Been appreciating and pondering Fr. Garrigou-Lagrange's written thoughts on our "conversations" that each of us has, in our minds, when not otherwise engaged in conversing with others or listening to others' talking. He writes of this reality, activity, in the early pages of The Three Ages of the Interior Life.
I had not paid much attention to the conversations going on in my mind--in this aspect of noticing which are my conversations more of the temporal, involving self or with myself, or those conversations that are of the spiritual, of God, with God and other holy, heavenly persons and beings.
This morning, per most mornings, I handled the immense pain upon waking. But this time I consciously, specifically, praised God for the pain and asked Him to please purify me in the fiery flames of this constant, physical pain--higher levels of it in the morning after a night with pain aides dwindling in the body, having been utilized for the tangible help they provide.
Then I continued to rest for what ended up four hours without my noticing the temporal time passing. Yet after I was brought from what I am now noting for what they are--conversations with God and whomever all else of the heavenly realm--I marveled at what a little bit of understanding, knowledge, and awareness benefits greatly our spiritual lives.
In and out of consciousness, my mind was weaving for four or so hours, conversing with words at times but mostly not words. I know not what the means of conversing, but all was peaceful in contentment of precious time with God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, the Virgin Mary, various saints including family members and unknown-to-me holy ones, and angels. It does not matter the who, often enough; but it is lovely and blessed to realize how God provides a means to converse with Him and His Holy Ones not here, but there---and to converse so easily, losing consciousness of words and even of thoughts, but yet in Him and where are others who love Him and share in His Beatitude.
And, off and on are thoughts and conversations in the Holy Spirit that include those yet on earth--interludes of people, along with us, striving in our journeys of this life. Conversing within God, these conversations flow and embrace others who perhaps are unaware of God in the active lives of work, family, others, whether or not they believe in His Real Presence or have forgotten, or they must focus their minds and thoughts on temporal matters.
Even so, if we must focus our thoughts on temporal matters in our earthly responsibilities, we can yet be aware of His Real Presence by offering all of ourselves to His glory and purpose. Intentions are powerful; we can but say the word, that in faith we are in Christ, that we desire our beings to be all His, and the hours of temporal work, interactions, responsibilities--all that we must do in the temporal with our temporal aspects and lives can be accomplished in a holiness assured by the Holy Trinity.
In my first awakening, with my bodily pain being especially severe this morning, today's Psalm of today's Mass Scriptures, lifted my soul to embrace the suffering and then to lead all else of my existence, of my mind, heart, and soul, into conversations with God, of God. He takes over the conversations at some unrealized point, beyond what we could call meditation and beyond focused contemplation, and into where He infuses all aspects...what is termed infused contemplation.
This grace, to converse with and in God, and for God to flow the conversation beyond our knowing, is for everyone. Not one is excluded; we all have sinned and are imperfect, yet He loves us. Just approach God in our minds; begin noticing the conversations going on in our heads when alone or even around others in which we do not need to talk or listen actively. Then turn the interior talking about matters in our temporal lives, to talking with God.
First consciously talking--telling Him our thoughts and feelings even if He already knows. But engage in conversing with God, and then in and by His grace, we will begin to listen, and then to let the conversation become automatic, when words turn to thoughts and thought turn to quiet and nothing we recall other than peace and serenity.
A psalm that spoke to me, comforted me, taught me, this morning upon waking. God also speaks to us through Scriptures, very much so.
"O LORD, you have probed me and you know me;
You know when I sit and when I stand;
You understand my thoughts from afar.
My journeys and my rest You scrutinize,
with all my ways You are familiar.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, You know the whole of it.
Behind me and before, You hem me in
and rest Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from Your Spirit?
From Your presence where can I flee?
If I go up to the heavens, You are there;
if I sink to the nether world,
You are present there.
If I take the wings of the dawn,
if I settle at the farthest limits of the sea,
even there Your hand shall guide me,
and Your right hand hold me fast."
~ from Psalm 139 (138): 1-3, 6, 7-8, 9-10
God bless His Real Presence in us! Speak, Lord, for Your servants are listening!
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