"Jesus summoned the crowd again and said to them, 'Hear me, all of you, and understand. Nothing that enters one from the outside can defile that person; but the things that come out from within are what defile....'
"But what comes out of a person, that is what defiles. From within people, from their hearts, come evil thoughts, unchastity, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, licentiousness, envy, blasphemy, arrogance, folly. All these evils come from within and they defile" (Mk 7:14-15, 20-23).
Well, the Lord asks of us a full and complete FIAT of our fealty to HIM. When it comes to man's law--even His own Church's (canon) law--we must choose God's choosing over other, if it comes down to that. I have acknowledged HIS choosing me, and that is that. The other will unfold and is a fascinating aspect no matter outcome.
At least I know I prefer nothingness and hiddenness, and to remain in God's protective custody, if I must choose. Or if the Bishop chooses CL603--but in keeping with God's choosing of me, to remain in anonymity and silence of solitude, of hiddenness and nothingness--that is well and good, also. God's way is of simplicity; if other becomes complicated and weighty with the world, even the temporal aspects of Church world, then illegal and in chains is far lighter and humbling, and with it the beauty of solitary confinement and holy imprisonment with, in, Christ.
The awful flashbacks remind me of what I prefer and what is God's best for me--and for others. Not good for Catholics to behave in bad ways, even if they do not understand. It all helped me grasp Jesus' persecution and how he said, "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do." My persecutions rendered were and are minor, of course; but my human mind and heart and body reacted to the pain of it all.
Perhaps this has come up and the flashbacks occurring, to remind me, and to forgive yet again in case some aspects I have not forgiven. Even Jesus in Heaven surely has the marks of wounds, such as when he appears to people yet now. Reminders perhaps, yes seemingly, to be a good thing, a positive of reminders of how we can be tempted to do wrong, and to forget He who is our identity and our focus, and the suffering He endured for our sakes. We have Him to cling to and to also have fun with and enjoy!
Here's what St. Philotheos of Sinai wrote about the Kingdom of Christ being in our hearts. Monk and abbot of the Burning Bush Monastery (St. Catherine Monastery, Mt. Sinai). The dates this saint was born, lived, and died are unknown, but some think ninth or tenth century. A disciple of St. John Climacus, Philotheos' ascetic writings, include The Forty Texts on Watchfulness. (The following selection is from the Philokalia, Ch. 23, 33, 36.)
"At every hour and moment let us guard the heart with all diligence (Prv 4:23) from thoughts that obscure the soul's mirror; for in that mirror Jesus Christ, the wisdom and power of God the Father (1 Cor 1:24), is typified and luminously reflected. And let us unceasingly seek the kingdom of heaven inside our heart (Mt 6:33)....
"The person who gives himself over to evil thoughts cannot keep his outer self free from sin. And if evil thoughts have not been uprooted from the heart, they are bound to manifest themselves in evil actions. We look on things adulterously because the inner eye has become adulterous and darkened, and we want to hear about foul things because our soul's ears have listened to what the foul demons inside us have whispered to us. Consequently, with the Lord's help, we must cleanse ourselves within and without. We must guard our senses and free each of them from impassioned and sinful influences. And just as, ignorant and full of futility, we used to live in the world with intellect and senses enslave to the deceit of sin, so now, having changed to the life according to God, we must dedicate intellect and senses to the service of the living and true God (1 Thes 1:9) and of God's justice and will....
"So let us wage war with the intellect against the demons, lest we translate their evil purposes into evil actions. Let us cut sin out of our hearts and we will find within us the kingdom of heaven. Let us preserve our heart's purity and always be filled with deep compunction towards God through this best of undertakings."
This has been a beautiful day for this nothing, illegal, Catholic hermit (consecrated in Christ). The morning was spent in prayer, suffering, Scripture reading and writing, until I was called upon for an act of Christian charity. Well, it was a series of services asked and services lovingly rendered which took from 10:30 a.m. until 4 p.m. with driving and sitting involved. An exception, this day has been; I'm grateful for the energy to be able to help out. A hermit is always to keep charity at heart (and in hand if need be); hospitality was always an aspect of most of the traditional, historical hermits of which I find their saintly lives to be excellent signposts for my eremitic vocation.
I admit the body is depleted, so after getting the trash bin rolled to the street and watering some plants in pots, I will spend the rest of the evening in quietude, some reading, praying, and perhaps listening to St. Philotheos' Forty Texts on a YouTube channel--a gentle but productive evening until sleep blesses me with physical rest. I do not need to go anywhere until Friday morning Mass. Thanking Christ for the peace He bequeaths, and in gratitude for His love of me and all souls.
God bless His Real Presence in us!
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