Awoke a bit before 4 a.m., in higher pain in what has become the new normal or usual. The peace of Christ reassures me as I marvel at God's goodness in leading souls forth in the ways of His particular will for each of us, His children.
I had some additional thoughts come to my regarding my having chosen to trust in God's locutions and visions over the past 20 years of my Catholic hermit vocation, when one could be privately professed and not publicly, not have to be a diocese hermit, approved per canon law 603. Increasingly I am relieved to have chosen God's will for me over the canon law. But I want to make clear for my readers of this blog, particularly those seeking to find out how one can become a Catholic hermit, what I have discovered and am keeping up-to-date.
For those who have a call (or think they might) to the hermit vocation in the Catholic (Roman et al rites) Church, it is best to check with the bishop of diocese in which one lives to find out what the bishop wishes regarding hermits in the diocese. I am fairly certain with the research I recently conducted simply through online search of various dioceses in the US and in other countries, that most if not all bishops now will ask hermits privately professed previously, and any persons discerning a hermit vocation, to be canonically approved. Or, some bishops who do not want to deal with the added responsibilities per canon 603 required of bishops, understandably, will specify they are not accepting requests to be a canonical hermit in the diocese.
What does one "do" if one's bishop requires hermits previously privately professed even if for years, to be canonically approved? One must either go through the approval process the diocese bishop requires in whatever manner designated, or not be a Catholic hermit in the diocese, or find out if the bishop decides the non-canonical hermit life is acceptable; there could be exceptions, of course. I suppose a person then could move to a diocese if there are any in which bishops accept non-CL603 hermits to be Catholic hermits privately professed; I doubt there will be many if any dioceses at this point.
And I do think this is best, for since there has been CL603 created and included in the revised codex of canon laws in 1983, it is well to have continuity. CL603 is here to stay, and best for persons to either go along to get along or relinquish their privately professed evangelical counsels and vow (or could be sacred bond, for the canon law does not require both a vow and sacred bond; I personally had both vow and sacred bond but a moot point for me now).
The term "lay hermit" has been created by someone or other in the past 12 years or so, but there is no validity to the term either in the writings of the magisterium or in canon law. The term has been created, it seems, to designate those who are trying to or wanting to be Catholic hermits without canonical approval. The privately professed Catholic hermits would not be allowed in most dioceses at this point as most bishops if not all require the canonical approval process and to be a diocese hermit. To me, this makes sense at this time, since there is no real canonical provision for a non-canonical or privately professed hermit.
If we are going to go with canon law in public profession and the law stating to be a hermit whose profession is in hands of the diocese bishop, we must live to the letter and intent (de facto) of the canon law. There would thus need to be a canon law that specifies that someone in the diocese could be a hermit but with private profession of the three evangelical counsels, and there simply is not such a canon law.
So my two decades of private profession of the three evangelical counsels with a holy priest is not what the canon law specifically states. Although there is a seeming gap allowing for other interpretation in §920 of The Catechism of the Catholic Church regarding "not always" are hermits publicly professed--that is not deemed, nor are magisterial writings on the matter, to be overriding of what is written in canon law. I thus would find it unconscionable for a Catholic obedient in good standing, such as myself, to be other than what the bishop requires (and ought be same with all bishops) as to being canonically approved by a bishop per CL603.
Since that is not what God wills for me nor chose for me, I had to discern to whom should I go? Should I proceed with the diocese bishop's chosen process for determining approval (in my case by a third party, non cleric although understandably one whom a very busy bishop might put into effect)? Or should I trust in God's messages/locutions, visions, and dreams to me--discerned by priests to be valid over the years, and to me, a mystic, more real than temporal life experiences, themselves?
Since also, there has not been inner peace given me consistently or even mostly in the past nearly 3 months since the bishop gave word through his chancellor that he requires hermits in the diocese to be canonically approved, I had to factor in the validity of lacking inner peace as being a signal of God's will in this matter. Inner peace of the Holy Spirit, when given to a soul, or lack thereof, has been a rule-of-thumb in discernment for centuries.
An additional lucid dream and waking vision of several nights ago explained to me further the trend with the CL603, of how it will progress in future, and that it is not what God wills for me. The waking vision provided a sign to me, as if an exclamation point to God's will in case I did not trust the message and interactive example within the dream.
Granted, in writing an email explaining my mystical life, that must go through the chancellor in order to be given to the bishop, I could have worded it such that would seem more acceptable, perhaps, and prolong the process ordeal, and I could have even done as one priest suggested to just "let it play out." I could indeed play it out as could anyone--for I have seen examples of already-canonically approved Catholic hermits promoting and portraying themselves in online writing to be what in actuality they are not, per their diocese, not under the bishop's supervision and direction of bishop as stated in canon law.
So there would be ways anyone could go through an approval process--such as I could have simply not mentioned my spiritual life, or if a question would arise regarding Mass, I could avoid the detail of why I cannot even be in the apse with the congregation during Mass due to a mystical ecstasy occurring at Mass. But there are even other questions that while not at all part of the canon law, the only person the bishop trusts to spiritually discern for him would not have approved of my honest answers, and I know this with certainty due to some knowledge of the person's views of hermit vocation including various aspects not specified in the canon law itself.
But I'm not interested in playing along with other than abject honesty, and I truly do not find a benefit to being canonically approved, myself--not for the Church nor the Body of Christ nor for my own hermit vocation that I cannot also benefit without CL603. All I have witnessed of canonically approved hermits out there on the internet or known through their diocese publicity and follow-up on researching their lives through articles or in their own websites, is that of hermits and/or their bishops or other persons in the diocese having approved of aspects of living the hermit life that are not in the canon law and in fact various aspects added, created, by people themselves. It seems as if once approved as a CL603 hermit, then there is license to adapt the lived hermit life and justify the alterations, laissez-faire style.
And I also note there seems to be quite a bit of temptation (and even falling to) pride in the canonically approved hermits. I do not want that, nor do I really want to be associated in the pitfalls that have developed over just 37 years since the revised, updated codex of canon laws in 1983. Even as a human being, I have found over several years with the repeated detractions and libel of me by one such "approved" canonical hermit (the one whose vicar general and current bishop nor bishop's secretary are not even aware the person was an approved hermit in their diocese) that I do not even admire such types, nor want to be associated with how easily a canon law can be made ridiculous in reality and unwieldy for bishops even being able to supervise such individuals approved by previous bishops.
Once a law is created, it seems as if there are numerous ways people skirt the law, or the devil tweaks the persons to promote themselves, such as to be listed in Wikipedia as an authority or one known as an expert as a canonically approved hermit--despite that hermit very authoritatively writing how flawed and non-credible is Wikipedia! How far all this is from what I view and read of the saint hermits and those who have gone far into the "desert" in God's will and guidance of the hermit life chosen for a soul's earthly life.
These negative, untoward aspects are added reasons why I find not much credibility in or with the CL603 hermit-type I've encountered online, nor who I want to be associated with or have as Catholic hermit colleagues or mentors. I've not found any thus far of canonically approved hermits who hold even a matchstick flame to the heavenly glow of the saint hermits who were not canonically approved. (I certainly do not hold a matchstick flame to the hermit saints, either, but I find in them the hermit vocation ideal; I'm striving in what they lived and taught in their lived example and writings.)
The saint hermits would not have wanted to be publicly professed nor would they promote themselves as an authority in anything whatsoever. Further, there are no saint hermits of history who ever entered into the hermit vocation and life with the expressed desire (or any desire other than union with God) to form a community or association of hermits. It has been their followers who organized the hermit orders/communities after their deaths.
So I did what I needed to do, and that was to respectfully relinquish my privately professed evangelical counsels and vow. And I suppose essentially the sacred bond that I was given under some beautifully unusual circumstances I must also consider not a sacred bond in the eremitic aspect; but it is a sacred bond given me, nonetheless, and I'm grateful. I could not in good conscience go against what the Lord had willed and specified in discerned dream, vision, locutions years ago--especially with not having God's inner peace for nearly three months involving the canon law possibility.
Fr. V. said either the bishop will understand when I write and share some of my "story", or he will not; and if not, Fr. V. said I will go on living a fulfilled hermit life. And I am not a "lay hermit" as that is not a canonically approved term or category, nor will I live as a known hermit at all. Hermit's are to be hidden. Just be God's hermit, the hermit life He chose for me, and of which He offered to me to have Him directly--not in the temporal but in the mystical spiritual--of which before too many years, I will be fully "living" as will all persons as we each pass from this temporal earth.
I do not know what all this means as to a temporal living out of the spiritual, other than God will provide. Over time He will show me. But the shift once and for all is toward the mystic life and the suffering life, with the vehicle of my existence in what time left on this temporal earth will be of His mystical Church. The parish temporal life is cut off in various aspects but especially currently by a global pandemic of which the parish priest has guidelines for the safety of older persons to not come to Mass until further notice--beyond four months at least.
I also had a type of affirmation in a negative way by a canonically approved hermit who'd done so well not erupting for maybe a month, but now has made target practice of my thoughts in that person's on-going bullish, disparaging way. This negative reminds me all over again why not to be involved in a newish canon law that allows such persons with history of hubris, nastiness, and outer attack (not only of myself but of others over the past 12 years and likely longer) to have been approved by a bishop.
This reminder plus the inconsistencies in the canon law's adjudication, as well holy, busy bishops (especially in the case of the one whose bishop and vicar general, nor secretary and administrative assistant, didn't know the CL603 hermit was in the diocese) not having time to supervise and direct their approved hermits. Thus, here is a solid suggestion. When bishops who have canonically approved persons in their diocese to be hermits, are transferred, and with a new bishop arriving, the person who was approved by the first bishop ought be taken through the approval process over again by the next bishop and so on with new bishops, for not all bishops would approve of persons another bishop canonically approved.
But definitely, I will not miss the negativity regarding this CL603 hermit and those who have been involved over the past 12 years of what comes down to obsessive bullying or what another mentioned as the person making me the person's "target practice" and not likely to stop. It has been nothing other than negative, creepy distraction. I am called to better; the Lord will provide His way for me, upward and onward.
Regardless what my bishop decides per my hermit vocation if acceptable as not being canonically approved, I'm not continuing my writing as a Catholic hermit. This is quite humanly honest, but I will definitely not miss this person's disagreeable attacks nor the person's followers who are part of the pattern. But I will continue to pray for them as I pray for the salvation of souls of all the world. I also hope in God that you readers will pray for me; I appreciate the prayers of so many people. Prayers needed!
I am currently listening to interviews and lectures by theologian/professor Bernard McGinn who's spent much of his adult lifetime in the study and writing of mystics and mysticism in the history of the Catholic Church. I also appreciate the writings of the late scholar on mysticism and other aspects of the Church--a monk and priest: David Knowles. But as Bernard McGinn states in a thought on the mystics, they delight in pondering the Scriptures, of sensing the actuality and truth and living out of the Living Word of God.
Today's Mass selection, the Gospel of Jesus Christ according to St. John 14:27-31a, takes me from the weight of what was to me temporal, and offers me the peace of Christ that passes all understanding!
"Jesus said to His disciples: 'Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid. You heard me tell you, "I am going away and I will come back to you." If you loved me, you would rejoice that I am going to the Father: for the Father is greater than I.
"'And now I have told you this before it happens, so that when it happens you may believe. I will no longer speak much with you, for the ruler of the world is coming. He has no power over me, but the world must know that I love the Father and that I do just as the Father has commanded me.'"
Indeed, as I write out with fingers on laptop keyboard these words of Jesus Christ, it is as if they have become my thoughts and feelings of mind and heart, and are coming forth from my very soul. I am going to the Father, literally and essentially, both, as His beloved; I am leaving the world of CL603 and of temporal aspects of which the world gives. I will no longer write much of this topic on hermits or how to live hermit life, but rather I will simply live in greater focus on Jesus. The demons enrapt in whatever of matters they chose in self-deception and detraction have no power over me, and part of my rejoicing is in being untouchable to them or their followers.
While I am very much subsumed into the Body of Christ, the Lord provides a place for me in the mystical, spiritual Church in whatever time on earth remains for this person, this soul, of whom I am and given life in His Real Presence. I love God the Father and try to do as God wills of me, shows me. I choose God; I trust in Jesus; I praise the Holy Spirit for His guidance and teaching of the gift the peace and love of His Real Presence: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit!
God bless His Real Presence in us!
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