He can barely write, his hands struggling to grip a pen. But my spiritual father has sent a letter, and I'm most grateful for the effort it took and the as-ever, wisdom, encouragement, and expression of loving and holy regard.
The spiritual father is mostly bed-ridden these days yet is taken by wheel chair to Mass. I have no idea if I will see him yet on earth. Perhaps if I can manage a visit before back surgery or whatever the Lord has in store for me--we never know the day nor hour--I will once more be able to hear in person his thoughts and advice. What a holy and God-given spiritual director and venerable priest is this man of advanced years!
In his recent letter, he wanted to know what I plan for the future. He expressed desire that I always keep in touch with the supernatural. There is no option in that; I was born in touch with the supernatural as mystics are born, not made nor developed on their own or by others. So I wrote back about a visit from my late mother who is now in tremendous light and could speak to me without barriers, could look at me directly and speak face-to-face.
I won't go into the background of such matters--of how it is for us on the other side--in this particular post. Yet it will be important to share my experiences and what I've been taught by the Holy Spirit and through various visitations, and then, of course, spiritual discernment.
Yet, again, I wrote back to the spiritual father who now after so many years, feels all right about expressing in his closing: God loves you, and so do I. This is good in some regards--a breakthrough for him to express what two people who are anam cara--soul friends--can mean to one another in spiritual depth and kinship within His Real Presence.
I wrote of how much I appreciate him, how blessed I am to be anam cara with such a great soul and person, to be guided, challenged, and helped through various persecutions and my own sinful errors in life, to have taught me much since my conversion to and in the Catholic faith.
But I also wrote of the reality of the duties of the temporal life, currently, and how I long to get the spiritual books unpacked, and that yes, I will continue reading these and then hopefully writing about the insights given us over the centuries by those great masters in the spiritual life who were closer in time and spirit to the Lord's time on earth and His teachings, than what most of us could ever aspire simply by the fact of passage of earth time and the dilution of details and facts.
But spiritually, we are through, with, and in the Lord Jesus Christ, in His Real Presence: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, any moment past, present, future. It takes faith, hope, and love for this reality, yet reality it is, indeed, for any living person who so desires such intimacy with God.
And that intimacy with God links us to others thus subsumed into His Real Presence.
I yearn for a deeper and truer living out of the spiritual life than what the more recent times have availed. Yesterday, I had to drive to an assessor's office and file the homeowner's exemption for Solus Deus, this lovely hermitage. Then off to a big-box store to return a few food items since I've recently read of certain elements in some foods that can increase bodily inflammation and cause loss of energy and perhaps increase pain. (I try so hard, and the Lord only knows how hard, to do whatever I humanly can to alleviate any added sources of bodily pain!)
I stocked up even more in staples, plus some cleaning supplies and a kitchen waste can that is durable and on sale. I got a 3-step stool to help reach upper cabinets. I went to yet another super center store to get eye drop prescription sent from previous doctor from where I had lived for nearly six years. Then I purchased there a lesser but utilitarian container for recyclables.
I tell you, dear readers, I was worn out by the time I returned to Solus Deus and unloaded most of the truck--after having stopped at a grocery to purchase some additional fresh produce that are healthy and low in the negative element to at least some bodies, in my attempt to do what I can to function as best as possible. The Shop Vac had arrived and was by front porch; this morning I put the wheels on and so forth, and have sucked the crumbs from kitchen cabinets and drawers before my back gave out; thus here I am on the floor, writing of what at times seems to me incessant temporal tasks!
The cost of stocking up has unnerved me some, especially when the bodily pain is higher. The devil does love to pry into our weak points and moments, such as when in pain of one type or other--physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual pain. The devil does not care which or what combination! Yet I will continue with this way of "chunking" the time and money the Lord provides.
I'd rather take time and expense now to stock up, do the driving to the stores, and also to clean and unpack--than to be spreading it out, interrupting what I hope and pray and intend to be days and weeks of settling into my consecrated Catholic hermit routine of this blessed eremitic vocation and life. At most, then, I'd need to on occasion get some fresh produce, as when the weather improves I plan to grow the bulk of produce and some varieties which I can process and freeze for winter.
It's the current plan, anyway to an uncomfortable-for-a-hermit time period of dealing with a vast amount of temporal issues and situations that simply will not go away until completed. Another that looms is getting my Internal Revenue Services duties accomplished.
This will be particularly time-consuming since for the past nearly six years, I'd been living in basically a construction zone, and for the past 4 1/2 months have been in temporary quarters--three different locations. The bills and paperwork and medical receipts are in bags and envelopes--yet to be located due to so much travel and with it, severe pain that can block out time periods of memory. It's all on the premises, though, finally! Just will take more temporal time to locate and organize, add up, fill in the blanks, and file.
I've had four visitors to Solus Deus in this first week here. More on that, later. I must return to next washing out with disinfectant water, the kitchen pantry, cabinets and drawers and begin to organize the utensils, dish ware, cooking ware, and pantry items. I'm reminded of St. Teresa of Avila telling her religious sisters: "God is found among the pots and pans!" Practical spiritual reality, this is.
But a hermit does not have others in the temporal realm to help clean and unpack, organize, to cook and in our time period, handle procurement of supplies. There is no extern nun or monk; and a consecrated Catholic hermit has not tax exempt status, so the IRS duties are the hermit's own, and for me, once I gather and provide all the numbers from receipts and appropriate 1099 income forms, a long-time accountant will crunch the numbers, fill in the proper forms, and file my tax returns.
Ruing that I do not want to have to take this time to do all these temporal tasks, and zeal to take up the very aspects that my spiritual father hopes and prays will be my future, is not going to get the temporal tasks accomplished. My back has had now about all the rest it is going to get in this floor-break period. Up and off to the kitchen, hie me hither! Plenty to pray about while working on unpacking on this gorgeously sunny day!
God bless His Real Presence in us!
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