Happened upon this quote from my Confirmation name saint, Sister Josefa Menendez. She died on December 29, 1923 in Poitiers, France, in convent (Sacred Heart). The diocese opened the cause for sainthood, to be a Servant of God, on November 30, 1948. She was a mystic and victim soul, and is the first that a parish priest whom the Lord told me in locution I was to go. He opted for private instruction for me; his choice.
He is the priest who said I'd come to the right place, that this was where I belong, that the Church is "filled with mystics" as he swept his arm in the direction of the parish church, as we met in his rectory office. He was excited having read some of my writings and insisted on my sharing various spiritual experiences and declared I am a mystic and a victim soul--news to me.... He explained some what is a victim soul, but then left briefly and came back with a book he asked me to read, The Way of Divine Love--biography of Sr. Josefa Menendez.
Even Josefa's photo on the inside of the book was familiar to me from an encounter with someone--too much to explain. But reading of her life and the messages to her from Jesus and Mary, her sufferings, her feeling different and not really fitting in for various reasons including her being Spanish but transferred to French convent of which she did not know the language. Her mystical life and the stigmata further separated her from the others in essence, but the superior insisted on her being more removed physically, as well.
I obviously bonded with Josefa Menendez; and that is why the date of my hermit profession occurred on the evening of Dec. 29, 2000, and why I chose her rather than St. Teresa of Avila with whom I'm deeply attached, also, as she spoke through me in a doctoral psychology class in San Diego, CA, one Saturday in May 1988. That is another experience of which I did not begin to get into with the two emails to the bishop nor the two to the parish priest.
This morning when I came upon this quote from Josefa, one of the locutions from Jesus to her, I found to be beautiful and better and best for a more holy concluding post on this Catholic Hermit blog site.
"It is My intention, also, to show souls that I never refuse grace, even to those who are guilty of grave sin; nor do I separate them from the good souls whom I love with predilection. I keep them all in My Heart, that all may receive the help needed for their state of soul." ~Jesus to Sr. Josefa Menendez
For much of this morning, given the pain is high level and burning type, I have had to rest but have wondered and asked the Lord what He wills next, and also have asked myself and the Lord, "What has happened to the goodness and kindness of the soul, to the expectant hope in God and delight in the unexpected that awaited over 25 years ago, when younger and freshly entering into Christ's Holy Catholic Church? I've prayed for my innate goodness to be prevalent, and am already receiving that anticipation of much good in God to open up in this next phase that He has in store.
I also came across, unexpectedly, the following letter written by another victim soul and priest saint of whom that first priest who privately instructed me and chose a most private Confirmation, which was for the best as it turned out due to yet another rare mystical experience that occurred. Padre Pio, now Saint Pio of Pietrelcina, caught my mind and heart and guided me mystically, at one point in a waking vision telling me: Silence and Penance!
Padre Pio (not then canonized) in the second year of my Catholic life warned me of the tricks of the devil, in a dream, and I did not heed his warnings and showings, and fell miserably into a trap of the devil. Yes, the Lord gave me the strength to get out of the trap, but not without much struggle. Yet, that victory which took a few months of battle, proved to be pivotal in securing a turning point at that juncture point! I love Padre Pio! And I'm praying all the more that He will intercede for me and pick up the training of my soul at this time of major transition. I promise to try to heed this saint's lessons and instructions to the best of my imperfect, human ability.
"God's spirit is a spirit of peace; even after our most serious failings he makes us feel a sorrow that is peaceful, humble, and confident, precisely because of His mercy. The spirit of evil, on the other hand, agitates, irritates, and makes us feel a sort of anger at ourselves when we have failed. Yet it falls very much to ourselves to practice charity in the first place. So when you are bothered by certain thoughts, the agitation never comes from God but from the devil, since God, being a spirit of peace, brings you serenity." ~St. Pio of Pietrelcina, Letter 549
Padre Pio, I learned from reading several books on his life as well as what volumes of his letters thus far translated into English, passed from this earth on September 23, 1968. My beloved maternal grandmother passed on October 19 of that very year. I had no knowledge of Padre Pio nor any saints of the Catholic Church at the time, a senior in high school, and having been reared a devout Protestant of Methodist denomination. Yet now, each year for the past 20 years, I have renewed my vow of consecration of suffering, as a victim soul of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, and in recent years on Sept. 23--Padre Pio's passing from earth anniversary date.
How would I ever have known in 1968 that 27 years later I would be confirmed a Catholic, would realize that the strange inner life I experienced all my life that I was a mystic and also a victim soul--and that I would learn of Sr. Josefa Menendez and Padre Pio and so love them, count on them in loving friendship and needful of their holy instruction and mentorship?
Thus I have been praying, also, asking these saints, victim souls, and mystics to be guides yet again, more fully, since I've been so distracted for a long time, in the trials and mishaps and lessons learned in the temporal Catholic world. Now that there is this conclusion of a major phase and awaiting what it next, there is an eager anticipation once again, a return of that sense of freshness and tremendous hope in God and faith greater than what my distractions and the exhaustion of so much sufferings of various types has seemingly allowed to break through in my mind, heart, and soul!
Thank you, dear readers, for the years you've been following off and on or consistently, my sharing of the spiritual journey of a consecrated (I realize consecrated to Christ) Catholic and hermit (not rightfully a Catholic hermit given the standardized and normative establishment now of CL603 for recognizing through canonical approval of diocese hermits. Please pray for me, and I promise my prayers for each and all of you!
Above all: Praise God from Whom all blessings flow, and God bless His Real Presence in us!
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