Christian Catholic Mystic Hermit: Correspondence, Thoughts on Dying to Self and Into Christ and His Mystical Church

 

I suppose God has a reason for calling us into the Catholic Church of today.  My role is that of a distant, suffering body, hooked up as if being perpetually transfused, to the point that I mostly do not think about it, autonomic transfer of the power of pain in union with Christ's sufferings mystical yet real, now that of concern and upset at what they have done to what He instituted and gave, Himself the Head, and us as followers and lovers of HIM: His Body. The Gospel today is riveting!  We must consider living this Living Word with full abandonment of ourselves even unto physical death. But it seems to me, from my lived and dying experience, that it is the emotional and mental dying that is far the more difficult and agonizing than a physical death.  However, there are a variety of types of physical deaths, and we in effect often, or some of us, die the death of a thousand cuts, so to speak.  Rejection at any level or degree is a dying to the one rejected, if they recognize it. Some do not.  The ego can be very strong in some to the point that they can be greatly rejected but not recognize it and go merrily along, taking death breaths from false lungs. Just consider these Living Words of Jesus Himself.  (This is why I am increasingly intrigued if not desperately yearning to be close to the apostles and early disciples, followers, of Christ before us humankind brought our corruption and taint by our own creating what humankind tends to do and want.  I am thirsting for the Living Christ, His Living Word, and His Own Church of which He was and could be Head if human-made hierarchies of powers that be would step aside as self-heads and allow Christ His Rightful Headship of His Church, and all of us who love Him and want to follow HIM more dearly and purely in HIs simplicity and truth, the Body of Christ in true a form as He deems, no twisting even of the verse of loosing and binding.  Man has taken great liberties indeed on that one.  This is the Church, the mystical Church of Christ as Head and simple, humble humankind lovers of Christ willing to die to ourselves can be His Body as He willed and intended, in truth, beauty, and goodness, in Divine precepts not human.  That's where the progression and passageway has brought me, albeit my hanging around far too long in the temporal, fearful of admitting the truth of what is not and allowing my mind, heart and soul to be brought to Christ Head and What Is.  But I'm there now, in His Church Mystical and True, perfection other than myself who is yet dross.) Let's just wallow in these words that are not so comfortable, from Mark: «Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and that of the gospel will save it." What profit is there for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life? What could one give in exchange for his life?   I have to ask myself first, do I wish to come after Him?  Yes.  Then I must deny myself.  Admit and know that I am nothing.  Nada nada nada.  I must take up my cross.  But what is my cross?  I will need to think and pray about what is my cross, for Jesus knows, and the Holy Spirit can tell me; I need to listen to the cues and clues. Do I wish to save my life?  Well, I want my soul saved, not necessarily my life. But yes, I want to be saved in Christ for eternity, so if that means my life being saved, my soul life, then yes; and for that I must expect to lose myself, lose my sense of self--but not for my kids or others who may not understand or appreciate me, but I must lose my life for the sake of the Gospel.  That is different and maybe harder?  Does that kind of losing my life for sake of Gospel come from the action of the HOly Spirit, or does it happen from the Holy Spirit through others as instruments of my losing my life, dying to self or such as dying to the temporal Catholic Church?  Losing my life in that death has come over time but most often through the actions and reactions of others who felt a threat, perhaps, at my speaking truth to the corruptions and wrong doings, bit by bit as I was shown them.  Or, death to self when I tried to progress in a lesser understood vocation, or death because the devil seems quite ready at hand to have at me in odd ways, or of those who lack experience perhaps in phenomenon, such as the mystical ecstasy at Mass really seemed to grind at some priests and the bishop's ability to trust God and have faith, or also to simply read about phenomenon.   Regardless many aspects can bring our deaths, bring us to losing our lives, our temporal lives, death of our understanding of religous lives, perhaps, for we must die to our indoctrinations and traditions of what we were told or thought in a temporal system and be opened wide to faith in the Holy Spirit to show us His mystical Church which is His reality and truth of Him as Head and souls as the Body. But our deaths must come for Christ's sake and for the sake of His Gospel. This will take some asking and prayer and waiting for answers to understand in some type of tangibly understood image or thought what kind of dying will be for Christ's sake and for His Gospel's sake.  All I know now is that it is very spiritual and not temporal, that type of dying for Christ's sake, so it is not if one would be a martyr for the temporal Catholic Church.  It has to be for the spiritual of Christ, for His mystical Head and Self and Body, not the tangible system and. structure of Catholic Church we think of when we say or read the words Catholic Church or even "the Church."   I had to die to that temporal church in order to find Christ in His Mystical Church.  Now though, I must grow and thrive in His Mystical Church--that is, HIS Church without humankind's altering, adding to, creating or making up, and not positions, prestige, power, possessions, politics, and privilege some personages hold, any personages.   That is what is not, and not what Is His Church, HIs Real Church, His Church that is eternal and in eternity. The last two questions I must ponder, also, especially what could I give in exchange for my life? I need to answer the questions not in terms of the temporal Church or temporal body but Christ's Mystical Church and my spiritual or mystical "body" and "life." Also, I can ask Jesus to progress me in this matter, as He has been trying for years. But I have to die to myself and die to the temporal Catholic world of which there is a strong hold due to the judgment of others and the power of the temporal rules, and the sense of being a heretic or other such labels if one progresses through the passageway and comes to this point of Jesus' words, and DIE in these rich spiritual and mystical realities that bring life to the soul as never conceived by our minds, ever, prior.  And why not?  Because I remained in the temporal humankind-created church, not wanting to be rejected by humankind, when all along it is His Real Presence Who matters and His Mystical Church, His ChristHead Church and our souls the Body. Well, I may have to die a bit in body if not given the medication that always works for the sinus crud. Our sicknesses when we are old settle in our bodily weak points.  So much for dying bodily. I'm 80% or more dead just with my age.  I want and need to do this spiritual mystical dying.  Letting go of temporal church fraught with humankind's taint and twisting is a big help toward then dying spiritually and mystically, also.  But that has to be in the realm of the Spirit and Christ and God.  Such a death, mystical and spiritual, I don't know if we can fathom or grasp.  I will pray, let go of the other, and wait.  God will provide!  Wonder if I'll even recognize that I'm dying mystically and spiritually or have died? Well, what are your thoughts on these lines pertinent for your temporal and spiritual lives? I know the late Karl Keating went through the passageway, but he did then fill in with Buddhism and New Age. That is not the same as what Jesus is saying, or what is the mystical death for His sake.  One would not fill in with some other temporal religion or ideology.  The death has to be spiritual and mystical and leave one in that realm of Christ spiritual and mystical, HIs Head and Body, real, true, mystical and no temporal detritus or humankind taint or manipulation. Love in His Love, and God bless His Real Presence in us!