Had a most unusual and unexpected day yesterday. The mystical morning unfolded with the pain doctor asking some spiritual questions that evolved from the lumbar MRI scans. He could not locate a couple of the screws in the back rods implanted years ago. Well, only four were screwed back in, as I described the situation of my dying in recovery, and the surgeon being called back, my being sent back into my body by God, and the surgeon rushing me in to surgery to try to figure out what went wrong.
So the lumbar region is a mess, yes. Rods installed, fusion, bone graft, rods removed, re-bent, re-screwed. Rush, rush. That's probably why it's a mess and what the pain doctor suspects now, over time, is yet the main cause of way too much pain--not to mention the neck that has problems as well as the thoracic spine that has all kinds of issues, but nothing like the low back. So he is referring me to a surgeon for his take on if there is a means to remove bone spurs and open up areas where spinal stenosis has set in. Nerves are being pinched, spinal cord is squeezed.
The pain doctor wanted to know more about the death experience. Then he had some questions regarding a situation in his extended family. I won't go into the details, but it has to do with a suicide and a spouse going to what can be termed a "channeler" who had contact with the deceased spouse and brought details that go along with mind-reading but more so, of which discernment of spirits is crucial. So we discussed the spiritual realm and Christ, and Scripture, and I did my best to advise, when he asked, how to help the family member hopefully not return to the group with the necromancer.
I pray yet today that the Holy Spirit had me say what needed to be said--including permission to share with the family member my own experience years ago, and the warning God gave me in the middle of the night: Follow no one! Follow no one! Follow no one!
We are to follow Jesus Christ. God the Father! Holy Spirit!
I also had more as I reached my truck so walked back to give an addition message to the doctor via his receptionist. These situations and people who do such things create a dependency in the vulnerable that is not good. God does not do that.
The doctor also recommended I see a certain chiropractor who he said would be interested in talking with me and me with him. He mentioned I might also try a B-12 injection and get my neck worked on. He said the chiropractor would know what priest best for me to talk with, as the chiropractor is a Catholic and simply--yes, would "know."
The doctor texted the chiropractor who texted back that I should call and his receptionist would set an appointment, and to call her. So I did, and I was able to go after the pain doctor appt. to do a walk-in for the B-12 injection, but first the chiropractor and I had a brief conversation.
It was so unexpected--the connection, the advice, and the chiropractor's background and experience in his field plus ancillary areas. Turns out, he is a member of the parish nearest me, and he advised which priest would be best, although I was slated to speak with the other. Both are very good men, very good priests, the chiropractor said, but the one would have more understanding or grasp of my situation.
That is exactly what the good and kind priest I did speak with, suggest. He listened commendably to my explanation of the situation--the ecstasies during Mass and a few other aspects, including my vocation as a consecrated Catholic hermit, privately professed. Ultimately, the priest said I need to speak with the other priest who happens to be away until next week. But in the interim, he felt best that I have Communion brought to me.
He explained that while he did not want me to "feel like a spiritual leper," that he had to consider such as if someone had Turret's Syndrome, and would that do well for the other worshippers to be distracted? I assured him I understand, and that he actually handled quite well what I shared of my mystic life, born this way but not realizing it until age 34 when a friend told me that I'm on a different wave length, have experiences others do not--but they love me all the same.
So when it came to his concerns of how I should be such as when the person who'd bring me Communion would meet me, come to my home, he said they'd not be able to come into "THIS!" By "THIS!", I understood he meant how people would react if they realized my spiritual leperhood, as actually, that is exactly what "THIS!" is! It truly is! I finally have an accurate metaphor for my mystic affliction. Perhaps after a mystic dies from this earth, the mystic affliction, the spiritual leprosy, is then called and considered a spiritual "gift".
The kindly priest added that if I can just try to perceive how other people would find me--and I said I can do that, although not easy to always remember. Thus, it is really for my own protection and that of others in charitable way, that God called me to Himself and gave me the hermit vocation, for I am so easily distracted when in the world, drawn out too much, and I am understanding also that it includes such as the world of an active and large parish of regular, normal, active people.
So he also advised that the parish visitor bringing Communion should also not know that I am a hermit, for lay persons in the Church do not really grasp or understand that vocation. I agree! Even Bishops don't really grasp, for the most part, as there are so many different Bishops with their different notions about hermits as evidenced in the recent (by Church time line per centuries) development of canonically approved hermits.
Some hermits are approved to live together, others are approved to allow or strive to develop quasi-religious order hermitages, to live with parents,. Some work in more visible and interactive jobs and socialize more than do many lay persons; some are so young as to not have had much if any life experience in suffering, prayer, financial challenges, work nor love relationships.
Anyway, it was a good talk with this priest, and yes, when the other priest returns, I will do as he said and let the lead priest ultimately decide what he deems best. However, I find prudence and even wisdom in what this priest yesterday had to say. I'm actually relieved; plus there was none of the eye-rolling nor disrespect nor doubting nor worrisome reaction--not the persecution--that I've experienced in the past. I was prepared for anything, as one ought, when being honest about something that is atypical.
He said we'd just tell the parish nurse who makes arrangements for those bringing Communion to persons in their homes, that I have a severe back problem (true enough) and that is why I need a parish visitor once a week. So that's what we said, and I wondered a bit that we probably did not even need to have that as a reason. But once an underlying reason such as spiritual leprosy is known to one in charge, there seems a more urgent need to mask it when others would not notice, anyway. Or so I wonder.
Perhaps I'm yet in denial. Several years ago when I tried to wear clothing in attempt to blend in with clothing style of a bulk of one Cathedral parishioners, a daughter told me it might work for even a year, but sooner than later they'd sense something different about me. Turned out to be so. Regardless, I think this parish priest is wise and prescient in his advice, yesterday.
The more I pondered it later, though, I laughed some about the spiritual leprosy because it is so apt in many ways. Even lepers today are not hidden away, yet there are medications to help cure them. No "cures" are known for a mystic. However, I reviewed how God has for years guided me and spoken to me, given visions and locutions, advising me of essentially the same: Hibernate, live hermit life, be held for Himself, protect and prevent from being drawn out into the world, be provided for by Him, and know this is how He is loving me.
Now is the time I must unpack; settle back into the structure of my eremitic vocation; accept, appreciate, and embrace my spiritual leprosy; pray, praise, love Him above all else and others as myself; fulfill the mission God reveals in slivers of light. And write in my hidden, anonymous way that He asks of me, sharing what others can choose to read and find help or meaning, or not, with out being distracted by seeing the spiritual leper or fearing contagion of the misunderstood and unknown.
Even the pain doctor says he is awake at night, struggling with understanding Who Is God? What Is God--Spirit, Presence, Being? As we talked over the thoughts, we came to what all come to: our words fail to describe He Who Is the Source of All Beingness, Energy, and Love.
God bless His Real Presence in us! Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.... Words fail us; we hope for faith and love to sustain what we cannot describe.
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