Catholic Hermit: Gratitude Opens Souls to Graces

Another jewel given us through the Holy Spirit in the writings of St. Bernard of Clairvaux, 12th century, Cistercion abbot and Doctor of the Church.  This, from Sermon 27.

I'm having a difficult morning after a challenging night, last.  The physical pain is higher, but I am also so yearning for Christ, for my earthly end to come if He'd but return to me to take me with Him.  He told me in September, 2012, to "Wait"--that he had to leave to tend to some other souls but would return.

However, in my waiting, I have not utilized the temporal time as well as I ought.  I feel as if like the parable of the "unprofitable servant."  Even now, in turning back to the good spiritual reading that my late Spiritual Da encouraged me to do, in his last note card to me 10 months ago, the reading is challenging, for I'd tended, myself, to temporal construction skills and manual labor, and accepting a most harrowing form of being stripped down.  All that was very good, but the conversion, the turning to more spiritual reading and contemplation, requires another type of discipline, along with the increase in physical suffering, on going.

In the recent reading about acquired and infused virtues and the infused gifts of the Holy Spirit, and the needful sanctifying grace we are given as in a seed when our soul implanted in us when conceived and born into this world, the nurturing and tending this seed filled with sanctifying grace is to be our focus.  We are to increasingly desire the supernatural end of seeing God face to face, of being united in His Real Presence for eternity.

Last night I began praying earnestly for the infused virtues and that my acquired virtues be strengthened, and both acquired and infused be in balance--as Pere Gerrigou-Lagrange terms, a happy medium.  I pray with hope in God for my faith to be increased, and for charity, the supreme grace and theological virtue grow within me to whatever perfection God desires for me.  And in that, I know He wills supreme good and perfect love, as God Is Love; the Holy Spirit is Love, Jesus Christ is Love.

The yearning to be with Christ, in Him, taken from this life and world can become all-encompassing indeed; the waiting can seem insufferable in some aspects difficult to describe.  Yet the Holy Spirit instills peace within, and wisdom reminds of peace in the waiting.  So this morning, upon reading this from St. Bernard, on the Gospel in which we learn of the healing of the ten lepers, with the one who returned to thank Jesus for the grace, for the gift of healing, and mention of all the graces given us, I know that the Lord is speaking to each of us, all of us--and also any of us who so desire union with Christ.

In writing out these words of truth, my soul shall be all the more assured that what I ask of the graces, virtues, and embrace of the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit, will be given and increased as this is God's will!  And my gratitude for all that God's goodness and love, will grow, as well, even in the days and nights that pain and yearning and reality of my nothingness to God's All.  Waiting can become intense; gratitude to, for, of, in the Holy Trinity is my hymn in the waiting of whatever present moments.

The words in the following sermon are St. Bernard's help to me in yet another way of understanding what I am reading in Fr. Garrigou-Lagrange's The Three Ages of the Interior Life, of which he is explaining in those writings, what St. Thomas means in the Summa Theologica.  When I told the Holy Spirit who already knows my thoughts--told Him in the night and morning--that my comprehension of the reading is difficult for me, the Holy Spirit provides yet another saint to explain in yet another way as well as a means of making a place for and assurance of the graces in virtues and gifts of God that my soul sorely needs to progress as I wait for Jesus to come for me.

"How happy was that Samaritan leper who recognized that 'he possessed nothing he had not received' (I Cor 4:7).  'He guarded what had been entrusted to him' (2 Tim 1:12) and turned back to the Lord to thank Him.  Blessed are they who, after each gift of grace, turn back to Him in Whom is the fullness of all the graces, for if we show ourselves thankful in regard to Him for all we have received then we make ready a place for grace within ourselves...in even greater abundance.  In fact, our ingratitude is the only thing that prevents us making progress following our conversion....

"Happy, then, are they who think of themselves as strangers and who give great thanks for even the least blessing, thinking that everything given to a stranger and foreigner is a wholly free gift.  How unfortunate the wretched we are, on the other hand, if after first of all appearing timid, humble and pious, we then forget just how freely given is what we have received....

"I beg you then, brethren, let us remain ever more humbly under the mighty hand of God (I Pt 5:6)....Let us continue in thanksgiving with great devotion, and He will grant us the grace that alone can save our souls.  Let us show our gratitude, not just in our words and on our lips but in deed and in truth."

God bless His Real Presence in us!  

All will be well. God provides all necessary to this penitent, this contrite nothing of a consecrated Catholic hermit, simply a soul who loves deeply yet imperfectly for now, but in God's grace and tutelage.  In love of God in Himself, all will be healed within, and in gratitude I must wait, am able to wait, upheld and filled by God's magnanimous Spirit of all graces and gifts, in Christ Jesus, my savior.

Catholic Hermit: Conversations with Self and God

Been appreciating and pondering Fr. Garrigou-Lagrange's written thoughts on our "conversations" that each of us has, in our minds, when not otherwise engaged in conversing with others or listening to others' talking.  He writes of this reality, activity, in the early pages of The Three Ages of the Interior Life.

I had not paid much attention to the conversations going on in my mind--in this aspect of noticing which are my conversations more of the temporal, involving self or with myself, or those conversations that are of the spiritual, of God, with God and other holy, heavenly persons and beings.

This morning, per most mornings, I handled the immense pain upon waking.  But this time I consciously, specifically, praised God for the pain and asked Him to please purify me in the fiery flames of this constant, physical pain--higher levels of it in the morning after a night with pain aides dwindling in the body, having been utilized for the tangible help they provide.

Then I continued to rest for what ended up four hours without my noticing the temporal time passing.  Yet after I was brought from what I am now noting for what they are--conversations with God and whomever all else of the heavenly realm--I marveled at what a little bit of understanding, knowledge, and awareness benefits greatly our spiritual lives.

In and out of consciousness, my mind was weaving for four or so hours, conversing with words at times but mostly not words.  I know not what the means of conversing, but all was peaceful in contentment of precious time with God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, the Virgin Mary, various saints including family members and unknown-to-me holy ones, and angels.  It does not matter the who, often enough; but it is lovely and blessed to realize how God provides a means to converse with Him and His Holy Ones not here, but there---and to converse so easily, losing consciousness of words and even of thoughts, but yet in Him and where are others who love Him and share in His Beatitude.

And, off and on are thoughts and conversations in the Holy Spirit that include those yet on earth--interludes of people, along with us, striving in our journeys of this life.  Conversing within God, these conversations flow and embrace others who perhaps are unaware of God in the active lives of work, family, others, whether or not they believe in His Real Presence or have forgotten, or they must focus their minds and thoughts on temporal matters.  

Even so, if we must focus our thoughts on temporal matters in our earthly responsibilities, we can yet be aware of His Real Presence by offering all of ourselves to His glory and purpose.  Intentions are powerful; we can but say the word, that in faith we are in Christ, that we desire our beings to be all His, and the hours of temporal work, interactions, responsibilities--all that we must do in the temporal with our temporal aspects and lives can be accomplished in a holiness assured by the Holy Trinity.

In my first awakening, with my bodily pain being especially severe this morning, today's Psalm of today's Mass Scriptures, lifted my soul to embrace the suffering and then to lead all else of my existence, of my mind, heart, and soul, into conversations with God, of God.  He takes over the conversations at some unrealized point, beyond what we could call meditation and beyond focused contemplation, and into where He infuses all aspects...what is termed infused contemplation.

This grace, to converse with and in God, and for God to flow the conversation beyond our knowing, is for everyone.  Not one is excluded; we all have sinned and are imperfect, yet He loves us.  Just approach God in our minds; begin noticing the conversations going on in our heads when alone or even around others in which we do not need to talk or listen actively.  Then turn the interior talking about matters in our temporal lives, to talking with God. 

First consciously talking--telling Him our thoughts and feelings even if He already knows.  But engage in conversing with God, and then in and by His grace, we will begin to listen, and then to let the conversation become automatic, when words turn to thoughts and thought turn to quiet and nothing we recall other than peace and serenity.

A psalm that spoke to me, comforted me, taught me, this morning upon waking.  God also speaks to us through Scriptures, very much so.

"O LORD, you have probed me and you know me; 
You know when I sit and when I stand;
You understand my thoughts from afar.
My journeys and my rest You scrutinize,
with all my ways You are familiar.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, You know the whole of it.
Behind me and before, You hem me in
and rest Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from Your Spirit?
From Your presence where can I flee?
If I go up to the heavens, You are there;
if I sink to the nether world, 
You are present there.
If I take the wings of the dawn,
if I settle at the farthest limits of the sea,
even there Your hand shall guide me,
and Your right hand hold me fast."

  ~ from Psalm 139 (138): 1-3, 6, 7-8, 9-10

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Speak, Lord, for Your servants are listening!

Catholic Hermit: Onward, Inward, Interior Life

It takes me all morning to physically rise.

Again this morning, but am reflecting upon what is going on in the hours, such as today, between 6 a.m. and noon.  In the exterior, which is in part deal with by externals like meds and coffee, the interior informs the exterior.  The reading of this Sunday's Mass Scriptures were of the interior, a miraculous melding of conversation with God that both soothes and excites the soul.

But the bulk of the hours are spent simply being on the icy pad on the bed, availing myself to His Real Presence.  I'm understanding this deep communication with God all the more now, perhaps recognizing it which is beneficial for me to do.  Following up on the leading of the Holy Spirit, I'm being taught recognition and assurances in Garrigou-Lagrange's The Three Ages of the Interior Life.  It is wondrously amazing to find the joys of God's graces when something clicks deeply within, that effects spiritual growth that binds us all the more in the heart of God, in the Holy Trinity.

So much becomes clear.  Even the types of inner conversations we all have, are explained as to when and how they may move from conversations with self, tinged with the temporal aspects of our lives which include a type of unsatisfying self-love and duty, to conversation with God that takes us beyond the temporal and ourselves, and into God, into His love.  That conversation is filled with graces that we learn to accept and appreciate even though often wordless conversation.  

And the phases of our journey into interior life--they follow a natural course yet sometimes extraordinary signs or experiences occur to some.  The extraordinary signs of supernatural phenomenon are signals outside the normal progression of a soul's interior life leading into union with God.  The normal way of seeking God and experiencing union does not include extraordinary events or signs.  This is very good to know, to reassure those who may doubt or envy, either way, those persons who have such signal graces.  Most people advance within, progress in the interior life to union with God without extraordinary events or signs.

While I've realized that I am in a reparation phase, within a large phase of spiritual progression, I must not let the consequences of my sin affect too much, for the grace of full forgiveness is granted, and our journeys continue even if the Holy Spirit also continues to point out insights we can learn from our confessed sins, our wrong-doings, our vices and human flaws.  But reading that in even the unitive phase, following the illuminative which follows the purgative way of the interior life, there is reparation in the unitive phase.

I have wondered how it is that I could be given such signal graces and marvelous conversation with God while at the same time, still perform badly, fall back into my bad tendencies and act on them.  Once more I considered how lacking in self-control, and that I so easily over-invest myself into others' lives, picking up sensations and sorrows that persist and tend to overwhelm. Yes, it causes me to pray much, but I then also do such as speak or write, working out the upset from my ego, I suppose it is, the part of self that cannot bear sorrows felt of others' situations beyond what I can deal with.

This morning, after last night having read something in the book explaining how we all have sanctifying grace in us, like within a seed as an infant, and graces imparted at Baptism, we still can in our lives struggle with sin and with losing or diminishing our life in Christ.  Therein opens what could be a discussion of, and logical, theological explanation of purgation either of the vices and our acting against grace on earth or in purgatory, following our temporal deaths.  What stunned me was the mention that a soul who does not confess and repent fully or who commits sins that were avoidable by the person, will require purgation, to be purified before union with Christ and being in the beatific vision, in heaven.

The immensity of how it was stated gripped me.  I had not considered the aspect of committing sins that are quite avoidable, and my looseness in expressing upsets and criticisms or whatever else is underlying, even if picking up on something that is not for the best or that I need to not be involved, or even if the Lord is calling me to more solitude and silence, prayer and praise of God--I should not cut myself away other than directly taking hold and with courage and compassion, discontinue close involvement, to discontinue the falsity of what has run its temporal course.

So I presented myself to the Lord with these aspects of which I really cannot adequately express here in words, but to the Lord all was conversed in flashes of deep, interior, wordless thought.  I availed myself for perhaps three hours, and I don't recall what all transpired, but it was of His holiness and good, the outcome, even if I cannot describe in words that outcome.  Other than, I can state that I must go forth, as what was is not now, and what is and will be, holds promise of renewal and increase of sanctifying graces and progression to the great desire and goal of the Christian's interior life, the soul's union with His Real Presence.

What is not necessary must fall away.  The vices turned to virtues.  It is all a process, and while some are brought into the unitive way in an immense, seeming "action of supernal movement," many come over a long course, through many levels and types of purifications.  Thus, I was surprised to see that the unitive phase includes that of reparation.

As I continue reading (for I am just at the beginning, not yet 50 pages in after the lengthy introduction), I am thankful to God for the saints, such as John of the Cross, St. Thomas Aquinas, and so many others who influenced Fr. Reginald Garrigou-Lagrange to teach and mentor St. Pope John Paul II and others, and by Garrigou-Lagrange's writings, teach and mentor me.  

Must get up yet again and go for a walk.  The couple has been here, loading the logs from the maple trees felled last April.  They paid for the wood to use in their wood stove for winter, the same amount as I gave a neighbor man who purchased and plugged in the new battery for my truck.  I'm grateful and blessed; we all are.

Praise to and of and in His Real Presence:  Father, Son, and Holy Ghost!