Catholic Hermit: Will Do as Priest Asks

My trepidation is increasing.  I've been praying and also wondering what my dearest Spiritual Da would advise.

Was an unexpected turn-of events when meeting with the lead parish priest this morning.  (He was away when I first approached the parish, to inquire of the priest as to wishes regarding my being at Mass or Communion brought to my hermitage.  The assoc. priest had said have someone bring Communion, and arranged it.  He felt it too problematic and disruptive to have someone with a mystical ecstasy in Mass--and frankly, I thought it wisdom given my experience with how people react, sooner or later.)

But the lead priest said forget the "spiritual leper"--although I explained how relieved I was to have a label that is actually quite excellent and meaningful, and positive.  That is what I am, and so are all my friends in the various and many books I have unpacked and are welcome in Solus Deus Hermitage.

He wants me to come to Mass.  He showed me a room, a "day chapel", in which overflow or I wonder if active children are brought by their parents to that chapel.  There is no Tabernacle there; it has a large screen upon which and through Mass is broadcast from the main church.  I'm so used to being in my hermitage--already deeply bonded with the peace and serenity in this place--and of being in mystical communion with Christ, and of Angel bringing Communion.  True, she will not be able to come the next two weeks, but someone else was going to be assigned to her "route".

I suppose my Spiritual Da would say to go ahead and give it a try.  I mentioned to this priest this morning, that perhaps it has left by now, the mystical ecstasy--or trance as he said, and I was so grateful that he said the word "trance" not in negative way.  Ecstasy is the religious term, but I've read of the other spiritual lepers who were afflicted with this state during Mass, that sometimes it was referred to as a trance.  Altered state could also be a term used; but this is not a situation that could ever be self-induced.  That is a crucial element in discerning.

The priest said that something like this could go on for years, that Teresa of Avila had to contend with it for many years--did not leave her until near her death.

I've set an alarm and will pray for courage to go to morning Mass.  Maybe it is best to see what transpires with a smaller risk, people-wise, than on a weekend Mass.  Plus, I will know more within, sooner, as to if this is God's will, rather than anxiety build the next couple of days.

I did ask if I should bring a little sign--mentioned I used to wear a sign asking people to not be concerned, just "meditating", and later added "Don't call 911."  That has happened in the past, but sad to say, it has occurred even with the sign.  I think the priest quite sincere, and he seems to have a grasp of mystical life and mystics, although he said it is not his spirituality.  

I just pray that God will please protect me from more mishaps, from also people being curious, and my having to go through additional persecution.  Well, it is Lent.  And while I mentioned to the priest that I'm self-conscious and have never liked the thought of people being able to observe what to me is a vulnerable situation, plus interiorly intimate, I guess I need to deal with it again.  He agreed.

Lord, have mercy on my body and soul.  I will do as this adept priest asks, unless something occurs in the night or I am bodily unable to go in the morning.  I've been wondering if my Spiritual Da will be asking Jesus to come pluck me out sometime soon; I've always felt that somehow, the Da and I will be working together at some point, on the other side, for souls!  That is a happy thought!  He liked it when I told him, when I last saw him on earth.

This adept priest did seem to appreciate my predicament, and gave me an encouraging smile and hug as I left--rather dumbstruck by a totally different outcome from the meeting than I ever thought.  I also mentioned I am a hermit of over 18 years, privately professed, and he was pleased with that as he said hermits give much to the Church.  He had forgotten (and he ought with 11,000 parishioners to tend!) that he'd asked me in confession to pray for those in the parish who suffer as they age and are having difficulty finding meaning when they no longer can live their lives as they had.

Well, this nothing Catholic hermit has quelled the doubts as much as humanly possible.  Going through several years of receipts in readying for tax time, indeed is grounding.  And mentioning grounding, I told this priest what my Spiritual Da told me after my avowal and profession service, that he wants me to always keep my personality, to stay grounded--and he didn't need to tell me to keep my sense of humor!  Humor is a precious gift from God to help us through life's "adventures."

God bless His Real Presence in us!