Christian, Catholic, Joyful Hermit: Persevere!

I had a major assignment for a soul and this country for a few years. I still pray, of course, but the assignment is dwindling, my task seems finished on that front.  

Then the bodily suffering took an unexpected turn. The intrathecal pump surgery resulted in the surgeon goofing a bit in a way that I don't think is going to be remedied.  He was rushing about--a youngish neurosurgeon who's abilities are obviously not great nor keen or he'd be doing more than just intrathecal pumps and tube up into the spinal cord (the tricky part). But he could not even get the pump in the correct location!

So I've suffered for the first four weeks after surgery with inability to eat much at all and with terrible nausea to a point of unable to even keep a tiny bit down.  Three trips to ER did not resolve anything other than the tube was intact, a scan showed, after vomiting with much force, prior and as result of the nausea increasing.

By the grace of God, literally, and the Holy Spirit helping me locate information that, all down the line of symptoms, fits what has occurred to my abdominal tract, I came across a diet that seems to be helping the nausea, plus one ER doctor prescribed a medication that Mayo Clinic also mentions that can help some with those suffering from Gastroparesis.  The diet recommended is rather dismal--until I consider people in poverty and third-world countries who'd be thrilled to be able to eat white bread and mashed potatoes!

I got a grip this past (fifth) week with the Reglan medication and being very careful to not eat much and only the sour dough or white bread, a slice toasted in the morning, and sip slowly over several hours an 8 oz. of protein drink.  In the evening a small amount of mashed potatoes--finally I was able to overcome much of the nausea and kept down the food of this Gastroparesis type diet. 

Despite my pointing out to the three ER doctors, the pain doctor, the neurosurgeon (who is finished with me as he does not want to take responsibility for getting the pump placed too high and thus near or over part of my stomach and upper left intestines), and an internal med doctor--no one wants to simply accept that my suffering has to do with the pump surgery.  I've never had such digestive issues in my life--not until five weeks ago yesterday, the date of the pump surgery.

I know people have been praying for me; I'm so grateful!  And I have prayed, obviously.  I have had emotions ranging from wanting the pump removed, to totally giving up and accepting bed-ridden, weak, and stuck with what is known as an unhealthy diet simply due to one day fine with no pump and the next not all right and with pump.  And while it ought to seem a small matter, I had no idea just how debilitating digestive troubles can be! Pray for people of all ages with variety of gastro-intestinal ailments!  Two weeks ago I had lost 16 lbs. and was not heavy to begin with.  I suppose by now maybe 20 lbs, but I am far from the emaciated little children featured in ads for food drives for the starving children of Africa.  

I am sending money to Fr. Vincent in Nigeria, in thinking of people there who have not enough to eat.  I don't know if he has access to the poorest of the poor; he is working in his religious community's boarding high school for boys and girls.  But he knows of plenty of people with a variety of needs, and at least it is something I was able to do and plan to do again when well enough to get to the Western Union in a grocery nearby.  I will say, that while Western Union is one of the safest and most direct ways to send money to Nigeria, I have had at least a half dozen scam calls as a result.  The scammers hack into Western Union or buy off the Nigerian officials on that end for the names and phone numbers and amounts transacted, and they are relentless in trying to shake me down over the phone, to which I let them know they are but scammers and their gig is so stupid sounding--why do they bother trying?  This last time I said they certainly persevere, but they don't fool me.  I've tried simply saying, "Scam!" and hang up, or I hang up without any words spoken, or to responding to a man with thick Nigerian accent saying he is from the FBI--"Well, I can call the real FBI on you, how's that?"  

Perhaps my abdomen needs lots of time to adapt to this hockey-size puck taking up plenty of space in the abdomen?  I have no idea, other than my life is totally altered...and I still have no medication in the pump yet to even see if that will help the spinal pain, the arachnoiditis pain that affects the body's nerves emanating from the lumbar spine in particular.  The pain doctor does not want to put in medication until the gastrointestinal issue is figured out.  But he was unwilling to refer me to a specialist, saying the internal med doctor can do that. The woman I saw a week ago was so inept and out of touch from her medical degree three decades ago, that she did not want to do the referral.  I told her they are the last avenue for a referral, and I thought she muttered she'd "put me in the system" on her way out of the exam room--but there's been no call; and I think it would be as well to not be "in the system" of that medical group, from past experiences.

I resolved to fully relinquish my body to God.  I'm more off this earth than on.  I listen/watch whatever Masses I can find that cover a variety of areas of the world--India, England, Canada, and two locations in the USA.  I follow along with two sites, taking turns, with the rosary, and the Divine Mercy Chaplet that the seminarians pray from the National Shrine of Divine Mercy in Stockbridge, MA.  I mostly watch/listen to the EWTN and National Shrine of Divine Mercy masses and the Canadian Mass daily.  

Depending on pain and nausea level, I appreciate priests with soft voices, not strident.  I realize this seems a terrible thing to be concerned about, but when one is suffering, voice tonalities can make a difference.  I'm sorry to say so--but honesty is the best policy. I realize a person's voice is not easily altered, but it is possible to lower tone and attempt to soften our voices.  

Also, sermons reflecting the Scriptures are far more helpful to the mind, heart, and soul than those hashing over the rules created by people in the church over the past 11 centuries or so, or retelling saint stories, inspiring as their lives can be.  From the mystical ecstasies during Mass when I was physically able to attend parish masses, the ecstasies were always the most profound and deep, the union with Christ the greatest--when the priest would preach on the Living Word of God--not anecdotal renderings of this or that, with vague or limited linkage to Scripture.  Just in case someone reads this who can mention to a priest, or if a priest reads this--the Lord seems to love most when His Living Word is discussed and preached at Mass (and I assume anytime).

So this brings me to my suffering and insufferable phase of time here.  I myself ought to be preaching Christ and His Living Word in what I ponder and share.  I ought to be steeped in His Living Word, uniting my body, mind, heart, and soul to Christ Jesus and all matters relating to His Real Presence:  God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit!

I have not wanted to continue in life, that is for sure.  Yet I have nothing to complain about, really--not much at all.  I have a roof over head and white bread and some remaining Thanksgiving turkey, mashed potatoes, and bread stuffing that a daughter, her husband, and grandson brought yesterday evening.  I have canned goods in the pantry and some eggs and loaf of white bread, and some protein powder to mix.  I have a bed, a lovely view out windows installed six weeks ago; I have heat and running water!  I am blessed beyond measure with three adult children each making contact yesterday, Thanksgiving.  I have oral pain medication and enough Reglan to take prior to eating for the nausea and also supposedly helps stimulate digestive tract muscles.  I pray this situation is temporary, not permanent; but there are people in the world who have permanent Gastroparesis, and that can occur with Arachnoiditis patients at some time or other, of which I am one.

I continue to pray for others and to pray for Jesus to come take me with Him; and if not, then to show me purpose in this phase of life and whatever this is, unfolding. So I need purpose anew, and purpose renewed, and purpose of and in God's will!  I have my harp here, unpacked, and whether or not I could play it reclining, I guess only trying will tell.  I have my little window to the world--this laptop--yet have not been writing my blog sites, this or the newer one.  I have a variety of ideas for book projects, but I have not focused to put anything into action.  I'm considering the one shorter project that has been set aside for seven years or more. 

Why?  I lack some oomph.  I lack purpose.  I lack perseverance!

I'm not even sure what Scripture in Mass of the past couple of days that mentioned the word persevere or perseverance.  I think it might have been in addition to the persistent widow who did not relent until her prayers were answered, or the widow who persevered with the judge in being granted a ruling.  So in all my jibber-jabber above of what has been going on in my suffering and insufferable existence of these past five weeks, I do know what to do that is pleasing to God and productive of my life as it is currently.

I know to persevere  in prayer, love of God, love of others.  Persevere in this temporal life yet with the perseverance of one who has already departed the world, departed the temporal, departed the suffering that is notably the suffering of all mankind deep down within our earthly lives that suffer the reality that we are not in union yet with God, with the Beloved, with the One who completes our being by being subsumed into His Holy Being.

My purpose next and now will have to be rooted in His Real Presence. What I write must be in line with what my soul experiences or did, when I was in a holy Mass, in person, back when I was physically able to be in a holy Mass.  And that means my life and mind and thoughts and writing and what little speaking which might be my voice used every few days if a phone call is necessary for an appointment or such as the joy of two phone visits and one in-person visit yesterday--a most lovely Thanksgiving gift of hearing from the adult children!  

But for you and for God and in emails and blogs, I must persevere in exuding His Real Presence--His Living Words, His lovely actions and gifts to me and others in this our temporal life times, and in praise of God despite any sense of lostness of purpose or unknowing of purpose in whatever is now and next.  And it all takes perseverance.  Persevere in prayer; persevere in purpose no matter if purpose in trying to get up and walk around Solus Deus hermitage house a little bit to build up stamina...perseverance!  

Persevere in trying to read one or more of the many spiritual, holy, Godly books here that I'm so blessed to have.  Or persevere in trying to eat something that will build the body and strengthen the mind, heart and soul to persevere on in whatever way and means God asks of me for whatever time is remaining here on earth.  Persevere in writing, in thinking, in loving, in sharing, in praying, in hanging on to Christ Who Is always hanging on to us, never letting go of us, never hurting us, always persevering in pursuit of our love and in loving us eternally no matter what!

God bless His Real Presence in us, dear readers and friends in Christ Jesus!  Persevere!

Catholic Hermit, More Demonic Interference

Can't write the details now, but there have been an onslaught of demonic assaults, mostly of temporal interference and near disasters.  On the lower range, there a trifling matters like driving into civilization to pick up repaired laptop, only to return to desert exile and have it not repaired.  Had calamities with ceiling issue but worked literally through that.

Was rear ended on way to civilization, shortly after made a call to parish administrator who had not returned call the day prior, saying three people from my past, very holy souls, called out of blue and buoyed me to return to Mass despite the parishioners having turned to coldness, gossip, shunning from one weekend Mass to the next, just like that.  The consensus is that if these Catholics choose to act like pagans and not as Christians, or cannot even try to fake being Christians, that is up to them.  I am not an occasion of sin to them.  They choose it.  I will come to Mass.

I have learned that there is no running from the devil.  We will find out if the priest will still come bless this place and give my suffering body the Sacrament of Anointing of the Sick.  It has been awhile since this great help.  The priest was very agreeable prior to Mass, but quite awkward after.

Rejoice!  My good Catholic friends who each called within 12 hours, and one I'd not spoken with in ten years or so...well, they said hold fast to the Faith.  Do not let the interference hinder.

I recalled what Jesus had told me four years ago, including that I would feel very alone but am to remain strong.  Not easy!  He showed me parishioners, mostly women but some men, and some priests.  He said they would criticize and misjudge me, but I am to pay no attention to them.

But I had let them get to me, from whence I came.  And here, it is tempting to simply not return despite how good is the Mass with a priest who is in his vocation, very solid.  Yes, of course, it is quite understandable that people would take the low road when it comes to anything different to them.  I understand how the devil uses people, also.  Don't ever doubt that reality, dear readers.

In Civilization yesterday, after being rear ended, which did not harm Precious Blood, my used pick up truck, there was next such a near miss of what would have been a horrible accident akin to the one 32 years ago that provided a crucifixion and life of pain.  A huge, black truck pulled around me at a turn, cut in front of me wildly, and I was stunned that by God's grace alone, I was spared.

Then I return to the hermitage thinking my laptop repaired, when not, and got a call from cabinet installer.  He cannot come today and knows not when he can.  Stuff is packed up, boxes stacked, no room to sort through to find now some medication that I thought six weeks ago had plenty.  Then, the kitchen was to be non-functional for a total of five days.

There is more, but of the same type of mishaps and issues with whatever I attempt here, in small ways but chaotic and hindering.  Now, who does that kind of stuff, and why?

The devil is not happy that I am persevering.  I continue the prayers, I will proceed with getting the hermitage blessed, for that will be positive and cleansing at deep levels for the temporal space, the spiritual aspects, and even for this consecrated Catholic hermit living here.  If the parish priest hesitates after he previously was quite pleased to be asked, then there are the hermit priests even if of the other "lung" of the Church, as is said of the Eastern and Western Catholic Church who had their division centuries ago.

The devil was involved in that chaos.  Nothing new with the devil, is there?

I am praying to get my sense of humor revived after the obstacles started to weigh on me.  At least I have meds for the bulk of the physical pain, and although the living conditions are most difficult over time, physically so, there are always so many praise worthy events and thoughts, that one simply turns the tables over on the devil and those who are being used as pawns.

As for the parishioners, it will be interesting to find out how long they choose to do the cold and shunning routine.  Like the little grandson who at times misbehaves as can occur with a young child, his mother tells him it is his choice to behave like that, or to be pleasant and have a good day.  I will do my best to smile and say little pleasantries going and leaving; but I will be worshipping with the Body of Christ, in person, unless my body pain is too much from time to time.

We must never give in to the devil.  We must not run from the devil.  I did that before, and the devil has an amazing way of showing up again.  One must not draw the red line and then change it, move it.  This is spiritual warfare.  Rejoice and be glad!  The Lord is more powerful!  Regardless the near misses yesterday and the hindrances, nothing is insurmountable.  Persevere!  Have fortitude!

  

Catholic Hermit Still Around...

Been very tired recently--working hard, praying much, striving to manage pain.

The Catholic deputy has sold their home and moving so that he and his family can attend a valid Catholic parish with licit Mass.  Found out this priest in area parish will be around another year or two.  Yet it does not change the parishioners' attitudes, for what happens to people when set in ways and wills?  Ran out the previous priest for being too spiritual, wanting adoration and the like.  Imagine that!

Yes, am very tired.  People do not return phone calls.  A friend from far away mentioned it is due to people texting rather than speaking.  For those of us with very old phones and not able to text, and not affording the costly plans of the more costly phones, makes life difficult such as trying to get helpers and workers for even minor tasks.

Would like to write some on a topic that is going to be meaningful tomorrow especially.  It is the 20th anniversary of a major mystical event--and probably very good that this consecrated Catholic hermit ponder it and remember the details.  It was in easier, more pleasant, lovelier time of life--still much pain in the body, but without the seeming hopelessness that comes at times, to pick at the fruit of whatever positive the hermit can ripen in the physical aspects of this existence.  (The birds have been plucking whatever fruit they can get once the hermit leaves the orchard area--still trying to get the bird netting in place even if they figured a way to pull away the netting over the strawberries!)

Perhaps this hermit needs to ponder the perseverance of these birds and pray for like perseverance, an instinctive perseverance, and without emotion of relationships and no need of return phone calls because no need for help with work.  Birds build their own nests, after all, and if they cannot manage it, they succumb to the reason they cannot--broken wing, illness, old age, pestilence, predators.

Now, on that note, must go out and change the sprinklers and soaker hose.  And then finish another wheelbarrow of mulch, and then get to the bird netting.  So much for the fake owl purchased at suggestion of clerk who said it really works.  Did seem to help keep the birds from returning to area of roof in which they previously could enter into Te Deum Hermitage; but they are undaunted by it when there is fruit to be scavenged.

Yes, this hermit needs some of that rather bold and ruthless energy and determination.  Please, Lord!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another, remain in His Love, and kindly be polite to others and return phone messages.  It is the charitable action; not everyone has texting capabilities, and even hermits need help now and then.  Birds do seem to work together, at times.