to one another,
"We played the flute for you, but you did not dance,
we sang a dirge but you did not mourn."
For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they said,
"He is possessed by a demon."
The Son of Man came eating and drinking and they said,
"Look, he is a glutton and a drunkard,
a friend of tax collectors and sinners."
But wisdom is vindicated by her works."

I had not written comments about this Gospel selection, and I'm glad I did not previously.  As God would have it, the message is personally more meaningful now and would not have been a week ago.  

The other day I finally made phone contact with the parish administrator who'd left the message that a couple was willing to bring me Communion.  I had responded a few days prior that it would be fine or such, and how good of them.  Yet, there was no communication as to where and when--no confirmation that my message was received.  Thus, I called and inquired.  The parish administrator said the contact information had been given to the couple the day prior.

She also said she told them a bit about me, as they wanted to know the situation.  (I assume this would be a quite valid question for someone going to the effort of taking communion to another.)  Well, the parish administrator said she kind of mentioned that I was the one at a certain weekend Mass who looked as if was asleep but instead was in some kind of ecstasy or whatever.

Okay.  So then the parish administrator said probably the couple had noticed me before, and I thought that all right, for yes, I am not going to lie nor shrink from the truth.  However, the parish administrator worded it in a way that sounded quite wary; and I even understand that for further into the conversation it became obvious how wary the woman is of this pained, consecrated, Catholic hermit...and yes, mystic.

There were other details shared, such as I live in a place that is "raw", but that I have done a beautiful effort on gardens.  So the couple was given the information to follow through as they wished and given a key to the Tabernacle so they could get a Host when they wished.  Fine.  

So then I mentioned the need I had of getting six sheets of drywall into the house and to second floor, and would her sons be willing to help--take about ten minutes but another ten or so for their travel, and I would pay, of course.  I mentioned the neighbor had come a bit indignant over thinking I had asked his son to "solicit" a friend to help him help me with the pieces of drywall.

The parish administrator listened and thought that not so nice, the neighbor reacting that way, but she immediately then breathlessly bulleted the different places the eldest son would be playing games with the basketball team....  Yes, yes, I recognized the names of the burgs, and then she said he could not--going to be playing basketball games.  

I stopped her from shooting out more names of burgs and various high schools, and changed the topic to the marvelous thought about the word soliciting being quite defining of part of our prayer process.  We do tend to ask for our needs to be met and sometimes with anxious desire, with intensity, and beg and plead at times, as well.  

Then I mentioned in my middle-of-night thoughts about the neighbor and how on earth I'd get the drywall inside and upstairs, a voice asked me with pointed clarity, "Are you praising God?"  And that I'd responded immediately, "No, Lord, I am not and have not been, but will try even if my praises seem wooden to You."

So I shared what I've already shared with you readers, that it came to me that praise does not at all include the facet of soliciting, of asking for our needs to be met, but rather is communicating with God by giving Him sole glory!  

(I love that point--insight or whatever--lesson--and have been doing more praising than I have in a long time if ever--and yes, some quite wooden and forced but other praising from the heart!  Also, I have marveled that in CL603 for the eremitic life, it specifically mentions both to pray and praise (and do penance) as a hermit's foci.  I add these automatically to my following of the institutes for hermit in the Consecrated Life of the Church.  I'd not considered the unique distinctions although not all that profound or difficult.  I simply had not!)

Well, the parish administrator commented or agreed or whatever with how we tend not to praise God that much, but the conversation turned to other aspects as I had said I was impressed that she even remembered that I had asked for Communion.  (This would have been six or seven weeks ago, at least; and she and the priest had not shown up that Wednesday, regardless, but I did not mention that, of course.)

She said, "Oh, I did not remember at all; it was the priest that remembered, for when he found out the couple lived not too far, he mentioned maybe they'd take communion to you...."  Well, this was indeed kind of strange, and I said as much, for he had not ever responded to my calls when I was in a spiritual crisis and also needed my hermitage blessed per my distant spiritual director's insistence that the priest should come do that.  Demonic assaults and not-good things happening in here.

Yes, I found it strange.  The whole thing was becoming yet more bizarre with a couple other things mentioned; and I also found myself losing whatever S of serenity from my Hermit platform of Nine S' that was in or remotely near me.  My bit of serenity was dissipating and my Catholic Parish PTSD pouring in and threatening to drown out what motivation I'd had that morning to finish drywall mudding the little laundry area closet....

Well, so be it.  I said that I'll await the couple's call to tell me when they might be coming.  And I said that we would see where it all ends up, for the parish administrator had in other bits of comments shown tell-tale signs of wariness, doubt, judging and so forth.  I repeated as I'd done the several weeks ago, that I am not wanting to be an occasion of sin for others who  might judge, or be wary, or resent coming, and then have it end up another negation.  So we would just let the Lord handle it, yes.

Of course, the serenity did not return much for of course I was fed up with the blather about the son's basketball games, for he certainly wasn't playing 24 hours per day, seven days a week.  And I recalled I had paid him far more than a just hourly, at his mother's insistence, the summer before last, and had to use all patience to keep him focused and motivated as he'd never worked before, I don't think.  

Why lie to me?  Why not just say, "We are wary of you, and we'd prefer our son not help you for even 20 minutes."  I would have appreciated candor over blathering such transparent foolishness.  Well, I guess the blathering was the best way of honesty that could be mustered, for people tend to want to think we are nice, and to say what we really feel or think then makes us face we aren't always nice.

So I started to carry the sheets of drywall up to the house, and I tell you, it was not easy.  I "solicited" the help of my dear guardian angel, Beth.  I did so extra much with a piece I managed to even get inside the door and propped up on the slanted ladder, and then when I tried to drag it up the ladder, rung by rung, with me.

But then it slipped, that heavy piece of sheetrock, and my thumb somehow got sliced from the nail of left thumb toward the knuckle, on the top of thumb where not much flesh.  Lots of blood even for that, and lots of pain, and it got down to the bone.  However, while I realized I'd not at all be able to get the sheetrock/drywall up the ladder, I could praise God that I had a flap of flesh to band-aid along with some antibiotic ointment.  (This morning it looks pretty good, too--healing!)

Then I felt discouraged as I knocked on a door up the road where I'd seen men working.  No one answered.  I saw a man down the road in front of his place so walked and waved, and asked him if he could help me carry three sheets of drywall into my house--that I'd pay--of course, if he was up to it and had a few 11minutes.  He was not excited about it as he said he had a plumbing problem.

Oh?  I said I'd be happy to help him with his plumbing problem right then, as I know a bit now about plumbing.  He said it was digging to get to a cracked pipe.  I love to dig, and I dig with experience, and was willing to help him right then and there.  But no, he was not expecting my enthusiasm or help so walked with me and in less than five minutes we had the drywall to the porch.  I'd already managed three pieces to inside and porch, but my cut thumb was a hindrance for more solo work.

But, I had the idea to call Raphael!  He is a man who with workers had helped in the past but also tended not to answer so had not tried since last June.  Lo and Behold!  A miracle: he called back!  Yes, he would send Fransisco and Juanito to get the six pieces of drywall up to second floor.  And they actually showed up, and those six pieces lifted upstairs cost this hermit a very precious $60 to get up there, nearly as much as the cost of the material.  

Yet, I had to praise God they are up there now, as I could not do it, and no one else was living for love nor money to help me.  And I praised God that I happened to have $60 that my daughter had given me to pay for the airline parking lot of which I used my charge card and had the cash.

Regardless all these rather insignificant details, I love Jesus' truism that "Wisdom is vindicated by her works."  No parishioner has called to bring me Communion, and I frankly doubt they will. I am sure they have asked around about the strange person who seemed to be asleep at Mass but is not, and the gossip of parishioners was already like children sitting in the marketplace, calling out to one another.  I knew this gossip for a fact; no need to go into those details.

So we shall see about the works, for I had pointed out to the parish administrator that the situation is thus:  People judge the fruit.  They assume things about others without even speaking to the others.  Then based upon what their perceptions are, they decide that the fruit is surely not good from their perspective or opinion.  Then I am recipient of their judging which has led to their shunning, or their suddenly not being kind, or not speaking, or a priest not returning a call for a needful request (solicitation?) of four months' standing, or their being wary and critical, and not even nice.  

Then I in turn am tempted to judge their fruit by their words, non words, and/or works or non-works; and I don't want to be tempted to judge them or maybe more crucial, to have my serenity cracked or shattered!

And then the whole process becomes a distracting snare, and my works drivel to next to nothing, and my mind works not in loving thoughts but rather in fear and dread of yet more persecution or rejection, and then I end up calling a very holy friend far away, and talk it over, and the thoughts calm some for a bit, and then roil up again later, especially as now the days are passing; and there is no contact from the people who were given the contact information, my location, and more than enough details (perhaps accurate or more likely tainted) and also too much--about me.

It is extremely cold in here--was 51 degrees much of the morning and up to 54,  but I have hibernated on the mattress under covers.  I got up for a short time to sand drywall mud, and if it warms up another day to at least 58 inside, I can prime the laundry closet area! Victory!  So perhaps in a practical sense, then, some painting wisdom can be vindicated by its works.  

Seriously, though, I have had a dream that is a clear message from the Holy Spirit, pointing out the state of my soul as well as my body, and letting me know that the road ahead is going to be rough--but I am in agreement to ride along!  I have staved off the urges to call and leave the message with parish administrator to call off the couple, that the Lord will feed me in His own mystical way, for He certainly is and has off and on for many phases of life.  

The Lord's Wisdom--Wisdom's wisdom!--is certainly vindicated by His Works and Word.  But there is no need, as I figure just let it all pass, the parish stuff, as today I've had even more insights as to the road ahead, rough as it was shown me.  I'm in the vehicle and the way.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Let wisdom be vindicated in her works!  Praise God Most Holy!

Catholic Hermit, More Demonic Interference

Can't write the details now, but there have been an onslaught of demonic assaults, mostly of temporal interference and near disasters.  On the lower range, there a trifling matters like driving into civilization to pick up repaired laptop, only to return to desert exile and have it not repaired.  Had calamities with ceiling issue but worked literally through that.

Was rear ended on way to civilization, shortly after made a call to parish administrator who had not returned call the day prior, saying three people from my past, very holy souls, called out of blue and buoyed me to return to Mass despite the parishioners having turned to coldness, gossip, shunning from one weekend Mass to the next, just like that.  The consensus is that if these Catholics choose to act like pagans and not as Christians, or cannot even try to fake being Christians, that is up to them.  I am not an occasion of sin to them.  They choose it.  I will come to Mass.

I have learned that there is no running from the devil.  We will find out if the priest will still come bless this place and give my suffering body the Sacrament of Anointing of the Sick.  It has been awhile since this great help.  The priest was very agreeable prior to Mass, but quite awkward after.

Rejoice!  My good Catholic friends who each called within 12 hours, and one I'd not spoken with in ten years or so...well, they said hold fast to the Faith.  Do not let the interference hinder.

I recalled what Jesus had told me four years ago, including that I would feel very alone but am to remain strong.  Not easy!  He showed me parishioners, mostly women but some men, and some priests.  He said they would criticize and misjudge me, but I am to pay no attention to them.

But I had let them get to me, from whence I came.  And here, it is tempting to simply not return despite how good is the Mass with a priest who is in his vocation, very solid.  Yes, of course, it is quite understandable that people would take the low road when it comes to anything different to them.  I understand how the devil uses people, also.  Don't ever doubt that reality, dear readers.

In Civilization yesterday, after being rear ended, which did not harm Precious Blood, my used pick up truck, there was next such a near miss of what would have been a horrible accident akin to the one 32 years ago that provided a crucifixion and life of pain.  A huge, black truck pulled around me at a turn, cut in front of me wildly, and I was stunned that by God's grace alone, I was spared.

Then I return to the hermitage thinking my laptop repaired, when not, and got a call from cabinet installer.  He cannot come today and knows not when he can.  Stuff is packed up, boxes stacked, no room to sort through to find now some medication that I thought six weeks ago had plenty.  Then, the kitchen was to be non-functional for a total of five days.

There is more, but of the same type of mishaps and issues with whatever I attempt here, in small ways but chaotic and hindering.  Now, who does that kind of stuff, and why?

The devil is not happy that I am persevering.  I continue the prayers, I will proceed with getting the hermitage blessed, for that will be positive and cleansing at deep levels for the temporal space, the spiritual aspects, and even for this consecrated Catholic hermit living here.  If the parish priest hesitates after he previously was quite pleased to be asked, then there are the hermit priests even if of the other "lung" of the Church, as is said of the Eastern and Western Catholic Church who had their division centuries ago.

The devil was involved in that chaos.  Nothing new with the devil, is there?

I am praying to get my sense of humor revived after the obstacles started to weigh on me.  At least I have meds for the bulk of the physical pain, and although the living conditions are most difficult over time, physically so, there are always so many praise worthy events and thoughts, that one simply turns the tables over on the devil and those who are being used as pawns.

As for the parishioners, it will be interesting to find out how long they choose to do the cold and shunning routine.  Like the little grandson who at times misbehaves as can occur with a young child, his mother tells him it is his choice to behave like that, or to be pleasant and have a good day.  I will do my best to smile and say little pleasantries going and leaving; but I will be worshipping with the Body of Christ, in person, unless my body pain is too much from time to time.

We must never give in to the devil.  We must not run from the devil.  I did that before, and the devil has an amazing way of showing up again.  One must not draw the red line and then change it, move it.  This is spiritual warfare.  Rejoice and be glad!  The Lord is more powerful!  Regardless the near misses yesterday and the hindrances, nothing is insurmountable.  Persevere!  Have fortitude!

  

Catholic Hermit Has a Helper!

This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit has read numerous biographies of Catholic hermits--saints, mystics, male and female--covering the two millennia.  Often, in the details, it is shared that the hermit had a helper.  The helper would provide assistance now and then, or sometimes more as a caretaker, living in an adjoining cell or room.  If a hermit priest, the helper would often assist at Mass as sacristan and altar server, celebrant being the hermit priest.  Often there would be no others present.

It has crossed this hermit's mind now and then, the thought of a hermit helper.  Why did not God provide a helper here--someone sharing the Catholic faith, with a sweet soul, loving God, and desirous of being a helper.  So a few weeks ago the hermit cast the net again toward the local parish, which the hermit does about once a year.  Not expecting a return call from message left on voicemail, a call did come but not from the office manager.  No, it was a woman who was filling in and heard the message and realized the office manager had neglected to respond.  

So the hermit explained to her that it is seeking a young person who might want a little job being a second pair of hands and an additional back to help the hermit with some lifting, carpentry, and whatever other tasks around this hermitage--bounteous tasks!  (Of course, the hermit did not say "hermitage" nor explain any of its circumstances vocationally: not necessary then.)  In the course of conversation, the woman realized she has a son, age 14, just out of middle school and might just enjoy this as a first job, learning some skills and working just 3 hours in the mornings with much leeway if something in his schedule comes up as well as leeway for the hermit due to the pain unpredictability.  The mother said she'd call back in a day or two.

No call, so the hermit figured God was not going to put a fish in the net.  But two weeks later, unexpectedly came the phone call in which the mother said yes, her son would like to try the job.  We made arrangements to meet; that went well so we set a start date.  On the first morning, the mother stayed the full time as she and her husband were being wisely careful, considering they really did not know much about the person their son would be working with.  And it was providential that the mother stayed, as we needed help heaving up a couple of huge sheets of drywall, as well as carrying in several sheets of green board for drywalling a bathroom....

Then the mother recognized the hermit from the first summer the hermit was here and went to Mass a few times before persecutions began and the ecstatic state during Mass was registering within alarm with what was occurring during the Mass at the altar.  Regardless, the mother recognized the hermit as that person who was relegated to the cry room, and seemed as if not aware during Mass--just silent and there.

So the hermit said it would lay out the situation, as we may as well get it over with, and then the parents could decide if they still wanted their son to be the helper here.  And at that point, the hermit explained its vocation and a few aspects of mystic existence.  Perhaps since we'd been working together for a couple or more hours when the recognition occurred, there was a sense of assurance and a rapport developed even in that short time.  The mother asked questions, and she felt fine about her son returning.  

The hermit and helper worked at various tasks.  Soon the hermit was realizing that the hourly pay and what ever we accomplished (albeit slowly as the lad had no experience and the hermit only what it had learned through study, youtube videos, and observing men workers) was not the point of our efforts together.  No, it has to do with the spiritual life, and what the hermit might impart of its life and what little it is learning of construction skills, and the helper would share his perspective and rather fine spiritual insights, as well as his everyday life.

Thus far we have hung green-board in the downstairs hermitage bathroom, leveled part of the floor in there, hung some drywall on the stairway wall, prepared the rest of the porch for completion, put some insulation in the crawlspace (about one-fourth of the effort completed thus far and messy, dirty job it is) and put most of the house wrap on the last two, short exterior walls needing yet to be sided.

Last Friday, the mother brought the father to meet the hermit.  Yes, he, too, had some questions of the hermit's life and vocation as well as its being a Catholic mystic.  So the hermit discussed and probably said even more than necessary, sharing a couple profound experiences and revealing some of the progression of its existence.  The dad asked about having someone bring communion, for he, too, had recalled the hermit and seemed now to understand better the situation.  This is an exile, and God knows what He is doing.  

[So we shall see if the priest agrees, as another has asked with no success. The hermit prays for the priest, but accepts the exile as willed by God and its spiritual father, for a time.  There is more to the situation at the parish, but it has been touched upon previously and no need to repeat.]

The mom, dad, and the hermit's young helper all left, seemingly all right with the hermit being a Catholic hermit mystic with the incumbent mystical experiences.  That's just how it is for a mystic.  One is born that way and nothing to be done about it but accept and offer oneself to God's will and way.

Over the weekend the hermit wondered if its helper would not be back.  Not sure why the thought was brewing, but it seems as if most Catholics (priests included) have difficulty coping with that kind of reality in someone.  The hermit used to never say a peep, not answer questions, but that did not work out well.  Caused more misunderstandings, and made the hermit seem withdrawn and odd.  For things would occur that others would see or experience, and the hermit would not or could not explain.

The result was a stoved-up hermit trying without success to live a double life, and people misunderstanding and then persecuting, shunning, gossiping, and making up untruths about the hermit.  No, it drew more attention in the wrong way, to what is simply a mystic who is also a hermit.

___________________


A long-time friend called on the Fourth of July.  We discussed the dilemma.  "It has just come to a point," explained the hermit, "that leading a double life is not working.  It did not work with its own children, it did not work in parishes, it is not working insofar as being fully open to God's utilization in its mission and vocation."

"So you are 'coming out'?" asked the friend, guffawing heartily.  

"Well, yes--but only mostly to self and in the rare situation that it is necessary to 'clear the chickens off the street.'  Just get it over with--just answer the questions and explain the situation, and not prolong the reaction, such as if these people decide to also judge and don't want their son working here.  Just lay the cards out on the table, and let them decide, and be done with it."  

Then the friend and the hermit discussed how the gay population and the transgender population are allowed to be as they are.  If people persecute or bash, they are called out as bigots and can get law suits for bullying....  We reviewed the life of Glen Campbell who is stricken with Alzheimer's and deciding to come forward with his illness, to lay it out as it is, and perform for a final "goodbye tour" for as long as his mind could possibly do it.  A documentary is now released, titled, I'll Be Me.  His family was concerned that some concert attendees would laugh or ridicule the errors and confusion the great singer and guitarist would make with his memory issues--could be quite embarrassing.  But people valued and had compassion for his contribution as well as his courage in being himself, in sharing his reality.

"Yeah," the hermit commented after we discussed these examples,"it just seems time to stop using so much energy in trying to be what am not and in trying to sublimate the spiritual and the mystical real self, and it is just not working.  It is not working,  We Catholics ought to grow in acceptance and maybe after centuries of mistreating them and feeling it necessary to interrogate and persecute people who happen to be mystics, and downright abuse them emotionally, mentally and sometimes physically.   But not that they will ever stop.  But it is worth a try to stop the judging and bullying."

The friend brought up how priests and bishops--and there are always those Catholics in the pews and religious life, as well--feel a need to take matters into their own hands and decide if someone is valid or not, especially when it comes to spiritual experiences that mystics tend to have without the asking nor expecting.  

"Those who are deceived or are termed 'false mystics' will be sorted out by God.  Those who are deceived or shamming do not really pose a problem to the Church or others; they are not given power to alter the Church or up-end Her.  The genuine mystics will be sorted out by God, as well.  They do not seek to alter the Church or up-end Her.  They do not seek power.  The only problem they pose is when they are given tasks by God to reveal what St. Paul terms 'blemishes' in the Church or in souls, including a mystic's own soul.  Mystics tend to be very hard on themselves...."

This was agreed upon by the hermit and the hermit's long-time friend.  Yes, those who are deceived by themselves or the devil, get sorted out by and by, by God.  They unravel in due course.  No one needs to wrought up about it, and certainly they nor genuine mystics need to be interrogated or mistreated any more than people who are gay or transgender or suffer from Alzheimer's!

_______________________

Surprise, surprise--the hermit's helper showed up for work Monday morning. The hermit apologized to the mother for having doubted they would handle the hermit's spiritual reality, what is it's "affliction", odd that it may seem.  The hermit had tested this couple, forced out the cards and also showed its own hand.  This couple passed with flying colors.  God is allowing the hermit this helper!

We really cannot be what we are not--and that includes trying not being what we are: how God made us.   Sometimes we just have to lay it out in the open, in certain circumstances, and not be ashamed nor afraid of consequences, of criticism or judgment by others.  Perhaps, too, there is a holy purpose in writing (for this weary mystic hermit: anonymously) of matters that can uplift others and inspire to more faith.

My, oh my, the hermit's young helper has a magnificent testimony to share of how his guardian angel saved him from a horrible, impending accident and revealed his name and gave a marvelous sign that would assure the lad that he had been visited by a heavenly messenger.  Maybe we can get that written this summer and sent off to a publication, for others will be uplifted by his encounter....

Dying to Self and with HIs Real Presence and with and for Others

Although much of recent writing topics upon the journey and plight regarding persecution within the Church toward what is atypical in spiritual phenomenon or those deemed spiritually different, it is nothing compared to the tremendous persecution that has faced Christians since the beginning of the Church.

The news is filled with the horrible plight of Christians in the Middle East, many of them Catholic Christians but some of Protestant and non-denominational Christian churches.  It is horrific and barbarian to think humanity remains caught in murder due to religious differences. [I was going to post a photo, but they are too graphic.]

Today we commemorate the heroic martyrdom of Maximillian Kolbe during World War II.  As a Polish Catholic priest, he was considered a threat to the Nazi regime due to his Christian publications.  Most of us know of his life and death.

He was imprisoned in a concentration camp.  When a man was singled out to be put to death in retribution for another prisoner's escape, the man cried out to be spared as he was a husband and father.  Maximillian stepped forward immediately and offered to die in place of the man selected.  Why should the Nazi's take Kolbe over this other man?  Maximillian Kolbe responded, "Because I am a Catholic priest."

He and some other prisoners were placed in a type of cage in the prison yard in the heat of August and starved to death--no food and no water.  Kolbe encouraged his fellow victims with prayer and hymns.  As the men died slowly, one by one, Maximillian Kolbe continued to live.  The prayers and hymns increased the disdain in the Nazi guards for it was a tremendous witness of Christ to all the prisoners in the camp as word spread of the triumphant joy in Christ in the face of such brutality.

The guards eventually injected the priest in order to kill him.  The man he replaced in death went on to live his life and be rejoined to wife and children after he and other prisoners were liberated at the war's end.  

Maximillian Kolbe and many others (including Edith Stein) are remembered on earth and have gained glory in heaven, for their courage and selflessness in dying for the love of Christ and as persecuted Christians.  Another such martyr was the Lutheran minister and theologian, Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

Seeing photos of Christian children, kneeling to be beheaded, or of Christian women being shot to death, remind us of the seemingly never-ending plight of non-Christian aggressors, threatened by Jesus Christ alive today in the bodies, minds, hearts and souls of those of us who claim Christ as our Lord and Savior.  We take up the cross and follow Him daily, even unto death, death on the cross of persecution small or great, in whatever form and to whatever earthly end we may encounter.

Do those of us who are not put to physical death in physical martyrdom have survivor guilt?  Perhaps we should, in some regards.  But I think if we grasp that we are part of the Body of Christ, we die with our fellow Christians with each act of aggression and atrocity meted out by those who commit evil--many of them doing so in the name of a god they believe has commanded them to kill those who do not follow their proclaimed religion and religious practices.

In our daily lives, we are called to die to ourselves in various ways and mostly not physically due to martyrdom.  But we yet persecute one another in little and large ways, and this must cease if we are to break even a tiny aspect of the cycle of evil, of man's inhumanity to man.

I read that the apostle John, in his later years, always addressed others with the words:  Little Children.  This was accompanied by his reminder, "let us love one another."  The other day I considered using these very words when in conversation with the woman who was becoming flustered over the atypical experience I have during Mass.  Such a simple little thing it is--but different and open to such doubt, fear and judgment by others.

I wonder how priests and parishioners or some contractors and workers, would have reacted on several occasions, had I addressed them thus:  Little children, let us love one another.  I'd like to think that if others addressed me in these words, that I would be moved in the heart and my mind to reflect upon ways in which I have fallen short of the simplicity of child-like love and sweetness to others.

Today in the Gospel reading, Jesus teaches us again about forgiveness--God's for us and how we ought for others.  "Forgive from the heart."  These Living Words from the Mouth of God stand out to me, now.  I have work to do, within, and also to continue being an immolation in whatever sense or way the Lord reveals.

Today I return to the little chapel with the handful of people who come for daily Mass:  Little children among little children that we all are, the world over.  Let us love one another for Love is of God.

Good Fruit, Bad Fruit

"Ye shall know them by their fruit."  (Matthew 7:16)

I have pondered this recently, in light of some friends mentioning someone who has never met me had publicly judged and discerned the mystical state I have had during Mass that began nearly six years ago.  Of course, others may think what they want, and it is natural for people to try to analyze and figure out what seems unusual or atypical, especially when it comes to the supernatural or mystical.

There have been many others who have tried to figure it out and have judged.  Some judged one way and then later changed their judgments.  It is true that I am the only one to rightly discern, other than perhaps Dr. H. who is thus far the only person I know who has any actual experience with such things and who has known me for nearly three decades.  However, one can be deceived.  Yet, over time and with research and prayer, and given years of other experiences, the discernment process sorts itself.

Some could say that the fruit of the state at Mass has been bad.  There has been much suffering as a result, not only the physical suffering of people causing physical injury in their not understanding for whatever reason (genuine concern or upset and angry), but also emotionally for me; it has not been handled all that well by others.

My spiritual father says he blames the priests for not handling it well, for not dealing with it and dealing with parishioners regarding such matters.  Close friends remind that the Catholic Church as represented in people, has never been that good to people who have mystical experiences.

The question that comes to me, is:  Whose or what fruit is bad?

Is it the fruit that comes from the state itself that is bad?  Am I at fault, for the bad fruit, that seems to come from the state at Mass?  Or is the bad fruit of those who react to the state and to me as the person they perceive as causing it?

Who or what is the bad fruit then?  Is the bad fruit resulting from people (priests included) who shun or who fear or who judge or doubt based upon a not-unheard-of phenomenon, even if somewhat rare?  Or is the bad fruit resulting from me who started experiencing this phenomenon a couple weeks after a dream vision and locution in which my angel lead me to and said I was being shown the stairway to heaven?

Is the bad fruit a result of my obeying a bishop who told me to stand or walk around--as he and someone he consulted thought I had some kind of inner control over this when prior he thought otherwise?  Is the bad fruit a result of my being honest in describing the state and any messages or insights emanating from it?  Is the bad fruit due to my obeying a monsignor and not answering people's questions in one parish, or in being honest in others?

As a friend wrote this morning, I had been given a beautiful gift that I was willing to share despite it being personally embarrassing in its visibility, but that others have feared, judged and shunned for the most part, as a result.

So from whom does the bad fruit of this situation come?  Frankly, all had been rather blissful other than when shown occasional, situational, negative, temporal intrusion in the Mass.  Regardless, it was profoundly spiritual in the fruit of the insights and message and its sign of the power of the Mass and all Sacraments in the Mass as the stairway to heaven--until others reacted negatively.

The negativity and "bad fruit" of others' negative and hurtful reactions has caused me to ask His Real Presence as to why I was called into the Catholic Church over 19 years ago.  It is good to review and ask the question.  Was it to come to this point of exile?  Is He now calling me through to some other side or dimension of the Catholic Church--or through to some aspect beyond the temporal aspects of the Catholic Church?

Or is this all part of the call to suffer, and somehow I am to suffer for the wrongs of the temporal aspects of the Church which are undeniable in history and yet today, for wherever there are humans, there is evil and sin as well as the propensity to love.  It is all in our free will, given us to choose:  nastiness or good.

Or am I to take the peace and love I offered but has not been offered back, and move on to the next place?  What and where is the next place?  More the spiritual, more to love God and others, beyond the physical and temporal?  (It is true that I have offered talents and gifts and attempted much good in the past many years only to be hindered--usually by priests--time and again, within the Church.)

Another friend, a life-long Catholic, has emailed that this abusive way is the way the Church has always mistreated Her mystics and saints.  Why, I wonder, does this seem to somehow be the accepted practice?  Can we not learn and grow from such as that, into something better?  But I then consider what Jesus' fellow Jews did to Him, and God the Father, the Source of all beingness and energy, allowed it for salvific purpose.

Good fruit or bad fruit.  Which thoughts and actions do we choose that result in one or the other?

But truly, I yet ask His Real Presence, is my material presence in the temporal Church finished?  Is this exile meant for a period of time or for the rest of my earthly days?  Am I to now be more universal in outreach, to go beyond parish parameters, so to speak, and more into the spiritual and mystical realm of love of God?

A Psalm Prayed

I prayed this, this morning, fervently.  There has been more judging.  It was already done, and I knew it, and my spiritual father knew it.  But I decided to have closure on it in a phone message yesterday late afternoon. My message will not matter, but it was right to express it.  This morning I wish I had this Psalm to remind the persons of just how awful to judge others, to have fear, to renege and also in that way, to persecute.

However, I see the last lines, and I know what is my task and responsibility, and I pray that my attitude have it as a natural joy:  to thank God and praise Him and to see the beauty of His Creation reflected all about.

It is frightening to think how we might be condemned to an eternity in hell for our wrongs to others, our unkindness, our making judgments when we don't really know a person that well, if at all, really.  But, it is frightening that I need so much more faith to grasp and accept the suffering life that is mine, and that in better times I agreed and offered.  

So I must pull up and out, and attempt to frame a small window today, from start to finish, as I think there should be no carpentry obstacles as with the larger window.  (I await the arrival of a palm nailer as I need something small and impacting to drive some nails into a tight space where the framing gun nor a manual hammer will fit.)

Yesterday morning's tune in my mind ended up being the late George Harrison's song:  "Give Me Love (Give Me Peace on Earth").  The Lord shows me that there are good people in the world, and then there are the not so good.  It does not necessarily follow that the good are in churches and the bad, not.  

But, I want to be good, and I must pray for goodness and mercy, and to be God Is Love despite the sense of isolation and not much other in the future than suffering.  If that suffering can become joy, and if I can accept and let go of desiring not suffering, I'll fare better in the short and long run.  I need and ask His Real Presence to increase me faith.

I find the Psalmist's words rather chilling--his request of God to let their table be a trap for them, for God to pour out His indignation upon them.  Well, perhaps that is what it takes for us humans to turn ourselves around some.  Especially those of us who are in churches of any type, or those who are to be alter Christus'.  Aren't we all to be imitators of Christ, to be his followers and disciples?  So this is for each and all of us, this Psalm, if we have done any of the wrongs to anyone, ever.  Yes, it is chilling to find such writings in Scripture.  So often we want to claim the lovelier, the less condemning.

 Ps 69:15-34

Do not let the flood sweep over me,
Answer me, O Lord, for your steadfast love is good;
   according to your abundant mercy, turn to me.
Do not hide your face from your servant,
   for I am in distress—make haste to answer me.
You know the insults I receive,
   and my shame and dishonour;
   my foes are all known to you.
Insults have broken my heart,
   so that I am in despair.
I looked for pity, but there was none;
   and for comforters, but I found none.
Let their table be a trap for them,
   a snare for their allies.
Let their eyes be darkened so that they cannot see,
   and make their loins tremble continually.
Pour out your indignation upon them,
   and let your burning anger overtake them.
May their camp be a desolation;
   let no one live in their tents.
For they persecute those whom you have struck down,
   and those whom you have wounded, they attack still more.
Add guilt to their guilt;
   may they have no acquittal from you.
Let them be blotted out of the book of the living;
   let them not be enrolled among the righteous.
I will praise the name of God with a song;
   I will magnify him with thanksgiving.
This will please the Lord more than an ox
   or a bull with horns and hoofs.
Let the oppressed see it and be glad;
   you who seek God, let your hearts revive.
Let heaven and earth praise him,
   the seas and everything that moves in them.

He Surprises and Reveals in His Living Word

God repeatedly lifts up in unexpected ways, when I least expect and when He knows the need.  Most Psalms are not this lengthy, but it is a holy and perfect message especially after confirmation that my senses have been correct.  There are those out there who seem obsessive and intent in discrediting my soul's unfolding and spiritual essence, and in my delight in His Real Presence.

While weeding and watering yesterday, the thought came to mind to expand my sharing with those who might be put off by the descriptor,"Catholic" hermit.  It was suggested that I duplicate posts as labeled "Christian" hermit, and in that remove some words that are alien to non-Catholics.  

 

So I have cast the net, and it will at minimum be interesting to discover which, over time, is more helpful to others, if either at all.  Regardless, it is expanding my own view and is a reminder to be a follower of Christ, a Christian, first and foremost, above all other distinguishing or differentiating labels.

While mowing I thought of calling a "couple-friend" with whom I don't often speak--she edits long hours, and he suffers from illness.  But the wife of the couple-friend called me, first, before I finished the thought of calling her!  She had been thinking of me, she said.  Well, I had just then been thinking of her, too.  The Holy Spirit arranged it as He willed.  

My friend was aware of some detraction against me and discussed possibilities as to why others would discredit and try to take on discussing that which they have no personal experience or God-given authority.  Why do I continue to be such a threat this person, she wondered?  Why is the person not secure in own status?  We proposed some reasons, and we tried to give benefit of the doubt.  We are praying for those who persecute for they know not what they are doing and most likely think they are somehow justified to some good end.  

It is humorous irony when people judge others, for most often the very things they assume are exactly their own issues, such as deception.  Yes, remain lighthearted, and trust in God.  Let His Word be a lamp unto our feet.

Regardless, my friend was adamant that I keep writing, keep sharing, and if others cannot do better with their thoughts and efforts than to react and make assumptions on another person's spiritual journey, then that is their fruit to bear and to display before Jesus and less vitally, to others.  Who risks in God's judgment?  What about those who implied, inferred or outright disparaged Jesus with various, negative insinuations?  Where are their souls now?  

We don't know, but we know they were not charitable nor accurate.  At the time they thought they were correct but could not see beyond their own assessments.  And, I am reminded that Jesus told me that I would be criticized but to pay no attention.  The Lord knows with us, that it is not easy when we are made aware of detraction.  But I won't have to know further specifics, going forward, thankfully.  We can avoid such.  I must think on that which is above.  That, too, is not easy for any of us because we are so very human, but we are called to holy truth and Christ's ideal.

This morning Psalm 119 was most appropriate, and I emboldened the lines emphasized within my heart as I read them silently.  We can see that the Psalmist knew well:  persecution.  He also knew the antidote: God's rules of life for everyone--not just hermits.  

I am sure this Psalm speaks to many Christians because persecution can come from a spouse who resents the other spouse's desire and delight in Jesus, or from other family members, or from employers or employees, or governments, or systems, or anyone individual or group who may think they are saving some aspect of their ideal or status, when in reality they are overstepping charitable bounds and taking upon themselves God's mantle as Judge and Savior of souls. 

We are to keep our nose to the humus and to the narrow path as best we can try, and continue on in love, truth, and freedom to seek after and follow our Lord Jesus Christ. 

We are to remain in His Loving Real Presence:  Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  We are to fear not proclaiming His wondrous presence in our lives and the lives of others.  

God bless His Real Presence in all of us imperfect creatures who have nonetheless given our fealty to Him! 

Ps 119:2-131

Happy are those who keep his decrees,
   who seek him with their whole heart,
who also do no wrong,
   but walk in his ways.
You have commanded your precepts
   to be kept diligently.
O that my ways may be steadfast
   in keeping your statutes!
Then I shall not be put to shame,
   having my eyes fixed on all your commandments.
I will praise you with an upright heart,
   when I learn your righteous ordinances.
How can young people keep their way pure?
   By guarding it according to your word.
With my whole heart I seek you;
   do not let me stray from your commandments.
I treasure your word in my heart,
   so that I may not sin against you.
Blessed are you, O Lord;
   teach me your statutes.
With my lips I declare
   all the ordinances of your mouth.
I delight in the way of your decrees
   as much as in all riches.
I will meditate on your precepts,
   and fix my eyes on your ways.
Deal bountifully with your servant,
   so that I may live and observe your word.
Open my eyes, so that I may behold
   wondrous things out of your law.
I live as an alien in the land;
   do not hide your commandments from me.
My soul is consumed with longing
   for your ordinances at all times.
You rebuke the insolent, accursed ones,
   who wander from your commandments;
take away from me their scorn and contempt,
   for I have kept your decrees.
Even though princes sit plotting against me,
   your servant will meditate on your statutes.
My soul clings to the dust;
   revive me according to your word.
When I told of my ways, you answered me;
   teach me your statutes.
Make me understand the way of your precepts,
   and I will meditate on your wondrous works.
My soul melts away for sorrow;
   strengthen me according to your word.
Put false ways far from me;
   and graciously teach me your law.
I have chosen the way of faithfulness;
   I set your ordinances before me.
I cling to your decrees, O Lord;
   let me not be put to shame.
Teach me, O Lord, the way of your statutes,
   and I will observe it to the end.
Give me understanding, that I may keep your law
   and observe it with my whole heart.
Lead me in the path of your commandments,
   for I delight in it.
Turn my heart to your decrees,
   and not to selfish gain.
Turn my eyes from looking at vanities;
   give me life in your ways.
Confirm to your servant your promise,
   which is for those who fear you.
Turn away the disgrace that I dread,
   for your ordinances are good.
Let your steadfast love come to me, O Lord,
   your salvation according to your promise.
Then I shall have an answer for those who taunt me,
   for I trust in your word.
Do not take the word of truth utterly out of my mouth,
   for my hope is in your ordinances.
I will keep your law continually,
   for ever and ever.
I shall walk at liberty,
   for I have sought your precepts.
I will also speak of your decrees before kings,
   and shall not be put to shame;
I find my delight in your commandments,
   because I love them.
Remember your word to your servant,
   in which you have made me hope.
This is my comfort in my distress,
   that your promise gives me life.
The arrogant utterly deride me,
   but I do not turn away from your law.
When I think of your ordinances from of old,
   I take comfort, O Lord.
Hot indignation seizes me because of the wicked,
   those who forsake your law.
Your statutes have been my songs
   wherever I make my home.
I remember your name in the night, O Lord,
   and keep your law.
The Lord is my portion;
   I promise to keep your words.
I implore your favour with all my heart;
   be gracious to me according to your promise.
When I think of your ways,
   I turn my feet to your decrees;
I hurry and do not delay
   to keep your commandments.
Though the cords of the wicked ensnare me,
   I do not forget your law.
At midnight I rise to praise you,
   because of your righteous ordinances.
I am a companion of all who fear you,
   of those who keep your precepts.
You have dealt well with your servant,
   O Lord, according to your word.
Teach me good judgement and knowledge,
   for I believe in your commandments.
Before I was humbled I went astray,
   but now I keep your word.
You are good and do good;
   teach me your statutes.
The arrogant smear me with lies,
   but with my whole heart I keep your precepts.
Their hearts are fat and gross,
   but I delight in your law.
It is good for me that I was humbled,
   so that I might learn your statutes.
Your hands have made and fashioned me;
   give me understanding that I may learn your commandments.
Those who fear you shall see me and rejoice,
   because I have hoped in your word.
I know, O Lord, that your judgements are right,
   and that in faithfulness you have humbled me.
Let your steadfast love become my comfort
   according to your promise to your servant.
Let your mercy come to me, that I may live;
   for your law is my delight.
Let the arrogant be put to shame,
   because they have subverted me with guile;
   as for me, I will meditate on your precepts.
Let those who fear you turn to me,
   so that they may know your decrees.
My soul languishes for your salvation;
   I hope in your word.
My eyes fail with watching for your promise;
   I ask, ‘When will you comfort me?’
For I have become like a wineskin in the smoke,
   yet I have not forgotten your statutes.
How long must your servant endure?
   When will you judge those who persecute me?
The arrogant have dug pitfalls for me;
   they flout your law.
All your commandments are enduring;
   I am persecuted without cause; help me!
They have almost made an end of me on earth;
   but I have not forsaken your precepts.
The Lord exists for ever;
   your word is firmly fixed in heaven.
Your faithfulness endures to all generations;
   you have established the earth, and it stands fast.
By your appointment they stand today,
   for all things are your servants.
If your law had not been my delight,
   I would have perished in my misery.
I will never forget your precepts,
   for by them you have given me life.
I am yours; save me,
   for I have sought your precepts.
The wicked lie in wait to destroy me,
   but I consider your decrees.
Oh, how I love your law!
   It is my meditation all day long.
Your commandment makes me wiser than my enemies,
   for it is always with me.
I have more understanding than all my teachers,
   for your decrees are my meditation.
I understand more than the aged,
   for I keep your precepts.
I hold back my feet from every evil way,
   in order to keep your word.
I do not turn away from your ordinances,
   for you have taught me.
How sweet are your words to my taste,
   sweeter than honey to my mouth!
Your word is a lamp to my feet
   and a light to my path.
I have sworn an oath and confirmed it,
   to observe your righteous ordinances.
I am severely afflicted;
   give me life, O Lord, according to your word.
Accept my offerings of praise, O Lord,
   and teach me your ordinances.
I hold my life in my hand continually,
   but I do not forget your law.
The wicked have laid a snare for me,
   but I do not stray from your precepts.
Your decrees are my heritage for ever;
   they are the joy of my heart.
I hate the double-minded,
   but I love your law.
You are my hiding-place and my shield;
   I hope in your word.
Go away from me, you evildoers,
   that I may keep the commandments of my God.
Uphold me according to your promise, that I may live,
   and let me not be put to shame in my hope.
Hold me up, that I may be safe
   and have regard for your statutes continually.
You spurn all who go astray from your statutes;
   for their cunning is in vain.
All the wicked of the earth you count as dross;
   therefore I love your decrees.
I have done what is just and right;
   do not leave me to my oppressors.
Guarantee your servant’s well-being;
   do not let the godless oppress me.
My eyes fail from watching for your salvation,
   and for the fulfillment of your righteous promise.
Deal with your servant according to your steadfast love,
   and teach me your statutes.
I am your servant; give me understanding,
   so that I may know your decrees.
It is time for the Lord to act,
   for your law has been broken.
Truly I love your commandments
   more than gold, more than fine gold.
Your decrees are wonderful;
   therefore my soul keeps them.
The unfolding of your words gives light;
   it imparts understanding to the simple.
With open mouth I pant,
   because I long for your commandments.