Well, I did not really think through when the pain doctor mentioned epidural injections--one in neck and one in upper thoracic spine.
Woke up this morning in full blown pain siege; yep, had been forestalling it for a couple days, which never works. Catches up soon enough and with seemingly more vengeance. Then came a phone call. The hospital was scheduling the epidurals. What? Yes, and I'd need a driver to and from and to stay during.
I don't have a driver. Maybe the volunteer structure at the church might have someone? No--liability. Of course not. That is common sense and the reality of our times. I'd simply forgotten, not thought that through. The parish nurse with whom I spoke on the phone reminded, but she said I will have people through the church, make friends, be in groups, and so forth.
No. I am a consecrated Catholic hermit of over 18 years avowed, and I strive to live (other than in unusual or unavoidable circumstances such as when I did not have my own hermitage for 4 1/2 months) according to the two simple yet thorough declarations in The Catechism of the Catholic Church on Eremitic Life. (You can find it listed under Consecrated Life of the Church.)
No matter what other hermits may determine with their bishops and spiritual directors, parish priests, religious order superiors or whomever is God's representative to help with earthly decisions and direction of His hermits--I am directed and guided to remain hidden from the eyes of men (and women), to be in assiduous prayer and praise of God, and so forth. (I might include the pertinent sections below, to remind what is the hermit life as stated by the Church.)
The priest on Tuesday had genuine concerns that lay persons in the parish would not understand nor be familiar with a hermit vocation. I had agreed, although I do think they have more familiarity even if varied notions about what is a hermit, how a hermit might live, and then be tempted to judge. But already I found myself trying to side step all the suggestions of the parish nurse, including several suggestions for various treatments for my spinal issues.
A simple statement would put an end to what would be rather a waste of her loving efforts on my behalf for social life and making "lots of friends". I am a consecrated Catholic hermit, striving to live my vocation as the Church has stated and as tradition has unveiled over the centuries. Perhaps at times a simple statement, in private and to someone whose position is one of contact for information gathering for a hermit to tend to temporal needs, is best.
While the asst. priest told me the lead priest is one I must speak to, when he returns, he is so busy that it will be a few weeks until that appointment. In the meantime, already the parish nurse has lined up a parishioner to bring His Real Presence to me! And I do agree with the assistant priest that my mystic and hermit self does not need at all to be known to whomever brings me Communion. Not necessary, and nothing I desire--to be exposed to others who have no need to know. The only reason the priests need to know is to decide on my attending Mass or not due to the ecstasies during Masses and to be aware of my vocation. The lead priest will be the one for me to speak more about that, for his guidelines specify to do so, and the asst. priest has directed as such.
As for the epidurals or not, my flashback of the one time I had one, came back to me this morning, like the horrible ordeal it ended up being. Cedars of Sinai Hospital, 1984. Lumbar. The doctor had to stop the procedure due to the excruciating pain. Whatever occurred, it did not work.
This morning, also, I realized since a radiologist has to do this procedure in the hospital, that what is injected are steroids. Prednisone is a steroid. Oral Prednisone I took on doctor's orders (to see if would reduce pain when a siege coming on) caused a terrible headache reaction. Was having trouble hanging on with that level of pain.... Doctor next day said take no more.
I researched epidurals online. The positive rate is 50%. The length of time for positive lessening of pain as a result is a few days to a couple or so months. The closer to the head the injection, the higher risk of negative side effects, the major one being spinal headache. I called back the hospital intake person and gave them my past experience with an epidural, even if years ago, soon after accident, but also my Monday night reaction to prednisone. The doctors will review and decide.
In the meantime, given that I'd have to hire a Lyft driver to take me and one to bring me back, I'm not sure with the potential side effects but mostly with the reality that relief is only 50% positive and at that, temporary, why go down this path? It was horrible the other day when the B-12 injection brought nerve pain relief for a few hours, but the next morning the comparison to the pain back in full force made it downright sad to the psyche! Perhaps it is as well to just manage the pain as I have been with its reality, as it is, and not put myself through even more ups and downs with feeling better than the effect of even feeling far worse when the temporary benefits wear off!
The doctor's office called. The surgical referral has been sent to the surgeon. That is a different matter. If the surgeon can remove the bone spurs and open up the space around my squeezed spinal cord in the lumbar region, and if he thinks he can make space for pinched nerves as well, that is worth doing. Spinal stenosis is not only quite painful, but the use of my legs are at risk with nerves being cut off eventually and the spinal cord, as well, from being able to do their work and keep me mobile.
I'll pray more about the epidural, but I'm thinking not to do it. The parish nurse also said, as I asked her professional opinion, words concurring with some of what I'd read online about steroid injections. I know my pain MD is trying what might help, and I'm grateful. I'll keep praying; the Lord will guide, but I must listen carefully and discern. If the memory of the epidural in 1984 came from the Holy Spirit, it certainly was a vivid reminder of one medical procedure gone wrong. The effects of the temporary nature of the B-12 injection remind me of how disappointing and painful it is when back to the usual level of pain and how short-lived and costly reprieves can be. The reaction to the oral prednisone just three nights ago seem to highlight the primary side effect of epidural injections.
See how much medical information has come in one afternoon on the floor-bed in Solus Deus Hermitage! I'd have preferred not having to make calls and think through health considerations, yet again. Nor did I want to have to already run up against the difficulty of someone trying to encourage and assuming the usual with a person. It was tricky, the other not knowing that it is not my being negative or contrary to all the suggestions of socializing and getting into parish groups and activities--wonderful as they are for lay persons and many religious--yet not that of the eremitic vocation.
I'm a consecrated Catholic hermit, plain and simple, and I intend to live as best as I can according to what the Church foremost requires of all hermits and specifically in my case, the privately professed variety--as follows:
The Eremitic Life
920 Without always professing the three evangelical counsels publicly, hermits "devote their life to the praise of God and salvation of the world through a stricter separation from the world, the silence of solitude and assiduous prayer and penance."
921 They manifest to everyone the interior aspect of the mystery of the Church, that is, personal intimacy with Christ. Hidden from the eyes of men, the life of the hermit is a silent preaching of the Lord, to whom he has surrendered his life simply because he is everything to him. Here is a particular call to find in the desert, in the thick of spiritual battle, the glory of the Crucified One.
Woke up this morning in full blown pain siege; yep, had been forestalling it for a couple days, which never works. Catches up soon enough and with seemingly more vengeance. Then came a phone call. The hospital was scheduling the epidurals. What? Yes, and I'd need a driver to and from and to stay during.
I don't have a driver. Maybe the volunteer structure at the church might have someone? No--liability. Of course not. That is common sense and the reality of our times. I'd simply forgotten, not thought that through. The parish nurse with whom I spoke on the phone reminded, but she said I will have people through the church, make friends, be in groups, and so forth.
No. I am a consecrated Catholic hermit of over 18 years avowed, and I strive to live (other than in unusual or unavoidable circumstances such as when I did not have my own hermitage for 4 1/2 months) according to the two simple yet thorough declarations in The Catechism of the Catholic Church on Eremitic Life. (You can find it listed under Consecrated Life of the Church.)
No matter what other hermits may determine with their bishops and spiritual directors, parish priests, religious order superiors or whomever is God's representative to help with earthly decisions and direction of His hermits--I am directed and guided to remain hidden from the eyes of men (and women), to be in assiduous prayer and praise of God, and so forth. (I might include the pertinent sections below, to remind what is the hermit life as stated by the Church.)
The priest on Tuesday had genuine concerns that lay persons in the parish would not understand nor be familiar with a hermit vocation. I had agreed, although I do think they have more familiarity even if varied notions about what is a hermit, how a hermit might live, and then be tempted to judge. But already I found myself trying to side step all the suggestions of the parish nurse, including several suggestions for various treatments for my spinal issues.
A simple statement would put an end to what would be rather a waste of her loving efforts on my behalf for social life and making "lots of friends". I am a consecrated Catholic hermit, striving to live my vocation as the Church has stated and as tradition has unveiled over the centuries. Perhaps at times a simple statement, in private and to someone whose position is one of contact for information gathering for a hermit to tend to temporal needs, is best.
While the asst. priest told me the lead priest is one I must speak to, when he returns, he is so busy that it will be a few weeks until that appointment. In the meantime, already the parish nurse has lined up a parishioner to bring His Real Presence to me! And I do agree with the assistant priest that my mystic and hermit self does not need at all to be known to whomever brings me Communion. Not necessary, and nothing I desire--to be exposed to others who have no need to know. The only reason the priests need to know is to decide on my attending Mass or not due to the ecstasies during Masses and to be aware of my vocation. The lead priest will be the one for me to speak more about that, for his guidelines specify to do so, and the asst. priest has directed as such.
As for the epidurals or not, my flashback of the one time I had one, came back to me this morning, like the horrible ordeal it ended up being. Cedars of Sinai Hospital, 1984. Lumbar. The doctor had to stop the procedure due to the excruciating pain. Whatever occurred, it did not work.
This morning, also, I realized since a radiologist has to do this procedure in the hospital, that what is injected are steroids. Prednisone is a steroid. Oral Prednisone I took on doctor's orders (to see if would reduce pain when a siege coming on) caused a terrible headache reaction. Was having trouble hanging on with that level of pain.... Doctor next day said take no more.
I researched epidurals online. The positive rate is 50%. The length of time for positive lessening of pain as a result is a few days to a couple or so months. The closer to the head the injection, the higher risk of negative side effects, the major one being spinal headache. I called back the hospital intake person and gave them my past experience with an epidural, even if years ago, soon after accident, but also my Monday night reaction to prednisone. The doctors will review and decide.
In the meantime, given that I'd have to hire a Lyft driver to take me and one to bring me back, I'm not sure with the potential side effects but mostly with the reality that relief is only 50% positive and at that, temporary, why go down this path? It was horrible the other day when the B-12 injection brought nerve pain relief for a few hours, but the next morning the comparison to the pain back in full force made it downright sad to the psyche! Perhaps it is as well to just manage the pain as I have been with its reality, as it is, and not put myself through even more ups and downs with feeling better than the effect of even feeling far worse when the temporary benefits wear off!
The doctor's office called. The surgical referral has been sent to the surgeon. That is a different matter. If the surgeon can remove the bone spurs and open up the space around my squeezed spinal cord in the lumbar region, and if he thinks he can make space for pinched nerves as well, that is worth doing. Spinal stenosis is not only quite painful, but the use of my legs are at risk with nerves being cut off eventually and the spinal cord, as well, from being able to do their work and keep me mobile.
I'll pray more about the epidural, but I'm thinking not to do it. The parish nurse also said, as I asked her professional opinion, words concurring with some of what I'd read online about steroid injections. I know my pain MD is trying what might help, and I'm grateful. I'll keep praying; the Lord will guide, but I must listen carefully and discern. If the memory of the epidural in 1984 came from the Holy Spirit, it certainly was a vivid reminder of one medical procedure gone wrong. The effects of the temporary nature of the B-12 injection remind me of how disappointing and painful it is when back to the usual level of pain and how short-lived and costly reprieves can be. The reaction to the oral prednisone just three nights ago seem to highlight the primary side effect of epidural injections.
See how much medical information has come in one afternoon on the floor-bed in Solus Deus Hermitage! I'd have preferred not having to make calls and think through health considerations, yet again. Nor did I want to have to already run up against the difficulty of someone trying to encourage and assuming the usual with a person. It was tricky, the other not knowing that it is not my being negative or contrary to all the suggestions of socializing and getting into parish groups and activities--wonderful as they are for lay persons and many religious--yet not that of the eremitic vocation.
I'm a consecrated Catholic hermit, plain and simple, and I intend to live as best as I can according to what the Church foremost requires of all hermits and specifically in my case, the privately professed variety--as follows:
The Eremitic Life
920 Without always professing the three evangelical counsels publicly, hermits "devote their life to the praise of God and salvation of the world through a stricter separation from the world, the silence of solitude and assiduous prayer and penance."
921 They manifest to everyone the interior aspect of the mystery of the Church, that is, personal intimacy with Christ. Hidden from the eyes of men, the life of the hermit is a silent preaching of the Lord, to whom he has surrendered his life simply because he is everything to him. Here is a particular call to find in the desert, in the thick of spiritual battle, the glory of the Crucified One.
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