Have finished the Introduction to Garrigou-Lagrange's The Three Ages of the Interior Life. I read about Fr. Reginald Garrigou-Lagrange this morning on Wikipedia, and noticed that the above titled book is considered his seminal masterpiece. I went to my bookshelves and counted out the 21 volumes I have of his writings; and I marvel at the providence of God for guiding me in my rather excessive, or at least exhaustive, accumulation of a book collection beginning following my mother's passing, 15 years ago. That was when I had resources to make some purchases.
However, I had only read the small volume, The Three Ways of the Spiritual Life and had begun The Life of Contemplation, amidst reading many other books of other titles and topics as I really did go all in for the blessed gift of the book collection. All the more I am realizing how fortuitous, as in reading what Garrigou-LaGrange wrote in this Introduction, I know I am going to need his mentorship and spiritual direction through what he has written. A priest adept in ascetical and mystical theology is not the norm in today's parishes and perhaps not so accessible in religious orders.
So I'm turning myself over to Pere Garrigou-Lagrange who is adept, tried, and proven over the years while he was on earth and since his death in 1964. He brings together the theological, gifted mind of St. Thomas Aquinas' writings and the experiential mystical, experiential gifts and writings of St. John of the Cross--both Doctors of the Church.
I'm in good hands as long as I can discipline myself and beseech the Holy Spirit to help my mind, heart, and soul absorb what my outstanding mentor can teach me across the veil as well as within the pages of his published explanations, instruction, and guidance. This is not the norm for spiritual direction, as there is prudence in a living priest to prod and discuss in two-way, temporal conversation. However, until the Lord provides a living spiritual director who can provide all the other aspects needed at this point in my spiritual life, I trust the Holy Spirit in all these matters.
After all, the Holy Spirit has done quite well in exposing my sins, especially my most recent major fail of which I still at times take in a deep breath at realizing what I say aloud of myself seems so evil and horribly uncharitable. At times is hard for me to fathom that I have such propensity to hurt others' feelings so shamefully but without recognizing at the time or prior. But indeed I have done, not once but other times in past. My consequences of sin are appropriate and acceptable.
But as repented sin provides, there is opening now to new life. God forgives even if temporal consequences life-long. God has provided additionally in the unusual email reconnection with the professor (scholar of St. John of the Cross), and the resultant reading recommendations. Of Volume 1 of Les Trois Ages de la Vie Interirure, I am now into the first section on sanctifying grace.
The very first footnote deals with the explanation as to differences between what Thomas Aquinas' depths of theological writing of sanctifying grace and what the 15th c. nominalists and later deviation or flawed understanding of sanctifying grace as represented by Martin Luther. The truth of the grace our salvation as having supernatural value, and interior infused grace, was lost in Protestantism's and the nominalist's thinking of our salvation as being based on negation of supernatural interior infused grace and instead a moral right to salvation and external ascribing of merits of Christ.
I'm not going to tread into this with my doctor (even though it directly addresses the unexpected encounter as such in recent appointment) not even if he brings up again his conviction that Catholics do not believe in nor have the proper grasp of how we are saved. But perhaps I can suggest the writings of Garrigou-Lagrange, specifically this title, as it is helping me understand my doctor's concerns for my soul and my salvation. Garrigou-Lagrange explains it so well in ways that my mind so challenged by pain, probably has not even explained in what I've written in this post!
But what has come to me in general, in praying about the situation with my pain doctor and the recent appointment, is that he and I are on different paths, and in our phases, in our Christian journeys. He is consistently bumping and returning to more dogmatic theology and in that, differences between what Thomas Aquinas wrote and is considered (even the doctor exclaimed how Aquinas seems to be considered as some great Catholic theologian!) inspired, theological truths in his lifetime of writings--this opposed to what unfolded by the nominalists, and then Luther and others who developed the notion of our grace being given and salvation assured as a right of baptismal grace. To use Garrigou-Lagrange's temporal example of nominalist/Luther idea: grace is like being given money to use as a right to institutional tender, as if money proferred in exchange for something (in this case, our salvation).
I realize I'm still not expressing it well, and thus I will not attempt to in verbal discussion. I am heeding well what the Church states as to my hermit vocation being a silent preaching of Christ. I am being shown my weaknesses and limitations and to remain in God's custody; I defer to those experts whose lives and minds and vocations and missions were to explain and teach. What I find most helpful in my relationship to the doctor, is that my spiritual life and understanding is more of the experiential unfolding, such as of John of the Cross' life, understanding, and supernatural graces that are the interior life.
The doctor seems [I'm now much aware that I can't be sure of what is in another's mind except by what I hear and observe] to be thinking with his head, and of that, might be remaining more in the externals of sorts, of the study of God, and of that, externals that are skewed. Even if the basis for his view of assurance of salvation were not skewed, he does not realize that what he has read and heard of what Catholics believe, are not accurate and based on what is false. I am not about to poke the doctor on these suppositions, given I am in a position of needing his help in managing my temporal, physiological, debilitating, severe pain.
[Reality: Unless the Lord wills to provide me a miraculous ability to ascend physical pain, I must take what temporal, medical and pharmaceutical help available, and for which I am humbly grateful. And, I am reminded of what the convert Cardinal St. John Henry Newman discovered in his own mind and heart opening to other than his non-Catholic upbringing: To go back in history is to cease to be Protestant.]
Consider if the doctor could move from what seems to be thinking much with the head and seeming stuck on what he thinks and upsets him about what Catholics believe but actually do not. Yet he seems to be missing out on what we do believe; and a friendship such as with John of the Cross and his writings might open him more to the interior life, to more think with his heart.
A friendship with Reginald Garrigou-Lagrange could bring him to understanding better Thomas Aquinas' writings and also the reality of the interior life--a necessity for much progress in the soul's proceeding to union with God--and of the supernatural infusion of graces, for example, that can bring our souls in assurance of faith and on and on.
Consider the love of God in Himself, of Jesus Christ, of the Holy Spirit in all the fullness of what treasures reside in Catholicism even when we Catholics often lack grasping or opening ourselves to the never-ending treasure chest of this supernal Body of Christ and Christ Himself the Head. What greatness would this very intelligent medical doctor and loyal follower of Christ experience and the spiritual progressions!
But how many years did it take me even after supernatural interventions of the Holy Spirit leading me into the Church? It was a full ten years of my researching and studying, and this not so much stuck in errant interpretations of theology, but simply fears from what I'd been told wrongly by others, silly stuff like Catholics worship Mary or Catholics aren't Christian and going to hell. I also feared the reactions of family and friends, and of that I did pay what now I consider a small price indeed.
But the Lord led me through supernatural means and assurances, for early on He told me to think with my heart, and various other temporal but amazing interventions and interactions, and in dreams, locutions, and visions. I will simply pray for the doctor, for God's will for him, and offer him the likes of St. John of the Cross and Garrigou-Lagrange--mention their names and that he might find them of interest. I will ask these two to pray for the pain doctor and will praise the Holy Spirit for how helpful already is Garrigou-Lagrange in mentoring and directing my soul, and as always, for the friendship and writings of John of the Cross.
What a tremendous gift from the Holy Spirit in having the professor for whatever reason, out of the blue, email me and now suggest the particular book of the many of Garrigou-Lagrange's writings, and of the journal article she wrote and emailed, of John Paul II's dissertation on aspects of faith in John of the Cross's writings.
What a gift the Holy Spirit pointed out yet more of my sins and of God's forgiveness. The consequences thereof help me accept all the more God's wisdom in my Catholic hermit vocation and the needful reboot of focusing on the spiritual journey, the interior life, and what God wills of me in truth, beauty, goodness, faith,, hope, charity and life in Christ! The fabric is continuously being woven as I think and write, read, repent, and pray and praise!
And for sure, as iterated in today's Mass Scripture readings, our bodies are the temple of Christ; we dwell in Him and He in us. God bless His Real Presence in us!
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