Catholic Hermit: Tailspin of Pain; Love and Mercy

Made the drive into civilization with the non-charging laptop.  Had a phone call along the way of another matter that did not go well.  Being bashed several times a day!  Had to do with a disputed bill. This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit "lost it" a bit.  Later got a grip, went into God-pivot and then praising.

In the Apple store, the non-charging laptop charged.  Worked.  They had the top tech working on it due to third time to come in with the issue in the last couple or so weeks.  They had replaced the computer innards.  Strange, as it would not charge last night nor this morning, and nothing had changed in the hermitage.  They thought surely it was something "environmental."  Hmm.

I did not bring up the electronic interference I experience now and then.  However, they did find something else wrong, in a software issue.  They worked an hour and a half trying to resolve it.  Had three "geniuses" trying to figure out what it was, and finally got the manager.  "Weird, very weird," I could hear them commenting to one another.

Then they told me they'd never seen anything like it and could not solve it so were sending the issue to the "engineers".  I'd be contacted within 48-hours so that the "engineers" could work on it, remote.

With the spinal headache I'd awakened with this morning increasing, my short term memory down to maybe 3 seconds (poor Apple tech had to repeat to me frequently), I felt inclined to explain that pain level is high and thanks for repeating: short-term recall gone.  Simple, humble communication helps.

With the weirdness of the laptop not charging, then charging elsewhere, I have resolved to get the house blessed sooner than later.  It is time!  Be proactive!  I also decided to get the unfortunate stress of the doctor's visit off my back, figuratively and literally.

I made a phone call and discussed with office manager that chronic pain patients need support and cooperation rather than punishment.  Yes, I am aware that some people are drug addicts, but the genuine sufferers should not be made to suffer even more.  While I realize the doctor has not known me long, my records are there.  

Already in middle of night with break-through pain, I've had to take an extra med but am now sleep-deprived and heading into a pain siege.  Pain patients need sleep as pain is fatiguing to begin with.  Then if medication is not adequate, the problem spirals into cyclical pain sieges requiring stronger medication and being in bed for a few days, further reducing the muscle tone which is necessary to remain active as possible.

I will be seeing nurse practitioner next time.  Don't need more stress.  Although I know the evil one is giving backlash, causing some chaos, allowed to enter temporal senses (pain!), also messing with emotions and knowledge, we simply must handle what we can handle by communicating needs, explaining logically, laughing, not blaming, but forging forward proactively.

Then do the God-pivot!  Keep thoughts on God above; love others as Jesus loves us!

But, I'm now in full pain ordeal, and sick with it.  Have taken extra Excedrin, drank sugary coffee, flopped on mattress, going to get ice packs when I can next get up, and will keep praising God!

Answered a couple emails of the two women who were taking their major steps this week, putting their feet down on tricks of the devil.  One insight came to mind, that I shared, and will share here, for I need the reminder more than anyone:  Love and Mercy.

One of the women has had some interference going on with an old trigger-point--something of her past and also thinking it is envy.  Well, it is a trigger from her past but probably not all the envy and other guilt aspects she was over-thinking: castigating herself rather harshly and coming up with various guilt-thoughts.  She wanted my input.

In the thick of this horrible headache, squinting as I type, "Love and Mercy" came to the intellect within the center of the soul.  (No interference from devil there!)  It is clear:  "Love and Mercy."

Keep the prayers simple.  Think like God thinks, with Love and Mercy.  Just pray:  Love and Mercy.  Let all the other thoughts drift away.  Stop beating ourselves with analysis of what others did or how they influenced our past.  Stop ruminating on the reasons why we might be envious, or on other subjective flogs, or dwelling on situations that stew us.  

Don't strain the brain in praying.  Simply fill all the rings of our soul with the words: Love and Mercy.  It works.

The prayer is Love and Mercy.  That suffices especially in times of stress and suffering.  It probably suffices at any and all time.  How God thinks ought to be enough for us, right?

(By the way, had a message that the bill dispute is resolved.  I guess my "losing" it for a bit was redeemed by my doing the God-pivot.  He handled it with His Love and Mercy.)

Good Thoughts, in Severe Pain

What to do in severe pain?  Keep praying. Keep praising God.  Try to consider all the good things, the gifts, the positive occurrences and people.

Take it moment by moment, and continue to rest.  Know that the pain will surely pass, and the body will rise again and be able to function somewhat.

Offer the suffering for the millions and billions of people in the world, just this past week or so, who have been victims of injustices and crimes against humanity.  Offer the suffering for sections of the world at war with others, particularly and seemingly mostly over religious differences.

Stay in bed as much as possible, remain calm, remember to think of Mary.

I am thinking of Mary these days as a type of informal renewal of consecration to Jesus' Sacred Heart through Mary.  

Consider that as parents or friends, we enjoy receiving personal messages, written notes, original words and thoughts more than a purchased card or what someone else has written or thought, and with only a signature added to it.

I mentioned this aspect to a friend who feels beleaguered by the daily and heavy reading involved in a more formal consecration that a diocese is promoting.  It is all good, but she feels somehow her otherwise sweet and close and intimate relationship with Mary is impinged upon by the heaviness of the purchased "program".

What if we had the confidence and under- standing to offer Mary (and Jesus, of course, or any of the Trinity) our own words of love and expression, our gratitude, our own little (or long) prayers?  Why not make up a hymn?  Did not Hildegarde of Bingen write and sing her own songs of love and praise?  What makes a song perfect any more than any other song?  Who decides?  Does Mary or Jesus disregard any bit of love offered them?

What makes our expressions good is the love with which we offer them, and the fact of even trying and doing, no matter how humble.

I kept folders of my children's drawings, and I still have the notes they wrote years ago.  They mean so much in their heart-felt attempts to express love and depend- ency--and hope--in me as their parent.  No matter how they may feel now or in interim years of leaving "the nest", their expressions of love and closeness are precious.  (If I felt a tad better, I'd try to draw a picture--even a stick figure--of Mary.)

So are ours, to Mary, to Jesus, to the Father, to the Holy Spirit--to any holy souls on the other side!  We consecrate ourselves by love and by desire.  If we do not have the confidence or think we won't get all the right words or thoughts into the expression, fear not.  Try to say or think any words of love, or not even words.  Just feel love for them.  

They are inside in the abode made in our souls.  Even a smile inward, will be known by His Real Presence.  Even a thought of gratitude to Mary for her example of grace and willingness to do His will, is known to her.

It is all rather simple, is it not?  Even in the worst of pain or the most dire situations, we can express love and desire in quite simple ways.

God Bless His Real Presence in all of us!