One morning this past week, in the Office of Readings (of the Divine Office, prayers of the Church, "breviary," a selection from the letter to the Hebrews (6:9-20, excerpt below) struck my heart.
"Beloved...we are persuaded of better things in your regard, things pointing to your salvation. God is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him by your service, past and present, to His holy people. Our desire is that each of you show the same zeal to the end, fully assured of that for which you hope. Do not grow lazy, but imitate those who, through faith and patience, are inheriting the promises."
I emboldened the "do not grow lazy" admonition. That struck me due to the confession in which I tried my best to express and apologize to God in the Sacrament, for what it seems to me is downright laziness. Spiritual laziness, acedia, it is also called. And, I am lazy in general with pain fatigue! It takes so much to scrape this body off the floor bed each morning--and sometimes not until noon or later, or on pain siege days, not up and at 'em at all!
Yet I consider my dearest Spiritual Da, who I know if I miss him it is due to my own lack of mature faith, as he is nearby, even now. Again, I am convinced it was this late spiritual father who four days after his death, surely arranged for the lead priest to want me to be at Mass, regardless the mystical state during Mass. Of course, all is arranged, allowed, through the Most Holy Spirit in the Trinity.
So I hope in this scripture above, and that God is not forgetting past efforts of corporal works of mercy and even currently such as getting up early yesterday and going to stand and watch a young person play pickle ball in a tournament. Watching in solitude is simple enough, watching in silence for the most part, as other watchers were in their groups of acquaintances.
Does a hermit remain apart? I do what seems appropriate in situations. This time, I smiled, said hello, and in a couple cases introduced myself to some other watchers. But I kept to my purpose for being there: to watch. The watching was a prayer for the young person. In extension, it was a prayer for all those present and participating in the pickle ball tournament. Personal prayer, communal prayer, and perhaps in some sense, cosmic prayer--the Three Scrutinies of Lent, in watching a sport!
The Hebrews words of promise, grab the heart--persuaded of better things in our regard--things pointing to our salvation! But the encouragement and admonition to show the same zeal from here on out in my end-run of life, the same zeal that I had in the past when enjoying more obvious, deeper conversions: this is the pith of what I've been trying to explain of my feeling inept, falling short in my spiritual life, in my vocation, in my zeal!
I consider my late spiritual Da as someone to imitate in his faith and patience who is inheriting the promises of glory and salvation. I consider just in the brief observations and few Masses thus far, the lead priest of the parish in this area. He seems to be one quite adept and focused on his vocation as well as in his personal spiritual ascent. Here are two human examples, one remaining on earth and one in heaven, to consider--people, souls, I know in the here and now.
Of course, I consider the holy apostles, the saints, the holy hermits. I even consider my guardian angel as one to imitate, as my angel certainly does not waiver with zeal for God as well as focus on vocation--to guide and guard, to stay with me until I'm safely delivered on the other side.
But most of all, I consider His Real Presence: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. To imitate Jesus Christ is the ultimate. He Is the One Who through faith and patience, without losing sight of His Mission on earth, preached Truth, Beauty, Goodness, Is the Way, the Life--suffered unto death, rose from the dead, delivered souls, gave us the Paraclete, ascended into Heaven to sit at the right Hand of God the Father.
I was going to compare the married vocation with other vocations, as it can so readily exemplify the phases of growth and maturation, and also of a certain loss or forgetfulness of the goal, of the zeal to love in various, evolving ways and types of love. It seems this portion of Scripture from Hebrews gives the expression and means out of temporal or spiritual laziness, but with reminder of the promise of God and the hope that is given us.
For me, to be reminded that God does not forget the love that I have shown Him--that is immensely stirring. Yes, I have loved and love Him deeply and forever, even if I think I am not loving enough or "showing it" through service, through action, through better uses of time currently. Yes, I must make far more mature decisions in how I distract from the physical pain and in wise use of time. What I take into my mind and through my eyes and ears ought be also what Jesus would likely take into His mind, heart, and soul.
Yet I also know that Jesus delights in joyful followers, in imitators who remember they are but human beings, yet striving with the hope and yearning to imitate Christ, to be ye perfect, as your heavenly father is perfect. That striving must continue even though completion will not happen while on earth. There is love and goodness in the striving for spiritual betterment, to desire, at least, spiritual perfection.
Keeping the conscience sharpened (thinking of lawn mower blades this spring!) is important; otherwise, I'd not have found the above cited Hebrews passage so significant. I'd not be pricked within when I waft off into some distraction that is not bad, yet is not better or best--or, when I spend a bit too much time on what can be good, but too much time on it turns it to what the holy ones, what Jesus, would more rapidly move onward to pearls of greater price.
And with that thought, I'm going to move on from writing this post, to read today's "Morning Office" and to ponder some on what Jesus is telling me through His Living Word. He communicates most often and readily with us, through His Word. Keeping the love alive, the zeal alive in our type of marriage with Christ is what couples do in their marriages.
Communication is key, time spent with one another is necessary, sacrificing our wants for the other or Other, and desire to love and to strive to mature in the relationship while yet having zeal--these are gained in imitating Christ and the holy ones gifted by God to us as divine help.
I do know, very much so, that we are all human--single persons, married persons, priests, religious brothers and sisters, and maybe especially a consecrated Catholic hermit. Seems important to keep this reminder in pocket at all times.
God bless His Real Presence in us!
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