Catholic Hermit: Opportunities in Suffering

Granted, Lord, this is so difficult.  I'm not going to underestimate the personal, immense challenge of this suffering and slow progress, the high level of pain, along with what seems to the person undergoing it--me--the massive life change.  And this is massive even within the already uniquely focused lifestyle of a consecrated Catholic hermit.  

Stricter separation from the world is now wed with stricter separation from most forms of manual labor, stricter separation from mobility in general, stricter separation from being able to be as self-sufficient.

I just called the lovely older couple--they mentioned 81 years old when they brought me a meal over six weeks ago through the parish on-line meal sign-up program.  Yes, they will be glad to pick up some fresh produce for me, and anything else.  I mentioned some dryer sheets.  "What brand do I use?" E. inquired.

That caught me off-guard.  I don't use dryer sheets normally, for in hermit-manual labor style and for the added exercise for my spine, I have dried my few items washed on a clothes rack or when in the farmhouse, when not raining on the outdoor clothesline.  So I told her whatever is inexpensive; these I simply want to use in some of my rare books to help diminish the musty odor.  They'd been boxed for several years in off-and-on moisture-laden conditions.

She laughed when I explained.  (I'd forgotten about people liking certain brands and the usual purpose of such as dryer sheets.  I don't need softer or less wrinkled clothes.)  I also mentioned that whenever they happen to be out doing their own shopping or are out more in my area and have the time or inclination, that is fine with me; I don't want them to go out of their way for I don't need anything urgently.  (That is true; the previous stripping the Lord provided me in Te Deum Hermitage, the old farmhouse, taught me that I can survive on little variety and not much for weeks.) 

The physical therapist came.  She'd was not put out by my text yesterday, in which I gave more information on Arachnoiditis.  Doing that proved to be quite helpful, actually.  She is quite intelligent and adept; she grasps what I'm dealing with all the better and gives excellent ideas and suggestions.  In fact, I expressed gratitude that I know she is stepping outside her job-description and offering me some tips and help that falls under occupational therapy category.

She showed me how to use the various weighted exercise bands that arrived from Amazon yesterday.  Then she helped me figure out how to be able to plug in a cord to an outlet that is not waist-high; I will be able to use the lightweight Shop-Vac that I use inside and have for years due to it being "light weight."  I'm not new in this back pain business; but I am new to the higher level of pain and the greater bodily limitations from here on out.

We figured out a way I can turn on the outdoor spigots by using a long, water main turn-off tool.  Using the pronged tool to operate a spigot is actually quite easy; my concern for not trying it previously was that if somehow I could not get it turned off, no one would be here to do so by getting down low, bending the back, and using arm strength.  Water would be flowing unchecked.  Grateful she was willing to be my literal back-up!

She said trying to use the large but smooth-rolling dolly is beyond my capabilities at this point. It has not to do with my rolling it, tilted back and great ball-bearings; but the problem is that weight on it will force my spine into wrong position and over use outside a safe range.  At least using the dolly will be possible after more weeks of healing and strengthening the legs and the core muscles.

The physical therapist offered a fact I did not know prior: back surgeries are far more intricate and in danger of ruination than even knee, shoulder, or hip replacements despite the greater range of motion these areas of body involved.  Add in my more porous bones and the extensive level of my surgery, I must learn to be far more disciplined in movements I make and in setting my body, thinking with my mind to make sure the legs, hips, and core muscles are "set" and tightened before I do such as practice the "golfer's reach" while holding onto a chair, counter, or even the walker, to plug in a cord or pick up something from the floor.  Such a simple task will take practice over time.

She made me get back down after these bits of efforts and learning new "tricks".  I'm to set my phone alarm so that I do not stay up long at any one time; the movement of learning to plug in an outlet--did it just once under her supervision--was enough to start the pain rise which signals in my brain such that my mind goes out of the body.  That I recognize immediately for the mind feels "spacey" and disoriented.  I'm a long way off from driving the two miles to Home Depot so as to return the items for financial credit.  I'll try the neighbor man and of course will monetarily gift him--and whenever he might need to go himself.

With the detailed instruction and reminders of the physical therapist for each minor task that previously I'd not think much about, she emphasized as she was leaving that this is going to take focus of mind and body; the pain level has to be kept in check; I cannot do much for long.  I cannot get ahead of myself or cause harm to the surgery area.

Thus I realized yet another opportunity that suffering provides and is so beneficial for my hermit vocation and spiritual life:  DISCIPLINE.  Whereas I must detach from many tasks that I enjoyed in manual labor, or trying to play my small, Celtic harp (in farmhouse situation was never able have the harp out of it's case due to constant construction zone and on-going debris).  I might not know for months if I will be able to sit for any length of time or much at all.  Perhaps there is some way to play the harp while flat on my back in bed; but the arm reach-out for now is not good--any "reaching outside of the field of the core", the physical therapist instructs, is a reaching I must not do.

That is, I must not do at least until I have the leg, hip, and spinal core muscles strengthened--more than ever before--for especially the leg and hip muscles are henceforth what I'm mostly going to be relying upon.  Yes--as in my spiritual life--the discipline and repetitive action, the spaced practice, the focus required, and to do to a degree of perfection, I'm realizing are God's gift to me of the various opportunities to grow in ways that will unite me with His Real Presence all the more, through this added suffering!

I do need a handyman, I think, though.  I'm asking the Lord to help me locate a handyman.  I'm praying that the neighbor children might do a few more garden tasks that I cannot.  Yes, I will detach from gardening and this house when I am more able--spring, summer.  Such marvelous opportunities in spiritual life graces may be acquired by God when He prunes us all the more!  He's moving me in the direction of less physical and far more spiritual, of using the mind and heart more than the body than ever of which I have recall.

The excitement of these growing opportunities afforded in suffering, as a result of pain, helps counter what could be sorrow or negative attitude, or discouragement in spirit.  Definitely, those moments come in which there is temptation to the negative, to the dark and even a sliver of the devil's hoofs or horns might be a splinter that the Lord helps me recognize and gives graces to teach me to quickly pull out such a splinter or more.  One must never let a devilish splinter stab us through to the mind or heart nor disable, if at all or for long, our spirits.  

Rely upon the armor of God (much as I must develop the necessary muscles);  call upon the protection of the Holy Spirit, St. .Michael the Archangel, hosts of angels, and my guardian angel as I must call upon what other or others I can try for help with tasks that are beyond me.  Praise God!  The praise of God is yet another opportunity brought forth from suffering.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

[The physical therapist said since I'd been up longer than what she'd intended, in our trying to get the most coverage out of this second-to-last session that insurance will pay for in-home instruction, that I needed to stay down for at least two hours.  Writing has brought that as if it's been minutes; all aspects of me feel refreshed--another opportunity in suffering!  I'm going to start collecting these opportunities.]

Return to Silence, The Divine Office, and Other Considerations

After being called out to civilization for a charitable visit and gathering a few provisions, have returned to the silence, solitude, and slowness of this beautiful life of stricter separation from the world in assiduous prayer and penance...and very much that of praising His Real Presence!  The physical body needs much rest and to recover, and to manage the physical pain, so wearing.

Fr. V. has emailed his guidance from across the globe and reminds that if am "unable to go [to Mass] there isn't much problem. Just have enough time of silence and meditation and then offer nice praises to God.  Today's readings call for deep reflection.  God through the prophet tells us that he could reveal himself anywhere and he choose anyone as his instrument."  He knows the circumstances and details of this nothing Catholic hermit's circumstances. 

It is best to have a priest spiritual adviser who knows one's health, physical and spiritual life, vocation, and past and current situation.  For a hermit, it also is best, and this from over 14 years experience of living the eremitic life (which may not seem that long but does offer fair perspective) to have as a spiritual guide an Order priest more familiar with spiritual and eremitic life, or a priest living an eremitic life who is formed more in contemplative religious vocations than what training and formation a diocesan cleric could reasonably have or offer.

Recently the young married woman and mother who discusses once a week via phone the book The Spiritual Combat (Scupoli), asked why it is a diocese priest would not have a better grasp of hermit life.  She thought it a lapse or flaw that ought be remedied, that the diocesan priests and bishops ought to have a better understanding, a historical understanding as well as specific.  

But this hermit thinks not.  How many hermits did the young woman know from her parish growing up and now the one she attends?  (The question was recently also asked of a life-long Catholic man in his late 50's, very involved in his large and active parish.)  Their answers were: "None."  

This nothing Catholic hermit recalled meeting with a parishioner a year ago, at the bequest of a Jesuit priest in a very social activist parish.  The parishioner is their designated spiritual director, and she admitted she did not know anything about the eremitic vocation nor did she know any hermits.

And, truly, why should they need to know?  For example, in a marvelous parish of over 2000 families, the priests had not dealt with a hermit prior.  We can see of what their time and energy ought be spent:  the full range of active adult parishioners, the ill, the many children, single lay adults--not on a hermit who may happen along, if ever.  They do not even need to know there is a hermit worshiping with them, if one does.  

And it is not necessary for them to know, nor to spend time reading books or researching lives of hermits throughout Church history.  This is what the hermit ought be doing for a better grasp of his own vocational understanding, plus in developing a strong life of prayer.  To learn from and model one's hermit vocation after the lives of the historical and canonized hermits of the Church whose existences evolved into spiritual successes of humility and later sanctity, is the best grounding and training for any hermit, publicly or privately professed.  


Of the various priests and bishops known to this nothing Catholic hermit, none of them have had experience with hermits nor anything beyond a cursory knowledge.  Only one knew of a hermit he recalled from seminary days years past--seminary of a Benedictine monastery.  The hermit he recalled was a priest who would come into the monastery once a week, if that often, for some supplies and brief contact with his superior.

And, of course, leaning not unto thine own understanding, but turning to His Real Presence as one's source and Source of beauty, truth and goodness, is key.  Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  Following in His footsteps, in any vocation, is the way through this earthly existence to our heavenly reward.

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From the week-ago conversation with the hermit priest in the small monastery up the road, this nothing Catholic hermit gained a necessary reminder to tighten the spiritual focus of its vocation.  Am praying the Divine Office in all its hours, and doing so with attempted slowness and stillness.  Yes, the mind wants to scatter, but one must bring it back into silence, solitude and slowness.

It is amazing what other hermits might share either in life or from their extant writings, that helps one in his own eremitic daily life of loving service through prayer, praise and penance.  Even something that reminds one not to do, is a benefit.  

Am recalling two priests (not hermits) who led a pilgrimage, and their reading aloud together their morning and evening offices, in front of the group of pilgrims when waiting in shrine lines or on the bus.  They read it so quickly, that words were indistinguishable.  It became more a public routine which could inspire those with them, but more became a point of humor in a way due to the rushed performance. That is an ever-reminder to this hermit to pray the Office, not race it.

When this hermit asked the hermit priest last week about their daily horarium, what stood out was their praying the Jesus prayer as they worked, and that they doubled up on two of the "hours", twice--that is, praying aloud two, one after another.  The other "hours" were prayed privately.  

Since this nothing Catholic hermit had asked about their horarium (daily physical and spiritual schedule) due to its own recognized lapsing, the thought arose that when only two hermit priests and one hermit monk living in very close quarters felt a need to double up praying the Divine Office hours, there really should be no need to double them.  Why not simply stop whatever other work or possible distractions, and pray them individually, not doubling up?  The spaced praying is part of the effort in training the body, mind, heart and soul to turn to God throughout day and night.

Time spent in a Cistercian monastery and having done much reading on the Carthusians, reminded that over 40 men (in the Cistercian monastery) stopped their tasks and also rose in the night, to pray each Office with reverent deliberation.  All these thoughts have brought this Catholic hermit, the solitary of Te Deum House, to return to praying the Offices.  

There is simply no excuse for this nothing Catholic hermit to not pray all of them and cease whatever other activity, in order to give first place to praise and prayer of and in His Real Presence.  

(This is to not suggest it is easy, though.  This hermit has experience with various temptations and weaknesses against doing what otherwise is a small offering  of the few minutes out of all the time God gifts, to pray each "Hour" of the Divine Office!)  

So, to begin once again, to bring this hermit's will into loving discipline and in union with the many hermits whether together in monasteries or living in solitude around the world, who pray the Divine Office in its beneficial fullness.

It is a small thing, truly.  But in the life of a hermit, it is a primary call to immerse oneself in the Living Word of His Real Presence, and to enter into love of God in Himself, and in Him, to be praying for all the people in the whole world, in the universe.  Pray for those souls on this side of the veil and those souls on the other, for all souls are the community to which the hermit belongs, for whom the hermit prays, loves, and does so through, with, and in His Real Presence:  Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little Children, let us love one another, as He loves us!