Continuing on with my further consideration of what the Church desires of her consecrated Catholic hermits, the phrase "in assiduous prayer and penance" concludes section 920 in The Catechism of the Catholic Church:
"Without always professing the three evangelical counsels publicly, hermits 'devote their life to the praise of God and salvation of the world through a stricter separation from the world, the silence of solitude and assiduous prayer and penance.
I appreciate the adjective "assiduous." This word originated from the Latin assidere (be engaged in doing) around mid-16th century (when Teresa of Avila and John of the Cross lived). It became assiduus and today is defined as "showing great care and perseverance."
A hermit is to be engaged, attentive in care and perseverance, of being diligent, thorough, conscientious--in the active doing of prayer and penance.
As to prayer and penance, by the time in our lives in which we receive a call to the eremitic vocation, we have already an understanding of prayer as well as a grasp of penance. But to be more specific and review meanings in simple terms, prayer is personal conversation with God, and penance is expression of sorrow for wrongs done.
Of course, there are far more extensive explanations of prayer and penance to which "assiduous" lends deepening purpose to a hermit's act of praying and act of sorrow, of making reparation, for wrongs, for sins personal and communal.
So much could be written about prayer--what is prayer, how to pray, the various forms of prayer. I cannot improve upon what the various saints and great spiritual masters have said regarding prayer; nor can I begin to emphasize how all-encompassing is the prayer Jesus taught us to pray, the Our Father, the Lord's Prayer. The Catechism of the Catholic Church comments on the doxology often added to the Lord's Prayer: "For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours, now and forever." Such all-encompassing emphasis and beauty pour forth from these words that heighten and extend the foci and facets of the Lord's Prayer.
Another prayer of which the Holy Spirit has introduced to me, helped me grasp how vital, is the prayer of conversion and of deeper conversions. This prayer is God's will for all souls--those who yet do not believe in Christ as their Savior, Lord, and God, and deeper conversions for those of us who do believe in Jesus but always are called to repeatedly deeper levels of love of God. We are always invited and desired by God to come closer and into union with His Real Presence, the Holy Trinity, and always assisted by the Virgin Mary who calls us and points us to her Son.
God will always answer this prayer of conversion and deeper conversion; coming always closer and into Him, abiding with and in Him all the more, is His will and desire for us. It also is a prayer that removes us from judging, for it is a prayer of our own soul's growth as much as our prayerful desire for the growth and increasing conversions of all souls.
Personally, prayer has evolved over the years to that of what I term instantaneous thought-flashings. It is akin to the way God communicated with me, and I communicated with Him, when I died in the hospital recovery room on the evening of July 28, 1987. This form of prayer occurs within me, with God, with Jesus, with the Holy Spirit, as if unconsciously, for the most part. On occasion I will realize what is occurring, this form of prayer on-going; but when I consciously make myself become stilled, the thought-flashing slows and awareness occurs such that I am more conscious of the prayer, and I begin to better listen, or so it seems, or to ask questions rather than to pour out my mind, heart, and soul to and in His Real Presence.
Then, the intensity of a concise and focused thought-flashing may seem more pleasing to Jesus. Same with the inspiration with the seriously high pain levels post-operation of the spine--the intensity of concise and focused pain as prayer in itself, seems pleasing to Jesus. Pain praying is a reality of the union of suffering, of being one with Christ on the Cross and in all the other ways in which He suffered terribly, and in which even now, He hurts for souls and for the sins and sufferings of mankind--sufferings as a result of others sins; sufferings as a result of our own sins.
As to penance, there was a time when I wanted to experience what some of the saints experienced with self-inflicted mortifications. I mentioned it to my spiritual father, and he did not say "no" at the time, for he was wise and holy and understood the good of my experiencing minor penances as such, of the good it would do me in teaching me that such types of penances are not at all necessary and that one need not at all do as many of the saints of yore with strapping themselves on the back, or wearing a tight cinch under the clothing, around the waist. (Mine was a tight bungee cord, with hooks that clasped together.)
I will say that the cord (and my austerity in wearing a simple gray tunic-type garment--passable, though, as a jumper and not a habit), did remind me for awhile, of why I was wearing it. The strapping my self with a guitar strap left by my son who'd gone off to college was a fascinating experience, as well. I consciously was doing something in kind with the saints, offering the penance and the minor suffering of it to God in reparation for souls and for my sins and my own soul. I also for awhile tried to do as some said the Virgin Mary asked of people to fast on Wednesdays and Fridays on bread and water. I think that came from an apparition site and messages of some persons that in time was not condoned by the Church.
What I benefitted from such experimentation with self-inflicted penances was that it was totally unnecessary and rather naive and immature in a way, on my part. My spiritual father knew I'd come to this reality, as he later smiled and pointed out that the Lord is fully capable of allowing me penances enough that HE decides upon, that He grants, that He finds just right for me. And truly, they are far more painful and difficult, and far more reparative than my own rather romanticized efforts--so unnecessary and superfluous, even silly.
With the cinch around my waist, it was not long until I did not notice it; the guitar strappings actually felt rather good in a way--for at the time, while then I had no idea of the arachnoiditis condition of my back, the itching caused by the damage done of my spinal cord sheathing having been cut during surgery and blood leaking inside the spinal cord causing nerve clumping, the situation of my back was oddly soothed by the strapping.
As to the fasting on Wednesdays and Fridays, my body could not cope because the pain from the spinal problems worsened to a point without adequate food--including sugar to help increase endorphins, so I'd have increased pain sieges which only caused inconvenience and harm to others, such as my son who at the time was living at home, or to friends who'd have to deal with my incapacitation from the increased pain sieges.
So I learned that the Lord is in charge of my penances, of what types, of what degree, of what worth that I have plenty enough as a result of the car accident and whatever all else occurs by God's providence as far as penances go. God provides! He knew and knows I am willing to suffer and to offer whatever sufferings; and God allows what transpires naturally. Actually, some of the most difficult and meaningful of penance has been the more interior forms of suffering, or the sufferings of persecution and indignities one experiences. Then, the challenge is not in the pain of these, but in the attitude and spirit with which one endures the resultant sufferings.
The purpose of penance is similar to that of prayer--a communication with God, a union with God, in intimate conversation and sharing in all aspects of His Real Presence to the degree and facets which He desires and wills for us to share in whatever level of intimacies with Him. Love is the purpose. Love begets love, love responds with love--that is a reason for and result of prayer and penance. For a Catholic hermit, in the consecrated life of the Church, the qualifier of "assiduous" seems of pertinence and importance.
That is what I am asking God to help me improve upon--the extent of which I am engaged in, attentive to, diligent and persevering in prayer and penance. I want to increase to whatever degree toward perfection God allows and gifts with His grace--the depth, breadth, width, heights of prayer and penance that pleases God most and serves best his will and purposes.
Assiduous prayer and penance--this is my hope in God, my faith in His will and desiring, and my love of God in Himself in offering of myself full, assiduously, in as intimate a union with His Real Presence as the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit desires and grants, now and proceeding forever.
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