One aspect that came to mind following posting the previous regarding my discerning God's will and where He seems to be guiding me, and of my presumptuousness in wanting to understand His way with me, at least--is that there is always a safety net.
On this eve of St. Padre Pio's feast day and 52nd anniversary of his earthly passing, I sense the build-up of the suffering aspect of my vocation. Tomorrow I will renew my vow of suffering. I've not had easy access to it until more unpacked in Solus Deus Hermitage.
And as to my going deeper, if this is the accurate understanding of God's way with my life at this juncture point, an answer to my prayers for fulfilling my mission, I am reminded that there is always a safety net.
If I am discerning incorrectly and the pruning and plucking that has been going on is not God's way of bringing me to reality of what others came, such as St. Bernard and Padre Pio in full abandonment to God and in living their vocations to what some may consider a deeper mode, then God will in some way let me know. He will have my guardian angel lead me otherwise, or there will be some signal or shift in situations and direction.
The spiritual friend with whom I was discussing what I think God is asking of me, wanting of me, in deep calling unto deep, said when I pointed out that I've not had any signal such as some of the others have had--that the signal from God, the affirmation might come later.
I'm praying for courage and strength to fully cooperate with a deep dive into God in Himself. All the love will then flow from God through me in prayer and whatever else. Already I've had a text from a woman who had asked for prayers for her grandson, Tate--the teen who has leukemia and lost mobility in his hands and legs. He is a gifted cellist; his progress is quite slow, he sleeps a lot, but he is trying his best!
See? This is more where I can be of good use and not have my own personal flaws and flukes be a hindrance or annoyance to those in the active world where God wills them as is their mission and purpose to be there and thus.
I'm totally available to and for others; but I'm seeking after God.
I'll find out, at least. Take the plunge. Find out what is in the deeper of the depths of God. Perhaps I will all the better be able to pray for others!
God bless His Real Presence in us!
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