Hidden from the Eyes of Men: More from a Catholic Hermit

I have a few more thoughts about the statement below, which is found in The Catechism of the Catholic Church, section 921, regarding what the Church expects of her consecrated (privately or publicly professed) hermits.

"Hidden from the eyes of men, the life of the hermit is a silent preaching of the Lord, to Whom he has surrendered his life simply because He is everything to him."

I wrote previously in a post on "What a Hermit Is to Be and Do, cont." my lived experience of what I discovered rather destroys or at minimum, hinders a hermit's ability to remain "hidden", as in hidden from the eyes of men, effectually meaning: "others".

I shared that wearing clothing other than what blends in with all other people in our locales or situations, destroys the ability to be or remain "hidden" from others' sight.

I also shared that telling others, be it by a seemingly charitable intent to explain why we are not available socially or do not have a social support network such as when we are ill or in need of assistance, or why people in general are not coming and going from our dwellings [hermitage, but if we tell people that term instead of house, apartment, condominium, etc. we damage hiddenness, as well], we can inadvertently or intentionally remove our ability to be "hidden."

A week ago an older couple came to pick up the maple logs from the trees that were felled last spring.  They paid me a price that gave them a good buy which also helped me defray a bit of the tree cutters' fees.  God is good, gracious, kind, and merciful!

The woman evidently noticed the Catholic art work and statues inside my hermitage (house, to her), and brought up that she had been reared Catholic but had not gone to Mass in a long time.  She mentioned to me (she knew of my surgery due to brace and my inability to be up much nor to help them so much as lift or bend over to pick up a piece of bark) that surely there would be parishioners who would come take me to church or bring me Communion.

So we got into a brief conversation, in which she inquired more, and I answered; and I felt in making any sense to her, I needed to explain that my having thought I needed to explain to a couple parishioners and the parish nurse why I do not already have people who can run an occasional errand or why I could not sit during Mass, anyway--that it seems my mention of being a consecrated Catholic hermit is, as one of the priests had warned me, too much for parishioners to grasp and deal with.  Neither of the parishioners who had offered to help again if needed, were responding.

The woman buying the maple logs looked at me, and said, "I have no idea what you mean by what you just said about being a hermit."  So I decided to explain in a concise statement what is a consecrated Catholic hermit, what the Church asks of those of us in the hermit vocation.  I did so in a couple of sentences, which surprised even me.  She continued the sweeping up of wood chips (her husband had chainsawed some of the largest logs so they could be lifted--with the unexpected but wonderful help of the Mormon neighbor man and his older children.

The only other mention she made regarding my sharing that I am a hermit, and that it seems to have been off-putting or some connection to these parishioners skedaddling, and thus I was not reaching in further but waiting upon God to provide in whatever ways He wills. is that she said, "You must be by nature very introverted and meditative and like to contemplate."  

To that I explained that hermits have all types of personalities, and retain their personalities; but that yes, they devote their lives to praise of God and prayer for the salvation of the world, and meditate on Scripture and on God.  I also mentioned that everyone has the ability to be contemplative to whatever degree.

I was not sure if the hermit-talk was too much, but she ceased conversing; she and her husband finished up, and we spoke of what tremendous amount of manual labor they were doing, and how inspirational it is, positive, plus healthy for their bodies.  They heat their home solely by wood stove in winter.  The husband mentioned he is not sure how much longer they can do the wood splitting and stacking themselves, but they have this year's three cords which should last them through winter.

Since I've been pondering how it is, in our contemporary times, for a hermit to ensure being hidden from the notice or eyes of others, and the value of hiddenness for prayer, meditation, contemplation with the beneficial aspect of detachment from self and needful silence of solitude, I decided to text the woman and ask her to be honest in her reply, if she would, as to how my mentioning I am a consecrated Catholic hermit affected her.

To my surprise, she texted back that she was not put off by it, but rather thought I did a very good job of explaining what it is as she had not heard of it before.  Her closest notion was an aunt (I presume deceased) who lived as a cloistered nun in a convent in Italy.  The woman repeated that she thinks no one should judge how other people choose to live their lives.

And that brings up another aspect of which I might write in a post sometime.  I don't think people "choose" religious vocations.  Some may think they are choosing the vocation, but in actuality, people receive a call from God in one way, form, or another, to accept and agree to a religious vocation.

However, back to my thoughts on how in our times, a hermit must be creative and honest in how to bring about being and remaining to be "hidden from the eyes of men" [others], I only know what I've learned from experience and what indeed does destroy, or has for me, what I find to be invaluable in my vocation:  to be and remain hidden. 

This means not to draw attention to myself visually, as in my appearance; and not to mention to others that I am a Catholic hermit, in the consecrated life of the Catholic Church.  I realize that if I did not have such a pain and spine disability, it might be more difficult if I were more "out there," such as in a parish or needing to work in a job.  

But actually, even in other circumstances, I could ensure that I'd not find myself often if at all in situations in which I'd have to explain I am a Catholic hermit (other than perhaps closest friends or family members who should be told because I would be living the vocation day and night, yes, hidden from the eyes of men...!  They would need to know so as to understand my not being as socially available, other than in what charity requires.

And I've found over the years, that charity does not require much of a hermit.  Adult children and grandchildren are rightfully busy living their active lives; a hermit who is also a parent of adult children and a grandparent, can be available by phone and in person--but it really is not that often that the adults and children who quickly grow into teens and adults themselves, rely on much interaction.

The hermit who is also grandparent, can watch a grandchild in a sport without being noticed other than the grandchild who is pleased the grandparent is watching, if the child notices much.  We hermits must understand, as Fr. Garrigou-Lagrange so aptly reminds in The Three Ages of the Interior Life:  every person, young and old, are experiencing their lives from a standpoint of what they see, hear, think, and their conversations with others are from their perspectives, and the inner conversations are with themselves and with God whether or not they are aware of the God conversations, per se.

The love a hermit grandparent has for the adult children and grandchildren is the same or maybe even greater love than those without religious vocations.  A hermit is praising God and praying for the salvation of the world, and that praising and praying very much includes familial loved ones--perhaps more than, by far, due to the devoting of life to God in this way of stricter separation from the world and the silent preaching of the Lord.

Anyway, a hermit has ways of being and remaining hidden from the eyes of men, if we want this.  And wanting this is probably a personal matter that becomes a greater desire and understanding of how important it is, the more we live our hermit vocations, and the more we learn detachment from our "selves" and our egos, and our human, temporal inclinations to wanting an identity of some sort.  When we detach from being someone and accept we are nothing, and best off being nothing to God's all to whom we are to have surrendered our lives because He is everything to us, we then realize the prize of being hidden and remaining hidden.

The hermit vocation is, I think, the only vocation which has this advised and helpful, even spiritually practical and crucial condition of passing unknown to others, hidden from the eyes of men, in silence of solitude, in stricter separation from the world.  This means outwardly as well as inwardly.  We must lose ourselves in the Holy Trinity, in His Real Presence.  And this may be done exteriorly and interiorly, by our own efforts as well as by picking up on the ways in which God helps us through situations and circumstances.

And a situation and circumstance that I'm heeding, having started to notice that I do not need to explain anything to others, not mention hermit vocation, just as over 17 years ago I noticed and realized I drew attention and stood out like a sore thumb wearing a habit or even such simple and same clothing that people noticed and stood out as different and austerely so.  And this was a few years after God called me to hermit life and had told me in a locution during Mass, about the Order of the Present Moment, and in that "order" my habit to wear was whatever I happened to be wearing in the present moment!  Nothing special, nothing unique, nothing intentionally "simple" or trending after what the poor wore in other centuries, or the desert fathers and mothers wore, nothing with a veil or hood that no one else around me was wearing nor would ever wear.  Just blend in; be nothing, remain hidden from the eyes of men.

It is not part of what the church states under "Eremitic Life" in the "Consecrated Life of the Church,"  that our vocation asks us to preach to the world or to anyone at all, what is a hermit, or that we are a hermit and why and how it is we are living.  No, our preaching is to be a silent preaching of the Lord Jesus Christ, and all else that I have been and will continue to explore of the Church's statements for we, Her hermits, in the consecrated life of the Church.

[Perhaps diocesan hermits and their bishops have some reason or other for exposing a hermit as such.  I would not be in that position, but if I were, I would request remaining hidden, since I've come to understand why being hidden from the eyes of others is beneficial for what I'm to do and be as a Catholic hermit.  While public profession means doing so in the hands of the diocesan bishop, there is no insistence on public exposure to others as a hermit, nor of wearing a habit or unusual garment.   It is important for a consecrated Catholic hermit's spiritual director to know, for obvious reasons, in helping guide the hermit in the spiritual life and in living the hermit vocation.]

In reminder, I have not come to this understanding except after trial and the incumbent errors, or perhaps better the hassles or obstacles that I've encountered from not doing all I could and can do, to be and remain hidden from notice of others and disclosure as a consecrated Catholic hermit.  I can live incognito and yet do all that the Church asks of me and even better, such as the silent preaching of the Lord, and manifesting to others the interior aspect of the mysteries of the Church, that is, the intimacies of Christ.

(I have explored videos, and I have come to recognize, again trial and error, that while I remain anonymous in some aspects, the visual is not intrinsically an aspect of "hidden" that is best.  I ceased this mode of communicating; written words yet seem silent enough and more hidden as long as anonymous.  But who knows in future but God as to anonymous writing? Thus far, between late spiritual father and what is within, the writing continues; but even that needed quite a shift recently.)

Being hidden from the eyes of others, like all else in what the Church asks Her hermits to be and do, requires on-going discernment.  Each hermit is in process, and each situation unfolds accordingly within and without each consecrated Catholic hermit.  We must not judge what others are doing or not doing, for they are progressing, are in process, as are we.  Who knows?  God may ask a hermit to leave that vocation as He did with St. Colette and some others in history?  St. Benedict is a prime example!  God's will for him did not include hiddenness for long.  But for most of us, being hidden is for the best and will remain thus.

By being and remaining hidden from the eyes of others, I am dying all the more to self and making myself available to the Holy Spirit to utilize me in ways far beyond myself or my revealed and outer vocational appearance.  I've come to totally grasp:  What good is there, what is the point, in a hermit exposing himself as such?  There is no need and no good use or point in others knowing that which in wisdom the Church mentions of our being "hidden from the eyes of men."  

But other hermits, of course, may do and be as they wish, for I'm sure a bishop would be open to the validity of what is stated for hermits, and understand probably more readily than how long it has taken me to grasp the why and wherefore of the importance of being and remaining hidden.  And that goes also for how when I give myself more in surrender to God, the "-er" in stricter separation from the world is increasing in actualities both exterior and interior.  Praise God!

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit's Temporary Bail-out

The reality of what hermits live out might seem surprising to many.  

I recall in the second year of my hermit vocation (vows over 16 years ago), I was for short time in an upstart Catholic hermit community that followed the Carthusian template.  So when it came time for my habit as a novice, the reality of no longer being "hidden from the eyes of men" caused many people to easily let their notions of what a Catholic hermit ought and not ought be, to rule their thoughts and tongues.

Thankfully, the Holy Spirit let me see the pitfalls rather soon that the woman who attempted the community of hermits with the approval of her vicar general was not prepared to do so with success.  I knew for other factors as well, that the experience needed to quickly end.  The foundress of the community was irate, which put a period to my suspicions; and within a couple years her diocese put an end to it anyway.

It was most painful for me to accept that I must leave, that God was not blessing my furtherance in what was a tremendous idea had it a more prepared and obedient founder.  Yet, all ended up for the better, and I learned much.  For one thing, being "hidden from the eyes of men" is crucial at least in anonymity than to be noticed as a consecrated Catholic hermit.  That is, for me God had and has it so.  For now, of course and the past 15 years.

What I learned in the year of being in the hermit community was excellent in so many ways, however.  I am most grateful to the woman as well as to the persecution, criticism, wagging tongues and opinions of people in my parish and town at the time.  In a way, the trials were indispensable for what I learned and the humbling given me by it all.

Well, yesterday my adult son made contact.  I'd had to inform him the day before via email of my financial demise from various Lenten-laced, unexpected bills, fees, charges and notice of my income being dropped without my really ever knowing if being done so legitimately.  So much in life we just have to take what we are told when it comes to large entities of which we are on the dole, so to speak.  Property tax configurations, IRS demands, disability or retirement pension amounts, Medicare coverage of portions of medical costs and copay insurance determinations of how much they will pay.

Catholic hermits, being on our own financially and not at all subsidized by a diocese or Catholic otherwise, have the same temporal financial concerns as anyone else.  And, it can be a bit tougher if like lay persons who cannot have a paying job due to illness or other disability, and also when age is a factor.  And if the hermit is trying to live out the requirement of our vows to live "hidden from the eyes of men," most even in our parish would know a hermit is among them.   Otherwise, as in the other categories of consecrated religious life, people might be tempted to do favors or want to assist financially in some way.

Best not, I think, at least for this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit.  Somehow it would go against what I learned of the other way, of being noticed in a habit and the risk of more pride than what any  human is at risk of increasing temptations.  Plus, strangers even would come to me to pour out even their sins, assuming that I was holy and wise beyond them. 

Outer appearances and the "uniform" such as a religious habit can not only cause others to scrutinize and pass judgment in false notions and unjust manner--outer appearances can also tempt people to assume far more positive attributes and expectations.  Consider doctors who may or may not be excellent in their diagnoses and treatments, or priests who could be as Jesus warns, wolves in sheep's clothing.  That warning applies to any of us, and especially when our outer appearances signal a position laden with authority or specific skill.

Anyway, my son decided to bail me out of my financial conundrum for he is on the mortgage and does not want me to have to sell the place "as is".  He knows well, as do I and anyone, that an unfinished dwelling requires a cash buyer or one willing to apply for a rehab mortgage at higher interest and higher down payment.  And, I'm so close to the end of this trial and ordeal in renovation despite research and trusting another Catholic, a realtor, and who she had as inspector and recommended in first contractor.

Who'd have known the place would need to be gutted?  I chose that path rather than to off-the-bat lose a large chunk of my late parents' hard-earned money.  Instead, if not finished, I would lose even more; and as my son pointed out would be even a greater responsibility to him.  

Well, I doubt that as I have from this experience learned marvelous soul lessons; and I am quite fine to rent a room and live off the low and seemingly arbitrarily lessening pension.  And I've learned this Lent by the grace of God to not allow myself discouragement and to react and respond to all with love.  This is worth any temporal gain, of course.

Yet, my son to his honor and credit did not like to think of me reduced to a rented room.  Granted, although he'd not consider this aspect, I'd lose the degree of solitude as walls can be thin, of course, and even if in a public shelter as so many who are homeless must find or else live in the streets like so many others--there is not much silence of solitude externally.

It would be quite the experience, though, and soul lesson to learn truly to develop (again, by the grace of God as Scripture reminds that "because of God we bear fruit") an inner silence of solitude.  That would be very difficult to learn, I'd think, but in God all things are possible, of course.

Anyway, as I mentioned I'd never want to tell my son this thought of why I realized I'd hoped God would not let me fail here.  It has nothing to do with losing my late parents' gift and hope for me to have a more comfortable life than the bulk of it after the accident over three decades ago and my constant physical suffering.  It has to do with the challenge of seeing something through that has been so difficult in various hardships and soul lessons, and to make something lovely for someone else out of what was deplorable and wretched even in the, perhaps we can suggest,  unrevealed aspects of the property.

None of the temporal really matters, in that if the Lord should decide to fell me physically beyond this month of incapacitating sinus and lung infection, I'd have to bail out as well unless someone could be reliably hired for a fair price to finish.  From experience (and my adult daughter has seen the lay of the situation here), when workers are paid $1200 to paint a 12x14' room, my son's loan would not go far.

This is rather rambling in thoughts, but this morning I realize how great the challenge remains ahead, and there are no assurances of success in the endeavors, the external results.  But the Lord put a fish in the net I cast yesterday, and it is rather a marvel that my son is helping me for my life and messes are truly frustrating to others, even though most recognize that I have an uncanny amount of situations that few could have sidestepped, either.  

My intentions are always sincere, prayerful, and good-hearted.  But I'm convinced all the more that especially in Lent, God utilizes this liturgical season of our mortal years to bring to us lesson opportunities in which we may learn the very soul lessons that He has (at least in my case) been trying to get me to learn for years.

Do not allow discouragement and react and respond to all situations and persons with love and acceptance.

What are others' lessons God desires to be learned?  I'm convinced each has them, and it can take us humans a long Lent or many Lents, the lengthening of days in Lent, to catch glimpses and to be open to the graces while lending our desire to learn.  Some may be quick about it.  I'm definitely a slow and late-in-life learner.

But I'm thankful to God for the opportunity to learn and for this bail out even if it does not end up as I might hope in temporal terms.  My soul will still be growing, and somehow I sense that God's point.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: Reader Asks About Solitude

Recently, a reader of this blog inquired about Catholic hermits seeking solitude, and why.  The response right now is not going to be an eloquent essay on solitude.  Rather, am tired out from pain and having to travel for construction supplies, medication, some food staples, and get input on paint colorants....  So writing with eloquence on the topic of solitude, philosophically or poetically, is dashed by physical and temporal limitations today.

However, perhaps this is a good thing.  The late Thomas Merton who attempted the hermit vocation for a couple or so years, rather unsuccessfully as it turned out, wrote eloquently, theologically, spiritually, and philosophically about solitude in a book titled, Thoughts in Solitude.  This Catholic hermit highly recommends the book, incidentally, for anyone as solitude is a gift and blessing to us all at certain times of our lives, including daily doses of it.  

But as for the hermit vocation, Merton struggled with solitude due to his fame as a well-published and reviewed author, an international speaker who traveled quite a bit, and as a man who in his late 50's fell in love with a student nurse less than half his age, whom he met when having a surgery.  The dalliance continued long enough for phone calls and assignations arranged by his friends outside the monastery.  

Thankfully, for everyone involved, a fellow monk became suspicious with the numerous phone calls and overheard the lovers' conversation at one point, and reported it to the monastery abbot.  Merton was given the option of breaking off the heterosexual , slowing down his international travels and speaking engagements, or leave the religious life.

Now, all of the above is public record, detailed in posthumously published journals.  In fact, it is an excellent example of our human condition, of our temptations no matter our age or position in life, and the ever-present opportunity for making choices leading to change and also redemption.  While Merton's choice to remain a priest and Cistercian monk was extremely painful for the young woman who had been swept off her feet by an older man--no less a very famous priest and monk--it was a wise choice for Merton's vocation and reputation as a Catholic priest and monk, as well as for the Church, overall.

By then, the pitfalls of his hermit experiment had overcome him.  He returned to his more public and renowned position as author, poet, speaker, and at that time, interest in Buddhism.  Within months, Merton entered into the profound solitude of sorts that we all will experience when we leave this noisy and busy world.  He was accidentally electrocuted in Bankok, Thailand, after having delivered a speech opposing the war in Viet Nam.

What this discussion hopefully points out, is that solitude for any Catholic hermit is an aspect of the vocation which most likely is undergirded by the very necessary provision in the Church's documents on the eremitic vocation.  To be "hidden from the eyes of men in the silence of solitude" seems integral and key to successfully seeking and finding one's stride in solitude.  

All hermits owe a debt of gratitude for Merton's relatively short-lived hermit experiment, as being a world-famous writer, speaker, monk and priest is unlikely to ever ensure being hidden from the eyes of men, and thus precludes the silence of solitude.  Anonymity seems essential for a hermit seeking solitude.  It seems good to try out vocations or even a few aspects of some vocations to which one may feel called.  Why not?  How else will we discover God's will, for sure? Merton's experience highlights the aspects of hermit life and solitude that any consecrated Catholic hermit faces: Temptations in the adaptation to and within the silence of solitude.

It can be too much silence in solitude too soon--our cutting off from being known or noticed, being interactive socially or communally, facing the demons and ourselves...alone in our abodes, our cells, alone with our bodies, our minds, our emotions and our souls.  Having an experienced spiritual director, adept with the eremitic lifestyle himself but more so the spiritual life with all inherent purgations, is invaluable.  More so, it is key to be malleable, humble, compliant and desirous to seek solitude not for any external motivation, but for the interior one: Union with His Real Presence.

Another aspect of a Catholic hermit's seeking solitude beyond it being requisite in the Church's documents on the Consecrated Life of the Church, the Eremitic Vocation, is that of being called by God to the vocation.  It is God Who calls the hermit to seek Him in solitude; yet it is God Who ultimately offers and paces and governs the amount and depth of solitude in continual flux dependent upon how He wills for the life and soul of the hermit.

In the years Thomas Merton was a monk and priest compared to the couple or so years he experimented with the hermit vocation, the latter was an eye-blink of time in earth hours, and within those hours were many not actually spent in solitude, after all.  However, the attempt is beautiful; it was earnest and heart-felt even if ultimately disrupted and abandoned as not feasible for Merton.  Perhaps the greatest benefit he left for those with hermit vocations are his writings on solitude.

This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit did not set out writing these particular details and thoughts in response to a reader's inquiry on Catholic hermits seeking solitude.  Yet, somehow, it has hopefully helped answer something of what there is about solitude, or especially the silence of solitude, that is worth our seeking and why.  The snares and struggles involved in seeking and hopefully finding ourselves in God, in the silence of solitude, are the bulk of the answer.  They are what brings each of us to face our very own souls in the reflection of God's pure knowledge, power, and eternal light.  The struggles and snares in the silence of solitude bring us to the point of facing what we are not, and Who He Is.

He Is Mercy and Love.  He Is All to our nothing, whether we be hermit or not.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another as God Is Love!