I plan to write more Scripturally and spiritually rather than of the last couple of days of more suffering and difficulties therein. I'm now wondering (in a bit of humorous, thought-flashing with God) that my intestine situation began at the beginning of Advent. Is this part of temporal-spiritual Advent waiting?
It may be a long night. I hope in God and pray so! Urgent care then ER yesterday, and if the current plan of treatment does not help, I will need to go again to ER. I am making a connection that these troubles began, yes, the beginning of Advent, but that correlates with my trying to get up more and walk';and the situation has been worsening the past 12 days now, when I've all the more made myself get up and remain up and even start to drive short errands and appointments. So there may be a cause-and-effect lending slight weight to the theory that when I'm up, pain up, the abdominal muscles tighten without being obvious--intrinsic muscles.
Prior to yesterday's needful taking this body to get more help in what is becoming a major problem, I wrote some messages on Christmas cards and put them in mailbox. I was invited via text earlier today, to join a neighbor couple at their home, with one of their quite elderly mother's also invited. Chicken dumplings on the menu which I admit sounds scrumptious if not for my situation. I had the built in and actual excuse being my needing to remain home to deal with the medical situation. (And I still may need to get myself to ER yet tonight; praying all the more now there will not be need.)
On this Fourth Sunday of Advent, the Scriptures are exquisite in the joy of all our Advent waiting for the celebration of the Lord's birth and all the serious and spiritual considerations we have been blessed with minds and hearts and souls to appreciate. All that leads up to, in history through Old Testament and as recounted in the Gospels of archetypes of the Virgin birth, the Messiah to come, of infant born, Son of God, our savior and redeemer!
More to write--tomorrow, God willing and this body, mind, heart able. Tonight, the temporal is taking effort and positive thoughts and prayers, and of offering my suffering for an infant born with cleft palate who needs to put on weight in order for a first surgery to begin correcting his mouth without full palate and lip. But for now he cannot manage to swallow that easily, formula added to his mother's pumped, breast milk. And when he does, his intestines do not function properly, causing the infant to stop eating. Such a tiny child suffering in ways he does not realize would be like not to suffer, having been born with this challenge: a cross that he thus far bears with grace!
Morning:
Was a horrific night, but for now, this time, the worst is over. Had called ER after midnight, but nurse was not knowledgeable, naturally, of what type of severe pain some people must live with, unfortunately. Her solution was to stop pain meds. Oh, dear Jesus, how I'd love to be able to do that and not suffer to a point that I'm out-of-my-mind with pain!
I praise God that I am blessed with high pain tolerance as it is, and gut through enough of it to keep meds at lower levels over the years. However, there is a balance of knowing when the suffering is meritorious or simply foolish to endure to a point that I have even less custody over thoughts and words--offend others, unable to cope, or cannot function on my own, thus a burden to others more than what is with chronic suffering.
Is there a point, Lord, in which the distractions of physical pain and all types of sufferings become in themselves, spiritual and divinely You despite their seeming so pathetically human? Is it enough then, to simply suffer and striving in enduring the ordeals, knowing You, Lord, are in the very depths and mortal throes and concerns of human suffering?
The pain doctor's nurse called; while he is away on much-deserved vacation, she already had the ER report of my visit. Computers certainly provide efficiency and fast word-of-mouth. She helped coach what to try and a time frame, once immediacy this episode resolves in a way I can recover from the awful night and being turned inside out. I am to eat even half a sandwich at some point, and not just water or broth. Have to see if innards will start working.
The nurse has more samples of the one new medication that is to help people such as this reduced lump of mortal consecrated Catholic hermit must take, to counter the side effect that five weeks ago evidently is the cause of the added trial. But since it was not effective this past week, and the cost for me to purchase prohibitive, she mentioned an old-fashion remedy of a certain type of oil. Plus, I realize I must drink more water than a normal-bodied person would drink.
Today is last day of official Advent per se, as tomorrow is Vigil of Christmas, or Christmas Eve. This human body and the suffering therein, vies for attention over the mind, heart, and soul--in the otherwise focus on all matters spiritual and divine in preparation for this most joyous celebration of Christ's birth and life among us! Sheer grace of God--the gift of His Son to be with us always, forevermore, and now, right here with me in Solus Deus Hermitage, and with me throughout last night and yet this morning with the continuation of ordeal.
I've been thinking much of the Virgin Mary and of her giving birth in a stable in Bethlehem--not in her own village of Nazareth, where she would have given birth in at least the home of her new husband Joseph, with neighbor women or female relatives attending the birth, encouraging her, consoling her, explaining the temporal process to a young girl in her teens who had never known such aspects herself.
It is another grace of God in His Providence, that he had her hasten to the hill country a few months prior, to assist her kinswoman Elizabeth in the final three months of her late-in-life, miraculous pregnancy of Elizabeth, in the birthing of John the Baptist. Even the wonderment of the vision and pronouncement of the Archangel Gabriel, months prior, that Mary would be with child through the power of the Holy Spirit and would give birth to a son and was to name him Jesus, and that this child would be the savior of the world, the Son of God.
I'm keeping the love and thoughts of Our Mother Mary, close to my heart and soul all the more as we approach the night of Christ's birth and all that she and Joseph would have experienced in preparing for and leaving Nazareth for Bethlehem in order to do their temporal duty to be registered, to fulfill enrollment per law--a census of sorts. I am not sure I have the strength today to get out the nativity from Solus Deus garage storage, but I will pray and try. If not, I will have the music playing; was going to wait until tomorrow to have Handel's Messiah on the CD player, continuously, but I may treat the silence of solitude and my exhausted mind and body, and begin playing it in addition to the Masses, today.
Read in news clips this morning of a young mother in England who is diagnosed with a rare disease in the same family as ALS--this one also terminal, neurological disease. If not a miracle for the disease to be healed by God, she has a few months left to live. She is making the most with her two little girls, ages 8 and 1.
Then I read of a saint from 6th century who inspires me in how he dealt with his sufferings--far worse than any of mine, and his from birth! I may write of him in another post. Want to ponder him more, and ask him to help me write what would be far better than my own words. The Holy Spirit be praised for the love of connection through ages of souls to one another!
God bless His Real Presence in us!
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