It is true that enduring these pain sieges that come to their heights of agony, is a challenge in simply letting go. The other night was so peaceful, rejoicing that by morning would surely be on the other side and not awaken to earthly, bodily agony.
Yet that was not to be, yet.
Am in the fifth day, and the blessing of any reduction in the severe pain calls for rejoicing even if not well enough to rise. One must banish thoughts of despair or frustration at what is needing physical attention when one cannot use the body to handle the temporal tasks. Most hermits who lived and now live in silence and solitude experience the holy and wholly, great alone with the Alone in such practical aspects. The mind prays and the pain prays, and there comes an inner grasp of what can be and what cannot be.
The reality is in the joy of having a roof overhead that does not leak as it used to leak, terribly. There is a twin bed even if the mattress not as hard as the spine appreciates for lessened pain. There is yet food in the little refrigerator enough to manage a bowl of yogurt once a day, a slice of cheese, an apple, a red pepper. There is yet the green smoothie goop to drink each morning, having made batches and frozen it a few weeks ago.
Nothing else of the physical is necessary. There is the chamber pot, and somehow even in the worst of the suffering, was able to walk the few feet for these simple necessities.
There will be no going forth until much better. His Real Presence is all the more present. He succors, feeds, supports, loves.
Noticed a blog site that was very well documented and thought out, and commented as such to the blogger, whoever he is. Then noticed a response with a certain angle to it, and knew immediately that the devil had entered in through a person who is apparently obsessed with denouncing and detracting. A true Internet stalker, and yet there is much love and compassion from this hermit to that one. It is understood that if this hermit here,this nothing, should write "up," then, that other hermit will write "down".
Anyway, the ongoing stalking and obsession, by this other person, of this nothing Cath0lic eremitic's experience herein freely shared, always reminds as to what is behind such negative reaction by those who could have so much of their own eremitic experience to share.
But it is best to let the praise of His Real Presence rise from this bed of suffering all the more. Any despair or concerns with how the temporal work efforts will possibly proceed, melts in the warmth of His Love and intimate Presence.
It is always best to be reminded that there are those out there whose seeming existence is intent on debasing others, presumably for their own increase and position, that all the more the Scriptures play forth as light upon darkness, and the prayers increase for such souls.
In God's temporal and mystical creation, in His holy Church, there is room for every soul in every mortal body, and yet His Real Presence lives within each soul as an abode. And each abode is not the same as the other abodes. In his Mercy and Love, He accepts and settles in, and we adapt and settle into His rendering of our lives, as well. What He forms and makes His own, may not seem like what some other soul is convinced must be the only and correct form. God in His omniscient perfection, truly knows what He is creating and why, even if we do not.
It is with gratitude to God to be reminded that angels of darkness prey upon any weakness of virtues, particularly when humility is less, compassion lacking, and the beam in our eyes so huge that we lose sight of our own vocational paths and are consumed with trying to discredit the paths of others. It is easy enough to discern who would be using such souls for such purposes which only degrade the ones ensnared.
However, it is true that perhaps those obsessed consider they are called by God to be the keepers and saviors of the eremitic vocation. That makes it more understandable and to give benefit of the doubt. But regardless, those thus consumed with elevating self by discrediting and defrauding others, do no favors to the Catholic Church, nor to the hermit vocation, nor to their own existences. Many people are offering prayers and sacrifices, for they have been in contact to alert as to the obsession and that this has been done to others, also, with online stalking and detraction.
Now, return to the praise of His Real Presence! Enough strength and clarity is being graced within, and the light cast upon the darkness. It never fails that toward the particularly horrific pain sieges, when this worn out Catholic hermit has not spiritually drooped in the process, that the devil tries an added assault, using other hermits or family or unsympathetic delivery men, to try to ruin what otherwise is a marvelous agony and several days on the cross with His Real Presence.
Am going to attempt getting up, perhaps stepping out side in pj's, touching some leaves and breathing deeply of the air that we are given and yet often do not notice. We must pray and strive to use what breath God gives, to encourage, support, uplift and rejoice in each other and the marvels that God allows in each pathway He selects and assists in our individual spiritual journeys.
This old Catholic hermit in this austere hermitage sustains you, out there, dear hermit sister and the rest of your group of well-intentioned supporters! There is a tree here planted in your honor as a prayer tree. May you do well in your hermit vocation and grow in holiness, and remain steadfast to the daily, spiritual walk. May you be released from bondage to what are over the years becoming your seeming raison d'etre of the hermit and spiritual particulars of this Catholic hermits path. It will drive you to total distraction from your own spiritual benefit, but that is your allowing to be consumed with others vocations. This, here, hermit's vocation is so of the Order of the Present Moment, that it keeps this little nothing Catholic hermit on its toes, making its own connections and turns and hillocks and vales in the hermit life God has chosen for it and values very much.
In fact, since you seem ever intrigued, His Real Presence is calling this hermit to yet more austerities, and yet more temporal hardships. It is quite the adventure to identify the spiritual combat for what it is, be it temptation to not praise during the height of suffering, or to battle for the inner peace that the devil invades unwitting others in attempts to disrupt or take off course.
Certainly, just when some consolation or insight comes through clearly from the Beloved, and this nothing Catholic hermit agrees even if it means more sacrifice or detachment, there is a reminder of the angels of darkness infiltrating those who cannot seem to be freed from such manipulation.
Perhaps, now pointing it out, these others, especially the one who has had this issue with others in the past who evidently she thinks are a threat to her ideas of how others vocations are unfolding do not meet with approval, there will be an effort to axe the root of her obsession and do the beautiful writing of her own vocational path and experience, and glorify His Real Presence with the freedom He so desires for her and for her dear friends.
May this sharing all be as heartfelt prayer for these fellow Christians, these fellow consecrated religious of the eremitic vocation. Many others lend their prayers, as well.
God bless His Real Presence in us! Little, dear little children, let us each and all love one another, for God IS LOVE!