Am pain-fatigued from a busy day yesterday (for me, that is), in that I had two appointments in morning, then utilized time and proximity to run an errand and then an added appointment after the errand. In bed by 4 p.m., and from there lived my eremitic life of praise of God and prayer for the salvation of the world!
Yesterday was the first day since a few months prior to last summer's spine surgery, in which I incorporated so much of the outer-world necessities into one lump-sum of hours in one day. I prefer, as a hermit, to be able to do that, rather than have bits of various days interrupted (or seems to me they become interrupted) by temporal world responsibilities and necessities of bodily life.
This morning, the spiritual father, recovering from surgery himself, sent a most apt selection from Scripture. "May you be made strong with all the strength that comes from his glorious power, and may you be prepared to endure everything with patience, while joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has enabled you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the light" (Colossians 1:11-12).
I made this body the Lord has given me, get to morning Mass, where I remain in the solitude of the day chapel. However, a man came in and quietly told me just as Mass was beginning in the sanctuary adjoining but separated by wall, with the closed circuit screen my means of participating, that there would be a funeral in the day chapel following Mass. He might be setting up some things. Would that bother me? I responded with a smile and shake of head, as not at all would that bother me. I also figured that he or whomever would assume I was simply asleep during Mass, with whatever preparations being made in the intimate day chapel.
The ecstasy occurred as usual, but I am able to recall the homily because of its content--all good, but of the type of more temporal information which always is remembered, whereas more depth of spiritual information, when in the ecstasy, my mind does not remember. The Consecration I never remember outside of the deep awareness during the Consecration, of the holiness within the present moment of Consecration and following.
So the priest spoke of an occurrence which shook him to the core, and that is of a man who he knew sometimes came to daily Mass, had registered in the parish, but particularly wanted to be able to spend time praying in the 24-hour adoration chapel. Turns out, he took his own life this week. No immediate family members had called, although there may be some, and of course there would be persons who knew the man in life. The priest's focus, important, was on teaching regarding the mortal sin of taking of life, any life, as also there are other mortal sins; but with the consideration of taking one's own life, the reality of the effect of what the priest mentioned as mental illness. The Lord is merciful, and there are aspects of which a person may not be as cognizant of making discernment, or of being in possession of right thinking, such as in taking one's own life.
Back to this nothing consecrated (for now) Catholic hermit in ecstasy in what had been an empty day chapel other than myself. At some point (I found out after Mass when coming out of the mystical state), someone had turned on the lights. Also, there had been a couple or so persons in and out, for there was one in there when I was able to open my eyes, arranging a vase of dark red roses up at the chapel altar, a few feet from where I sat. And, there was a coffin there, sleek, dark, shiny. I could hear as I was coming to conscious awareness, the initial man telling a couple people that the chapel would be closed for a private funeral.
However, during the Mass, at some point in whatever non-time it is in a mystical ecstasy, I was aware of the soul of this man who had taken his own life, and my heart began to pound ferociously, my heart enlarging with tremendous love and compassion. I found my innermost self telling the man that I was his friend, that I would be his friend on this side, and promised my prayers for his progression, as there was not a sense of his being at all a lost soul cast into hell. I have no proof, of course, as God did not show me where is the man's soul; I only have the deep, inner sense of the man's soul, and saw a brief glimpse of some man in temporal life, perhaps this man, as he had been. I have no idea if exactly this man, nor do I need to know, nor will I know.
That is never the point with the Lord, when He connects us in mystically spiritual ways with souls whether souls of this earth yet or souls passed over. My purpose, what the Lord placed in my heart, was a tremendous, throbbing compassion, of merciful love, for this soul, and to be his friend and hidden person of prayer, for his soul's progression.
As to the aspect of "mental illness," what did come to me, that I can recall, during the priest's homily, was the addition of clarification that there can be "temporary insanity" or in some cases, actual clinical side effect of suicidal ideology, of tremendous temptation such as when physical pain becomes unbearable and untreated. The temporary insanity of some who may sadly not be able to think rationally, and take their lives, is not what could be categorized in general as "mental illness." But of course, that much detail is not needed.
However, the sense the Lord was giving me in the interior love and depth of mystical ecstasy in which boundaries dissolve and His Real Presence is foremost and all else subsides, is that this man had some major life stresses and sorrows, and not externally known or recognizable as mentally ill; and he came to a point in which the problems too great to bear. That is a form of suffering, as well--not simply physical pain becoming unbearable. Temporary loss of logic and sensibility of clear mindedness can occur, and Jesus is love and mercy.
As my own physical faculties returned after Mass, and not only a man but also a woman were readying all for funeral Mass to be held in the day chapel, I rose to turn off the TV and close the doors that camouflage the large, closed-circuit television screen. As I passed the dear man's body in the closed coffin in front of the chapel altar (this day chapel small and private), I gently touched the coffin where would be his folded hands, and offered my compassionate understanding and friendship to the soul of this man who lost his ability to cope with earthly life, at a certain point in time, this past week.
It took quite awhile for my heart to slow and return to normal. The mystical effects that overtake me sometimes more so than other times, all depending upon the Lord's will, as all of every aspect of our lives depends upon the Lord's will when we are through, with, and in Him. So returned to a more temporally normal mode, I did realize that perhaps I do need to inquire of the priest his wishes should there be an occasion again, of the day chapel in use or being readied for a group or purpose using it during or after Mass. Would he want me to sit, then, in the back pew, farthest corner of the large apse of immense parish church structure, with Sanctuary and Tabernacle, or return another day?
Nothing urgent, but it does remind me of the good and rightness of always being attentive to the temporal aspects of Church as well as the spiritual-mystical realities. As the late Bishop of a different diocese, who had been my spiritual director for a year or two, had agreed--there are in essence two "worlds" (temporal and mystical), but they are both in the Church "one reality"! Yes! I will never forget that, even though I exist mostly in the spiritual-mystical world. That seems to be the "place" that my new spiritual father continues to point and focus me, and where my late dearest Spiritual Da also pointed me in the last note he sent me prior to his holy death from this life.
I have updated my new spiritual father, since he is now able to text and is progressing with healing from his surgery, that I have received a message in response to my query of our bishop, that when the bishop returns, we will find out the bishop's interpretation and wishes as to hermit form, type, or status in our diocese, of which he is Shepherd, and in essence, my (and all our) "superior." The one responding indicated the bishop likely will lean toward the CL603 status; and I responded that in yet more research yesterday, of a lengthy list of various references to contemporary hermits around the world, the bulk are hermits in recent or newly formed "new institutes" of "hermit communities," or are a relatively few known diocese hermits.
It is as I realized a week ago when I did some research, and recognized that increasingly, the Church's hermits will be the publicly professed, CL603 diocese hermits, or of contemporary hermit communities, or religious order sisters or brothers whose Order Superiors have given them permission to live as hermits, apart from the monastery, or are those in the ancient hermit Orders, such as Carthusian and Camaldolese. The way of the traditional, historical, solitary hermit, with private profession of the three evangelical counsels, a vow and a rule of life for their eremitic vocation, are a form of the past.
There is a good in this process. I am praying as to God's will for me, as I have been privately professed (evangelical counsels), my vow over 19 years ago more in the traditional sense of anchoritic form, my rule of life based upon admixture of what a canonized traditional hermit realized the "perfect rule of life." Also, there is, as well, my undergirding platform which my late spiritual father suggested the first three aspects the day following my profession ceremony, and to which the Holy Spirt added six more, to make up "The Nine S'." (Have written of the Nine S' in past posts that you may look up if you wish.)
So we shall see what transpires over time. Prayerfully, the Lord will determine the temporal Catholic aspects of my hermit vocation, as also He determines the on-going and ever-unfolding spiritual aspects. Each "world" is part of the "one reality." I do believe in going along to get along, but of course the Lord will make clear His will for me as He has for all His hermits throughout history of the Church.
Coincidentally, in the Lord, the priest in the opening prayers of Mass as well as prior to Consecration, the priest included St. Colette in these prayers! That, I certainly recall with vividness as it stood out as different; I don't believe I've ever heard a priest include St. Colette's name in the liturgy. Her feast day is not until March 6, but she is one who was an enclosed anchoress in the early 15th c. (early 1400's, her adult life); she was an enclosed "hermit" of strictest type, walled off in a room with but one window opening to the church interior and one window to the outer world where people would come to ask her for prayers and spiritual guidance.
After four years as an anchoress, the Lord called her out of her enclosure, much to her resistance. He willed her to help reform what already had become lax and disordered, within 100 years of St. Francis and St. Clare's establishment of Franciscan and Poor Clare religious orders). St. Colette went on to reform and establish 17 Poor Clare monasteries of the Primitive Rule.
Of this I am fairly certain: The Lord is calling me out of my more traditional, solitary, privately professed evangelical counsels, hermit vocation to reform any religious order or the like! Not asking me to start again another large, soup kitchen, nor is He asking me to lead parish programs or attain another doctoral degree. At most, He will have me in whatever way the bishop desires, be incorporated as a diocese hermit or repeat my profession in accord with CL603, or not; and if not, then to do God's will in the hidden ways best for a mystic and victim soul of Jesus, and also, though, to keep writing.
The content would slightly change, or the format--perhaps a memoire, or small book of the various locutions and messages from the Lord I have received that have universal appeal to anyone's mind, heart, and soul. Or, could be to write a meditation book including the beautiful photos of the Agnus Dei Gardens from two hermitages ago; or to write of my late spiritual Da and of his correspondence that also could have broader appeal than simply what he taught or wrote privately to me.
In fact, regardless of what the bishop decides (won't be soon, the answer), my written content is going to change, for what the Lord has for me to share and write, is far from the temporal technicalities of canon laws, of the intricacies of what we could describe as external this-and-that of the details of who is what and in what way one may become legitimate if a this or that for so many years and then wants to be something other in some group or community developed years ago or recently in the Church.
For most persons having a call to any of the consecrated states of life in the Church, one's diocese office of vocations is the proper starting point for lay persons, religious in the diocese, and priests who have a vocational calling or slightly different than original vocational calling. If already in a religious order and have a further calling to be, such as hermit, or if a brother in a religious order having a call to be a priest, then the go-to person is the religious order Superior.
Certainly one would not turn to a diocese publicly professed hermit or a traditional, privately professed hermit, for advice in the intricacies of canon laws or Church processes and rules as to how to proceed. Just go to the person/s whose approved and authorized work and position it is to advise you in your particular circumstances. Go to the go-to person with authority, and for most, that will be with the diocese vocation director and bishop, or if pertaining to a religious order, then with that religious superior and/or vocation director.
God bless His Real Presence in us! Little children, let us love God in Himself and love one another as God loves us! Please pray for the souls of all who regardless of why or how, take their own lives.
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