The struggle with pain continues.
Will try to force the body up and even drive to a youth's baseball game unless it is cancelled due to sprinkles. Am not sure it wise to force the body out or not, but the mind is having tremendous difficulty managing this level of nerve pain from lumbar, down legs and into feet.
I'm praying it is weather-related--this higher level of pain; but the reality would have it be the spinal cord and major peripheral nerves coming from the vertebral spaces which are no longer spaces. I think they are called facet joints, perhaps. Regardless, in my lumbar and sacral vertebra, the spaces are non-existent now, and nerves and spinal cord being squeezed to a point of being so small as difficult to see on MRI films.
This morning I wondered how on earth I will be able to make it a couple more months before I can even get in to see the surgeon, and then how much longer until he has availability for surgery? Yet, I must somehow--only by the grace of God--manage this pain and more so, perhaps, manage the mind's need to depart from the pain, for however long it takes in the waiting.
I am reminded of two locutions of the past, regarding suffering and pain. One was from the Virgin Mary in a waking vision with locution. The other was from St. Michael the Archangel in a waking vision with locution. It would be easier for me to verbally describe these visions and locutions, although in writing, here, on this blog, I will simply state the locutions, themselves.
The Virgin Mary: "You will find Him in your pain."
St. Michael the Archangel: Love to suffer, and suffer to LOVE!
Now I must make this temporal body get up and attempt to get dressed. Perhaps. Will see how getting up goes. I've been up once already this morning to get coffee and some cold cereal with milk. So I know I can get up; it is mind over matter time! Pray one's way through the mind's balking with this type and level of burning and stabbing nerve pain. It is the degree of the pain to which I must adapt, and all things are possible for him who loves and turns to God in all matters.
God bless His Real Presence in us! We take one moment at a time, and I must not forget to praise God for the many blessings in every present moment! Coffee, meds, floor to sleep on, blankets, a mind to be able to know various pain management ploys, a laptop to help distract, words to express thoughts, and words to communicate prayers on behalf of others who are experiencing major health problems for first time in their aging bodies.
How horrible for them to have to deal with the trials and struggles of bodily suffering when not used to it. I am used to it, thanks be to God! Just am not used to this increased level of pain, is all. My adjustment is easier for me than what it is for those who are relatively new to bodily afflictions of a more serious and potentially chronic nature. I must keep my wits about me so as to better pray for the others who are trying to cope, even with ailments that have mortality death rate closely linked.
My situation is "only pain." Now, buck up! Give God the glory! Rise and shine! And that can be done physically or at least in the mind. One can rise and shine within the mind and emotions, always. If I can collect my wits today, I will strive to finish writing about the third phase of St. Angela of Foligno's mystical journey.
God bless His Real Presence in us!
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