I was talking to the pain doctor about my getting a pup (for various reasons), and this Scripture was brought up in ancillary conversations about life in general:
Jesus said to his disciples:
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’
will enter the Kingdom of heaven,
but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.
I've been wondering if getting this pup to help bring some structure (enforce structure, rather!), some sense of unconditional love, a living thing that does not criticize me, and also for me to see if I can love and share space with another living being, of sorts.
We discussed that some think that their pets will be with them in heaven. He thinks not at all, no Scripture supporting that notion. I agreed but brought up Aquinas' thoughts on non-human living creatures with temporal souls--souls while they are on earth, but when they die, no soul to continue on. This is opposed to humans who have souls on earth and also for eternity, same soul when and after they die. There are technical names for these two types of souls, but will not get technical here. (Too tired, for one thing, and the meaning and point is what matters, for another!)
The pup's name is Mercy, and I wonder if the name should have been Oh my God, for I used to say Lord have mercy on me, often, when needing help to get up or when the pain was getting me down. Mercy seemed and is a perfect name for the pup, and I still always need Mercy from the Trinity, from Jesus, God, the Holy Spirit, and from anyone at all. Need MERCY.
But the above Scripture came up when the pain doctor quoted it, and it was not in conversation per se about my getting a pup, which he thought a good idea for the structure and walking, not giving in to the pain and bed. I mentioned, though, after twelve days of Mercy on site, I am in more pain and tired, but mostly miss the selfishness of being able to do what I want when I want, such as resting the back and knee, and the greatest aspect I miss is not being able to spend time in manual labor that somehow became meditative and even contemplative prayer with His Real Presence.
However, the good of being forced on a schedule and not living life catering to pain has a goodness to it, and also to try to share my space and my time with something other. I don't want to be selfish, in effect or reality. However, is this God's will, or did He allow it out of my strange feelings in this seventh decade of life? Is this a desire to try to erase, on my part, a life that has been filled with trauma and pain of all types, that could be termed easily a tragic life in temporal aspects, bodily, emotional, and mentally? Or is this a sliding back more into the world, my time not free to have more of a contemplative mindspace available at any moment but instead making sure a pup is not pooping in some corner in house or charging out into what I call The Forbidden Field to eat the tempting goose poop, whenever I do as much as take my eyes off Mercy, when I'm standing there with foot otherwise ready to step on the leash ever tethered (a training technique i'd read about)?
Others tell me to give it time, that in a few months I will not need to be ever-watchful or as consumed with training her. But also, I note, in reality puppies also sleep longer with naps during day (and night). She's been very good about staying in her crate all night, not necessarily asleep but quietly playing with chew toys. She does not cry unless desperate, but most often will rattle the door a bit. Most often this is when I'm awake with pain but not out of bed. Then I take her out for middle of night or pre-dawn doing her bathroom duty, then breakfast, and the scheduled day is in effect.
No answers as to if this pup was God's will, or if my human emotions and desire, also, to feel or sense as if I had something that normal people can have--a dog--was a big part of the reason, and the emotion that my life has been a disaster all through, not having accomplished anything especially in these later years for man or God, so try to get through the final ones with a little furry companion. Who knows except God, truly, what are our motivations for some decisions? I remind self that if my body cannot handle the schedule or miss my total alone time, there re many people wanting a bright and cute pup.
I will admit with great joy and peace, that my life spiritual and otherwise, has been blessed and improved the farther I have followed the Lord away from canon laws and fussing over temporal church and parish matters. Praise His Real Presence: Father, Son, and Holy Ghost! Praise His Living Word that I can read any time day or night, even though my currently tired mind does not absorb nearly as much as I'd like. I can always re-read when catching a moment of Mercy's naptime.
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