The lumbar still feels as if "blown out." Terrible spinal headache has subsided to just the regular constant headache. The spinal injection is postponed a week from Wednesday due to the two Extra-Strength Excedrin this pained, old, Catholic hermit opted to take yesterday, rather than arrange a ride to emergency room for some sort of non-nsaid pain medication injection or IV.
I'm praying this higher-than-usual level of lumbar pain is not a new normal. May this be yet another pain siege that will pass in a day or several days. I am going to try to get up and attempt simple tasks now and then. Turn on the washing machine; clean the dhurrie rugs that had been used to pad items stored for the past over-six-years now.
Yes, see how that little effort goes.
At least I'm able to return to taking anti-inflammatories for the next two days: the prescription meds for inflammation, the powdered turmeric I take by heaping teaspoon twice a day, and Excedrin if need be again. Praise be to God Almighty that I live in a country and have the means to get these anti-inflammatory aids! Taking them for two days hopefully will give me indication if this extreme lumbar situation is manageable. Then I only have to do without for seven days, then injection.
Coping with various aspects of my shifting pain to what seems to be a declining "new normal", I find myself clinging to His Living Word. This morning's first reading for Mass, from 2 Corinthians 6, helps me unite my bodily trials (and physical pain can become emotional and mental easily enough when spiritual guard is not maintained) with those of St. Paul and his companions. Disciples of Christ, these companions, as are all we Christians, as well: Disciples of Christ Jesus, Savior of the World!
There was a time when much younger, that St. Paul's zeal and enthusiasm, his gusto or something, did not resonate with me. I think it was when I was young enough to not have lived many trials at all! It was when I was young and naive, and forgot in part that God is ALL, and I am nothing.
In later years, when my own type of crucifixion occurred when age 33 and the car accident set in motion an entirely different course, I developed an understanding of St. Paul--Paul to me then, as a Protestant does not address the apostles as "saints". As the struggles of all types increased in my life, commensurate with my increasing devotion to Jesus, the more I appreciated St. Paul's "out-there" approach; his unswerving loyalty and zeal in proclaiming Christ any where and any which way he could. Threat of death--and several near deaths--never deterred him.
As St. Paul himself mentions in the first part of today's Mass reading:
"...in everything we commend ourselves
as ministers of God, through much endurance,
in afflictions, hardships, constraints,
beatings, imprisonments, riots,
labors, vigils, fasts...."
Thus my mind can connect with St. Paul, my body can relate. I am encouraged and exhorted to commend myself in everything--as a hermit-type-minister of God--through all the afflictions, trials, sufferings, hardships--surgery, no surgery, spinal injections, trial medications over the years, persecution, misunderstanding, half-invalid type life becoming now three-fourths invalid, deprivation of normalcy in family relationships, being considered a spiritual leper of sorts whether spoken label or unspoken. The specific list could go on.
You readers may fill in your own specifics. Everyone who follows Christ with any diligence and fervor, as a minister of God be it whatever vocational state of life--is going to go through all types of afflictions and hardships requiring Trinity-inspired endurance!
Further on, St. Paul describes how we may be treated:
"We are treated as deceivers and yet are truthful;
as unrecognized and yet acknowledged;
as dying and behold we live;
as chastised and yet not put to death;
as sorrowful yet always rejoicing;
as poor yet enriching many;
as having nothing and yet possessing all things. "
See how St. Paul not only lists how we may be treated in our ministry as disciples of Christ--yet he also includes our marching orders, our work sheet for every present moment.
We are to be truthful always, realize we are acknowledged (by His Real Presence!), we live, we are not put to death by chastisements, we are always rejoicing, we enrich many, we possess all things no matter what has been stripped away.
How is this possible for us pained, pathetic, weak, tired humans (no matter the degree of suffering, we all suffer, have trials, have struggles, and will continue to be challenged!) to come out of whatever assails us with such holy positives?
St. Paul tells us how:
"...by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness,
in the Holy Spirit, in unfeigned love, in truthful speech,
in the power of God;
with weapons of righteousness at the right and at the left;
through glory and dishonor, insult and praise."
This is how and by Whom we endure, we persevere, we confess our sins, we forgive others, we get up whether or not in our physical bodies or our spiritual bodies--we get up, and we keep a goin'! In temporal or spiritual action, we continue on in our ministry of proclaiming Christ in words and example. Sometimes that example is not seen except over the course of weeks, months, years or a full lifetime reviewed after we are released from this temporal life on earth.
I considered something the second opinion surgeon wrote in his notes, as he had asked me many questions. This report was sent to the pain doctor as well as the first surgeon. The second surgeon had asked me what I had done in the years between my doctoral degree from USC and loss of career until now?
I responded, mentioning a few things, including helping my three young children at the time get through their youths and onto being educated, successful adults with families and careers themselves now. I mentioned also aspects such as having written articles and a book that was published. He then asked me what I wrote about, mostly, and I said I write about suffering, and how to cope, and about faith. That I wrote about suffering and try to help others, also, cope with suffering, must have had impact; it made it from the telling into his final notes.
He'd also asked me how I get through these pain sieges, and I answered that I try to distract in any way I can, including writing a lot, and I then hang on for dear life and PRAY.
The pain doctor handed me the pages of notes the second surgeon had written and sent to him, and told me to read it at my leisure. (Amusing--that word "leisure;" for one thing God does give those of us who suffer a lot is time--we recognize we are given much time, whereas when we lived busy lives, we felt there was not much time). That is how I know what stuck out to the surgeon.
And it then stuck out to me that in small ways, I witness; and it was an encouragement even to me to read that despite the lengthy and detailed blog posts that sometimes seem to me just going on and on about suffering, that at least my intention is to write about suffering in a way that might help others who suffer. At least readers can see that I turn to Christ always, I cling to His Living Word such as this morning, in faith, knowing His Real Presence is with me and everyone, and He will see us through this life safely to the heavenly realm.
We simply need to remain faithful, to love Him, to persevere and endure. And St. Paul certainly in today's readings gives us the reminders of how we can do that, and WHO it IS providing the power, might, glory, love, and all virtues necessary to make it.
God bless His Real Presence in us! Praise God from Whom all blessings flow! Praise Him!
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