Catholic Hermit: More on Being a Guest

Ill with too much pain today, despite increased meds.  I still hope to get some manual labor accomplished, but must ask the Lord for His will and graces to get the body obedient to cooperating physically.

In the meantime, someone replied that what I'd written the other day really helped in a situation on-going. The person writing to me had some understandable frustration of "guests" not really being "guests" in the usual sense.

Because the spiritual admonition to "Be a Guest" renews itself in my thoughts, I responded as such.  Perhaps these details might help others think more practically of how we can strive to be guests while on this earth not only with others, but above all for us to be guests of His Real Presence.

 (If too detailed and not helpful, of course, don't read; I'm sure most of us come up with our own life-practice points on how to "Be a Guest.")  I'm rather too ill right now although have other fresher ideas to share; so here is this response written yesterday that seemed to help the friend.

As for your resentment: God forgives you!  He KNOWS and UNDERSTANDS as your guests are not the usual "guests".  I was thinking yesterday--having been reminded of a locution years ago:  Be a Guest.  I heard it and saw it in the inner sight, written for emphasis.  We are to strive to live our lives as guests of His Real Presence (and I add Mary as Hostess to the Trinitarian HOST). 

Yet some people do not even know how to be guests when visiting others--including their parent/s.  And some, not even one own's children, at times do not know how to treat us as guests when we visit and are behaving as their guests as best we can.

Rather than guilt for venting about guests taking over, I consider it righteous indignation.  Perhaps it qualifies as justified and is probably a bit of "awe" that adults would come in and take over as if not only your spouse has memory issues, but as if you also don't know what needs to be tended in the house and regarding your spouse.  

Being a guest is to ASK, always.  Such as with the Lord, we should be in the habit as guests of His on this earth and in this life (and we will be guests in Heaven, as well, and purgatory, too).  We should ask permission of God more than not.

"Is this what You'd like me to have for breakfast?  Do You mind if I look at some news as long as I do so with the intention of praying for the world and the situations and people involved?  Is it all right with You that I don't make my bed or that I stay in it today--not feeling well?  Do You mind if I vent about people visiting who make a difficult situation more tense by doing as they think best without asking or conferring with me?  What would You like me to do with my life today?  What color of paint do You prefer for the walls--and do You mind if I paint them?  If not today, then when, Lord?  What and for whom do you want me to pray this morning?..." 

And a good guest always is offering thanks and giving praise.  

"Thank You for this wonderful food!  Thank You that I can get out of bed today!  Thank You that my son and I can take a trip and be away from 24/7 spousal care, in four days!  Thank You that I only lost $250 to the tree scam man; even though a bit late, caught the signals You were giving me that he was way overcharging.  Thank You for another nice neighbor I met.  Thank You for giving me the wherewithal to deal with flooding caused when a dementia-stricken spouse smashed a toilet in the middle of the night.  Thank You for the loving friendship of friends.  Thank You for someone sending a text this morning thanking me for doing them favors last week.  Thank You for guarding over children, grandchildren...friends, strangers, and enemies."

"I praise You for giving me life.  I praise You for letting me be a guest in Your earthly creation.  I praise You for all the conveniences You have allowed in my living in this time period.  I praise You for Mass and for being able to attend, one Mass at a time.  I praise You for your lovely Dwelling Place.  I praise You for clean air and water and doctors and medications.  I praise You for giving me a conscience so that I can be human and as such, vent and make errors; and I praise You for forgiving me and even smiling at my pathetic efforts to be more holy even when it seems I am far from the goal.  I praise You for teaching me how to pray and for always listening.  I praise you for being You, God!"

On my own personal part:  I've been concerned that I have NOT been living the mission that God wants of me.  I have not written nearly what I should nor as I should--having been drawn off at times in writing by the call-of-the-wild: the temporal realm.  I complain so much about pain--not at all heroic in suffering.  I have begged God to put in me yet again a great passion for the holy and for the spiritual life.  Yet this morning I wafted into the online news for awhile, and last night I wafted finally, unable to sleep well at first, into an Irish detective program set in the 50's.  What kind of guest--especially a consecrated hermit guest--am I?

Yet, my friend [to whom I responded], here we have another morning in which to be guests.  At your house, the temporal host/guest roles are reversed, but what can you do about it?  I guess focus on being God's guest more than being a temporal host, for your two guests are not at a level of grasping how it is to be temporal guests.  They are stuck in their denial that their parent is in failing health, definitely with increasing dementia; they are in denial that he has the typical phase of days and nights reversed. We can wish them well in their determination to change that.  Medical professionals and nursing home staffs will be appreciative to learn of a "sundowner's" cure. 

And, thank God that you can vent the frustration of basically having to be a temporal guest in your own home for awhile longer.  But the real blessing is to rise above.  Be a guest of His Real Presence on a grander and highly spiritual level yet with tangible ways to practice being His guest.  I am trying to do that here, although it is not the same as what you are contending with.  I do not have temporal guests having taken over as host or hostess as a distraction to my practicing being God's guest here in Solus Deus.  Yet I struggle practicing being a guest of God, all the same.

As for your feelings of guilt, I think you'd have to be quite concerned if you were not aware that you vented the frustrations and instead held it in to a point of anger.  Your venting brought a sense of guilt for doing so; your conscience is prodding you to find a nobler path.  Yet the venting brought forth the needed laughter--like an overfilled tire in which the stem cap is temporarily removed and air released.  No tire blow out; your health is not ruined from pressure and stress.  And, you wisely then count the blessings in the situation.  

It is amazing how matters in life can cause us to be THANKFUL!    And you are thankful for the upcoming trip extra much because of the added difficulties of guests having confused their roles. Yet it will be refreshing for you to have a few days' respite from care of a spouse whom you love but who is not the same any more, nor to be a temporal host to guests with or without role reversal.  

There are so many aspects involved when tending a loved one who has become mostly a guest due to being mentally or emotionally in another "place".  The aspects include others entering in--guests yet who forget they are guests when emotions or personalities fill the temporal space.  All the questions and the attempts to fix matters get tossed into the situation.  What are the answers?
  

Who knows? 

God alone knows!  We are His guests and, as you so beautifully phrase it: "It's all right, I just work here."  Yes, a good guest offers assistance by asking, "May I help you with this or that?"  We offer to help but then listen; we help out with what the Host wants of us, wills of us.  We want to chip in out of gratitude for being guests of His Real Presence in His Creation.  But we do not overstep our place, nor do or say more than what He wills and desires.  Mostly He desires LOVE.

What I must learn right off the top, as God's guest: not to reach in with suggestions or helps or ideas even if someone is foolish enough to ask me!  God knows best and will answer people, usually through His Living Word and in other ways--sometimes through people who say things or offer insights.  But that is not for me to do with ones who have repeatedly been in the habit of writing or calling me with that which they do not intend to alter, anyway--but share and ask perhaps in some subconscious need--but knowing I will respond over and over.  Answering at great length or intensity, and then over-investing myself is my fault.  

This is a form of host-guest role reversal in which I am no longer a guest of God in a human request or conversation. I forget that I just work here....  I forget that I am to be His guest, and as a guest, to defer to and confer with the Host--His Real Presence--as the best answer and advice to offer others.  Pray!  Remind others we are guests of His Real Presence and to inquire, each of us, of our Host Whom we are to love above all things and to love others as ourselves.

After all the above in real-life scenario of a response to someone about being a guest, the Holy Spirit has surely  prompted numerous, personal thoughts of how to implement the Be a Guest reality into your daily lives and relationships.  It is a vast topic with endless, marvelous, holy potentials.

God bless His Real Presence in us, and us in this life and His Life, as HIs guests!