In my praying for utilization of the Holy Spirit's gift of Wisdom, I feel rather clueless as to why I have not focused on the need for and my lack of, this tremendous and invaluable awareness. While I know the Holy Spirit infuses the seven gifts and did so at my confirmation, with Wisdom being paramount, I have not been so deeply touched with great desire to work with this gift, to examine and in faith find this gift within my mind, heart, and soul--and to use the gift--wisely, yes--in my thoughts and actions, day and night.
Today's first reading at Mass reminds me (have read it before but until now not so intently, not so in dire need of Wisdom than ever before) the attributes of this gift: Wisdom. Perhaps I need greater faith to appreciate Wisdom, to grasp and exist in the reality that what I ask for in Jesus' Name, of anything God wills, I shall receive. So I'm asking in Jesus' Name, to better understand, appreciate, and utilize this gift of Wisdom from the Holy Spirit, that I have not nearly embraced nor used to the benefit of self, others, and the glory of God.
So this is Wisdom:
"In Wisdom is a spirit
intelligent, holy, unique,
Manifold, subtle, agile,
clear, unstained, certain,
Not baneful, loving the good, keen,
unhampered, beneficent, kindly,
Firm, secure, tranquil,
all-powerful, all-seeing,
And pervading all spirits,
though they be intelligent, pure, and very subtle.
For Wisdom is mobile beyond all motion,
and she penetrates and pervades all things by reason of her purity.
For she is an aura of the might of God
and a pure effusion of the glory of the Almighty;
therefore nought that is sullied enters into her.
For she is the refulgence of eternal light,
the spotless mirror of the power of God,
the image of his goodness.
And she, who is one, can do all things,
and renews everything while herself perduring;
And passing into holy souls from age to age,
she produces friends of God and prophets.
For there is nought God loves, be it not one who dwells with Wisdom.
For she is fairer than the sun
and surpasses every constellation of the stars.
Compared to light, she takes precedence;
for that, indeed, night supplants,
for that, indeed, night supplants,
but wickedness prevails not over Wisdom."
~ Wisdom 7:22b-8:1
All these and yet there are more attributes in Wisdom; I cannot fully take it all in, yet I know this gift is given me, has been. Why do I not exemplify nor have better grasp of such a gracious, generous gift from the Holy Spirit? I must conclude that my temporal distractions and my sins and human flaws denigrate such a lofty yet needful gift.
Asking God forgiveness, on-going, and striving to do better in embracing with awareness the virtues, especially the theological virtues of faith, hope, and love--will help my mind, heart, and soul to better serve God and others in this gift, a reality called "Wisdom."
Last night was rugged with pain. I fell asleep with bedside light on, unplanned, not taking the final pain med of the day nor filling ice pump with fresh ice. So I awoke around 1:30 a.m. with pain out of control. Three hours later I fell back to sleep, thanks be to God, and had a vivid dream based on aspects of the past that were represented in essence, played out before me.
In the dream were my children when young, in a time period in which they were victims of divorce, our lives turned upside down, and I was their only stalwart of protection and whatever was next of security and stability. And I was quite wounded myself. Stunned in mind and emotions, wounded in body and heart, yet stepping forward, praying our way through, often blinded by inner and outer tears. By the grace of God, and the kindness of friends and family, I took the next steps not knowing other than in faith, what would unfold. Just had to keep going, and to bring the young innocents with me, trying to be courageous when I was sorrowing as much for them as for myself and all that had befallen unexpectedly.
In the dream, was the long time friend who recently I terribly offended, thus bringing consequences which I fully accept. In actuality of the past, we did not stay with the friend back then, but were taken in by a couple other friends as we were told by my attorney after a dangerous and frightening interaction with the spouse who had left, to pack up and leave the vicinity and go stay with one friend for a couple or so days, then on to another, for our physical safety. Yet in the dream, this long time friend and her family when young, were part of our experience; in that dream setting, I could see how kind and loving, generous and noble in so many ways, were and are the beautiful attributes of this friend's heart and soul.
The Lord needed me to put all my thoughts of the past weeks into image, how it is that I can love so greatly and admire others, yet pass through in this time period, a distancing, a recognition of the beauty yet a passing on and acceptance of leave-taking. I awoke and grieved yet again how much my children suffered, and how I was following God's unfolding a suddenly single parent's next steps, trying to be upbeat and confident when barely able to cope, myself, other than to trust God and keep my young under wing, feeling safe and loved, or so I prayed and hoped in God to be the case.
But then the thought occurred after the recurring sense of grief that can come when we are shown the past in dreams, that the long time friend exhibits many attributes of virtues, and always has been loving, generous, and kind to me and my family. This is God's answer to me, as to my great love for this long time friend, despite how I hurt the person without intending, of course. Yet honesty is part of love, even if honesty is one person's observations and not the other's. The dream also reminded me to let go of what was, but to not let go of how very much I loved and still love the children the Lord gifted to me and now are gifted to their significant others and their children, their co-workers and friends.
Perhaps all that the dream relived including very much aspects of emotion and heart and soul, is needed to be laid out and accepted, then let go--is necessary in order for the gift of Wisdom to more fully be rooted in and to grow to fruition in my mind, heart, and soul. In order for the transcendence and transformation of the soul from illuminative to unitive phase of the spiritual progression to God, one must let go of that which hinders, even when we do not understand why or how this or that might hinder; or if we understand, we must accept that others in their phases in life, may not understand.
So it is that all the more, trust in God, faith in God is necessary, and hope in God is, as well. And that in what seems the worst of times and despite our hurtfulness and bungling, of our flaws and sins, we yet are capable of great love of God and of others. It is rather a mystery, as is how the Holy Spirit can infuse the sevenfold gifts into us even if they remain latent until, hope-in-God that time comes in which we realize what is latent needs to grow into full fruition, no matter the pruning, fertilizing, and time for growth needed.
So it is with me and my prayer in beseeching the Holy Spirit to awaken all of whatever in me to the faith and hope and love of Wisdom, and of the ability to bring into fruition all the beauty and fruit of Wisdom to glorify God and to impart God's love to Him and to others, assisted by the gift of Wisdom.
God bless His Real Presence in us! In faith and hope, I trust in God that my prayer is heard and will be answered. I'm surrendering myself yet again, this time especially to the Holy Spirit and to Wisdom. I have no idea when or how or if I will even notice, but God's will be done on earth, in me, as His will is done in Heaven.
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